1
00:00:04,827 --> 00:00:06,000
C'mon, play with me, it's fun.
2
00:00:06,107 --> 00:00:07,541
If you have sex with the prostitute
3
00:00:07,542 --> 00:00:08,842
before you steal her car
you get extra points.
4
00:00:08,843 --> 00:00:09,676
I'm leaving Harry.
5
00:00:09,677 --> 00:00:10,744
For good.
6
00:00:10,745 --> 00:00:11,812
Dammit. No.
7
00:00:14,382 --> 00:00:15,681
What were you saying?
8
00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:17,724
Grow up, Harry.
Goodbye.
9
00:00:19,185 --> 00:00:22,054
Oh. Hi.
10
00:00:22,055 --> 00:00:23,288
You have a child?
11
00:00:23,289 --> 00:00:24,390
Of course!
12
00:00:24,391 --> 00:00:26,111
That explains the
bobbleheads in your bedroom
13
00:00:26,182 --> 00:00:27,316
I don't have a child.
14
00:00:27,317 --> 00:00:28,350
And those bobble heads
15
00:00:28,351 --> 00:00:29,584
are long term investments.
16
00:00:30,044 --> 00:00:31,211
Sorry kid, we're not buying
17
00:00:31,212 --> 00:00:32,378
whatever you're selling.
18
00:00:33,999 --> 00:00:35,366
What's this about?
19
00:00:35,367 --> 00:00:37,202
I feel like I'm your mistress.
20
00:00:37,203 --> 00:00:38,602
And you're not even married.
21
00:00:38,603 --> 00:00:39,971
You're not married, right?
22
00:00:39,972 --> 00:00:41,672
No, I would never do that to me.
23
00:00:44,376 --> 00:00:45,376
Dad?
24
00:00:45,377 --> 00:00:46,577
Your dad's not here.
25
00:00:46,578 --> 00:00:48,411
Wrong apartment, buddy.
26
00:00:48,412 --> 00:00:49,646
C'mon, Brenda.
27
00:00:49,647 --> 00:00:51,381
Ah, Linda.
28
00:00:51,382 --> 00:00:54,318
Brenda is my pet name for you.
29
00:00:54,319 --> 00:00:55,518
We're breaking up.
30
00:00:55,519 --> 00:00:56,786
But we weren't even dating.
31
00:00:56,787 --> 00:00:59,089
Oh, we weren't monogamous were we?
32
00:00:59,090 --> 00:01:00,757
You know you're
a real son of a bi-
33
00:01:00,758 --> 00:01:02,359
Whoa. Not in front
of the kid.
34
00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:04,260
You're Harry Dacosta, right?
35
00:01:04,261 --> 00:01:05,294
Yeah.
36
00:01:05,295 --> 00:01:06,495
I mean, maybe.
37
00:01:06,496 --> 00:01:07,830
It's me, Billy!
38
00:01:07,831 --> 00:01:08,898
You're my dad.
39
00:01:08,899 --> 00:01:09,999
You got my mom pregnant.
40
00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:11,400
What?
41
00:01:11,401 --> 00:01:12,368
Oh, God...
42
00:01:12,369 --> 00:01:13,502
Cancun?
43
00:01:13,503 --> 00:01:15,071
You gave my mom your frozen sperm.
44
00:01:15,072 --> 00:01:16,305
That's not possible.
45
00:01:16,306 --> 00:01:18,140
The sperm I donated
was room temperature...
46
00:01:18,141 --> 00:01:19,775
Oh. Right.
47
00:01:19,776 --> 00:01:20,808
Honestly, Brenda I-
48
00:01:20,809 --> 00:01:22,677
Ah, it's still Linda.
49
00:01:22,678 --> 00:01:23,745
Dad.
50
00:01:23,746 --> 00:01:26,147
Yeah, that's my big concern right now
51
00:01:26,148 --> 00:01:28,383
I'm glad I found you dad!
52
00:01:30,552 --> 00:01:32,254
I used to give, give, give.
53
00:01:32,255 --> 00:01:33,788
I gave to these two ladies.
54
00:01:33,789 --> 00:01:35,390
That's my boy.
55
00:01:35,391 --> 00:01:37,258
Oh, and I'm also their donor.
56
00:01:37,259 --> 00:01:39,760
That's kind of my daughter, huh huh huh.
57
00:01:39,761 --> 00:01:42,897
And she's looking to have a baby too.
58
00:01:42,898 --> 00:01:45,966
I'm Harry, but the kids,
they call me dad.
59
00:01:45,967 --> 00:01:50,900
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
60
00:01:51,206 --> 00:01:53,072
And I like dissecting things.
61
00:01:53,073 --> 00:01:55,108
You should see my roadkill album, Dad.
62
00:01:55,109 --> 00:01:56,075
It's good.
63
00:01:56,076 --> 00:01:57,110
I'm not your Dad.
64
00:01:57,111 --> 00:01:58,667
Just go home.
I got to go to work.
65
00:01:58,787 --> 00:02:00,146
Can we get a Slurpee?
66
00:02:04,184 --> 00:02:07,086
Want some chewing tobacco?
67
00:02:08,654 --> 00:02:10,622
I can't believe you actually tried it.
68
00:02:10,623 --> 00:02:13,725
Hey, you're hard core.
69
00:02:13,726 --> 00:02:15,427
My mom said you went to Princeton.
70
00:02:15,428 --> 00:02:16,694
I brought you
a T-shirt.
71
00:02:16,695 --> 00:02:19,597
I may have exaggerated my donor resume.
72
00:02:19,598 --> 00:02:21,599
I didn't actually attend Princeton.
73
00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:22,867
Oh that's cute.
74
00:02:22,868 --> 00:02:25,169
I'm not a doctor or anything,
75
00:02:25,170 --> 00:02:26,404
I'm a bartender-
76
00:02:26,405 --> 00:02:27,371
A bartender's way better!
77
00:02:27,372 --> 00:02:28,705
You get free soda!
78
00:02:28,706 --> 00:02:31,008
Yeah. Sit down.
79
00:02:31,009 --> 00:02:33,244
You're late one more time
I'll terminate you.
80
00:02:33,245 --> 00:02:35,012
You're not actually going to fire me.
