1
00:00:02,300 --> 00:00:03,300
Ow...

2
00:00:04,411 --> 00:00:08,004
Oh, dear. There is a chlamydia
epidemic in Melbourne.

3
00:00:09,820 --> 00:00:10,820
You had a check-up, Fin?

4
00:00:10,932 --> 00:00:12,487
I think I would know if I had chlamydia.

5
00:00:12,511 --> 00:00:14,491
No. No. No. There are no symptoms.

6
00:00:14,801 --> 00:00:16,640
Worst-case scenario,
you give it to Angie,

7
00:00:16,665 --> 00:00:18,960
she doesn't know she's
got it, ends up infertile.

8
00:00:18,985 --> 00:00:20,297
That's being a bit dramatic, Dad.

9
00:00:20,321 --> 00:00:21,977
Which would be tragic if
she ever meets someone,

10
00:00:22,001 --> 00:00:24,266
- wants to start a family.
- Dad! That's enough.

11
00:00:27,243 --> 00:00:29,024
Maybe we should get checked out, though.

12
00:00:29,228 --> 00:00:32,008
Then we can forego the oncay omsday.

13
00:00:32,704 --> 00:00:33,711
In the meantime,

14
00:00:33,736 --> 00:00:36,329
you two should not engage in
any sexual activity whatsoever.

15
00:00:36,427 --> 00:00:37,751
Even with oncay omsday.

16
00:00:38,593 --> 00:00:40,422
They're not 100% reliable, right...

17
00:00:40,447 --> 00:00:41,447
You...

18
00:00:44,107 --> 00:00:45,211
There's a dead fly.

19
00:00:45,429 --> 00:00:48,296
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com

20
00:00:52,301 --> 00:00:53,727
Malcolm sends his regards.

21
00:00:54,157 --> 00:00:55,157
Not to you.

22
00:00:55,967 --> 00:00:57,704
Anyone needs me, I'll be in my room

23
00:00:57,729 --> 00:00:59,989
watching the Pies dismantle the Doggies.

24
00:01:01,548 --> 00:01:02,569
You know, I think your dad

25
00:01:02,594 --> 00:01:04,752
greatly exaggerated the number of
people in Melbourne with chlamydia.

26
00:01:04,815 --> 00:01:07,252
Well, we'll get our results back
soon anyway and all will be well.

27
00:01:07,276 --> 00:01:09,297
He'll probably want to see the
document with the results on it.

28
00:01:09,321 --> 00:01:12,579
I will! If it was good enough
for Mark to show me his results,

29
00:01:12,604 --> 00:01:13,727
it's good enough for you, mate.

30
00:01:13,751 --> 00:01:15,091
It's like living under the Stasi.

31
00:01:15,116 --> 00:01:16,821
I only want what's best for Angela.

32
00:01:16,939 --> 00:01:19,321
Well, the joke's on him
because when the tests come back

33
00:01:19,346 --> 00:01:21,063
we'll be able to go au naturel.

34
00:01:21,096 --> 00:01:23,657
And he would have inadvertently
made us 7% happier.

35
00:01:23,955 --> 00:01:26,235
You know, I do some of my
best work without condoms.

36
00:01:26,260 --> 00:01:29,360
And you haven't, you know, been
the beneficiary of that work as yet.

37
00:01:29,385 --> 00:01:31,438
Are you sure you want to
overhype your performance?

38
00:01:31,463 --> 00:01:32,883
Oh, it can't be overhyped enough.

39
00:01:32,908 --> 00:01:34,852
Critics will call it "a
high-octane thrill ride".

40
00:01:34,877 --> 00:01:35,978
As long as they don't call it

41
00:01:36,002 --> 00:01:37,658
"thought provoking and
laugh-out-loud funny".

42
00:01:37,682 --> 00:01:39,322
No. No. It'll be fun
for the whole family.

43
00:01:39,731 --> 00:01:40,872
- Ooh..
- I can not believe I just said that.

44
00:01:40,896 --> 00:01:42,410
- Mm-mm.
- Neither can I.

45
00:01:43,250 --> 00:01:45,996
Hey, I love talking dirty with you,
but I've got an article to write.

46
00:01:46,321 --> 00:01:47,964
Why don't you go watch
football with Dad?

47
00:01:48,545 --> 00:01:50,965
- What?!
- It'll be a great bonding experience.

48
00:01:51,115 --> 00:01:52,162
And it'll make him feel better

49
00:01:52,186 --> 00:01:55,075
when he finds out you're STD-free
and he's forced to accept you.

50
00:01:55,474 --> 00:01:56,482
I'm in the middle of...

51
00:01:56,507 --> 00:01:58,347
Leave your cupcakes.
I'll put them in the oven.

52
00:02:01,081 --> 00:02:03,660
If I'm not back within
an hour, call the police.

53
00:02:06,152 --> 00:02:07,645
You bloody nut head!

54
00:02:07,963 --> 00:02:09,246
Hold the ball!

55
00:02:10,479 --> 00:02:11,659
Come.

56
00:02:15,674 --> 00:02:17,759
It would be nice to watch
a bit of the footy with you.

