1
00:00:03,969 --> 00:00:05,536
Hey, pumpkin, how's it going?

2
00:00:05,604 --> 00:00:06,555
Amazing.

3
00:00:06,555 --> 00:00:08,770
Not having a job is the best.

4
00:00:08,812 --> 00:00:10,222
My DVR is at 0%.

5
00:00:10,291 --> 00:00:13,492
I got a congratulations
certificate from Time Warner.

6
00:00:13,561 --> 00:00:15,060
That's great, honey.

7
00:00:15,129 --> 00:00:16,428
But it's been a couple of weeks.

8
00:00:16,497 --> 00:00:18,397
Have you thought about
applying for a new job?

9
00:00:18,466 --> 00:00:20,432
Maybe you could even ask Greg for...

10
00:00:20,501 --> 00:00:22,134
Greg stood by and let
his grandma fire me.

11
00:00:22,203 --> 00:00:24,002
I'm never speaking to him again.

12
00:00:24,071 --> 00:00:26,071
You know, maybe I don't want
to be a journalist anymore.

13
00:00:26,140 --> 00:00:28,857
What? No, that's what
you've always wanted.

14
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:31,076
You need to get back on the horse.

15
00:00:31,145 --> 00:00:32,911
Like when you were going
through your chunky phase

16
00:00:32,980 --> 00:00:35,154
and you broke that
pony's back at the fair.

17
00:00:35,201 --> 00:00:36,682
Did I let you quit? No.

18
00:00:36,750 --> 00:00:38,083
I made you get back on another pony,

19
00:00:38,152 --> 00:00:40,719
and they had to put two
ponies down that day.

20
00:00:40,788 --> 00:00:42,488
Wait, where was I going with this?

21
00:00:42,869 --> 00:00:44,253
I don't know.

22
00:00:45,493 --> 00:00:47,426
Hey, Greg, I know Gram said that interns

23
00:00:47,495 --> 00:00:49,495
aren't allowed in the
morning meetings anymore,

24
00:00:49,563 --> 00:00:52,731
but my doctor diagnosed me
with a chronic case of FOMO.

25
00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:54,374
No, Carol. Get out.

26
00:00:54,902 --> 00:00:56,368
Greg, would I be able to leave early

27
00:00:56,437 --> 00:00:57,703
for a commercial shoot?

28
00:00:57,771 --> 00:00:59,538
I'm the spokeswoman for Pubeisse,

29
00:00:59,607 --> 00:01:02,934
America's number one
leading pube lengthener.

30
00:01:03,377 --> 00:01:05,611
No, Portia. Gram looked at your contract.

31
00:01:05,679 --> 00:01:07,246
You're only allowed to endorse products

32
00:01:07,314 --> 00:01:09,114
owned by our parent company.

33
00:01:09,183 --> 00:01:10,782
You know what? I'm sick of Gram's rules.

34
00:01:10,851 --> 00:01:13,285
Me too. She said I can't
wear hoodies anymore.

35
00:01:13,354 --> 00:01:16,588
This blazer's so hard and
crunchy against my skin.

36
00:01:16,657 --> 00:01:18,690
And she made me tuck
my braid into my shirt

37
00:01:18,759 --> 00:01:22,160
'cause she said it was "gross"
and "a ladybug flew out of it."

38
00:01:22,229 --> 00:01:23,929
Yeah, Gram's always like...

39
00:01:23,998 --> 00:01:25,931
"I cannot tolerate your kind."

40
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:27,332
- What?
- Say what?

41
00:01:27,401 --> 00:01:28,934
Oh, no, no, not Jewish people,

42
00:01:29,003 --> 00:01:30,869
- master impressionists.
- Oh.

43
00:01:30,938 --> 00:01:33,839
"I'm Chuck. Where's my pudding cup?"

44
00:01:33,908 --> 00:01:35,173
Well done.

45
00:01:35,242 --> 00:01:36,475
Nice.

46
00:01:36,556 --> 00:01:38,489
Well, as usual, I'm the real victim here.