81
00:02:35,013 --> 00:02:37,081
Of course not, that was a death threat.
82
00:02:37,082 --> 00:02:38,749
Here, eat something.
83
00:02:39,751 --> 00:02:40,817
Ew.
84
00:02:40,818 --> 00:02:41,818
Gross.
85
00:02:41,819 --> 00:02:42,885
That's a screwdriver.
86
00:02:42,886 --> 00:02:44,654
Who's the kid?
87
00:02:47,391 --> 00:02:48,391
This is a scam.
88
00:02:48,392 --> 00:02:49,559
He's looking for money.
89
00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:50,593
He's nine.
90
00:02:50,594 --> 00:02:52,128
Bone marrow?
91
00:02:52,129 --> 00:02:54,297
No, he said his friend's
brother hacked the
92
00:02:54,298 --> 00:02:55,832
sperm bank's computer.
93
00:02:55,833 --> 00:02:58,533
And they got all my info when
they looked up my donor number.
94
00:02:58,534 --> 00:02:59,568
XC-3000.
95
00:02:59,569 --> 00:03:01,337
I'm XC-3000?
96
00:03:01,338 --> 00:03:04,306
I'm like a sperm robot
sent from the future.
97
00:03:04,307 --> 00:03:06,442
That means I'm half robot.
98
00:03:06,443 --> 00:03:07,509
Right, Dad?
99
00:03:07,510 --> 00:03:08,643
I'm not really your Dad.
100
00:03:08,644 --> 00:03:09,644
This is different.
101
00:03:09,645 --> 00:03:10,846
I'm used to different, I have two moms.
102
00:03:10,847 --> 00:03:12,313
You're Mormon?
103
00:03:12,314 --> 00:03:14,048
They're lesbians.
104
00:03:14,049 --> 00:03:15,883
I told you donating your
stuff was a bad idea.
105
00:03:15,884 --> 00:03:17,751
Actually you said it was
free money with no downside.
106
00:03:17,752 --> 00:03:19,087
You gotta take him home.
107
00:03:19,088 --> 00:03:20,221
You think?
108
00:03:20,222 --> 00:03:21,822
He won't tell me where he lives.
109
00:03:21,823 --> 00:03:23,691
Hey! You're a woman,
can't you handle him?
110
00:03:23,692 --> 00:03:24,558
I'm not maternal.
111
00:03:24,559 --> 00:03:26,995
My womb only accepts incoming.
112
00:03:26,996 --> 00:03:30,263
Alright, how about I
make you a smoothie -
113
00:03:30,264 --> 00:03:34,201
that's a rich man's Slurpee -
while you call one of your Moms.
114
00:03:34,202 --> 00:03:35,268
I forgot the number.
115
00:03:35,269 --> 00:03:35,902
No you didn't.
116
00:03:35,903 --> 00:03:36,436
Yes, I did.
117
00:03:36,437 --> 00:03:37,070
Prove it.
118
00:03:37,071 --> 00:03:38,071
You prove it.
119
00:03:38,072 --> 00:03:39,772
Call your Moms or I'll call the cops.
120
00:03:39,773 --> 00:03:41,508
I'll tell them you kidnapped me.
121
00:03:41,509 --> 00:03:43,110
I like this kid.
122
00:03:44,844 --> 00:03:47,179
Ah, come on.
123
00:03:48,382 --> 00:03:49,915
I didn't do anything.
124
00:03:49,916 --> 00:03:51,250
Definitely your son.
125
00:03:52,285 --> 00:03:54,053
Early-thirties are tough.
126
00:03:54,054 --> 00:03:57,956
You've partied hard,
drummed with a couple bands,
127
00:03:57,957 --> 00:04:01,592
and been in tons of flings with,
I think, objectively hot women.
128
00:04:01,593 --> 00:04:03,294
But what now?
129
00:04:03,295 --> 00:04:05,463
I fell like I've done it all.
130
00:04:05,464 --> 00:04:06,631
You ever get picked on?
131
00:04:06,632 --> 00:04:07,732
Nope.
132
00:04:07,733 --> 00:04:09,700
I get picked on by Sam Corrales.
133
00:04:09,701 --> 00:04:11,369
Well, you can't run from a bully.
134
00:04:11,370 --> 00:04:12,770
Yes I can.
135
00:04:12,771 --> 00:04:14,139
My legs are short but they're fast.
136
00:04:14,140 --> 00:04:15,806
No no no, you've got to strike first.
137
00:04:15,807 --> 00:04:17,408
Then you become the alpha dog.
138
00:04:17,409 --> 00:04:19,609
School's a lot like those prison movies.
139
00:04:19,610 --> 00:04:20,610
Got it.
140
00:04:22,547 --> 00:04:24,415
Hop on, we're going to the Sperm Bank.
141
00:04:24,416 --> 00:04:26,883
I'm gonna get them to tell me
the names of your parents.
142
00:04:26,884 --> 00:04:27,918
How do you like that?
143
00:04:27,919 --> 00:04:29,119
Busted.
144
00:04:36,527 --> 00:04:38,161
Aren't you just the cutest?
145
00:04:38,162 --> 00:04:39,195
Thank you.
146
00:04:39,196 --> 00:04:41,564
Oh, you mean, Billy.
147
00:04:41,565 --> 00:04:42,965
You're a chick magnet.
148
00:04:42,966 --> 00:04:45,435
Not with the girls in fourth grade.
149
00:04:45,436 --> 00:04:47,270
Why don't you go count how many seats
150
00:04:47,271 --> 00:04:48,303
there are on the bus.
151
00:04:48,304 --> 00:04:49,337
You're so lucky.
152
00:04:49,338 --> 00:04:50,338
Aren't kids great?
153
00:04:50,339 --> 00:04:51,406
Little miracles.
154
00:04:51,407 --> 00:04:53,075
Every day they surprise you.
155
00:04:53,076 --> 00:04:56,244
So... does your boyfriend
want to have kids?
156
00:04:56,245 --> 00:04:57,812
Oh, I don't have a boyfriend.
157
00:04:57,813 --> 00:04:59,881
To be clear I'm not with the kid's mom.
158
00:04:59,882 --> 00:05:02,150
His mom is with his mom.
