1
00:00:03,133 --> 00:00:05,242
I hate the face you're making right now.

2
00:00:05,243 --> 00:00:07,336
Why did I tell you about what
happened between me and Greg?

3
00:00:07,433 --> 00:00:09,609
We didn't even kiss, and
we already put it to bed.

4
00:00:09,680 --> 00:00:12,265
TMI. Tell Mommy Information.

5
00:00:12,313 --> 00:00:14,213
He has a girlfriend, okay?
And even if he didn't,

6
00:00:14,282 --> 00:00:15,230
we work together.

7
00:00:15,258 --> 00:00:16,757
That's even juicier!

8
00:00:16,826 --> 00:00:18,726
It's like the classic
"will they, won't they."

9
00:00:19,313 --> 00:00:21,806
You're like Jim and
Pam from Daddy's office.

10
00:00:21,806 --> 00:00:24,373
Don't worry, your sexy
secret's safe with me.

11
00:00:24,610 --> 00:00:25,563
Mm, mm, mm.

12
00:00:25,563 --> 00:00:26,728
Oh, you're not fooling me.

13
00:00:26,831 --> 00:00:27,963
I know you always keep a spare.

14
00:00:37,426 --> 00:00:40,560
Hey, Greg! I heard you're
on the outs with your family,

15
00:00:40,629 --> 00:00:42,896
so it probably means you
have to spend every holiday

16
00:00:42,965 --> 00:00:44,197
with your in-laws.

17
00:00:44,197 --> 00:00:45,331
I suppose so.

18
00:00:45,356 --> 00:00:47,414
Yeah, so Christmas and Mother's Day

19
00:00:47,457 --> 00:00:48,956
and Mother's Christmas.

20
00:00:48,981 --> 00:00:51,448
It's a mid-September
holiday I'm working on.

21
00:00:51,517 --> 00:00:54,151
- Okay, come on, Mom.
- Hey, Greg, could your wedding

22
00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:55,903
be at Downton Abbey?

23
00:00:56,525 --> 00:01:00,026
Can I be the maid of honor and the DJ?

24
00:01:00,095 --> 00:01:03,170
How many people have to
die before you're king?

25
00:01:06,330 --> 00:01:08,865
Synced and corrected by louvette
www.addic7ed.com

26
00:01:09,178 --> 00:01:11,445
At 10:00, you have a
"women in business" panel.

27
00:01:11,489 --> 00:01:14,257
At 11:00, you have a call
with Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk.

28
00:01:14,325 --> 00:01:16,325
At 11:15, you have a call with Elon Musk

29
00:01:16,394 --> 00:01:19,028
to apologize for making him
cry in front of Jeff Bezos.

30
00:01:19,097 --> 00:01:20,975
Ms. St. Tropez?

31
00:01:22,257 --> 00:01:23,465
Katie Wendelson.

32
00:01:23,725 --> 00:01:25,892
You offered me career advice out of pity.

33
00:01:25,961 --> 00:01:26,765
Ah.

34
00:01:27,796 --> 00:01:30,063
It means so much to have a woman like you

35
00:01:30,131 --> 00:01:31,254
take me under her wing.

36
00:01:31,254 --> 00:01:33,458
Of course. Women of my generation

37
00:01:33,548 --> 00:01:35,514
didn't have female CEOs to look up to.

38
00:01:35,549 --> 00:01:37,115
Until recently, ambition in women

39
00:01:37,184 --> 00:01:40,085
was medically classified
as menstrual hysteria,

40
00:01:40,154 --> 00:01:42,030
or Linda's Syndrome.

41
00:01:42,871 --> 00:01:45,405
So, Katie, what are your goals?

42
00:01:45,474 --> 00:01:49,042
Why tell you when I could show you?

43
00:01:50,012 --> 00:01:52,679
It's a Pinterest for my career.

44
00:01:52,748 --> 00:01:55,348
Oh, DepressedWoman39 re-pinned me.

45
00:01:55,417 --> 00:01:56,716
Be more specific.

46
00:01:56,785 --> 00:01:59,552
What do you want, and what's stopping you?

47
00:01:59,761 --> 00:02:02,881
Well, I'd like to have more
say in the stories that we do.

48
00:02:03,237 --> 00:02:04,403
But Greg always shoots me down

49
00:02:04,471 --> 00:02:05,971
because my ideas are "too boring"

50
00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:08,106
and "stop pitching me
stuff in the men's room."

51
00:02:08,175 --> 00:02:09,975
- But someday...
- Not someday.

52
00:02:10,044 --> 00:02:12,053
You need to assert yourself now.

53
00:02:12,178 --> 00:02:13,411
Go for what you want.

54
00:02:13,479 --> 00:02:14,879
Doesn't matter what other people say.

55
00:02:14,948 --> 00:02:17,281
So I just shouldn't take no for an answer.

56
00:02:17,584 --> 00:02:18,983
Like at Chipotle when I make them

57
00:02:19,052 --> 00:02:20,585
go buy more barbacoa.

58
00:02:21,020 --> 00:02:21,870
Sure.

59
00:02:22,522 --> 00:02:24,055
You know what might be a productive way

60
00:02:24,123 --> 00:02:25,156
to start the meeting?

61
00:02:25,225 --> 00:02:26,591
If we all went around

62
00:02:26,659 --> 00:02:28,759
and said our favorite things about Katie.

63
00:02:28,828 --> 00:02:30,561
- Greg, you start.
- Mom! No!

64
00:02:30,630 --> 00:02:34,159
Mine's her butt and boobs.
Is it okay to say two?

65
00:02:34,267 --> 00:02:35,566
Good morning, everyone.

66
00:02:35,635 --> 00:02:37,768
Portia is coming in late, and Chuck...