57
00:02:17,973 --> 00:02:19,712
Not so good there by Smith.

58
00:02:19,910 --> 00:02:20,910
Treloar.

59
00:02:20,935 --> 00:02:22,769
Even though the tackle was oncoming,

60
00:02:22,794 --> 00:02:24,457
he still had the
awareness to get rid of it.

61
00:02:24,668 --> 00:02:27,004
Duggan, down in the back there...

62
00:02:28,535 --> 00:02:30,035
- Ball!
- Jeez...

63
00:02:30,315 --> 00:02:32,231
Oh, you would have seen
it if it was a hot dog.

64
00:02:35,553 --> 00:02:37,653
- Because the umpire's fat.
- Oh.

65
00:02:37,925 --> 00:02:39,785
Oh, mate, that would
have crushed in Bay 13.

66
00:02:40,913 --> 00:02:43,191
- How'd your test go?
- Uh, great.

67
00:02:43,737 --> 00:02:46,637
- Did you get the full battery?
- Yep. Yeah. Got all of them.

68
00:02:46,752 --> 00:02:52,184
You must be scared, sitting
here, waiting for your results,

69
00:02:52,544 --> 00:02:56,804
thinking about all those viruses
and sexually transmitted diseases

70
00:02:56,829 --> 00:02:59,262
that are probably coursing
around your veins as we speak.

71
00:02:59,287 --> 00:03:01,088
Oh, no. No. I think I'll be okay.

72
00:03:01,128 --> 00:03:02,128
And if I'm not,

73
00:03:02,153 --> 00:03:04,200
I'll just take a pill three times
a day for the rest of my life.

74
00:03:04,286 --> 00:03:05,661
Not in this house you won't.

75
00:03:08,604 --> 00:03:10,231
So, is, um...

76
00:03:11,220 --> 00:03:13,460
... Cazaly playing today?

77
00:03:16,084 --> 00:03:17,084
No.

78
00:03:18,586 --> 00:03:21,231
Why do they punch the ball like
that instead of just throwing it?

79
00:03:21,256 --> 00:03:23,762
Because you can only kick,
punch or tap the ball.

80
00:03:23,787 --> 00:03:25,442
It is not a game of throws.

81
00:03:25,467 --> 00:03:26,676
Well, how come that
guy just threw the ball?

82
00:03:26,701 --> 00:03:27,731
'Cause he's the umpire.

83
00:03:27,877 --> 00:03:29,169
Oh, fly for it!

84
00:03:29,769 --> 00:03:32,786
Oh, shit, we're getting
smashed in the air again.

85
00:03:33,571 --> 00:03:34,871
Oh, what?!

86
00:03:35,198 --> 00:03:37,145
What... Why was that a free kick?

87
00:03:37,170 --> 00:03:38,778
Because he was tackled with the ball.

88
00:03:38,817 --> 00:03:40,301
But the blue and red guy,

89
00:03:40,326 --> 00:03:42,182
he was just tackled with the
ball, he wasn't penalised.

90
00:03:42,207 --> 00:03:44,568
No. Because he convinced
the umpire, who's a dick,

91
00:03:44,593 --> 00:03:46,231
that he was attempting to get rid of it.

92
00:03:46,256 --> 00:03:47,309
Oh, so whether you win or lose

93
00:03:47,334 --> 00:03:48,965
depends on whether the umpire is a dick.

94
00:03:48,990 --> 00:03:50,090
- Pretty much.
- Oh.

95
00:03:50,147 --> 00:03:52,223
- And most umpires hate Collingwood.
- Why's that?

96
00:03:52,248 --> 00:03:54,553
Because we're rich and
all our players have hair

97
00:03:54,578 --> 00:03:55,819
and most umpires are bald.

98
00:03:55,844 --> 00:03:58,147
Is that music driving you nuts?

99
00:03:58,172 --> 00:04:00,514
Um, no. It's okay.
I mean, it's a weekend.

100
00:04:00,860 --> 00:04:02,936
You can't play loud music
on a Saturday afternoon.

101
00:04:02,961 --> 00:04:06,053
It's a sacred time, reserved
by our forefathers for sport

102
00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:07,540
and mowing the lawn.

103
00:04:07,694 --> 00:04:10,209
It's not that bad. Must
be having a barbecue.

104
00:04:10,950 --> 00:04:12,139
... directly in front...

105
00:04:12,355 --> 00:04:14,186
Nah. Nah. This is bullshit.

106
00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:17,592
- What...what are you doing?
- Nuh.

107
00:04:17,971 --> 00:04:19,241
Mr Black, what are you...?

108
00:04:28,262 --> 00:04:30,866
Hi. I'm Peter Black. I live next door.

109
00:04:31,094 --> 00:04:32,873
Nice to meet you. I'm Ayesha Balla.

110
00:04:33,103 --> 00:04:35,514
- Would you like to come in?
- No. No. Thank you.

111
00:04:35,696 --> 00:04:37,748
I would appreciate it, however,

112
00:04:37,773 --> 00:04:40,952
if you would lower the
volume of your music.

113
00:04:41,102 --> 00:04:42,642
I'm sorry, but no.