159
00:05:02,151 --> 00:05:03,552
I am so single.
160
00:05:03,553 --> 00:05:06,187
You should actually
take my number so we can
161
00:05:06,188 --> 00:05:07,955
set up a play date with Billy.
162
00:05:07,956 --> 00:05:10,157
Billy won't be there.
163
00:05:10,158 --> 00:05:11,892
You carry pre-
numbered napkins?
164
00:05:11,893 --> 00:05:16,464
You are smooth,
Mr. Princeton.
165
00:05:16,465 --> 00:05:19,133
Oh no, you've got it totally wrong.
166
00:05:19,134 --> 00:05:22,969
It's um, Doctor Princeton.
167
00:05:22,970 --> 00:05:25,238
I'm permanently off dating.
168
00:05:25,239 --> 00:05:27,773
Just a fling then.
169
00:05:29,017 --> 00:05:31,092
No. No no no no no.
170
00:05:31,211 --> 00:05:36,547
No more impulsive bad decisions for me.
171
00:05:36,548 --> 00:05:39,650
Oh, and this is not my stop.
172
00:05:39,651 --> 00:05:42,753
That's ok, I'll just ah, walk.
173
00:05:42,754 --> 00:05:44,889
The medical complex
is only six stops away.
174
00:05:44,890 --> 00:05:46,824
Oh you know we're actually going to the
175
00:05:46,825 --> 00:05:47,992
medical complex too.
176
00:05:47,993 --> 00:05:48,926
Because I'm a doctor.
177
00:05:48,927 --> 00:05:50,528
The clinic's not gonna tell you
178
00:05:50,529 --> 00:05:51,528
my momses names.
179
00:05:51,529 --> 00:05:52,695
It's private.
180
00:05:52,696 --> 00:05:54,531
Is that right,
Billy Jones-Krasnoff
181
00:05:54,532 --> 00:05:56,833
of 2416 Harper Lane?
182
00:05:56,834 --> 00:05:58,935
Someone's address is on their backpack.
183
00:05:58,936 --> 00:05:59,936
Ah, man.
184
00:05:59,937 --> 00:06:00,904
Stay on the bus.
185
00:06:00,905 --> 00:06:03,306
We're going home.
186
00:06:05,243 --> 00:06:07,309
I coulda had her too.
187
00:06:18,922 --> 00:06:20,089
Come here.
188
00:06:20,090 --> 00:06:22,158
Thank the universe you're ok!
189
00:06:22,159 --> 00:06:24,025
We've been so worried sick about you.
190
00:06:24,026 --> 00:06:25,693
You cannot just run off and miss
191
00:06:25,694 --> 00:06:26,461
school like that ok.
192
00:06:26,462 --> 00:06:27,662
I don't need school.
193
00:06:27,663 --> 00:06:28,729
I have Google.
194
00:06:28,730 --> 00:06:29,564
Harry brought me home.
195
00:06:29,565 --> 00:06:30,598
Harry?
196
00:06:30,599 --> 00:06:31,599
Thank you so much.
197
00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:32,600
You're welcome.
198
00:06:32,601 --> 00:06:34,169
You don't look like a lesbian.
199
00:06:34,170 --> 00:06:35,370
I was imagining
more of a-
200
00:06:36,505 --> 00:06:37,505
Oh, there you go.
201
00:06:37,506 --> 00:06:39,106
You okay.
202
00:06:39,107 --> 00:06:40,774
Who is this?
203
00:06:40,775 --> 00:06:42,076
I'm not a bastard anymore!
204
00:06:43,578 --> 00:06:45,245
When did you first consider using
205
00:06:45,246 --> 00:06:46,046
a sperm donor?
206
00:06:46,047 --> 00:06:48,082
Yesterday.
207
00:06:48,083 --> 00:06:50,083
I just, I realized
I don't want a husband.
208
00:06:50,084 --> 00:06:51,250
I want a family.
209
00:06:51,251 --> 00:06:52,351
A child.
210
00:06:52,352 --> 00:06:53,752
Unconditional love.
211
00:06:53,753 --> 00:06:54,753
I want someone tall.
212
00:06:54,754 --> 00:06:55,921
Everyone wants tall.
213
00:06:55,922 --> 00:06:57,190
And I'm not racist
or anything but-
214
00:06:57,191 --> 00:06:58,524
Lots of white guys in there too.
215
00:06:58,525 --> 00:07:00,093
Great.
216
00:07:00,094 --> 00:07:01,227
I mean, whatever.
217
00:07:01,228 --> 00:07:02,495
I don't care.
218
00:07:04,398 --> 00:07:06,931
Thirty five hundred dollars?
219
00:07:06,932 --> 00:07:08,500
To get pregnant?
220
00:07:10,169 --> 00:07:11,736
Isn't there a cheaper procedure?
221
00:07:11,737 --> 00:07:12,704
Yes.
222
00:07:12,705 --> 00:07:15,974
Getting drunk at a bar.
223
00:07:15,975 --> 00:07:17,809
And that's Billy skating on the pond
224
00:07:17,810 --> 00:07:18,943
where Michelle grew up.
225
00:07:18,944 --> 00:07:20,145
Billy's a cute kid.
226
00:07:20,146 --> 00:07:21,612
But wow was he was an ugly baby.
227
00:07:21,613 --> 00:07:23,914
That's Ghandi, he's my hero.
228
00:07:23,915 --> 00:07:25,249
You're no Ivy League sperm.
229
00:07:25,250 --> 00:07:26,750
I was accepted to Princeton.
230
00:07:26,751 --> 00:07:28,586
But chose not to attend due to my
231
00:07:28,587 --> 00:07:30,154
burgeoning musical career.
232
00:07:30,155 --> 00:07:31,622
Which is still burgeoning.
233
00:07:31,623 --> 00:07:33,657
In my youth I made some very
234
00:07:33,658 --> 00:07:35,292
avant-garde
decisions.
235
00:07:35,293 --> 00:07:37,327
She means mistakes.
236
00:07:37,328 --> 00:07:39,962
You know, Billy is
just bubbling with joy.
237
00:07:39,963 --> 00:07:41,731
He really likes you, Harry.