67
00:02:37,837 --> 00:02:39,904
Was waiting for you to say his name.

68
00:02:39,973 --> 00:02:41,239
All right, let's begin.

69
00:02:41,307 --> 00:02:42,573
I would like to produce a piece...

70
00:02:42,642 --> 00:02:44,742
No, I demand to produce a piece

71
00:02:44,811 --> 00:02:46,177
about the impending extinction

72
00:02:46,246 --> 00:02:48,112
of the South American Legless Spider,

73
00:02:48,181 --> 00:02:50,314
and I won't take no for an answer.

74
00:02:50,383 --> 00:02:52,083
No. Nobody cares about that.

75
00:02:52,151 --> 00:02:54,218
You're doing a profile on
Eric Trump's teeth sharpener.

76
00:02:54,287 --> 00:02:55,753
- But...
- Gene, you're going to Camden

77
00:02:55,822 --> 00:02:57,288
to do a piece on that toxic waste dump

78
00:02:57,357 --> 00:02:58,589
and how every producer
who's done a piece there

79
00:02:58,658 --> 00:03:00,224
has webbed feet now.

80
00:03:00,293 --> 00:03:02,426
- Can't get webbed feet twice.
- All right, moving on...

81
00:03:02,495 --> 00:03:04,700
Moving backwards, what
if Gene does both stories,

82
00:03:04,762 --> 00:03:06,211
and I do my idea?

83
00:03:06,236 --> 00:03:08,357
No! And stop interrupting me.

84
00:03:08,485 --> 00:03:11,906
Are you picking up on this
white-hot sexual tension?

85
00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:14,743
Between me and you? I don't think so.

86
00:03:15,074 --> 00:03:16,878
Well, all right.

87
00:03:16,947 --> 00:03:18,480
- You wore me down.
- Now, then, Chuck.

88
00:03:18,548 --> 00:03:20,482
I know how you feel
about digital content...

89
00:03:20,550 --> 00:03:22,685
I hate it! What is it?

90
00:03:23,062 --> 00:03:26,630
Diana has asked us to produce
a series of Snapchat Newsisodes.

91
00:03:26,699 --> 00:03:28,532
- No such thing.
- Chuck, please.

92
00:03:28,601 --> 00:03:30,601
Not gonna do it.

93
00:03:30,670 --> 00:03:31,921
Dana Carvey.

94
00:03:32,638 --> 00:03:33,938
I feel you, Greg.

95
00:03:34,006 --> 00:03:35,806
Nothing worse than somebody
saying no to your...

96
00:03:35,875 --> 00:03:38,121
- No!
- Look at these two.

97
00:03:38,425 --> 00:03:40,244
Just like Sam and Diane.

98
00:03:40,313 --> 00:03:43,314
From "Cheers," the classic
'80s alcoholism PSA?

99
00:03:43,382 --> 00:03:46,784
No, Salmon Diane. The classic fish recipe.

100
00:03:46,853 --> 00:03:48,519
Just salmon and nacho cheese.

101
00:03:48,588 --> 00:03:52,003
You wouldn't think they would
go together, and in many ways,

102
00:03:52,051 --> 00:03:53,283
they do not...

103
00:03:53,340 --> 00:03:56,007
Enough! All Wendelsons get out!

104
00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:04,390
So sorry I'm late,

105
00:04:04,415 --> 00:04:06,466
I was in the middle of
a super important dream.

106
00:04:06,535 --> 00:04:08,499
Portia? What are you doing here?

107
00:04:08,499 --> 00:04:10,257
Oh, I'm speaking on this panel.

108
00:04:10,796 --> 00:04:12,812
But it's for female CEOs.

109
00:04:12,837 --> 00:04:14,138
Yeah, that's me.

110
00:04:14,163 --> 00:04:16,276
My line of jade crotch
eggs just went public.

111
00:04:16,532 --> 00:04:18,234
It's a practice developed
thousands of years ago

112
00:04:18,259 --> 00:04:20,426
by ancient Chinese idiots.

113
00:04:22,819 --> 00:04:25,119
Our next question comes from Lisa.

114
00:04:25,188 --> 00:04:26,788
"How do I adapt to the challenges

115
00:04:26,856 --> 00:04:29,023
of today's rapidly changing marketplace?"

116
00:04:29,092 --> 00:04:31,368
- Well, I always tell people...
- I'll take this one.

117
00:04:31,594 --> 00:04:33,895
Lisa, just create a video game of yourself

118
00:04:33,963 --> 00:04:35,396
that makes a billion dollars.

119
00:04:35,465 --> 00:04:37,699
Portia actually brings
up an interesting point.

120
00:04:37,767 --> 00:04:41,414
- Actually?
- Today, any woman can be a CEO.

121
00:04:41,414 --> 00:04:42,980
Portia or Kylie Jenner

122
00:04:43,048 --> 00:04:45,944
or that turtle who had sex with a shoe...

123
00:04:46,105 --> 00:04:49,402
She has her own line of aquarium filters.

124
00:04:50,299 --> 00:04:52,663
Frankly, I find it inspiring.

125
00:04:55,971 --> 00:04:58,367
Don't clap for me. I'm not dancing.

126
00:05:01,540 --> 00:05:02,906
What the hell were you
doing in that meeting?

127
00:05:02,975 --> 00:05:04,374
I'm sorry, okay?

128
00:05:04,443 --> 00:05:06,142
Diana told me to go for what I want.

129
00:05:06,211 --> 00:05:07,673
You already met Robert Pattinson.

130
00:05:07,879 --> 00:05:09,123
You threw up on him.

131
00:05:09,123 --> 00:05:10,656
I just thought it would be nice

132
00:05:10,723 --> 00:05:12,279
if I got to decide what stories I do.

133
00:05:12,349 --> 00:05:13,482
But that isn't your job.

