- Previously... - Welcome
to the Wham Bam Thank You FAM Anniversary Jam telethon.
You've been issued a firearm for a reason.
You are the last line of defense from the sickos.
- Yes, sir. - The Garbeau organization
will disregard any retaliation.
You just have to help me see my daughter tonight.
I'll go on tape.
Tell my story. Put it on the news.
How's three minutes and 56 seconds sound?
I can sneak her out and have her back before anyone notices.
If we do this right,
I can get my job back.
You're gonna be famous.
- You remember your part? - I don't like this,
Ernie Gomes.
Not one bit.
You wouldn't let me go,
- and now Dad has a new family. - What?
That's what FAM is all about.
Being a husband and a father to these special people.
Melody.
I've got a surprise for you.
Your dad. You want to see him?
Krystal!
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com
"Wind rattled the window violently
as Denise awoke.
Her eyes locked on a shrouded figure
standing in moonlight."
Girl, you'd better run.
"Suddenly..."
? Rhythm is gonna get you... ?
Oh, look, there's your dad! Come on. Okay.
? The rhythm is gonna get you ?
? Tonight ?
How do you like the Stanley Method,
huh? Huh?
Melody! Baby girl!
I missed you so much.
Make it quick. They're gonna be looking for her any second.
? Rhythm is gonna get you ?
? Rhythm is gonna get you... ?
That's a fake.
- No, it's not! - Yes, it is.
This is your gun.
Come on. I've got to get her inside.
Take me with you.
? Get you ?
- lt's loaded! - Give it to me.
What happened to us?
? Gonna get you ?
? Tonight ?
Come on, I got to get her
- back inside. - You won't forget me.
- No. - Come on.
Whoa! Weren't they incredible, folks?
Incredible, sweetie.
Hey, hey, I don't care much for fruit,
but I could eat those melons all night.
That's right! Yes! Let's hear those phones ringing.
Wow, ladies.
You were fantastic.
Where's Melody? Her cello solo's up next.
Isn't she here?
Haven't... I haven't seen her.
I wish I could stay forever, but I can't.
- Yep. Okay. Gotta get her inside. - I'm on my way to Houston.
Do you remember your Uncle Wayne in Houston?
Melody?
- Melody? Melody? - Melody?
Have you seen my daughter?
- Where could she be? - I-I don't know.
Mel...
She knows better than to leave it out of its case.
- Melody! - Melody!
Melody!
Take me with you!
No, no, no. No. Judd, that wasn't part of our deal.
- Are you sure? - Yes.
Come on. Judd. Judd. Don't do this.
- This really fucks me! - Krystal. Krystal...
- Really bad, Judd. - Krystal!
I need to do this.
I'm sorry.
Drive!
Krystal!
What have you done?
You've fucking lost it!
We'll figure this out. We'll say...
We'll say Judd took her.
You were trying to save her. That's what happened.
- Yes! That'll work. - No, Cody.
It will, Krystal. It will. Nobody saw you but me.
No, I'm leaving.
What do you mean?
I'm leaving, Cody.
I'm done with FAM.
I'm done with all of it.
I'm not going back in there.
I'm not gonna end up like him.
That puts me in a tough position...
Krystal.
No. It takes us out of a tough position.
I'm not taking that.
- I'm gonna go now, Cody. - Please. Krystal...
- I'm sorry. - Please.
Krystal.
So, Henderson was cheating on Pauline with Kema,
but Kema didn't know that he had a girlfriend.
So when Pauline told Kema...
Huh... they both dumped him,
and they formed their own keyboard band called
Hermit the Prog.
And that's why you always see them together. Mm-hmm.
Hendo can't even look them in the eye.
Hey, how'd it go?
Krystal?
Kind of weird.
Judd took the kid with him.
Mm. Saw it coming.
Don't judge me.
I might have just done a kidnapping.
Yeah. Eh!
Come on.
Judd seemed like a nice guy, right?
Yeah. He had a... a warm energy.
Do we have to make a run for it?
No. No.
All I did was walk a little girl to her dad.
That's it.
Let's see this FAM bullshit.
This FAM stuff is bananas, Krystal.
They went after Judd pretty hard.
I couldn't believe the things he told me.