238
00:07:41,732 --> 00:07:42,999
He likes everything.
239
00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:44,167
And then he changes his mind.
240
00:07:44,168 --> 00:07:46,002
You'll soon be replaced by a goldfish.
241
00:07:46,003 --> 00:07:47,604
Oh, that's cool.
242
00:07:47,605 --> 00:07:48,871
Not the father type.
243
00:07:48,872 --> 00:07:51,174
Look, I get how you'd
like me to teach Billy
244
00:07:51,175 --> 00:07:53,242
the manly stuff that
you girls can't handle-
245
00:07:53,243 --> 00:07:53,808
Girls?
246
00:07:53,809 --> 00:07:54,909
And manly stuff.
247
00:07:54,910 --> 00:07:56,445
Look, I like gay women.
248
00:07:56,446 --> 00:07:58,447
Ellen Degeneres, Mother Theresa,
249
00:07:58,448 --> 00:07:59,781
all of them.
250
00:07:59,782 --> 00:08:01,550
It's just that,
I think you need to get Billy
251
00:08:01,551 --> 00:08:02,884
to join the boy scouts or something.
252
00:08:02,885 --> 00:08:03,718
Boy scouts?
253
00:08:03,719 --> 00:08:04,786
No, never.
254
00:08:04,787 --> 00:08:06,522
They're practically
a military organization.
255
00:08:06,523 --> 00:08:08,223
Ok, just mind your business ok, Harry.
256
00:08:08,224 --> 00:08:09,624
We don't need a fourth wheel.
257
00:08:09,625 --> 00:08:11,526
I got lots of pelts to show you, Dad!
258
00:08:11,527 --> 00:08:13,327
Don't call him dad.
259
00:08:13,328 --> 00:08:14,462
I'm leaving, Billy.
260
00:08:14,463 --> 00:08:16,164
When are you coming back?
261
00:08:16,165 --> 00:08:19,800
Aw, I don't think
that's happening, buddy
262
00:08:19,801 --> 00:08:20,983
I hate you.
263
00:08:22,237 --> 00:08:24,405
You hate me?
264
00:08:24,406 --> 00:08:25,405
C'mon.
265
00:08:25,406 --> 00:08:26,873
Told you he'd change his mind.
266
00:08:26,874 --> 00:08:29,108
I hate you more than
I've ever hated anything
267
00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:30,076
in my entire life.
268
00:08:32,613 --> 00:08:35,515
It's only nine years of hate.
269
00:08:38,452 --> 00:08:39,686
Billy said he hated me.
270
00:08:39,687 --> 00:08:41,120
So many people hate you.
271
00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:42,254
What's one more?
272
00:08:42,255 --> 00:08:44,190
I said the same thing
to my Dad at his age
273
00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:45,224
and I meant it.
274
00:08:45,225 --> 00:08:46,659
Yeah, but this is different.
275
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:49,228
Your Dad got your mom
pregnant the old fashioned way.
276
00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:51,163
Drunk, while yelling at the hockey game.
277
00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:52,698
You know what, you're right.
278
00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:54,200
I am not dad material.
279
00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:56,335
You would be horrible.
280
00:09:03,275 --> 00:09:04,709
Beer.
281
00:09:04,710 --> 00:09:06,544
You know you look
exactly like my sister did
282
00:09:06,545 --> 00:09:07,579
in high school.
283
00:09:07,580 --> 00:09:08,646
She snuck into bars too.
284
00:09:08,647 --> 00:09:10,215
I.D.?
285
00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:11,949
I'm fifteen.
286
00:09:11,950 --> 00:09:13,983
Sorry, kid, gotta be responsible here.
287
00:09:13,984 --> 00:09:15,619
This is kind of crazy, but,
288
00:09:15,620 --> 00:09:17,521
I think you're my father.
289
00:09:19,123 --> 00:09:20,123
Mazel tov.
290
00:09:26,494 --> 00:09:29,230
So I posted your donor number,
XC- 3000, online,
291
00:09:29,231 --> 00:09:31,398
and said I was looking
for my biological dad.
292
00:09:31,399 --> 00:09:33,768
Then last night this
little kid emailed me-
293
00:09:33,769 --> 00:09:34,802
Billy?
294
00:09:34,803 --> 00:09:36,815
Yeah.
He told me where you work, so-
295
00:09:37,050 --> 00:09:39,774
So, half of my daughter's
DNA comes from you?
296
00:09:39,775 --> 00:09:41,575
Try not to sound too disappointed, Mom.
297
00:09:41,576 --> 00:09:43,844
On the contrary Anastasia,
I wouldn't change
298
00:09:43,845 --> 00:09:45,178
a thing about you.
299
00:09:45,179 --> 00:09:47,413
Which means of course,
I wouldn't change a thing
300
00:09:47,414 --> 00:09:48,815
about Harry.
301
00:09:48,816 --> 00:09:50,650
They didn't tell me my
dad isn't my real dad
302
00:09:50,651 --> 00:09:51,818
until I turned fifteen.
303
00:09:51,819 --> 00:09:52,853
Who does that?
304
00:09:52,854 --> 00:09:54,654
I'm a child therapist Harry.
305
00:09:54,655 --> 00:09:56,890
I'm quite capable of
handling the situation.
306
00:09:56,891 --> 00:09:58,257
You're the worst.
307
00:09:58,258 --> 00:10:00,692
I understand that you think
I am the worst Anastasia.
308
00:10:00,693 --> 00:10:02,795
Thank you for communicating that to me.
309
00:10:02,796 --> 00:10:03,963
It's so cold.
310
00:10:03,964 --> 00:10:07,266
You're in shock, dear.
311
00:10:07,267 --> 00:10:11,103
Jonathan is the youngest lawyer
at his firm to be made partner.
312
00:10:11,104 --> 00:10:12,872
Harry doesn't care about that, Mom!
313
00:10:12,873 --> 00:10:14,438
Harry's cool.
314
00:10:14,439 --> 00:10:15,539
I love your cologne.
315
00:10:15,540 --> 00:10:17,275
It's Old Spice.
316
00:10:17,276 --> 00:10:19,443
I bet Harry'd let me spend the night at
317
00:10:19,444 --> 00:10:20,611
Brandon's house party.