134
00:05:13,551 --> 00:05:14,917
Or are you saying you want my job?

135
00:05:14,985 --> 00:05:16,308
No, just that one part.

136
00:05:16,367 --> 00:05:18,187
You can do everything else
an executive producer does,

137
00:05:18,255 --> 00:05:20,040
which I'm guessing involves a stamp?

138
00:05:20,094 --> 00:05:22,762
It involves three stamps,
and your little proposal

139
00:05:22,830 --> 00:05:24,292
has been denied.

140
00:05:25,056 --> 00:05:27,640
- This says "tubular."
- Stay in your lane, Wendelson.

141
00:05:27,641 --> 00:05:29,574
You wouldn't last a day
as executive producer.

142
00:05:29,642 --> 00:05:31,609
I think you're just scared,
'cause you don't want anyone

143
00:05:31,677 --> 00:05:34,245
to find out how easy your job is.

144
00:05:34,528 --> 00:05:36,895
Oh, really? Well, if
you think it's so easy,

145
00:05:36,964 --> 00:05:38,884
maybe you should executive
produce tomorrow's show.

146
00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:40,238
- Fine.
- Fine.

147
00:05:40,307 --> 00:05:41,340
Why are the lights dimming?

148
00:05:41,408 --> 00:05:42,607
♪ Sha-la-la-la-la-la ♪

149
00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:43,976
♪ Don't be scared ♪

150
00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:45,410
♪ You got the mood prepared ♪

151
00:05:45,479 --> 00:05:47,145
♪ Go on and kiss the girl ♪

152
00:05:47,214 --> 00:05:50,182
Oh, good, you told your
mother about us not kissing.

153
00:05:50,250 --> 00:05:53,418
- No, I didn't.
- ♪ La-la-la-la, yes she did ♪

154
00:05:53,487 --> 00:05:55,454
♪ La-la-la! ♪

155
00:05:56,133 --> 00:05:57,566
Attention, everybody!

156
00:05:57,610 --> 00:05:58,633
Tomorrow's show

157
00:05:58,658 --> 00:06:01,358
will be executive produced
by Katie Wendelson.

158
00:06:01,427 --> 00:06:03,527
- Why, you ask?
- No, we don't.

159
00:06:03,596 --> 00:06:05,529
To teach someone a valuable lesson.

160
00:06:05,598 --> 00:06:08,165
Oh, that was Katie.

161
00:06:14,447 --> 00:06:17,190
What's wrong, Portia?
Your face looks all ex-wifey.

162
00:06:17,215 --> 00:06:18,910
Everyone's talking about
this women-in-business panel

163
00:06:18,950 --> 00:06:22,246
I did yesterday... Diana
publicly insulted me.

164
00:06:22,557 --> 00:06:25,491
Publicly? You're saying people
actually attended this panel?

165
00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:28,327
I'm getting supportive
tweets from non-verifieds.

166
00:06:28,396 --> 00:06:30,229
Normal people aren't
supposed to feel sorry for me.

167
00:06:30,298 --> 00:06:32,524
I'm supposed to feel nothing for them.

168
00:06:32,524 --> 00:06:34,173
All right, you have to fight back.

169
00:06:34,234 --> 00:06:36,158
That's what I did with Steve Croft.

170
00:06:36,299 --> 00:06:39,275
He called me an empty suit with B+ hair.

171
00:06:39,314 --> 00:06:41,147
So you know what I did? I started spending

172
00:06:41,216 --> 00:06:44,918
all my free time with
Mike Wallace, Morley Safer,

173
00:06:44,987 --> 00:06:48,288
Andy Rooney, and eventually,
all Croft's best friends

174
00:06:48,357 --> 00:06:50,891
became Chuck's best friends.

175
00:06:50,959 --> 00:06:53,034
And now they're all dead.

176
00:06:54,463 --> 00:06:55,729
I forget what my point was.

177
00:06:55,797 --> 00:06:57,664
This sounds like a squad feud.

178
00:06:57,733 --> 00:06:59,699
I thought that only happened to pop stars.

179
00:06:59,768 --> 00:07:01,167
No, like most things, they stole it

180
00:07:01,236 --> 00:07:02,611
from cool white men.

181
00:07:02,789 --> 00:07:05,322
Huh. I think I know exactly how to get back

182
00:07:05,392 --> 00:07:06,820
at Diana for this.

183
00:07:06,900 --> 00:07:09,121
Thanks, Chuck. You're 100.

184
00:07:09,885 --> 00:07:11,193
How dare you?

185
00:07:14,056 --> 00:07:15,722
Greg, wow, have you been working out?

186
00:07:15,791 --> 00:07:17,457
Your shoulders are huge.

187
00:07:17,984 --> 00:07:19,289
That's Katie...

188
00:07:20,329 --> 00:07:23,006
who will be executive
producing today's show.

189
00:07:23,065 --> 00:07:24,798
I will be taking over her duties,

190
00:07:24,866 --> 00:07:26,199
such as playing with my hair

191
00:07:26,224 --> 00:07:28,557
or interrupting with unhelpful musings

192
00:07:28,566 --> 00:07:29,707
about journalistic integrity.

193
00:07:29,732 --> 00:07:32,005
I thought, today, we might do things

194
00:07:32,068 --> 00:07:34,349
a little bit differently around here, okay?

195
00:07:34,435 --> 00:07:36,602
Instead of me standing up
here like a know-it-all,

196
00:07:36,647 --> 00:07:38,882
I want to hear from youse guys.

197
00:07:38,906 --> 00:07:40,206
Gene, what do you want to produce?

198
00:07:40,275 --> 00:07:42,134
Sounds good, boss. I'm on it.

199
00:07:42,682 --> 00:07:44,281
Gene, I didn't assign you anything.