114
00:04:42,667 --> 00:04:45,873
Well, I'm sorry, but your
music is disturbing the peace.

115
00:04:45,898 --> 00:04:48,768
It's 4:00pm. I'm entitled to play
my music at a reasonable level.

116
00:04:48,793 --> 00:04:52,647
And I'm entitled to enjoy our native
game without an ethnic soundtrack.

117
00:04:52,913 --> 00:04:54,116
Why don't you use headphones

118
00:04:54,141 --> 00:04:57,756
if the ethnicity of the
soundtrack bothers you so much?

119
00:05:00,961 --> 00:05:03,741
Are you aware that that weed is
encroaching on my side of the fence?

120
00:05:03,766 --> 00:05:07,100
You may want to call your landlords
and ask them to have it trimmed.

121
00:05:07,690 --> 00:05:10,467
You know what? I just
spoke with my landlords

122
00:05:10,492 --> 00:05:13,405
and they told me to tell you to eff off.

123
00:05:13,920 --> 00:05:15,889
Well, that doesn't sound like
Jim and Marjorie Bancroft.

124
00:05:15,914 --> 00:05:19,585
That's right. That's because I
bought this house from the Bancrofts

125
00:05:19,610 --> 00:05:22,733
- and I'm the landlord. Good day.
- Well, did you cons... Yep.

126
00:05:23,733 --> 00:05:24,733
Right.

127
00:05:24,758 --> 00:05:25,968
Well, you know,

128
00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:28,029
at least Jim and Marjorie
played annoying music

129
00:05:28,054 --> 00:05:29,326
you could sing along to!

130
00:05:30,521 --> 00:05:33,646
Yes. 7 Bendigo Street,
Balaclava. Noise complaint.

131
00:05:35,250 --> 00:05:36,357
Loud music.

132
00:05:37,331 --> 00:05:39,880
Yes. I know it's the
middle of the afternoon,

133
00:05:39,913 --> 00:05:41,396
but I can't hear myself think.

134
00:05:42,060 --> 00:05:43,998
Thank you. See you soon.

135
00:05:44,023 --> 00:05:45,857
Dad, do you think this
has something to do with

136
00:05:45,882 --> 00:05:47,373
you being a little bit racist?

137
00:05:47,425 --> 00:05:49,325
- I'm not racist.
- Oh, come on.

138
00:05:49,464 --> 00:05:51,529
You're always complaining
about Asian drivers.

139
00:05:51,554 --> 00:05:54,217
That's not racism. It's because
a lot of them can't drive.

140
00:05:54,421 --> 00:05:55,592
But I do love their food.

141
00:05:55,617 --> 00:05:57,428
And you say Indian
cricketers can't field.

142
00:05:57,453 --> 00:05:59,295
Well, they can't, except
off their own bowling.

143
00:05:59,927 --> 00:06:01,474
And I've got nothing against Africans.

144
00:06:02,159 --> 00:06:03,967
The future of football
might well be African.

145
00:06:04,608 --> 00:06:07,639
Just having them next door won't
be great for property prices.

146
00:06:07,664 --> 00:06:10,373
Actually, if anything, it might
encourage people to buy in the area

147
00:06:10,398 --> 00:06:12,412
because Dr Balla is an
astronautical engineer.

148
00:06:12,437 --> 00:06:14,365
Well, that's hardly bloody
rocket science, is it?

149
00:06:14,390 --> 00:06:15,650
It is exactly rocket science.

150
00:06:15,675 --> 00:06:17,295
How do you know so much about them?

151
00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:19,099
'Cause I went over and welcomed
them to the neighbourhood.

152
00:06:19,124 --> 00:06:22,381
Did you? How sweet. Did
you bring baked goods?

153
00:06:22,406 --> 00:06:24,693
Well, yeah. Only after I established
none of them had nut allergies.

154
00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:25,749
- Aww...
- And in any case,

155
00:06:25,773 --> 00:06:28,249
I didn't even meet
Dr Balla, I met his missus.

156
00:06:28,273 --> 00:06:29,973
Uh, that was Dr Balla.

157
00:06:30,073 --> 00:06:33,155
Racist and sexist. It's hard
to believe you're still single.

158
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:34,769
Yeah. Well... Ah...

159
00:06:34,793 --> 00:06:36,313
There you go. That'll be the cops now.

160
00:06:36,771 --> 00:06:38,272
Sort this out once and for all.

161
00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:44,710
Thank you very much, officer.

162
00:06:45,113 --> 00:06:46,113
False alarm.

163
00:06:52,964 --> 00:06:53,964
This is not over.

164
00:07:00,818 --> 00:07:01,818
Oh, heaven.

165
00:07:01,843 --> 00:07:03,382
Calm down. It's only basil.

166
00:07:03,407 --> 00:07:05,085
Wait till you see what
I can do with it, though.

167
00:07:06,796 --> 00:07:08,108
Where are you off to?

168
00:07:09,163 --> 00:07:10,163
Angela.