47
00:01:38,559 --> 00:01:40,759
Gram's idea for "The
Yellow Digital Suite"

48
00:01:40,828 --> 00:01:42,794
is ruining my life!

49
00:01:43,731 --> 00:01:45,464
Now let's see what you, the viewer,

50
00:01:45,533 --> 00:01:48,134
had to say about the new EPA regulations.

51
00:01:48,202 --> 00:01:51,670
All right, Twitter user FunnyDude49 says,

52
00:01:51,739 --> 00:01:54,173
"Chuck Pierce looks like
Fred Savage from the future

53
00:01:54,242 --> 00:01:56,609
"came back to warn
present-day Fred Savage

54
00:01:56,677 --> 00:01:59,912
that when he's old,
he'll be a meth addict."

55
00:02:01,527 --> 00:02:03,794
Well, if you don't like
the new way our show is run,

56
00:02:03,862 --> 00:02:06,183
then you're all very welcome to leave.

57
00:02:06,599 --> 00:02:07,831
I'll never leave.

58
00:02:07,900 --> 00:02:09,066
How did you get back in here?

59
00:02:09,134 --> 00:02:10,801
- Scram!
- Okay.

60
00:02:13,806 --> 00:02:16,473
Synced and corrected by louvette
www.addic7ed.com

61
00:02:16,542 --> 00:02:19,509
You need to take a firmer
hand with your staff.

62
00:02:19,578 --> 00:02:21,812
Gram, morale is already low.

63
00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:23,614
Worse than when we had our staff retreat

64
00:02:23,682 --> 00:02:24,615
at that sewage plant.

65
00:02:24,683 --> 00:02:26,249
Well, I suppose you told them

66
00:02:26,318 --> 00:02:27,784
morale would be even lower

67
00:02:27,853 --> 00:02:30,020
if they lost their jobs?

68
00:02:30,089 --> 00:02:31,188
No?

69
00:02:31,256 --> 00:02:32,689
Oh.

70
00:02:32,758 --> 00:02:34,725
Could you please not make that sound?

71
00:02:34,793 --> 00:02:37,127
I'll make whatever sound I please.

72
00:02:50,009 --> 00:02:51,475
Hey, Chuck. What you doing?

73
00:02:51,543 --> 00:02:54,211
Oh, Gram says I need to start tweeting.

74
00:02:54,279 --> 00:02:57,180
I remember when news was
just a man and a camera,

75
00:02:57,249 --> 00:02:58,982
reporting in the sunset.

76
00:02:59,051 --> 00:03:01,952
Now it's just an emoji of a
man and a camera and a sunset.

77
00:03:02,021 --> 00:03:03,687
Hey, is that anything?
Should I tweet that?

78
00:03:03,756 --> 00:03:04,955
Absolutely not.

79
00:03:05,024 --> 00:03:07,057
Chuck, I need your advice about Katie.

80
00:03:07,126 --> 00:03:10,227
Ever since she got fired, it
seems like she's lost her mojo.

81
00:03:10,295 --> 00:03:11,928
Lost her mojo, huh?

82
00:03:11,997 --> 00:03:14,197
Listen, there's a very athletic pool boy

83
00:03:14,266 --> 00:03:16,466
in Montego Bay, his name is Devar.

84
00:03:16,535 --> 00:03:18,135
For $2,000, he can...

85
00:03:18,203 --> 00:03:20,937
No, I mean she doesn't want
to be a journalist anymore.

86
00:03:21,006 --> 00:03:22,506
Oh, Carol.

87
00:03:22,574 --> 00:03:24,541
Every great journalist
has a moment in his career

88
00:03:24,610 --> 00:03:25,909
when he wants to quit.

89
00:03:25,978 --> 00:03:27,811
For me, it was the day that I misreported

90
00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:29,346
that John Kerry's running mate

91
00:03:29,415 --> 00:03:31,481
was the John Edwards who talks to ghosts.

92
00:03:31,550 --> 00:03:33,550
Okay, okay. But what do I do?