200
00:07:44,350 --> 00:07:46,921
Come on. Come on. What's your dream story?

201
00:07:47,119 --> 00:07:49,920
Wow. Okay.

202
00:07:49,989 --> 00:07:51,755
I've always wanted to do an exposé

203
00:07:51,824 --> 00:07:54,992
about how there's actually a
woman in the Mr. Met costume.

204
00:07:55,061 --> 00:07:58,272
I mean, look at the alluring
way in which it moves.

205
00:07:58,965 --> 00:08:00,798
Wow, I thought that was gonna be better.

206
00:08:00,867 --> 00:08:02,630
I have an idea for a story.

207
00:08:03,002 --> 00:08:06,516
"Katie: did she bite off
more than she can chew?"

208
00:08:07,893 --> 00:08:09,336
That's not bad.

209
00:08:10,995 --> 00:08:12,495
Mom, what are you doing?

210
00:08:12,564 --> 00:08:15,065
Just setting the mood for you and Greg.

211
00:08:15,333 --> 00:08:17,600
Now, where do you want
me to shuck these oysters?

212
00:08:17,669 --> 00:08:19,702
Cut it out! There is no me and Greg.

213
00:08:19,771 --> 00:08:22,004
- Greg and I are fighting.
- Oh, I know.

214
00:08:22,073 --> 00:08:23,473
It's exactly the way things started

215
00:08:23,541 --> 00:08:25,074
between your father and me.

216
00:08:25,143 --> 00:08:26,943
Wait, I thought that
happened on Coney Island

217
00:08:27,011 --> 00:08:29,194
at that freak show
featuring the buttless woman.

218
00:08:29,313 --> 00:08:31,391
Oh, that's just the story we tell.

219
00:08:31,724 --> 00:08:32,676
Why?

220
00:08:32,701 --> 00:08:35,035
The real story about how we fell in love

221
00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:36,867
goes like this.

222
00:08:37,673 --> 00:08:41,441
One day, I was a secretary
at your father's firm,

223
00:08:41,510 --> 00:08:44,578
and I talked him into
letting me defend a client

224
00:08:44,647 --> 00:08:45,879
who got a jaywalking ticket.

225
00:08:45,948 --> 00:08:47,412
And you proved you could do it?

226
00:08:47,437 --> 00:08:49,183
No, he got sent to supermax prison,

227
00:08:49,251 --> 00:08:52,319
but you should've seen
how mad your father was.

228
00:08:52,388 --> 00:08:54,388
Oh! The sexual tension!

229
00:08:54,456 --> 00:08:56,657
It was slap, slap, kiss, kiss,

230
00:08:56,701 --> 00:08:59,097
Katie's born, never touch me again.

231
00:08:59,121 --> 00:09:01,408
Well, that's not what's
happening with me and Greg.

232
00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:04,861
Greg is a jerk, and I want to
prove that I can do his job.

233
00:09:04,897 --> 00:09:06,931
Plus, Diana told me to assert myself,

234
00:09:06,956 --> 00:09:08,535
and I don't want to let her down.

235
00:09:08,579 --> 00:09:10,114
Got it, but here's the thing.

236
00:09:10,366 --> 00:09:12,266
I'm booking a cruise for next July,

237
00:09:12,335 --> 00:09:14,068
and I need to know if
you and Greg want to share

238
00:09:14,137 --> 00:09:17,194
an interior or an ocean view stateroom...

239
00:09:19,427 --> 00:09:22,165
Gerald, what time is my
call with the shareholders?

240
00:09:26,237 --> 00:09:27,070
Gerald?

241
00:09:29,963 --> 00:09:31,362
What the hell is this?

242
00:09:31,586 --> 00:09:33,111
You and I are in a squad feud.

243
00:09:33,244 --> 00:09:34,643
You came at me in public,

244
00:09:34,688 --> 00:09:36,736
so I stole your backup dancer.

245
00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:38,764
Gerald is my chief of staff,

246
00:09:38,789 --> 00:09:40,547
and he's never danced a day in his life.

247
00:09:40,578 --> 00:09:42,156
But I want to, Diana.

248
00:09:42,199 --> 00:09:44,099
I want to dance and sing

249
00:09:44,167 --> 00:09:45,800
and live and love and create.

250
00:09:45,869 --> 00:09:46,997
You don't understand.

251
00:09:46,998 --> 00:09:48,364
Last night, Portia took me to a party

252
00:09:48,433 --> 00:09:50,533
in the Statue of Liberty's anus.

253
00:09:50,601 --> 00:09:52,134
I canoodled with Zendaya.

254
00:09:52,203 --> 00:09:54,870
- Oh, no, that was Zayn.
- Oh.

255
00:09:54,939 --> 00:09:57,436
I don't have time for this.
You four, come with me.

256
00:09:57,525 --> 00:10:00,992
I'm giving you a show on
MMN, it's called "Hot Chat,"

257
00:10:01,031 --> 00:10:02,250
I just announced it.

258
00:10:02,281 --> 00:10:04,723
Oh, it's already number
one in its time slot.

259
00:10:04,999 --> 00:10:06,933
Portia never gave us a show.

260
00:10:07,001 --> 00:10:08,488
What's a time slot?

261
00:10:10,872 --> 00:10:11,971
Hey, we need new footage

262
00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:13,272
of that tornado in Oklahoma.

263
00:10:13,341 --> 00:10:15,107
I just played it with the sound up.

264
00:10:15,176 --> 00:10:16,576
The storm chasers say
some pretty messed up stuff

265
00:10:16,644 --> 00:10:18,165
about Jewish people.

266
00:10:18,190 --> 00:10:19,712
Greg said you'd deal with it?

267
00:10:19,712 --> 00:10:21,245
- Okay, let's see...
- Hey, Katie.