I've had a hell of a day, Rhonda.
I quit my job.
I broke off my engagement.
Ha! My hands are paper cut to shit from making
fucking "fire totems."
I'm done. I'm fucking done.
Here we go.
Bet that's about Melody.
Oh, God.
I might have some shit to figure out tomorrow,
but tonight I'm fucking drinking.
Okay. We drinking. That's that.
Okay. Yeah.
Oh, you're welcome.
Well, it wasn't a pervert.
Nobody at Paradise Cay has seen Judd Waltrip for hours.
Well, I told you. I should have given him the treatment.
- He was a C-section. - Not now, Louise.
We need to talk to anybody who might have seen him.
I'll speak with security.
I can do it. I'll do it.
Yeah, you go, Bonar.
How could this happen?
Louise, take her back to the Cay.
If the girl's gonna try to reach her, she'll call there.
Let's go.
Come.
You've got the tape of Judd.
They can't touch you. That's your insurance.
No. I'm gonna sell it to the news.
Sell it to the news?
Yeah. The media. You know, like, Mirta's gonna do some follow-up.
Mm-mm. Pills Mirta?
Yeah, like, when she gets out.
Okay, so Obie's the white whale,
and you and Captain Rehab are gonna get him on the news?
Yeah. The media.
Okay, and somebody's gonna pay you for that?
Well, yeah. Eventually. Right?
What?
Oh, this tape's not worth shit.
Look at him.
Look at his eyebrows.
He's so pissed.
What a fucking dipstick.
Anyone could do this job. I could do this job.
Uh, I'm Obie Garbeau.
I played checkers with, uh, Maggie Thatcher.
- Hey, the secret to business... - Hmm?
- ... is success. - Ooh!
Nobody cares about Obie Garbeau.
Except...
... Obie Garbeau.
- He'd buy it. - No. Krystal, mm-mm. No.
He's got money, Rhonda. Lots of it.
Mm-hmm. To pay his goons.
But he doesn't know that you're even involved right now.
Oh, they're gonna find out. I just happened to quit
the moment Melody disappears?
I didn't do all this bullshit not to get paid.
This is a stupid idea, Krystal.
America's Funniest Home Videos stupid.
You know what? Actually, no, dumber, because
America's Funniest Home Videos is a great TV show.
It is all of our favorite, funniest videos,
all in one place.
I finally got something...
he really wants.
Oh, what's it worth...
butthead?
My babies aren't safe here anymore.
Bye, babies.
Wham Bam hotline.
What is the value of your donation?
$20,000.
Please hold.
This is Obie Garbeau II, at the Wham Bam Thank You FAM
37th Anniversary Jam
Orphan Fund center stage hotline,
and I can't wait to find out how much
you'd like to contribute to help out these little boys and girls.
I'm not giving anything to you.
You're gonna give something to me.
I'm so... I'm sorry, ma'am, but that's-that's exactly
the opposite of what we're doing here.
I've got Judd Waltrip
spilling all your secrets on tape,
and you're gonna pay me for it.
Elly May Clampett.
Is that so?
Fraud, extortion,
blackmail, arson.
Attempted murder.
I've got it all.
I've got the whole thing.
Well, whoopdie-doo, Mary Lou.
20 grand.
20 grand?
That's all it's gonna take to get you to scurry back
to whatever trailer park you crawled out from under?
20,000 cash,
and that keeps you off Geraldo.
Oh. Hey! 5,000 it is!
I'll have Roger, uh, arrange for a, uh,
a-a-a delivery tomorrow afternoon.
Now.
Uh, you want $5,000 in cash right now?
20!
I don't have $5,000 in cash right now.
Yes, you do.
I'm watching you right now.
You're going to steal from orphans?
No. You are.
And I want it delivered in that...
... pretty little box.
You know, I can deliver...
a lot worse than cash, honey.
You want this problem to get smaller or bigger, Obie?
Okay, you can expect a delivery from Roger
and you can consider it a, uh, partial refund.
Okay, hey-hey!
Thank you, Marcel, wonderful job.
I think it's about time we checked to find out
how much money's in the box.
The Stubbs girl knows where Waltrip is.
Take her this box, give her what's inside...
Put a bullet in her head.