169
00:07:11,179 --> 00:07:14,443
I've made a searching and
fearless moral inventory of myself

170
00:07:14,468 --> 00:07:16,268
and decided there was
some unconscious racism

171
00:07:16,293 --> 00:07:17,663
in my attitude towards the Ballas

172
00:07:17,688 --> 00:07:20,368
and I'm... going to apologise.

173
00:07:21,176 --> 00:07:23,503
I didn't think fearless moral
inventory was in your playbook.

174
00:07:23,528 --> 00:07:27,436
Pray to God that herpes isn't in
your playbook, there, snowflake.

175
00:07:27,461 --> 00:07:29,092
Oh, right. So, you're diseasist as well.

176
00:07:29,117 --> 00:07:31,445
Only against the diseases
coursing through your body, Tim.

177
00:07:31,531 --> 00:07:32,868
- Fin.
- Is it?

178
00:08:04,775 --> 00:08:06,406
Aww...

179
00:08:17,515 --> 00:08:19,070
Get out of it, you bastard!

180
00:08:37,943 --> 00:08:40,219
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa! Oi! Oi, no.

181
00:08:40,244 --> 00:08:42,380
You've parked on my lawn there.

182
00:08:43,552 --> 00:08:47,894
Hey. No, it wasn't a wave. You
should be park... Come back, please.

183
00:08:48,129 --> 00:08:50,450
You've parked on my lawn.

184
00:08:52,391 --> 00:08:55,356
Oh, well, there's a nice little
care package for your troubles.

185
00:08:58,269 --> 00:09:00,011
- Hey, how did you go?
- All clear.

186
00:09:00,036 --> 00:09:01,685
Oh, congrats, babe. That's great news.

187
00:09:02,028 --> 00:09:03,278
I was a bit nervous because of...

188
00:09:03,303 --> 00:09:04,715
- Yeah, colourful past...
- ... the heroin.

189
00:09:05,043 --> 00:09:06,309
But, yeah, all good.

190
00:09:07,169 --> 00:09:08,169
When do you get your results?

191
00:09:08,598 --> 00:09:10,653
Uh, yeah. Soon, really soon hopefully.

192
00:09:11,528 --> 00:09:13,059
You did go to the clinic, didn't you?

193
00:09:13,201 --> 00:09:15,802
Uh... not... not really.

194
00:09:15,827 --> 00:09:17,463
- Not really.
- Well, I was going to

195
00:09:17,488 --> 00:09:20,153
and then I remembered I'm really
not very comfortable with needles.

196
00:09:20,178 --> 00:09:22,083
Get your phone and our
wallet and your balls.

197
00:09:22,167 --> 00:09:24,144
We're getting you checked
out right now. Come on.

198
00:09:24,169 --> 00:09:25,169
Yeah.

199
00:09:26,809 --> 00:09:28,069
Where are you two going?

200
00:09:28,283 --> 00:09:30,083
Just getting the results
of Fin's STD tests

201
00:09:30,108 --> 00:09:32,286
- which he's definitely already had.
- You?

202
00:09:32,377 --> 00:09:34,783
I may have been a little harsh
towards one of the Ballas' friends

203
00:09:34,808 --> 00:09:35,944
when he parked over our lawn,

204
00:09:35,968 --> 00:09:37,303
so I'm going to apologise.

205
00:09:37,328 --> 00:09:39,206
It's that bloody
unconscious racism again.

206
00:09:39,231 --> 00:09:40,872
Right. Unconscious.

207
00:09:41,175 --> 00:09:42,349
No. No. After you.

208
00:09:45,398 --> 00:09:46,398
Mmm.

209
00:10:16,981 --> 00:10:19,418
You're okay. You're going to be okay.

210
00:10:19,942 --> 00:10:23,075
What if I've got AIDS? Lucky
we always use protection.

211
00:10:23,325 --> 00:10:25,063
Which one of your two
previous sexual partners

212
00:10:25,088 --> 00:10:26,771
do you think could have given you AIDS?

213
00:10:26,919 --> 00:10:28,099
Maybe they both did.

214
00:10:28,222 --> 00:10:30,503
Well, let's see. There's the
one whose virginity you took.

215
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:32,703
And then there's the one
you never actually saw naked.

216
00:10:32,728 --> 00:10:35,669
So I don't think either of them
classify as high risk, do you?

217
00:10:37,056 --> 00:10:38,466
I need some water.

218
00:10:48,263 --> 00:10:50,908
You don't have AIDS.
Worst case, mild chlamydia.

219
00:10:51,304 --> 00:10:53,083
Very mild chlamydia.

220
00:11:13,095 --> 00:11:15,238
You're going to make a
wonderful father one day.

221
00:11:16,082 --> 00:11:18,005
Thank you. And you're
going to make a wonderful...

222
00:11:18,030 --> 00:11:19,544
- Back inside.
- Yeah. No worries.

223
00:11:24,185 --> 00:11:25,191
I'm telling you now,

224
00:11:25,216 --> 00:11:28,347
the Magpies need to recruit
someone with a decent vertical leap.

225
00:11:28,372 --> 00:11:30,371
We've got zero ability in the air.

226
00:11:30,396 --> 00:11:32,988
Well, same with the Blues. We
should never have gotten rid of Fev.