318
00:10:20,612 --> 00:10:22,346
Brandon is Anastasia's boyfriend.
319
00:10:22,347 --> 00:10:24,682
Naturally, we are
somewhat concerned-
320
00:10:24,683 --> 00:10:25,984
Nothing is going to happen!
321
00:10:25,985 --> 00:10:28,153
We trust you, Ana,
it's just that-
322
00:10:28,154 --> 00:10:30,387
I would let you go.
323
00:10:30,388 --> 00:10:33,257
If I may, Harry, can I call you, Harry?
324
00:10:33,258 --> 00:10:35,025
Stay away from my family.
325
00:10:35,026 --> 00:10:36,026
Harry is family.
326
00:10:36,027 --> 00:10:37,861
I'm not.
327
00:10:37,862 --> 00:10:39,963
But I am smart enough to know
that if she's planning on
328
00:10:39,964 --> 00:10:41,665
hooking up with this Brandon kid,
329
00:10:41,666 --> 00:10:43,100
no one is stopping her.
330
00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:44,868
She's not planning anything.
331
00:10:44,869 --> 00:10:47,170
I don't want to get involved.
332
00:10:47,171 --> 00:10:48,404
But sure she is.
333
00:10:48,405 --> 00:10:51,373
We provide a safe way for Anastasia to
334
00:10:51,374 --> 00:10:54,210
express herself freely and as such,
335
00:10:54,211 --> 00:10:56,212
not feel the need to
engage in sexual behavior
336
00:10:56,213 --> 00:10:57,446
prior to her maturity.
337
00:10:57,447 --> 00:10:58,781
She's not planning on having sex.
338
00:10:58,782 --> 00:10:59,415
Yes I am.
339
00:10:59,416 --> 00:11:01,117
What?
340
00:11:01,118 --> 00:11:02,417
Brandon's unhappy.
341
00:11:02,418 --> 00:11:03,952
I'm going to lose him unless I put out.
342
00:11:03,953 --> 00:11:05,120
We have to move someplace north where
343
00:11:05,121 --> 00:11:06,354
the winters are longer and colder.
344
00:11:06,355 --> 00:11:07,255
Anastasia will have to wear many layers
345
00:11:07,256 --> 00:11:08,589
just to survive.
346
00:11:08,590 --> 00:11:09,825
You realize Anastasia that this is
347
00:11:09,826 --> 00:11:10,959
textbook behaviour.
348
00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:12,493
Oh my god!
349
00:11:12,494 --> 00:11:16,898
And you are not going to that
party young lady, okay, sweetie?
350
00:11:18,900 --> 00:11:20,734
We had to expect this.
351
00:11:20,735 --> 00:11:23,470
I meant, you named her Anastasia?
352
00:11:23,471 --> 00:11:25,005
That's kind of a stripper name.
353
00:11:25,006 --> 00:11:26,340
She's not a stripper!
354
00:11:26,341 --> 00:11:27,374
Is she?
355
00:11:27,375 --> 00:11:28,642
Not yet.
356
00:11:28,643 --> 00:11:30,577
But trust me, I know exotic dancers.
357
00:11:30,578 --> 00:11:32,512
It's all pent-up
Daddy issues.
358
00:11:32,513 --> 00:11:33,980
And she's got a lot of those.
359
00:11:33,981 --> 00:11:36,282
Ok, I'd like it if you
never contacted me,
360
00:11:36,283 --> 00:11:37,984
my wife or my daughter ever again.
361
00:11:37,985 --> 00:11:39,418
If you don't mind.
362
00:11:39,419 --> 00:11:40,619
Yeah. Absolutely.
363
00:11:40,620 --> 00:11:41,587
That's great.
364
00:11:41,588 --> 00:11:42,688
Thank you, very much.
365
00:11:42,689 --> 00:11:44,224
Ok.
366
00:11:53,799 --> 00:11:56,335
Thirty-five
hundred bucks?
367
00:12:04,710 --> 00:12:05,777
Hello.
368
00:12:05,778 --> 00:12:06,777
Doctor.
369
00:12:06,778 --> 00:12:08,279
Doctor?
370
00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:10,147
No, I'm sorry I think you
have the wrong number.
371
00:12:10,148 --> 00:12:12,716
No, I met you and your really cute son.
372
00:12:12,717 --> 00:12:14,986
It's me, bus girl.
373
00:12:14,987 --> 00:12:16,254
Yeah.
374
00:12:16,255 --> 00:12:18,289
Oh, um, the doctor is in!
375
00:12:18,290 --> 00:12:19,924
Hold on.
376
00:12:19,925 --> 00:12:26,029
Nurse, get me 20 CCs of-
medicine.. stat.
377
00:12:26,030 --> 00:12:29,832
So, bus girl, what is your name?
378
00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:32,602
Oh, it's better if you don't know it.
379
00:12:32,603 --> 00:12:36,072
Um, you don't have any
insanity or genetic disorders
380
00:12:36,073 --> 00:12:37,240
in your family do you?
381
00:12:37,241 --> 00:12:39,474
No, I'm good.
382
00:12:39,475 --> 00:12:41,510
Well, my dad's a dick,
383
00:12:41,511 --> 00:12:43,078
but I think that's just a choice.
384
00:12:43,079 --> 00:12:44,346
Why?
385
00:12:44,347 --> 00:12:47,616
How about we meet for sex and then I'll
386
00:12:47,617 --> 00:12:49,785
never see you ever again.
387
00:12:49,786 --> 00:12:51,320
Sold.
388
00:12:51,321 --> 00:12:54,155
I'm ovulating - um,
389
00:12:54,156 --> 00:12:56,457
I'm obviously very attracted to you.
390
00:12:56,458 --> 00:12:57,591
So it has to be tonight.
391
00:12:57,592 --> 00:12:58,726
Or 27 nights after that.
392
00:12:58,727 --> 00:12:59,527
No no no.
393
00:12:59,528 --> 00:13:00,795
Tonight it is.
394
00:13:00,796 --> 00:13:02,496
I'll book a room at the Hilton.
395
00:13:02,497 --> 00:13:03,564
Ten?