So, did the, uh, security guard have any information?
Uh, no.
Not really, she... said something about
the light of the waning moon.
Good work. Good work, son.
Listen, I want you to stay close, okay?
Yes, of course, sir, yeah.
And your sidearm.
What about it, sir?
I want to see it.
In times of siege,
it soothes me to feel the weight of a pistol.
It's just for a moment, Cody.
Uh...
I'm sorry, sir, I...
I lost my gun.
Okay.
I'm not in trouble, sir?
No. No, I-I'll have Roger make you a new one.
Whoa there, don't shoot.
Hey. You doing okay there, O-zone?
You really left the stage in a hurry there.
Give that to a baby.
I was just trying to move the show along.
You know, I was seeing a lot of yawns out there
- during your last bit. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Listen, if you need to sit the next one out,
I'm ready to fill in. I love you.
You stay right there.
Yes, sir.
Hey, Bets, the chain's on.
Hello?
Harold, did you put the chain on by mistake?
Bets.
Pickle, come on.
You found a new family.
Now let's see you find a new home.
It was for the orphans.
I wasn't trying to be hurtful, pickle.
I got aunties on both sides killed their husbands.
You call me "pickle" one more time
and I start burning your clothes.
Hon, let's be sensible, o-okay?
- I just... - When I told you
about the downline struggling,
you said they're lucky,
because they got to find out what they were made of.
You called it tough love.
When you wake up screaming
and I rub your back till you come to,
what kind of love is that?
When you go cry at the water park
and I just...
smile and tell you I love you, what kind of love is that?
When you quit your job
and drag me and Harold into FAM
and I just go along with it,
because it seems to make you happy,
what kind of love is that?
'Cause it ain't tough love.
But I did it.
I did it because you're sick, Ernie.
You are sick, and you're making this whole house sick.
I realize that what I do
does not help you.
It helps whatever's got ahold of you.
And you avoid and you lie.
And I just pat you on the head
and I tell you how sweet you are.
But...
I'm done.
I'm ready to talk about what happened.
No.
You missed your chance to talk.
What do you want me to do, Bets?
I don't know.
Why don't you go consult your goddamned upline?
Yeah.
That's what I call sleight of hand.
Mom? I need more toilet paper.
Because that's what you're gonna get with...
Okay!
I don't know, is Buck Bridges paying attention?
Where's Buck?
You got to be kidding me.
Thanks, Mom.
Well, I can't do anything if you're just standing there.
That's not necessary, Ms. Stubbs.
Where's your gun?
Holstered beneath my left arm.
You put a hand on that gun and I shoot.
Put the box on the counter.
Come on.
Open it.
Good.
The tape's in the camera.
Come on.
That was the deal.
I don't want the Judd Waltrip tape.
What do you want then?
And don't say "nothing." I'm not in the mood.
I want rational actors
to pursue their interests vigorously and without apology.
What the hell does that mean?
You take little kids and firebomb people's boats
for Obie fuckin' Garbeau.
Mr. Garbeau...
Mr. Garbeau's vision was once clear,
and I executed it.
Now...
entitlement and fear degrade that vision.
My time with him is done.
I want to help you.
You act real fuckin' nice with a gun to your head.
Hey.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa. Hey, hands.
Oh-ho, Roger.
Don't you test me!
Come on.
Fuck!
Violence secures us all.
Mine merely has your attention.
Speak fuckin' English, asshole!
Your ambition is simple.
You act in your daughter's interest.
There-there is power in clarity.
This, however, was reckless.
Hmm?
Just take the fucking tape.
You stand to benefit greatly
from the erosion of Mr. Garbeau's judgment.
Steady yourself.
Deliberate more.
And if you're gonna use a gun...
... make sure it's loaded.
Oh.
And if you're going to blackmail someone...
... make a copy of the tape.
You're actually trying to help me here?
My decision to leave Mr. Garbeau's service...
is personal.
You have the clarity he has lost.
I admire you.
I...
Okay.
Can I ask you something?
Why don't you wear shoes?
Roger...
... don't do anything shifty.
I am not a threat.
Put the gun down, Cody. We were just getting somewhere.
You sure?
Yes, put the gun down.
Put it down.
Oh, Cody!