227
00:11:34,030 --> 00:11:37,200
Ah-ah, Mal. Put it down. 
Put it down. Drop it.

228
00:11:39,810 --> 00:11:40,810
Oh, hello.

229
00:11:41,183 --> 00:11:43,255
Would you mind throwing the
football back over the fence?

230
00:11:43,808 --> 00:11:44,808
What football?

231
00:11:44,833 --> 00:11:46,823
- Um, that football there.
- I don't see any football.

232
00:11:46,848 --> 00:11:49,081
Would you gentlemen mind if I
jumped over and got it myself?

233
00:11:49,106 --> 00:11:50,449
Ah, yeah, the gentleman would mind.

234
00:11:50,474 --> 00:11:52,769
And I tell you what, you step
one foot into this property

235
00:11:52,794 --> 00:11:54,942
and I'll call the cops and I'll
have you charged with trespassing.

236
00:11:57,294 --> 00:11:58,463
What's going on, Pete?

237
00:11:58,488 --> 00:12:01,153
Keep your pantihose on,
Malcolm. It's a long story.

238
00:12:01,974 --> 00:12:03,261
Mr Black.

239
00:12:03,286 --> 00:12:04,919
Ah, Ms... uh, Dr Balla.

240
00:12:05,383 --> 00:12:06,383
What can I do for you?

241
00:12:06,408 --> 00:12:09,849
Would you be so kind as to
throw my son's football back?

242
00:12:09,874 --> 00:12:11,341
Oh, you want something from me, do you?

243
00:12:11,366 --> 00:12:12,383
Well, you should have thought of that

244
00:12:12,408 --> 00:12:14,130
when I asked you to turn the
music down, shouldn't you?

245
00:12:14,155 --> 00:12:18,278
Well, you got your own back,
vandalising our fuse box.

246
00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:21,191
I have a good mind to go to the police.

247
00:12:21,216 --> 00:12:23,089
Oh, well, your dog
took a dump on my lawn,

248
00:12:23,114 --> 00:12:24,668
so I might go to the police about that.

249
00:12:24,849 --> 00:12:26,574
Trespass laws only apply to humans

250
00:12:26,599 --> 00:12:28,208
'cause animals have no
concept of boundaries.

251
00:12:28,233 --> 00:12:29,606
Put a sock in it, Mal.

252
00:12:29,684 --> 00:12:33,003
Perhaps you should investigate
your racist motives.

253
00:12:33,028 --> 00:12:35,428
My racist motives are beyond reproach.

254
00:12:35,453 --> 00:12:37,325
- There you go, mate.
- Don't...

255
00:12:47,723 --> 00:12:50,223
Dr Balla, I am so sorry
for the misunderstanding.

256
00:12:50,248 --> 00:12:52,864
Please, I need to make a quick phone
call. I'm going to be right back.

257
00:12:52,888 --> 00:12:54,584
Yeah. I also don't mean
to be rude, Dr Balla,

258
00:12:54,608 --> 00:12:56,304
but there is something
pressing I need to attend to.

259
00:12:56,328 --> 00:12:57,831
Very nice to meet you, by the way.

260
00:12:58,411 --> 00:13:00,567
Sticks, you still running
the show at Carlton?

261
00:13:01,700 --> 00:13:04,052
Uh, see. Apparently, a lot of guys
faint when they have a blood test.

262
00:13:04,267 --> 00:13:06,407
But do they also have three
nurses holding them down?

263
00:13:06,477 --> 00:13:07,747
And you kicked one of them in the shin.

264
00:13:07,772 --> 00:13:10,072
That was a reflex
response. And I apologised.

265
00:13:10,591 --> 00:13:11,613
It was pretty impressive

266
00:13:11,638 --> 00:13:13,239
it took three of them
to hold me down, though.

267
00:13:13,430 --> 00:13:15,130
- Yeah. You're awesome.
- Yeah.

268
00:13:16,553 --> 00:13:18,769
Ange, look, I've been
trying to be brave for you

269
00:13:18,794 --> 00:13:21,058
but I'm pretty sure I'm HIV-positive.

270
00:13:21,157 --> 00:13:23,474
- Why do you think that?
- Because I've got the swollen glands.

271
00:13:23,544 --> 00:13:25,414
And, look, I have this white
film across my tongue. Hmm?

272
00:13:25,438 --> 00:13:27,605
And also, there are the
night sweats, too, so...

273
00:13:27,630 --> 00:13:29,489
Are you sure the night
sweats aren't Dad-related?

274
00:13:30,036 --> 00:13:32,200
I do dream about your dad quite a lot.

275
00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:35,794
And seriously, if my
results come back positive,

276
00:13:35,878 --> 00:13:37,813
then I will respectfully
leave this relationship

277
00:13:37,838 --> 00:13:39,255
and let you carry on with your life,

278
00:13:39,718 --> 00:13:42,238
unencumbered by my
poor sexual decisions.

279
00:13:42,481 --> 00:13:43,997
That's probably a good idea.

280
00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:47,294
Oh, I thought you'd put up a little
bit more of a fight than that.