93
00:03:33,619 --> 00:03:34,951
The only thing you can do, Carol.

94
00:03:35,020 --> 00:03:36,386
Show her some tough love.

95
00:03:36,455 --> 00:03:38,889
Oh, Chuck, Katie's my baby.

96
00:03:38,957 --> 00:03:40,490
I could never be tough on her.

97
00:03:40,559 --> 00:03:42,492
- Carol, you just have to.
- Oh.

98
00:03:42,561 --> 00:03:45,295
That's what my mentor,
Morley Safer, did to me.

99
00:03:45,397 --> 00:03:47,030
He drove me out to the desert. He said,

100
00:03:47,099 --> 00:03:49,666
"You can either die out here
or come back a journalist."

101
00:03:49,735 --> 00:03:52,636
And I did both.

102
00:03:54,273 --> 00:03:56,173
So how's the job hunt going?

103
00:03:56,241 --> 00:03:58,275
Mm. It's really great.

104
00:03:58,343 --> 00:04:01,344
Actually, I just applied
for a job as a news manager.

105
00:04:01,413 --> 00:04:03,146
Wonderful. What network?

106
00:04:03,215 --> 00:04:04,881
Oh. I'm sorry. That's confusing.

107
00:04:04,950 --> 00:04:07,951
I meant "gnus." G-N-U-S.

108
00:04:08,020 --> 00:04:09,753
The job's cleaning
their cages at the zoo.

109
00:04:09,822 --> 00:04:11,388
I already heard back,
though. I didn't get it.

110
00:04:11,457 --> 00:04:12,956
Okay, listen up.

111
00:04:13,025 --> 00:04:14,391
I know you're my baby,

112
00:04:14,460 --> 00:04:16,860
but I am done being soft on you.

113
00:04:16,929 --> 00:04:18,161
You need to...

114
00:04:18,230 --> 00:04:19,596
I need to what, Mommy?

115
00:04:20,866 --> 00:04:22,581
You... you need to try

116
00:04:23,001 --> 00:04:24,034
more work.

117
00:04:24,103 --> 00:04:25,769
But I got fired.

118
00:04:25,838 --> 00:04:27,671
- Oh.
- I don't know what to do.

119
00:04:27,740 --> 00:04:28,872
Maybe I'll become

120
00:04:28,941 --> 00:04:31,775
a bwand ambassador for a vodka company.

121
00:04:31,844 --> 00:04:33,577
Oh, Katie, forget it, forget it.

122
00:04:33,645 --> 00:04:35,712
You don't need to change
anything about yourself.

123
00:04:35,781 --> 00:04:37,118
You're perfect.

124
00:04:37,206 --> 00:04:40,684
Mommy's gonna take care of
you for the rest of your life.

125
00:04:40,753 --> 00:04:43,620
Oh, Mom, that is such a relief

126
00:04:43,689 --> 00:04:45,989
'cause, you know, I can't
pay rent without a job,

127
00:04:46,058 --> 00:04:47,624
but if you're willing to take care of me,

128
00:04:47,693 --> 00:04:49,726
then I'll just move back in with you.

129
00:04:49,795 --> 00:04:51,428
Ooh, that's great.

130
00:04:51,497 --> 00:04:53,330
I haven't touched your
room since you left.

131
00:04:53,398 --> 00:04:55,465
And, hey, I'm no mooch, okay?

132
00:04:55,534 --> 00:04:57,200
I'm gonna pay you guys rent

133
00:04:57,269 --> 00:04:58,668
in kisses.

134
00:05:02,708 --> 00:05:05,041
It's what I always wanted.

135
00:05:05,110 --> 00:05:06,743
So why doesn't it feel like it?

136
00:05:08,213 --> 00:05:09,513
Well, maybe Katie moving back in

137
00:05:09,581 --> 00:05:11,448
means she's not a self-sufficient adult,

138
00:05:11,517 --> 00:05:13,884
which means we didn't do
our job as her parents.