396
00:13:03,565 --> 00:13:06,167
Under Miss-
Fallopian.
397
00:13:07,336 --> 00:13:08,369
Are you Armenian?
398
00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:10,003
That's not my real name.
399
00:13:10,004 --> 00:13:13,740
Alright, Ms. Fallopian,
prepare for the doctor
400
00:13:13,741 --> 00:13:15,575
to make a house call.
401
00:13:15,576 --> 00:13:18,211
In your hotel room.
402
00:13:18,212 --> 00:13:20,213
Where we will do it.
403
00:13:21,615 --> 00:13:22,782
Ok.
404
00:13:24,585 --> 00:13:25,385
Yeah!
405
00:13:27,921 --> 00:13:30,289
We shouldn't be here.
406
00:13:30,290 --> 00:13:31,723
Ladies?
407
00:13:31,724 --> 00:13:33,392
Is Billy okay?
408
00:13:33,393 --> 00:13:35,194
I mean, whatever.
409
00:13:35,195 --> 00:13:37,063
Billy got into a fight at school.
410
00:13:37,064 --> 00:13:38,965
He punched Sam Corrales.
411
00:13:38,966 --> 00:13:40,199
He probably deserved it.
412
00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:41,633
She.
413
00:13:41,634 --> 00:13:43,168
Sam's a girl?
414
00:13:43,169 --> 00:13:45,170
I mean I guess we should
be glad our son's a
415
00:13:45,171 --> 00:13:46,804
gender neutral bully but still...
416
00:13:46,805 --> 00:13:48,106
OK, we should go.
417
00:13:48,107 --> 00:13:49,740
No. Billy's acting out.
418
00:13:49,741 --> 00:13:51,776
He told the babysitter
that he wants to buy
419
00:13:51,777 --> 00:13:53,378
chewing tobacco.
420
00:13:53,379 --> 00:13:55,613
So we were hoping that
you would help Billy
421
00:13:55,614 --> 00:13:57,148
with his new found assertiveness?
422
00:13:57,149 --> 00:13:58,416
Help him lose it.
423
00:13:58,417 --> 00:13:59,584
I don't know.
424
00:13:59,585 --> 00:14:00,483
He hates me.
425
00:14:00,598 --> 00:14:01,531
Hates you?
426
00:14:01,591 --> 00:14:02,758
You're all he talks about.
427
00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:04,293
Ya, it's all "Harry this, Harry that.
428
00:14:04,294 --> 00:14:05,294
Harry's an idiot."
429
00:14:05,295 --> 00:14:06,963
That last part was me.
430
00:14:06,964 --> 00:14:10,199
So you want me -
the fourth wheel -
431
00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:11,400
to talk to him?
432
00:14:11,401 --> 00:14:12,782
- Yes.
- No.
433
00:14:12,902 --> 00:14:14,135
- Ok.
- Yes.
434
00:14:14,136 --> 00:14:16,104
Fine, I'll do it.
435
00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:17,605
You know, my hero is Ghandi,
436
00:14:17,606 --> 00:14:19,440
so I'm following my spirit here and I'm
437
00:14:19,441 --> 00:14:20,641
putting my trust in you.
438
00:14:20,642 --> 00:14:22,077
And my hero is Chuck Norris.
439
00:14:22,078 --> 00:14:23,945
So, don't get too comfortable.
440
00:14:23,946 --> 00:14:27,569
Ooh. Ah, no, that's fine,
just not tonight.
441
00:14:27,689 --> 00:14:29,198
I got a date in an hour.
442
00:14:29,199 --> 00:14:30,498
She's totally desperate.
443
00:14:30,499 --> 00:14:32,634
If she's dating you, she is.
444
00:14:32,635 --> 00:14:34,436
You didn't change
your mind did you-
445
00:14:34,437 --> 00:14:35,437
It's Anastasia!
446
00:14:35,438 --> 00:14:36,638
I'm at Brandon's party.
447
00:14:36,639 --> 00:14:37,605
It's wild.
448
00:14:37,606 --> 00:14:39,207
You should come by!
449
00:14:39,208 --> 00:14:40,641
Probably not my demographic.
450
00:14:40,642 --> 00:14:41,642
No, it's cool.
451
00:14:41,643 --> 00:14:43,044
There's gonna be older guys here.
452
00:14:43,045 --> 00:14:44,411
They're bringing beer!
453
00:14:44,412 --> 00:14:45,813
Hey, who are you talking to?
454
00:14:45,814 --> 00:14:47,414
Tell him it's a lipstick party!
455
00:14:49,117 --> 00:14:50,284
Ah, come on.
456
00:14:53,955 --> 00:14:56,857
Do you know what a lipstick party is?
457
00:14:56,858 --> 00:14:58,358
I barely know what lipstick is.
458
00:14:58,359 --> 00:15:00,626
Right. Huh.
459
00:15:00,627 --> 00:15:02,863
Lipstick party...
460
00:15:02,864 --> 00:15:04,397
Wow. Huh.
461
00:15:04,398 --> 00:15:06,466
How do they get all
that different colored
462
00:15:06,467 --> 00:15:08,101
lipstick on a guy's-
463
00:15:08,102 --> 00:15:10,270
Oh dear lord.
464
00:15:10,271 --> 00:15:13,606
Can I get a ride somewhere?
465
00:15:13,607 --> 00:15:15,307
I don't own a car.
466
00:15:15,308 --> 00:15:17,410
He's our sperm donor.
467
00:15:20,998 --> 00:15:23,233
It was very nice of you,
a virtual stranger,
468
00:15:23,234 --> 00:15:25,435
to come by and alert us
to our daughter's
469
00:15:25,436 --> 00:15:26,803
current whereabouts.
470
00:15:26,804 --> 00:15:28,504
I didn't have your phone number or
471
00:15:28,505 --> 00:15:30,307
I would have called.
472
00:15:30,308 --> 00:15:32,908
And thank you for driving all of us.
473
00:15:32,909 --> 00:15:34,343
Of course, we're practically family.
474
00:15:34,344 --> 00:15:35,677
Anything to help Billy's sister!
475
00:15:35,678 --> 00:15:37,512
We are not family.
476
00:15:37,513 --> 00:15:39,381
We should have handled this on our own.