268
00:10:21,314 --> 00:10:23,547
My AVID's acting weird again.
Can you call the IT guy?

269
00:10:23,570 --> 00:10:24,388
Okay.

270
00:10:24,413 --> 00:10:25,412
Legal says we can't use the Mets logo

271
00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:26,780
for the Mr. Met piece.

272
00:10:26,848 --> 00:10:28,315
Should we use this one that I drew?

273
00:10:28,728 --> 00:10:30,704
Hey! You traced that from my drawing!

274
00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:32,532
Katie, he shouldn't get credit for that!

275
00:10:32,569 --> 00:10:34,403
- Oh, well, this sucks.
- What now?

276
00:10:34,471 --> 00:10:36,238
I saw everyone coming in here, so I figured

277
00:10:36,307 --> 00:10:38,313
you were gonna surprise me for my birthday.

278
00:10:38,943 --> 00:10:41,209
You know, turning 60 is kind of a big deal.

279
00:10:44,265 --> 00:10:45,897
I didn't know that he was 60.

280
00:10:45,966 --> 00:10:47,165
I definitely didn't trace
anything off of his thing.

281
00:10:50,104 --> 00:10:52,638
I know what you're doing!
You are sabotaging me.

282
00:10:52,706 --> 00:10:55,173
You filled my office with
complaining dementoids.

283
00:10:55,242 --> 00:10:56,541
I didn't do anything.

284
00:10:56,610 --> 00:10:57,943
Dealing with them is part of the job

285
00:10:58,012 --> 00:10:59,311
that you signed up for

286
00:10:59,380 --> 00:11:00,946
and are quite predictably failing at.

287
00:11:01,015 --> 00:11:02,447
But hey, you got to play

288
00:11:02,516 --> 00:11:04,216
boss lady dress-up for an hour, didn't you?

289
00:11:04,285 --> 00:11:05,217
That's fun!

290
00:11:05,286 --> 00:11:06,708
Hey, Greg, you know what else

291
00:11:06,733 --> 00:11:08,442
is part of the job I signed up for?

292
00:11:08,467 --> 00:11:10,685
Assigning people stories
they don't want to do.

293
00:11:11,206 --> 00:11:12,362
Easy, Katharine.

294
00:11:12,401 --> 00:11:14,134
We're just having a spot of workplace fun.

295
00:11:14,163 --> 00:11:15,930
No, no, I think I'm
gonna assign you a piece,

296
00:11:15,998 --> 00:11:18,399
but what should that be?

297
00:11:18,468 --> 00:11:20,601
STDs in nursing homes.

298
00:11:20,670 --> 00:11:21,802
You monster.

299
00:11:21,871 --> 00:11:23,637
I want to know everything, Greg.

300
00:11:23,706 --> 00:11:24,839
Who's got 'em? Who they got 'em from?

301
00:11:24,907 --> 00:11:26,507
How they got 'em. Who's got 'em?

302
00:11:26,576 --> 00:11:27,735
Okay.

303
00:11:28,010 --> 00:11:29,477
So we're playing dirty now, are we?

304
00:11:29,695 --> 00:11:30,665
All right.

305
00:11:33,345 --> 00:11:34,700
Why are you calling my mom?

306
00:11:34,725 --> 00:11:35,975
Carol, it's me.

307
00:11:36,004 --> 00:11:37,737
Despite what I yelled at you earlier,

308
00:11:38,055 --> 00:11:39,521
I'm in for the cruise.

309
00:11:39,590 --> 00:11:41,290
Yeah, I hope Katie can make it too.

310
00:11:41,359 --> 00:11:44,560
Have you considered
bothering her about it more?

311
00:11:44,629 --> 00:11:46,595
You son of a bitch.

312
00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:49,632
And here's my breakfast
order for all 28 days at sea:

313
00:11:49,700 --> 00:11:52,627
eggs, pancakes, bagels,

314
00:11:52,672 --> 00:11:55,948
eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs.

315
00:12:01,293 --> 00:12:02,460
Could you pick that up?

316
00:12:09,344 --> 00:12:10,643
Hello, this is Gerald,

317
00:12:10,712 --> 00:12:13,401
not Diana answering her own phone.

318
00:12:14,474 --> 00:12:15,527
What?

319
00:12:16,430 --> 00:12:18,530
"Shots fired! Portia Scott-Griffith

320
00:12:18,607 --> 00:12:22,376
declares squad feud with
MMN boardroom bitch."