139
00:05:13,952 --> 00:05:15,919
'Kay, I was talking to myself, Dave.

140
00:05:15,988 --> 00:05:16,920
Go rake.

141
00:05:16,989 --> 00:05:18,288
You got it, my love.

142
00:05:21,246 --> 00:05:23,043
Hey, Carol.

143
00:05:23,082 --> 00:05:25,027
Dad hasn't gotten around
to doing my laundry yet,

144
00:05:25,052 --> 00:05:26,845
so I went into your closet.

145
00:05:26,965 --> 00:05:27,998
Zazzy, huh?

146
00:05:28,067 --> 00:05:29,299
Yeah, zazzy.

147
00:05:29,368 --> 00:05:30,801
Well, I got to go to work.

148
00:05:30,869 --> 00:05:32,274
Bye, pumpkin.

149
00:05:37,309 --> 00:05:39,676
Now, what to watch

150
00:05:39,745 --> 00:05:42,446
for the girl who has watched everything?

151
00:05:43,082 --> 00:05:45,048
Ugh, is that Gram's show?

152
00:05:45,117 --> 00:05:46,683
Yeah, I'll hate-watch this.

153
00:05:46,752 --> 00:05:47,651
Ugh.

154
00:05:50,155 --> 00:05:51,916
This is "Pond Scum."

155
00:05:52,591 --> 00:05:54,925
Congratulations, Portia,
Gram has named you

156
00:05:54,993 --> 00:05:57,527
new spokeswoman for
her line of fascinators.

157
00:05:57,596 --> 00:05:58,895
I don't want to do this, Greg.

158
00:05:58,964 --> 00:06:00,697
It hurts my head, and the
bird keeps being like...

159
00:06:01,967 --> 00:06:03,700
But really quiet so only I can hear it.

160
00:06:04,878 --> 00:06:05,855
See?

161
00:06:05,880 --> 00:06:07,880
Remember to feed your hat one worm a day.

162
00:06:08,384 --> 00:06:09,483
Good-bye.

163
00:06:11,688 --> 00:06:12,787
Listen, Greg.

164
00:06:12,855 --> 00:06:14,155
What do you want?

165
00:06:14,223 --> 00:06:16,397
You need to give Katie her job back.

166
00:06:16,826 --> 00:06:18,592
I'm sorry, but what's done is done.

167
00:06:18,937 --> 00:06:20,361
You know what, Mister Man?

168
00:06:20,430 --> 00:06:22,730
I am sick and tired

169
00:06:22,799 --> 00:06:25,166
because I never sleep
and I only eat casserole,

170
00:06:25,234 --> 00:06:27,601
but I'm also sick and tired of you.

171
00:06:27,670 --> 00:06:29,637
You're making everyone miserable

172
00:06:29,706 --> 00:06:31,505
just so you can impress your grandma.

173
00:06:31,574 --> 00:06:34,442
Well, shame on you.

174
00:06:34,510 --> 00:06:36,110
Please, do not make that noise.

175
00:06:36,179 --> 00:06:37,545
What noise? This noise?

176
00:06:39,449 --> 00:06:41,315
Greg?

177
00:06:41,384 --> 00:06:43,017
Greg, what's going on?

178
00:06:43,086 --> 00:06:44,485
Oh, my God, I knew it.

179
00:06:44,554 --> 00:06:46,287
Tough love kills children.

180
00:06:48,224 --> 00:06:50,798
You know, Ang, that's
the lady that fired me.

181
00:06:50,938 --> 00:06:53,094
Really? She fired you?

182
00:06:53,162 --> 00:06:54,714
You never mention it.

183
00:06:54,714 --> 00:06:58,249
Well, I think it's a product
people will really want.

184
00:06:58,319 --> 00:07:02,087
And since I've definitely
got the money to invest,

185
00:07:02,435 --> 00:07:04,168
my offer to you, good sir,

186
00:07:04,237 --> 00:07:07,438
is 10 billion caviars.

187
00:07:07,923 --> 00:07:09,707
Well, wrong again, Leach.