477
00:15:39,382 --> 00:15:41,050
We need to respect that Anastasia
478
00:15:41,051 --> 00:15:42,418
reached out to Harry.
479
00:15:42,419 --> 00:15:44,820
And not to the two people
that have been there for her
480
00:15:44,821 --> 00:15:46,588
since she drew her first breath.
481
00:15:46,589 --> 00:15:48,423
Anastasia is such a beautiful name.
482
00:15:48,424 --> 00:15:50,325
I went to art school with an Anastasia.
483
00:15:50,326 --> 00:15:51,059
Great dancer.
484
00:15:51,060 --> 00:15:51,859
Ballet?
485
00:15:51,860 --> 00:15:53,694
No the other kind.
486
00:15:53,695 --> 00:15:55,763
We need to accept that
our daughter is becoming
487
00:15:55,764 --> 00:15:56,764
a sexual being.
488
00:15:56,765 --> 00:15:58,333
Sexual being?
489
00:15:58,334 --> 00:16:00,034
She's at a lipstick party.
490
00:16:00,035 --> 00:16:01,602
I don't know what that means.
491
00:16:01,603 --> 00:16:03,103
You are so out of it.
492
00:16:03,104 --> 00:16:04,938
A lipstick party
is when-
493
00:16:06,807 --> 00:16:08,041
Oh my god!
494
00:16:08,042 --> 00:16:09,309
We need to get her braces.
495
00:16:09,310 --> 00:16:11,511
The kind with sharp metal edges on them.
496
00:16:11,512 --> 00:16:12,879
I hate this Brandon kid.
497
00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:16,149
What kind of perv does this to a girl?
498
00:16:16,150 --> 00:16:17,317
Damnit!
499
00:16:17,318 --> 00:16:20,453
I forgot my anonymous sex date!
500
00:16:23,101 --> 00:16:25,191
Please go faster.
Hurry!
501
00:16:32,932 --> 00:16:34,467
Wait, wait.
502
00:16:34,468 --> 00:16:37,469
Anastasia snuck out of our
house, but she called Harry.
503
00:16:37,470 --> 00:16:38,396
We might need to respect that.
504
00:16:38,516 --> 00:16:39,940
She's our daughter.
Not his.
505
00:16:40,060 --> 00:16:41,578
The thought of Harry being what's best
506
00:16:41,698 --> 00:16:43,331
for our Billy disgusts me too.
507
00:16:44,924 --> 00:16:46,744
Tell her we're here for her.
508
00:16:47,913 --> 00:16:49,847
Don't worry, I'll get your daughter
509
00:16:49,848 --> 00:16:51,182
out of there.
510
00:16:57,723 --> 00:16:59,708
I'll also confiscate some of their beer.
511
00:17:06,064 --> 00:17:08,231
Do you know where Anastasia is?
512
00:17:08,232 --> 00:17:09,198
Are you her Dad?
513
00:17:09,199 --> 00:17:10,331
Ummmm.
514
00:17:10,435 --> 00:17:11,936
I'm just going to say this.
515
00:17:11,937 --> 00:17:13,437
We are not "a family"
just because our kids
516
00:17:13,438 --> 00:17:14,538
share some DNA alright.
517
00:17:14,539 --> 00:17:16,040
Cause this is crazy.
518
00:17:16,041 --> 00:17:17,174
I was thinking the exact same thing.
519
00:17:17,175 --> 00:17:18,743
I mean, who is this Harry guy?
520
00:17:18,744 --> 00:17:20,310
He could be a monster.
521
00:17:20,311 --> 00:17:21,612
I checked his criminal record.
522
00:17:21,613 --> 00:17:22,779
Oh, I checked too.
523
00:17:22,780 --> 00:17:24,347
He's clean.
524
00:17:24,348 --> 00:17:26,415
Still, he has no right
to be in our lives.
525
00:17:26,416 --> 00:17:28,417
A child should be raised
by a husband and a wife.
526
00:17:28,418 --> 00:17:29,185
And that's that.
527
00:17:29,186 --> 00:17:30,453
Exactly!
528
00:17:30,454 --> 00:17:33,189
You know we're gay, right?
529
00:17:36,927 --> 00:17:38,394
Harry.
530
00:17:38,395 --> 00:17:40,195
What are you doing at a lipstick party?
531
00:17:40,196 --> 00:17:41,296
Gross.
532
00:17:41,297 --> 00:17:42,697
I'm not doing any of that.
533
00:17:42,698 --> 00:17:45,600
Well, that's smart.
534
00:17:50,373 --> 00:17:51,640
You okay?
535
00:17:53,042 --> 00:17:54,042
Yes.
536
00:17:55,377 --> 00:17:56,978
No.
537
00:17:56,979 --> 00:17:59,814
I saw Brandon kissing Robin Matheson.
538
00:17:59,815 --> 00:18:02,483
Why does the world have to suck?
539
00:18:04,586 --> 00:18:06,520
I do not know.
540
00:18:07,689 --> 00:18:08,823
Look at me.
541
00:18:10,392 --> 00:18:12,926
The best thing I've ever
done involved five minutes
542
00:18:12,927 --> 00:18:16,462
into a styrofoam cup in a sperm bank.
543
00:18:16,463 --> 00:18:18,464
That's really sweet.
544
00:18:22,270 --> 00:18:24,070
Anastasia!
545
00:18:24,071 --> 00:18:26,006
I'm sorry you had to see me with Robin.
546
00:18:26,007 --> 00:18:27,106
It's okay, Brandon.
547
00:18:27,107 --> 00:18:28,440
No, it's not okay.
548
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:31,110
What you did with Robin was scummy.
549
00:18:31,111 --> 00:18:32,311
Disgusting.
550
00:18:32,312 --> 00:18:33,312
Vile.
551
00:18:33,313 --> 00:18:35,181
No, it's not.
552
00:18:35,182 --> 00:18:36,182
I'd do it again!
553
00:18:36,183 --> 00:18:39,384
Harry, no!
554
00:18:39,385 --> 00:18:40,686
You okay, Brandy?
555
00:18:40,687 --> 00:18:42,387
He punched me, Robin.