321
00:12:28,217 --> 00:12:30,918
♪ Now, now ♪

322
00:12:31,705 --> 00:12:33,372
_

323
00:12:33,448 --> 00:12:35,845
♪ You know you better wash dish, bish ♪

324
00:12:35,845 --> 00:12:38,613
♪ I've had enough of your ish, bish ♪

325
00:12:38,681 --> 00:12:41,382
♪ I'm a famous and rish bish ♪

326
00:12:41,451 --> 00:12:43,818
♪ So you better wash dish, bish ♪

327
00:12:43,886 --> 00:12:46,287
♪ You know you better wash dish, bish ♪

328
00:12:46,356 --> 00:12:49,090
♪ You know you better wash dish, bish ♪

329
00:12:49,158 --> 00:12:52,059
♪ I've had enough of your ish, bish ♪

330
00:12:52,128 --> 00:12:54,495
♪ I'm a famous and rish bish ♪

331
00:12:54,564 --> 00:12:55,863
♪ You better wash dish! ♪

332
00:12:57,767 --> 00:12:59,000
♪ Bish ♪

333
00:13:00,739 --> 00:13:02,739
_

334
00:13:06,743 --> 00:13:07,875
♪ I'm suave like Rico ♪ _

335
00:13:07,944 --> 00:13:09,176
♪ I'm wearing all Chicos ♪

336
00:13:09,245 --> 00:13:10,978
♪ I'm Carol and so feral ♪

337
00:13:11,047 --> 00:13:12,313
♪ Yo, it ought to be illegal ♪

338
00:13:12,382 --> 00:13:13,848
♪ My daughter's ass is phat ♪

339
00:13:13,916 --> 00:13:15,116
♪ Greg wanna get with that ♪

340
00:13:15,184 --> 00:13:16,617
♪ I'm so crazy, I got rabies ♪

341
00:13:16,686 --> 00:13:17,918
♪ All I want is grandbabies ♪

342
00:13:17,987 --> 00:13:20,421
♪ Suge Knight's a bish, what! ♪

343
00:13:24,077 --> 00:13:27,245
♪ Now, now ♪

344
00:13:28,938 --> 00:13:31,572
♪ You know you better wash dish, bish ♪

345
00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:34,374
♪ I've had enough of your ish, bish ♪

346
00:13:34,443 --> 00:13:37,010
♪ I'm a famous and rish bish ♪

347
00:13:37,079 --> 00:13:39,913
♪ So you better wash dish, bish ♪

348
00:13:39,982 --> 00:13:41,815
♪ You know you better wash dish, bish ♪

349
00:13:41,884 --> 00:13:44,518
♪ You know you better wash dish, bish ♪

350
00:13:44,586 --> 00:13:47,587
♪ I've had enough of your ish, bish ♪

351
00:13:47,656 --> 00:13:50,157
♪ I' a famous and rish bish ♪

352
00:13:50,225 --> 00:13:52,214
♪ You better wash dish! ♪

353
00:13:52,794 --> 00:13:55,278
Mm-mm. Not today.

354
00:13:55,797 --> 00:13:58,119
Well, I did it. All of it.

355
00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:01,544
Congratulations, Katie,
but you forgot one thing.

356
00:14:02,150 --> 00:14:05,346
The Snapchat Digital Newsisodes.

357
00:14:06,648 --> 00:14:07,781
Hey, Chuck!

358
00:14:07,849 --> 00:14:09,115
Would you just mind real quick

359
00:14:09,184 --> 00:14:10,650
doing a Snapchat newsisode?

360
00:14:10,719 --> 00:14:12,719
Sure. I love digital content.

361
00:14:12,788 --> 00:14:14,688
- Wait, really?
- You bet.

362
00:14:14,756 --> 00:14:16,923
I just need some makeup,
my favorite suit...

363
00:14:16,992 --> 00:14:17,991
Of course.

364
00:14:18,060 --> 00:14:19,759
And some embalming fluid,

365
00:14:19,828 --> 00:14:22,153
because I'll be doing
that over my dead body!

366
00:14:29,805 --> 00:14:31,404
Isn't it great?

367
00:14:31,473 --> 00:14:32,939
Everything's going according to plan.

368
00:14:33,008 --> 00:14:34,806
Mom, what are you talking about?

369
00:14:34,831 --> 00:14:37,164
- I'm failing.
- Exactly.

370
00:14:37,233 --> 00:14:40,934
Now Greg can save the day
and feel strong and manly.

371
00:14:41,208 --> 00:14:44,810
Like your dad when he got
that jaywalker released

372
00:14:44,878 --> 00:14:47,579
from supermax prison
after only seven years.

373
00:14:47,648 --> 00:14:49,758
Wait, so you want me to just give up?

374
00:14:50,284 --> 00:14:52,417
Yes! Apologize to Greg.

375
00:14:52,486 --> 00:14:53,719
He'll take you in his arms.

376
00:14:53,787 --> 00:14:56,154
Then the sexual fireworks can begin.

377
00:14:56,545 --> 00:14:57,992
Then you guys have sex!

378
00:15:00,309 --> 00:15:02,866
P, that video was straight fire.

379
00:15:02,895 --> 00:15:05,038
I'll bet your Insta's blowing up.

380
00:15:05,393 --> 00:15:06,939
Peep them likes, girl.

381
00:15:11,699 --> 00:15:12,766
Who am I?

382
00:15:13,267 --> 00:15:15,267
I had a wife and a teenage son.

383
00:15:15,336 --> 00:15:18,557
Zero likes. Zero comments.

384
00:15:18,721 --> 00:15:19,962
Zero followers.

385
00:15:20,556 --> 00:15:21,725
What the hell happened?

386
00:15:22,053 --> 00:15:23,620
What did you do to my followers?

387
00:15:23,688 --> 00:15:25,135
I seized them.

388
00:15:25,768 --> 00:15:28,369
I'm on the board of Instagram, Facebook,

389
00:15:28,437 --> 00:15:30,670
Snapchat, Twitter, and Westworld.

390
00:15:30,857 --> 00:15:33,091
I can do whatever I want to your followers,

391
00:15:33,159 --> 00:15:35,596
even worse than what I do to those robots,

392
00:15:35,795 --> 00:15:37,697
and I do some messed up stuff,

393
00:15:37,877 --> 00:15:40,029
stuff where I'm the boy.

394
00:15:45,096 --> 00:15:47,198
Attention, everyone. Attention.

395
00:15:47,198 --> 00:15:49,135
I need to apologize to Greg.

396
00:15:49,292 --> 00:15:51,175
- Why, you ask?
- No, we don't.

397
00:15:51,338 --> 00:15:53,645
Because somebody taught
me a valuable lesson.

398
00:15:54,041 --> 00:15:56,442
Greg, I thought I could
do your job as well as you,

399
00:15:56,511 --> 00:15:58,466
but... I'm not you.

400
00:15:59,228 --> 00:16:00,286
I'm just a girl...

401
00:16:01,849 --> 00:16:03,645
standing in front of a guy...