188
00:07:09,776 --> 00:07:12,076
One day, companies will know

189
00:07:12,145 --> 00:07:13,944
everything about a consumer.

190
00:07:14,013 --> 00:07:16,947
If you can hack into his desires,

191
00:07:17,016 --> 00:07:18,716
then you can rule the world.

192
00:07:18,785 --> 00:07:21,018
I've invested a great deal of money

193
00:07:21,087 --> 00:07:24,121
into discovering people's secret wants.

194
00:07:24,190 --> 00:07:26,857
And what they don't want is a megaphone

195
00:07:26,926 --> 00:07:29,660
that makes your voice into a fart.

196
00:07:29,729 --> 00:07:31,962
Well, I'm in, and I think...

197
00:07:32,031 --> 00:07:33,998
Oh, my God, Ang, I got a hunch.

198
00:07:34,067 --> 00:07:36,567
Yeah, it's from sitting
on the sofa for too long.

199
00:07:36,636 --> 00:07:39,036
Don't worry; there's
nothing you can do about it.

200
00:07:45,511 --> 00:07:46,777
- Hello?
- Mom?

201
00:07:46,846 --> 00:07:49,847
I finally figured out
who owns Biscuit Blitz.

202
00:07:49,916 --> 00:07:50,948
It's Gram.

203
00:07:51,017 --> 00:07:52,283
Wait, what?

204
00:07:52,351 --> 00:07:53,717
But it all makes sense now.

205
00:07:53,820 --> 00:07:56,020
Why did she mysteriously show up

206
00:07:56,089 --> 00:07:58,522
as soon as I started
looking into that story?

207
00:07:58,591 --> 00:07:59,723
Oooh!

208
00:07:59,792 --> 00:08:01,459
And why did she fire me

209
00:08:01,527 --> 00:08:03,360
as soon as I started getting too close?

210
00:08:03,429 --> 00:08:04,528
Ahh!

211
00:08:04,597 --> 00:08:06,464
And why wouldn't she let me

212
00:08:06,532 --> 00:08:09,333
take home my bankers boxes
after I had been fired?

213
00:08:09,402 --> 00:08:12,263
Ohh-aahhh-oohh!

214
00:08:12,288 --> 00:08:13,737
Hey, I've been trying to
get in touch with Greg.

215
00:08:13,806 --> 00:08:14,981
Is he at work with you?

216
00:08:15,114 --> 00:08:17,641
Well, he's with me,
but not exactly at work.

217
00:08:17,710 --> 00:08:19,343
What's going on?

218
00:08:19,412 --> 00:08:20,711
You have your "don't tell Dad"

219
00:08:20,780 --> 00:08:23,080
"I bought another
Haiti time-share" voice.

220
00:08:23,149 --> 00:08:24,459
Do I?

221
00:08:26,886 --> 00:08:27,935
Hey.

222
00:08:28,721 --> 00:08:29,946
Katie?

223
00:08:30,289 --> 00:08:31,622
I didn't think you'd come,

224
00:08:31,659 --> 00:08:33,557
considering the last
time we saw each other,

225
00:08:33,626 --> 00:08:35,092
you'd just been fired

226
00:08:35,161 --> 00:08:36,594
and you said, "I wish
I'd eaten breakfast"

227
00:08:36,662 --> 00:08:38,776
this morning so I can
take a dump on your desk."

228
00:08:38,934 --> 00:08:40,145
I did say that.

229
00:08:40,500 --> 00:08:41,799
I'd say it again.

230
00:08:42,140 --> 00:08:43,300
So how have you been?

231
00:08:43,369 --> 00:08:45,069
I've been really... Really good.

232
00:08:45,138 --> 00:08:46,937
Uh, how are things with you?

233
00:08:47,006 --> 00:08:49,740
Amazing, I'm actually doing
really, really, really well.

234
00:08:49,809 --> 00:08:52,076
He was crying and
asked for gummy aspirin.

235
00:08:52,145 --> 00:08:53,657
Thank you, Arnold.