556
00:18:42,388 --> 00:18:45,123
I wouldn't let him
call our love disgusting.
557
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:46,557
Robin is a boy?
558
00:18:46,558 --> 00:18:47,926
Ah, man.
559
00:18:47,927 --> 00:18:51,095
What is wrong with
gender-specific names?
560
00:18:51,096 --> 00:18:52,063
Brandon's gay.
561
00:18:52,064 --> 00:18:53,832
He told me tonight.
562
00:18:55,100 --> 00:18:57,869
Did I just commit a hate crime?
563
00:18:57,870 --> 00:18:59,402
They say it takes a village to
564
00:18:59,403 --> 00:19:00,603
raise a child.
565
00:19:00,604 --> 00:19:02,239
And every village has an idiot.
566
00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:03,907
On the bright side.
567
00:19:03,908 --> 00:19:06,176
If, God forbid, Anastasia
ever needs a transplant,
568
00:19:06,177 --> 00:19:07,945
Harry could come in handy.
569
00:19:07,946 --> 00:19:09,646
And if he won't donate willingly,
570
00:19:09,647 --> 00:19:13,984
I can always carve out
the bit's our kids need.
571
00:19:13,985 --> 00:19:15,617
Daddy.
572
00:19:15,618 --> 00:19:17,686
There's my girl.
573
00:19:17,687 --> 00:19:19,255
Hi.
574
00:19:19,256 --> 00:19:22,124
Would you be able to speak to a
recently out of the closet
575
00:19:22,125 --> 00:19:27,596
homosexual boy who may have
been accidentally gay bashed?
576
00:19:32,701 --> 00:19:35,237
Hi, oh my god you look beautiful.
577
00:19:35,238 --> 00:19:36,437
You're two hours late.
578
00:19:36,438 --> 00:19:38,439
Ya, I'm so sorry!
579
00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:40,141
I did not want to miss this, believe me.
580
00:19:40,142 --> 00:19:41,442
I mean this is my Super Bowl.
581
00:19:41,443 --> 00:19:42,944
It's just the kids!
582
00:19:42,945 --> 00:19:44,312
You know they're in my head.
583
00:19:44,313 --> 00:19:45,413
And I don't like it.
584
00:19:45,414 --> 00:19:51,718
But, I promise you, I promise myself,
585
00:19:51,719 --> 00:19:54,421
I will not let them get in the
way of me hooking up with
586
00:19:54,422 --> 00:19:55,856
emotionally needy women-
587
00:19:55,857 --> 00:19:59,226
Or a lovely lady like yourself.
588
00:19:59,227 --> 00:20:01,395
Is this how they treat
people in New Jersey?
589
00:20:01,396 --> 00:20:02,429
No idea.
590
00:20:02,430 --> 00:20:03,796
I've never been there.
591
00:20:03,797 --> 00:20:06,632
So you didn't graduate
from Princeton, Doctor?
592
00:20:06,633 --> 00:20:08,201
You lie to women all the time?
593
00:20:08,202 --> 00:20:09,369
No.
594
00:20:09,370 --> 00:20:10,336
Yes.
595
00:20:10,337 --> 00:20:12,038
Ok, sometimes.
596
00:20:12,039 --> 00:20:14,573
But only if it makes me look better.
597
00:20:14,574 --> 00:20:16,542
Thank you for reminding me why
598
00:20:16,543 --> 00:20:18,544
I want nothing to do with men.
599
00:20:18,545 --> 00:20:19,711
Jerk.
600
00:20:19,712 --> 00:20:22,598
Oh c'mon, you knew I was lying.
601
00:20:22,718 --> 00:20:25,217
What kind of doctor rides a bus?
602
00:20:30,334 --> 00:20:31,634
We could have just adopted.
603
00:20:31,635 --> 00:20:33,036
What?
604
00:20:33,037 --> 00:20:34,837
Can you imagine our
daughter without your
605
00:20:34,838 --> 00:20:37,306
gorgeous smile?
606
00:20:37,307 --> 00:20:41,110
That smile has generations left in it.
607
00:20:43,146 --> 00:20:45,180
Are you wearing Old Spice?
608
00:20:45,181 --> 00:20:46,581
Don't punch girls.
609
00:20:46,582 --> 00:20:48,984
Or people with weird
boy-girl names.
610
00:20:48,985 --> 00:20:50,352
Or gay people!
611
00:20:50,353 --> 00:20:52,087
Or... Huh.
612
00:20:52,088 --> 00:20:54,989
You know maybe it's just better
if you just don't punch anyone.
613
00:20:54,990 --> 00:20:56,090
Instead spread rumors.
614
00:20:56,091 --> 00:20:57,158
That's effective.
615
00:20:57,159 --> 00:20:58,259
Got it.
616
00:20:58,260 --> 00:20:59,627
And you know Sam's teasing you cause
617
00:20:59,628 --> 00:21:00,761
she likes you, right.
618
00:21:00,762 --> 00:21:02,096
You'd better get used to it.
619
00:21:02,097 --> 00:21:03,297
You've got my DNA.
620
00:21:03,298 --> 00:21:04,832
Ladies love us.
621
00:21:04,833 --> 00:21:05,733
He's so sweet.
622
00:21:05,734 --> 00:21:07,435
He's an idiot.
623
00:21:07,436 --> 00:21:09,369
I'm so happy I can pay in installments.
624
00:21:09,370 --> 00:21:11,604
I'm getting a baby on lay away.
625
00:21:12,973 --> 00:21:14,141
Yup.
626
00:21:14,142 --> 00:21:15,442
This is the baby daddy I want.
627
00:21:15,443 --> 00:21:17,310
Okay, here we go.
628
00:21:17,311 --> 00:21:18,445
Oh!
629
00:21:20,381 --> 00:21:22,715
Oh, god I love his picture.
630
00:21:22,716 --> 00:21:27,253
I hope my baby has his eyes,
his smile, his-
631
00:21:28,988 --> 00:21:30,256
wait a second.
632
00:21:30,257 --> 00:21:32,891
And we're done.
633
00:21:32,892 --> 00:21:34,193
XC-3000.
634
00:21:34,194 --> 00:21:35,394
Good choice.
635
00:21:35,626 --> 00:21:39,712
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com