281
00:13:47,743 --> 00:13:49,573
You know I read an article
that if you get HIV,

282
00:13:49,598 --> 00:13:51,372
you also lose your sense of humour.

283
00:13:52,078 --> 00:13:54,413
- I have lost my sense of humour.
- That was another joke.

284
00:13:54,438 --> 00:13:55,774
You know, they said if I am positive,

285
00:13:55,798 --> 00:13:58,094
there'll be two people in the room
a doctor to give me the results

286
00:13:58,118 --> 00:13:59,888
and a psychologist to grief counsel me.

287
00:13:59,913 --> 00:14:01,790
They never told me about a psychologist.

288
00:14:01,981 --> 00:14:04,263
Oh, well, yeah. That must be
because they think I'm high risk.

289
00:14:05,044 --> 00:14:07,372
Look, HIV is not a death sentence.

290
00:14:07,852 --> 00:14:10,353
Okay? They'll put you on a
regimen and you will be fine.

291
00:14:10,378 --> 00:14:11,974
A regimen? I don't
want to go on a regimen.

292
00:14:11,999 --> 00:14:14,771
Hey, I love you. And
that's all that matters.

293
00:14:24,258 --> 00:14:25,771
Do you want to fool around?

294
00:14:26,090 --> 00:14:28,172
Maybe we should wait
till we get the results.

295
00:14:37,478 --> 00:14:39,459
We're confident we can get
this done pretty quickly.

296
00:14:39,484 --> 00:14:41,738
We'd love to get Hassan
straight down to Collingwood

297
00:14:41,763 --> 00:14:43,499
as soon as possible for training.

298
00:14:43,524 --> 00:14:45,218
Thank you so much for coming to see us.

299
00:14:45,294 --> 00:14:47,561
I can't tell you how
appreciative we are.

300
00:14:47,586 --> 00:14:50,124
Hassan, son, you're a massive talent.

301
00:14:50,546 --> 00:14:54,264
We want you to be part of the
biggest sporting club in this country.

302
00:14:54,289 --> 00:14:55,803
That really means a lot, Mr McGuire.

303
00:14:55,828 --> 00:14:59,227
Mr McGuire, mate? Eddie. Eddie,
mate. My dad hasn't walked in.

304
00:14:59,558 --> 00:15:00,633
Mate, we're family.

305
00:15:00,658 --> 00:15:02,516
- Side by side we stick...
- ... together.

306
00:15:02,541 --> 00:15:03,541
- Right?
- Yep.

307
00:15:03,566 --> 00:15:06,688
One in, all in at Collingwood.
We're the workers' club, mate.

308
00:15:07,016 --> 00:15:09,764
We might work out of a
multimillion-dollar facility,

309
00:15:09,789 --> 00:15:11,836
state-of-the-art, all
the bells and whistles,

310
00:15:11,917 --> 00:15:14,653
but it's still a workers' club and
you're going to be a big part of it.

311
00:15:14,678 --> 00:15:16,214
- Come on, let's get going. Okay?
- Let's go.

312
00:15:16,238 --> 00:15:18,230
- You ready? Come on, let's go.
- Let's go.

313
00:15:19,050 --> 00:15:21,213
And, look, I'm sorry about the carry-on

314
00:15:21,238 --> 00:15:23,775
with the fuse box and
the poo and the football.

315
00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:25,572
I have a degenerative bone disease

316
00:15:25,597 --> 00:15:27,938
and the medication
can make me a little...

317
00:15:28,108 --> 00:15:29,837
- Cuckoo?
- Cuckoo. Cuckoo.

318
00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:31,295
- It's alright.
- Good word for it.

319
00:15:31,320 --> 00:15:32,320
That's fine.

320
00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:34,439
You're not going to embarrass
the club again, are you?

321
00:15:34,651 --> 00:15:36,644
No. Thank you, Eddie.

322
00:15:37,230 --> 00:15:38,753
- Great stuff, buddy.
- Thank you.

323
00:15:38,778 --> 00:15:39,778
Good on you, mate.

324
00:15:45,911 --> 00:15:47,089
Sorry about this...

325
00:15:49,518 --> 00:15:51,822
Sticks! Hello, mate. Good to see you.

326
00:15:51,854 --> 00:15:53,820
- What's the...?
- Bring a bag of cash, did you?

327
00:15:54,112 --> 00:15:55,415
- Traitor.
- Yeah. Good one.

328
00:15:55,440 --> 00:15:56,854
I saw him the same time as you did.

329
00:15:56,879 --> 00:15:58,776
I had a previous
relationship with the family.

330
00:15:58,801 --> 00:16:00,213
Oh, you mean this previous relationship?

331
00:16:00,238 --> 00:16:01,698
Don't show Eddie that!

332
00:16:01,931 --> 00:16:04,081
- May the best man win.
- Indeed.

333
00:16:05,394 --> 00:16:06,994
Sticks. Come on, Sticks.

334
00:16:10,513 --> 00:16:11,800
Hassan, how are you?

335
00:16:11,912 --> 00:16:14,132
Eddie! Eddie!

336
00:16:18,801 --> 00:16:20,761
18-246.

337
00:16:29,070 --> 00:16:30,070
Two of them?