236
00:08:53,913 --> 00:08:56,080
He's got a brain thing.

237
00:08:56,149 --> 00:08:57,982
- I screwed everything up...
- I did research...

238
00:08:58,050 --> 00:08:59,316
- At the office and it's...
- And found out that Gram...

239
00:08:59,385 --> 00:09:00,317
- Not the same without you.
- Owns a company

240
00:09:00,386 --> 00:09:01,085
that owns Biscuit Blitz.

241
00:09:01,154 --> 00:09:03,087
Wait, Gram owns Biscuit Blitz?

242
00:09:03,156 --> 00:09:05,122
You screwed everyone at the office?

243
00:09:05,191 --> 00:09:06,824
I'm sorry, I didn't hear what you said.

244
00:09:06,893 --> 00:09:08,225
You think my Gram

245
00:09:08,294 --> 00:09:10,060
is an evil criminal mastermind

246
00:09:10,129 --> 00:09:11,695
who's scamming millions of consumers,

247
00:09:11,764 --> 00:09:13,097
and you expect me to believe you?

248
00:09:13,166 --> 00:09:14,865
I know. I know. And, no, I don't expect

249
00:09:14,934 --> 00:09:16,066
- you to believe me, but...
- Well, I do.

250
00:09:16,135 --> 00:09:17,201
She's the worst.

251
00:09:17,270 --> 00:09:18,636
Her own grandson's in hospital.

252
00:09:18,704 --> 00:09:19,703
She doesn't even come and visit.

253
00:09:19,772 --> 00:09:20,971
So what are you saying?

254
00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:22,006
I'm saying I'm in.

255
00:09:23,509 --> 00:09:25,075
Let's take this bitch down.

256
00:09:29,781 --> 00:09:33,155
We know you own Biscuit
Bitch, so take that, you blitz!

257
00:09:33,257 --> 00:09:35,157
Damn it, I practiced that 30 times.

258
00:09:35,225 --> 00:09:36,825
We have proof tying your company

259
00:09:36,894 --> 00:09:39,327
to the hacking scandal, Gram,
so you either come clean now

260
00:09:39,396 --> 00:09:41,096
or we expose it on the show tomorrow.

261
00:09:41,165 --> 00:09:43,131
I never heard such claptrap.

262
00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:45,567
And shame on you, Gregorious,
for allowing yourself

263
00:09:45,636 --> 00:09:48,737
to be seduced by a
pretty face spewing lies.

264
00:09:48,805 --> 00:09:51,439
No, you're not gonna spin
this and get us off track.

265
00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:52,935
Do you really think I'm pretty?

266
00:09:53,161 --> 00:09:55,076
Look, this isn't easy, you know?

267
00:09:55,145 --> 00:09:57,379
I don't want you and the
rest of the family to hate me.

268
00:09:57,759 --> 00:09:59,948
I'm sick of being alone
on Saint Wiggin's Day,

269
00:10:00,017 --> 00:10:01,917
eating store-bought crumb fairy,

270
00:10:01,985 --> 00:10:03,185
but what choice do I have?

271
00:10:03,253 --> 00:10:04,555
Oh, all right.

272
00:10:05,022 --> 00:10:07,923
Suppose I was responsible
for this hack, what then?

273
00:10:07,991 --> 00:10:10,492
Do you two own a cable news network

274
00:10:10,561 --> 00:10:13,677
on which to expose me? Because I do.

275
00:10:13,749 --> 00:10:16,016
Do you really think that we
haven't thought about that?

276
00:10:16,085 --> 00:10:17,651
Tell her, Greg.

277
00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:19,365
Actually, we haven't thought about that.

278
00:10:19,472 --> 00:10:22,656
Tomorrow, we will run
my version of the story,

279
00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:26,360
that Biscuit Blitz did
hack into people's phones

280
00:10:26,429 --> 00:10:27,861
without my knowledge

281
00:10:27,930 --> 00:10:30,597
and I heroically put a stop to it.