- I'm sorry! - Put the gun down, dumbass!
Roger!
Roger, are you okay?
Roger?
Oh, my God. He's dead, Cody.
Oh, God. Oh, God.
Oh, God.
- We need to call someone. - No!
- We need to call the police! - Stop it.
- We need to call them. - Fuck. Stop, stop, stop.
Jesus Christ, Cody. No! No, don't call the police.
Jesus Christ! Shut up!
Breathe, breathe. Shut the fuck up, all right?
- I-I killed a veteran. - Shut the fuck up.
- I... - Shut up!
- Hey, shut up. - I killed a veteran.
- Shut up, shut up, shut up. - I-I can't go...
Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up! Shut the fuck up!
Come here. Come here. Come on.
I can't breathe. I...
Here, take off this jacket. Come on.
What did I do?!
- What have I done? - Come on, come on.
No, no, no, no. Cody, Cody. Here.
Breathe, breathe, breathe.
Hey, hey. Get in the tub. Come on.
Okay, I want you to count to 10,000.
Count.
- One... two... - One...
- two... - three...
- Three! - Three.
Do not leave that tub until you get to 10,000.
Four, five...
six, seven,
eight, nine...
Fuck!
Shit.
Bets?
This is not a good time!
This is your fault!
- Bets! - It's your fault!
Bets, please, calm down!
Not right now. Please.
- You broke Ernie. - Calm down.
- Bets! - You knew he was having trouble.
- Bets, please. - You knew he was in trouble
and you used him.
You're right.
You're right!
I pushed Ernie into this shit,
and I pushed myself into it,
and I screwed up!
I screwed up.
This crap is crap.
Y-Yeah.
- Yeah, it is! Yes! - This crap is crap!
This FAM is crap!
I just want my husband back.
Me, too.
Go home, Bets.
Hey, you.
Come here.
You're one of mine, right?
- I'm all of yours. - Okay, good.
- Have you seen Bonar? - No, sir.
Go find him.
- Oh, my gosh. Yes, sir. - Go, go, go.
Oh, my God.
... 55, 756, 757,
- Cody? - 758, 759, 700...
- 50... 167. - Cody. Cody.
You're at 760?
Okay, I'll remember that. You can stop counting now.
Terrific job.
I'm gonna talk,
and I just want you to listen, okay?
I'm tired of lying all the time.
I don't love you.
I don't know if I'll ever love you.
That's the truth.
But I'm really tired of being alone.
People treat me like crap because they can,
and...
I don't know how to stop them.
And so, I get mad and...
that just makes things worse.
I can't do this alone.
I need you, Cody.
And if you'll let me,
I'll treat you like someone I need.
I'm yours, Krystal.
You got to help with the mortgage.
Okay.
How?
W-We could live off your trust.
I, uh, I stopped getting any money from the trust
after I told my mother I wanted to marry you.
Well, we could go somewhere cheaper,
start over.
Yeah?
I could get a job.
Doing what?
I don't know. I've never had a job before.
Jobs are hard, Cody.
That's why I never had one.
Do you have any friends that could help us?
No, they were all negative about FAM.
FAM was finally working for us.
No, it wasn't.
But it could.
Oh!
Mimi?
Still alive, Diane.
See you tomorrow.
Mimi, it's-it's Krystal Stubbs.
What? What is all this about?
Uh, can I just store some stuff in your yard again?
How old do you think I was
when the first ever mall opened?
- 12. - 44.
I bet you think I was pants-less
for the first 44 years of my life.
Nah.
Ooh...
Here.
What if Dad never comes home?
Eat your nail polish.
You seem, uh, a little short-staffed, Mr. Garbeau II, sir.
Is there anything I can do to help you at all?
No. No, no. No. No, business is good.
Oh, good, sir.
I, uh, I killed them. You're up.
- Hey. How we doing? - Mm.
- Blood in the water. - Good.
Folks.
Folks...
I cannot tell you how great it feels
to be here with you right now,
in this incredible country...
... America.
What does it mean to be American?
And what does it mean to be a nation
of hardworking, industrious people?
Every war...
that America has fought, America has won.
Every disease that's ever been cured
was cured by Americans.