338
00:16:35,737 --> 00:16:37,987
Gonorrhoea, negative.

339
00:16:38,792 --> 00:16:40,690
Chlamydia, negative.

340
00:16:40,953 --> 00:16:42,589
Herpes simplex...

341
00:16:43,643 --> 00:16:44,651
Negative.

342
00:16:45,696 --> 00:16:47,156
HIV...

343
00:16:55,358 --> 00:16:56,458
... negative.

344
00:16:58,511 --> 00:16:59,776
Oh, that's a relief.

345
00:17:00,169 --> 00:17:03,229
You have tested positive
for belonephobia.

346
00:17:04,933 --> 00:17:05,933
Is that fatal?

347
00:17:05,958 --> 00:17:09,003
No. Belonephobia is a phobia of needles.

348
00:17:09,226 --> 00:17:11,093
And we think you should
see someone about it

349
00:17:11,118 --> 00:17:14,284
before coming into contact again
with healthcare professionals.

350
00:17:16,313 --> 00:17:19,909
And this is Sophia.
She's on work experience.

351
00:17:20,060 --> 00:17:21,370
Doesn't anyone have AIDS?

352
00:17:21,820 --> 00:17:23,733
You've had three
gonorrhoeas and a herpes.

353
00:17:23,758 --> 00:17:25,738
- Isn't that enough?
- No.

354
00:17:26,261 --> 00:17:27,533
She's also an entitled little monster.

355
00:17:27,558 --> 00:17:28,847
You're so lame.

356
00:17:37,612 --> 00:17:39,368
- Dr Balla.
- Mr Black.

357
00:17:39,468 --> 00:17:41,064
I have a present for young Hassan.

358
00:17:41,089 --> 00:17:43,788
It's one of the match balls
from the 2010 grand final tie

359
00:17:43,813 --> 00:17:44,823
which we then won.

360
00:17:45,053 --> 00:17:50,032
Oh, look at this, Hassan. That's
very, very kind of you, Mr Black.

361
00:17:50,057 --> 00:17:51,128
Thank you.

362
00:17:51,230 --> 00:17:53,729
- Hassan, how are you son? You good?
- Good, thanks.

363
00:17:53,754 --> 00:17:55,837
Good. Now, Dr Balla,

364
00:17:55,862 --> 00:17:57,993
I couldn't help but notice
your lawn could use a trim.

365
00:17:58,018 --> 00:18:00,508
- I'd like to offer my services.
- Oh, that... that's not necessary.

366
00:18:00,651 --> 00:18:02,626
- Really, it's not necessary.
- I insist.

367
00:18:02,651 --> 00:18:05,306
It's the least I can do
after the way I behaved.

368
00:18:05,331 --> 00:18:06,868
That's very generous.

369
00:18:06,893 --> 00:18:08,464
Okay, alright.

370
00:18:15,515 --> 00:18:16,515
Go, Blues.

371
00:18:34,698 --> 00:18:38,273
Hello. Come on through here,
please. Come on to my lawn.

372
00:18:38,739 --> 00:18:40,050
My lawn is your lawn.

373
00:18:40,877 --> 00:18:44,128
It's buffalo. Nice soft
padding for the tyres.

374
00:18:44,377 --> 00:18:45,987
Just turn the wheel full lock.

375
00:18:48,172 --> 00:18:49,172
Tickety-boo.

376
00:18:50,928 --> 00:18:53,222
Oh, for the love of God.
Malcolm, put a shirt on.

377
00:18:53,542 --> 00:18:54,932
And some reasonable pants.

378
00:18:55,018 --> 00:18:57,689
I think Hassan will look very
handsome in the navy blue.

379
00:18:57,714 --> 00:18:58,748
Just like Sticks did.

380
00:18:59,155 --> 00:19:00,956
Listen, Hassan is my neighbour.

381
00:19:01,167 --> 00:19:03,143
Look. I get it.

382
00:19:03,612 --> 00:19:05,508
I wouldn't have come across
him if it weren't for you.

383
00:19:05,533 --> 00:19:08,690
So last night I asked myself
what would make me happier...

384
00:19:09,128 --> 00:19:11,532
a sustained and enduring
friendship with Peter Black

385
00:19:11,557 --> 00:19:12,759
or a Carlton premiership?

386
00:19:12,784 --> 00:19:14,831
And I'm sorry, mate, you
just can't compete with that.

387
00:19:16,465 --> 00:19:19,057
You know what? You're nothing
but a lunch-cutting aisle blocker.

388
00:19:19,389 --> 00:19:20,682
And I never want to see you again.

389
00:19:20,908 --> 00:19:22,017
I hope you don't mind, Pete,

390
00:19:22,042 --> 00:19:24,243
but now you said that, I'm
gonna squirt you with this hose.

391
00:19:24,268 --> 00:19:25,292
No, you bloody won't.

392
00:19:25,620 --> 00:19:26,628
You bloody did.

393
00:19:26,653 --> 00:19:27,954
- You bloody did it again!
- Yep.

394
00:19:31,453 --> 00:19:33,690
There you go. Yeah. That's happening.

395
00:19:33,833 --> 00:19:35,206
There you go.