402
00:16:04,738 --> 00:16:07,514
asking him to eat my shorts.

403
00:16:07,539 --> 00:16:08,805
Wait, what?

404
00:16:08,830 --> 00:16:10,222
I'm the baddest bitch in the game,

405
00:16:10,291 --> 00:16:11,424
and you a punk!

406
00:16:11,492 --> 00:16:12,690
Hit it, Justin!

407
00:16:14,429 --> 00:16:16,429
- Justin! Justin.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

408
00:16:16,497 --> 00:16:17,463
I thought you said, "Play it when I say

409
00:16:17,532 --> 00:16:19,041
something cool to Greg."

410
00:16:19,492 --> 00:16:21,066
- Was that it?
- Yes.

411
00:16:24,327 --> 00:16:26,327
_

412
00:16:28,401 --> 00:16:29,900
You recut Portia's videos

413
00:16:29,962 --> 00:16:32,830
into Snapchat digital newsisodes.

414
00:16:33,055 --> 00:16:34,521
Whoomp, there it is!

415
00:16:34,590 --> 00:16:36,023
This is how we do it.

416
00:16:36,092 --> 00:16:37,491
Who let the dogs out?

417
00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:39,703
Rock and Roll, Part Two!

418
00:16:41,075 --> 00:16:44,877
You were supposed to apologize
to Greg, not emasculate him.

419
00:16:44,946 --> 00:16:46,879
I was promised sexual fireworks.

420
00:16:46,948 --> 00:16:48,571
Ooh! Uh, Ms. St. Tropez?

421
00:16:48,599 --> 00:16:50,432
I took your advice, and
I went for what I wanted.

422
00:16:50,501 --> 00:16:52,134
I executive produced today's show

423
00:16:52,202 --> 00:16:53,635
and the Snapchat digital newsisodes,

424
00:16:53,704 --> 00:16:55,437
and I chose Arby's for lunch.

425
00:16:55,506 --> 00:16:58,407
I mean "but" I chose Arby's for lunch.

426
00:16:58,475 --> 00:17:00,417
I'm impressed. The job is yours.

427
00:17:00,442 --> 00:17:02,163
- Huh?
- Wait, what about Greg?

428
00:17:02,163 --> 00:17:05,115
Oh, I'll just demote him.
You can be his boss now.

429
00:17:08,702 --> 00:17:11,103
Well, congratulations on your promotion.

430
00:17:11,172 --> 00:17:13,526
And on dying alone.

431
00:17:20,092 --> 00:17:22,339
Well, you had to win.

432
00:17:22,462 --> 00:17:24,811
- I hope you're happy.
- I'm not!

433
00:17:24,912 --> 00:17:27,349
I just wanted to prove
that I could do Greg's job.

434
00:17:27,373 --> 00:17:28,972
I don't actually want it.

435
00:17:29,009 --> 00:17:30,709
But I can't go to Diana and be like,

436
00:17:30,734 --> 00:17:32,500
"Oh, I don't want more responsibility,

437
00:17:32,525 --> 00:17:34,177
I want a man to be the boss!"

438
00:17:34,467 --> 00:17:36,139
I can't disappoint her, Mom.

439
00:17:37,038 --> 00:17:40,106
She has a plan for my career,
which is more than I have.

440
00:17:40,175 --> 00:17:42,875
If Diana wants me to be
the boss, I have to do it.

441
00:17:42,900 --> 00:17:43,966
Why?

442
00:17:44,061 --> 00:17:47,013
You're gonna blindly listen
to some annoying older woman

443
00:17:47,082 --> 00:17:49,406
who acts like she knows
what's best for you?

444
00:17:50,952 --> 00:17:52,385
Wait, is that what I've been?

445
00:17:52,454 --> 00:17:54,006
No, no. It's different.

446
00:17:54,031 --> 00:17:55,992
No, no, Mom, keep realizing.

447
00:17:56,270 --> 00:17:58,765
Well, technically, I am an older woman

448
00:17:58,804 --> 00:18:01,806
who... acts like I know
what's best for you.

449
00:18:01,941 --> 00:18:04,308
I'm not annoying, am I?

450
00:18:04,377 --> 00:18:06,538
No, you're not annoying,

451
00:18:06,974 --> 00:18:09,374
but I don't need you
pushing me to be with Greg.

452
00:18:09,671 --> 00:18:10,923
It's for me to figure out.

453
00:18:11,206 --> 00:18:12,438
You're right, Katie.

454
00:18:12,507 --> 00:18:13,855
I can't believe...

455
00:18:14,918 --> 00:18:16,842
I'm gonna say this, but maybe...

456
00:18:18,397 --> 00:18:19,462
you do...

457
00:18:21,316 --> 00:18:23,033
know what's...

458
00:18:25,020 --> 00:18:27,568
best... for you.

459
00:18:29,624 --> 00:18:31,202
I taste metal.

460
00:18:31,934 --> 00:18:32,926
Thank you.

461
00:18:32,994 --> 00:18:34,494
I guess I've stood up to all the women

462
00:18:34,563 --> 00:18:35,662
pushing me around in my life.

463
00:18:35,687 --> 00:18:37,073
No, Katie.

464
00:18:37,698 --> 00:18:39,122
Keep realizing.

465
00:18:39,605 --> 00:18:41,148
Aww.

466
00:18:42,238 --> 00:18:43,736
Look.

467
00:18:43,761 --> 00:18:46,050
I know I can't beat you,
so the only way to end this

468
00:18:46,122 --> 00:18:47,455
is if we can both win.

469
00:18:47,517 --> 00:18:49,332
- I'm listening.
- Here's my proposal.

470
00:18:49,387 --> 00:18:50,553
We monetize this.

471
00:18:50,623 --> 00:18:51,888
You get half the revenue

472
00:18:51,957 --> 00:18:53,790
of Team Portia-Team Diana apparel.