Every invention,
everything that makes our lives a little easier,
a little more fun, a little magical,
was born in this great nation of ours.
What does it mean to be America?
In this land of limitless natural
resources and creativity,
there is room for every single one of you
to become a millionaire.
There are billionaires sitting in this audience
right now, I guarantee it.
Is it you?
Is it you at home?
The Garbeau System enables you
to accomplish your dreams.
We are America.
The home...
of the brave.
And the land...
of the millionaire.
And don't you ever forget it.
Thank you, I-I just had to get that off my chest.
We're gonna get right back to the show, um...
We've got some great acts for you.
I should be the one to do it.
You sure?
Yeah.
Okay.
Sir, I have something for you.
- Oh, you didn't need to do that. - It's the tape, sir.
That Judd Waltrip made.
- From your girlfriend? - Yes, sir.
I drove over there as fast as I could.
Well, I underestimated you. Well done.
You should see it, sir.
Yeah, I'll see it later.
Now.
Where's Roger?
Let's just take a look at this.
Garbeau II.
He kidnapped my family,
he killed my parents.
Look, I-I-I haven't got time for this.
No, it's after this, sir. Right after this.
Okay?
And, Kema, you tell her that you had no idea. Yes.
- That's good, girl. - Uh, no, it's... I'm sorry.
It's after this, too. Okay.
What have you done?
You sent Roger to hurt Krystal, so I protected her.
No, you're lying.
That's not Roger.
That's not Roger?
Sir, you have to understand.
I don't have to understand anything!
No, you get away from me! Get away from me!
I don't have to understand a goddamn thing,
you demented little freak. You're a freak!
Shh. Calm down.
That's not Roger.
- Sir. - That's not Roger.
It's nice to have the world come to FAM.
- Ladies and gentlemen... - Sir?
- Sir, where are you going? - ... the Founders American Merchandise
Tinikling dancers.
Uh, it-it's okay.
My good friend, Obie, he just told me moments ago
that he enjoyed a little too much beef pâté.
So, he's gonna be fine, don't worry.
And let me tell y'all something,
FAM in the Southeast isn't going anywhere.
You've been so nice to me,
I might just buy my fourth
vacation home right here in Florida.
Get him out of here.
Okay, folks, the show must go on.
Now, who among us doesn't love Hula-Hoops?
There he is.
You're okay, Obie.
Doctor said it was a panic attack.
Where is Roger?
He's in the ground, Obie,
along with the gold cash box you gave him
and a copy of Judd's tape.
Only God, me and Cody know where.
You give me what I want
or I lead the police to where Roger's body is
and Cody testifies in court that you sent Roger to kill me.
You will burn for this.
We can do this with cops
and judges and lawyers.
You got the money, you might win,
but the crimes, they will come out against you...
Will be very bad for your reputation.
And as you say, "Your reputation is your business,
and your business is your reputation."
You are a demon.
No.
I'm a businessman.
We can tear each other down, Obie,
or we can build each other up.
What do you want?
I used to be just like you,
sick of my J-O-B,
spending all dang day watching that clock.
Waiting for sweet, sweet freedom.
But, one day,
my husband came home and told me
it didn't have to be like that.
There's a lot of scams out there,
just waiting to take advantage of you
just 'cause you've got the nerve to dream
of something better.
But FAM is different, I learned that the hard way.
See, when tragedy struck and I was left
to raise my daughter alone, I had no choice
but to knuckle down and maximize my potential
in the cutthroat world of business.
But I never could've done it without the wisdom
and mentorship of legendary entrepreneur
and dear personal friend,
Mr. Obie Garbeau II.
Thanks to my FAM distribution business,
I was able to quit my crappy J-O-B.
But I didn't walk away,
I walked right in to the owner's office,
slapped the money on the table, and bought the dang place.
Isn't that something?
Through the power of hard work
and the tools and wisdom found in the Garbeau System,
Krystal was finally able to own and operate her own theme park.
Looking for a break from the tough, rewarding work
of spreading opportunity through FAM?
Take the kids down to the Sunshine State
where Krystal Waters offers FAM IBOs...
I know she has a family
rotting in the swamp somewhere.
What-what do you want with her family?
I want to do
what I do, Louise.
I want to make them rich.
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com