396
00:19:37,564 --> 00:19:39,190
Stop that this instant!

397
00:19:39,215 --> 00:19:42,167
- Sorry... You...
- Stop that.

398
00:19:43,328 --> 00:19:45,468
Mr Black, I would like to thank you

399
00:19:45,493 --> 00:19:49,167
for bringing my son to the attention
of the Collingwood Football Club.

400
00:19:49,292 --> 00:19:52,143
It is without doubt an
iconic football club,

401
00:19:52,745 --> 00:19:55,784
but unfortunately Hassan
will not be joining them.

402
00:19:55,909 --> 00:19:57,135
Yes!

403
00:19:57,768 --> 00:20:00,347
Malcolm, Hassan is not
playing for Carlton either.

404
00:20:00,643 --> 00:20:01,643
What?

405
00:20:01,674 --> 00:20:03,074
Don't tell me he's playing soccer.

406
00:20:03,658 --> 00:20:04,658
I thought he was straight.

407
00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:06,567
Go, Bulldogs!

408
00:20:07,417 --> 00:20:09,634
- There it is.
- Thank you. Thank you.

409
00:20:09,659 --> 00:20:10,751
Bulldogs? No, you've gotta be joking.

410
00:20:10,776 --> 00:20:12,751
They get one premiership every 50 years.

411
00:20:12,776 --> 00:20:14,104
Dr Balla...

412
00:20:14,689 --> 00:20:15,689
Bob.

413
00:20:16,323 --> 00:20:20,339
I'm sorry. Bob Murphy is
just a really nice guy.

414
00:20:21,048 --> 00:20:22,048
- Bob.
- Peter.

415
00:20:22,073 --> 00:20:23,169
Bob. Malcolm.

416
00:20:28,631 --> 00:20:29,925
Put a shirt on, Mal.

417
00:20:30,293 --> 00:20:32,345
Oh, it doesn't matter what
kind of body you've got.

418
00:20:32,370 --> 00:20:34,669
As long as you're comfortable with
it, people will find you attractive.

419
00:20:34,693 --> 00:20:36,733
Whoever told you that was
lying. Do you want a beer?

420
00:20:36,891 --> 00:20:37,891
- Yeah.
- Come on.

421
00:20:43,425 --> 00:20:47,011
Well... I was promised
a high-octane thrill ride

422
00:20:47,036 --> 00:20:48,831
and what I got was more
like a Tropfest film.

423
00:20:49,581 --> 00:20:51,148
Short and a little bit weird.

424
00:20:51,472 --> 00:20:53,828
Yeah. I know. My performance
started off lacklustre

425
00:20:53,853 --> 00:20:55,033
and went downhill from there.

426
00:20:55,168 --> 00:20:56,362
The force just wasn't with me.

427
00:20:56,501 --> 00:20:58,121
Did you tell Dad you were disease-free?

428
00:20:58,146 --> 00:20:59,146
Yeah.

429
00:20:59,837 --> 00:21:02,108
Yeah. He told me to shut up and
not embarrass him in front of Eddie.

430
00:21:02,133 --> 00:21:03,378
- Mmm.
- Mmm.

431
00:21:04,213 --> 00:21:07,456
Hey, I don't have to go back to
work for another 15 whole minutes.

432
00:21:07,847 --> 00:21:09,276
Shall we have another crack?

433
00:21:09,682 --> 00:21:12,073
And then afterwards we've got 14
whole minutes to play Scrabble.

434
00:21:12,098 --> 00:21:14,468
Oh, ha-ha. Nah, sorry, babe.

435
00:21:14,493 --> 00:21:16,917
It's going to be at least 24
hours before I can... you know.

436
00:21:17,137 --> 00:21:18,261
I know my...

437
00:21:18,478 --> 00:21:19,870
Actually I'm...

438
00:21:20,693 --> 00:21:23,909
Ooh, it looks like the force
might be back with me again.

439
00:21:29,773 --> 00:21:31,190
Ooh, there it is. Oh!

440
00:21:31,849 --> 00:21:33,300
That's disgusting.

441
00:21:35,995 --> 00:21:37,784
Is that racket still going on, is it?

442
00:21:38,070 --> 00:21:40,556
It's their first time without a
franger, Pete. What do you expect?

443
00:21:40,581 --> 00:21:41,593
Not them, you idiot.

444
00:21:42,309 --> 00:21:43,886
Nah, bugger this for a joke.

445
00:21:46,714 --> 00:21:51,626
Yes, police. Yes. I'm at 7
Bendigo Street in Balaclava

446
00:21:51,651 --> 00:21:53,595
and I've just heard some
screaming from next door.

447
00:21:53,620 --> 00:21:54,814
Wonder if you might be
able to send someone over

448
00:21:54,839 --> 00:21:56,190
and make sure no-one's being stabbed.

449
00:21:56,353 --> 00:21:57,353
Thank you.

450
00:21:59,886 --> 00:22:01,581
And order is restored.

451
00:22:03,088 --> 00:22:05,261
- Go, Blues.
- Hot Pies.

452
00:22:05,561 --> 00:22:08,961
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com