473
00:18:53,859 --> 00:18:55,525
Half the proceeds of
"Wash Dish Bish" downloads.

474
00:18:55,594 --> 00:18:57,494
And a producer credit on
the show about our feud

475
00:18:57,563 --> 00:18:58,962
that I just sold to Ryan Murphy.

476
00:18:59,031 --> 00:19:01,131
Wow, you thought of all that?

477
00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:02,833
I guess without the corrosive effects

478
00:19:02,901 --> 00:19:05,056
of the opiate that we call social media,

479
00:19:05,204 --> 00:19:07,004
my brain was able to ideate a strategy

480
00:19:07,072 --> 00:19:09,806
based on my own admittedly rudimentary

481
00:19:09,875 --> 00:19:12,491
experience-based intuitions
about the marketplace.

482
00:19:12,911 --> 00:19:14,494
Oh, look what I made while I was talking.

483
00:19:14,747 --> 00:19:16,533
I owe you an apology, Portia.

484
00:19:17,194 --> 00:19:21,151
You may not have an MBA or be
invited to the CEO gatherings

485
00:19:21,220 --> 00:19:22,419
where we hunt people...

486
00:19:22,488 --> 00:19:23,820
And they're not poor people either,

487
00:19:23,889 --> 00:19:25,832
they're very solidly upper-middle class...

488
00:19:26,125 --> 00:19:28,225
But you are a real businesswoman.

489
00:19:28,294 --> 00:19:29,324
Thank you, Diana.

490
00:19:29,461 --> 00:19:30,849
Oh, and I brought you something.

491
00:19:32,097 --> 00:19:33,864
I'm really sorry, Diana.

492
00:19:33,932 --> 00:19:35,940
Everything just got so turnt.

493
00:19:35,992 --> 00:19:39,403
And I just returned your followers.

494
00:19:41,206 --> 00:19:44,124
Ms. St. Tropez, you
told me to assert myself.

495
00:19:44,124 --> 00:19:45,373
So that's what I'm doing.

496
00:19:45,398 --> 00:19:47,234
I don't want to be an executive producer.

497
00:19:47,288 --> 00:19:48,988
So you're refusing a promotion?

498
00:19:49,057 --> 00:19:50,656
Yes, and I know how that sounds...

499
00:19:50,725 --> 00:19:52,291
"Ooh, I'm just a woman!

500
00:19:52,742 --> 00:19:54,175
A big strong man should be in charge!"

501
00:19:54,236 --> 00:19:55,969
But it's not like that. It's like this.

502
00:19:56,037 --> 00:19:57,501
"Greg's job isn't my goal.

503
00:19:57,525 --> 00:19:59,525
"My goal is to produce
stories I care about!

504
00:19:59,594 --> 00:20:01,173
Why am I still talking like this?"

505
00:20:01,219 --> 00:20:02,094
Stop.

506
00:20:02,188 --> 00:20:04,759
I know you think that
I'm going to yell at you

507
00:20:04,807 --> 00:20:06,574
for passing up an opportunity,

508
00:20:06,642 --> 00:20:09,320
but I never do what people expect of me.

509
00:20:11,257 --> 00:20:13,023
Didn't see that one coming, did you?

510
00:20:13,048 --> 00:20:15,859
No, but it was cool, and I deserved it.

511
00:20:16,587 --> 00:20:18,253
This is what I wanted you to do!

512
00:20:18,322 --> 00:20:21,690
To not let anything stand
between you and what you want.

513
00:20:21,759 --> 00:20:22,691
Not even me.

514
00:20:22,793 --> 00:20:24,296
So good job, Katie.

515
00:20:24,321 --> 00:20:25,520
I'm proud of you.

516
00:20:25,763 --> 00:20:27,358
I'm proud of both of you girls.

517
00:20:27,765 --> 00:20:30,198
How do you spell "a?" Like "a apple?"

518
00:20:35,346 --> 00:20:37,984
Hey, I'm sorry about today.

519
00:20:38,242 --> 00:20:40,709
Is this an actual sorry,
or, "Sorry you're an idiot,"

520
00:20:40,741 --> 00:20:42,471
and then you spray me with a hose?

521
00:20:42,518 --> 00:20:44,447
No, actual sorry.

522
00:20:44,585 --> 00:20:46,552
Your job is really hard,

523
00:20:46,577 --> 00:20:49,575
and I thought it would be easy
because you make it look easy.

524
00:20:49,618 --> 00:20:51,334
Well, your job's hard too.

525
00:20:52,035 --> 00:20:53,969
It's tough to be invested in a piece

526
00:20:54,038 --> 00:20:55,204
that someone else assigned you.

527
00:20:55,273 --> 00:20:56,939
From now on, if there is a story

528
00:20:57,008 --> 00:21:00,034
that you really want to
do, I promise to listen.

529
00:21:00,059 --> 00:21:01,119
Really?

530
00:21:02,292 --> 00:21:04,183
Thanks, Greg. Friends?

531
00:21:04,342 --> 00:21:05,336
Friends.

532
00:21:07,211 --> 00:21:08,781
Like Ross and Rachel

533
00:21:09,322 --> 00:21:10,558
from my gym.

534
00:21:13,669 --> 00:21:14,999
Hi, it's me.

535
00:21:15,738 --> 00:21:17,789
Let's book that cruise after all.

536
00:21:18,707 --> 00:21:20,562
Yeah, she'll have eggs,

537
00:21:20,593 --> 00:21:23,524
bagels, pancakes, eggs,

538
00:21:23,579 --> 00:21:26,340
eggs, eggs, eggs...

539
00:21:26,364 --> 00:21:28,364
Synced and corrected by louvette
www.addic7ed.com