282
00:10:31,292 --> 00:10:34,597
You have no proof that
I orchestrated anything.

283
00:10:34,707 --> 00:10:38,272
And if anyone deviates from my story,

284
00:10:38,341 --> 00:10:41,742
I will make the call
and shut down the show.

285
00:10:41,811 --> 00:10:43,210
You know, I wish I'd eaten dinner,

286
00:10:43,279 --> 00:10:45,112
- 'cause I want to take a...
- Katie.

287
00:10:45,555 --> 00:10:46,814
No. We're done.

288
00:10:55,860 --> 00:10:58,219
Honey? You okay?

289
00:10:58,627 --> 00:11:00,494
Not really.

290
00:11:00,930 --> 00:11:03,430
You always sat out here
when you were upset.

291
00:11:03,894 --> 00:11:06,667
Like the night your high
school boyfriend dumped you.

292
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:09,236
I wonder what he's doing now.

293
00:11:11,772 --> 00:11:13,374
B-billionaire.

294
00:11:13,810 --> 00:11:15,940
Well, Mom, I failed again.

295
00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:18,785
Baby, you did not fail.

296
00:11:18,810 --> 00:11:20,314
I give up!

297
00:11:20,857 --> 00:11:22,850
I'ma go to a bar, get dwunk.

298
00:11:25,988 --> 00:11:27,275
Okay.

299
00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:31,426
You did not fail, but you're gonna.

300
00:11:31,827 --> 00:11:32,826
What, Mommy?

301
00:11:32,895 --> 00:11:34,728
If you quit now,

302
00:11:34,797 --> 00:11:37,798
you're gonna regret it
for the rest of your life.

303
00:11:38,202 --> 00:11:40,734
Look at yourself. Is
this what you want to be?

304
00:11:40,803 --> 00:11:43,137
An unemployed 30-year-old
living with your parents?

305
00:11:43,205 --> 00:11:44,805
Well, tough noogies.

306
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:47,474
Because I'm not babying you anymore.

307
00:11:47,543 --> 00:11:49,376
Your dog didn't leave for Hollywood

308
00:11:49,445 --> 00:11:52,834
to work in the Universal
Studio Animal Actors show.

309
00:11:52,888 --> 00:11:54,548
She died!

310
00:11:54,617 --> 00:11:56,650
And none of your dolls
went to the doll hospital.

311
00:11:56,719 --> 00:11:58,519
They all went in the garbage...

312
00:11:58,587 --> 00:11:59,720
disposal!

313
00:11:59,789 --> 00:12:00,988
Oh.

314
00:12:01,057 --> 00:12:02,523
And that mark on your lower back,

315
00:12:02,591 --> 00:12:03,957
that wasn't a mole that we had removed.

316
00:12:04,026 --> 00:12:05,459
You were born with a...

317
00:12:05,528 --> 00:12:07,470
Okay, okay, okay!

318
00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:10,061
You're right, Mom.

319
00:12:10,130 --> 00:12:11,463
I can't give up.

320
00:12:11,531 --> 00:12:13,098
- Tough love worked.
- Yeah.

321
00:12:13,166 --> 00:12:15,133
Oh, I'm gonna stop being so nice to Dave.

322
00:12:15,202 --> 00:12:17,102
Okay, I got to get everyone together

323
00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:18,403
and come up with a plan.

324
00:12:18,472 --> 00:12:19,971
Ugh, but where?

325
00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:22,407
It's got to be someplace
Gram would never go, you know?

326
00:12:22,476 --> 00:12:24,743
Somewhere that would make her skin crawl.

327
00:12:24,811 --> 00:12:27,011
Somewhere that she would
literally rather die

328
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,780
- than set foot in.
- Mm.

329
00:12:28,849 --> 00:12:30,215
You know what? You did not have to

330
00:12:30,283 --> 00:12:31,483
describe my house like that.

331
00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:33,156
I am very offended.

332
00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:34,593
Dave.

333
00:12:34,593 --> 00:12:37,060
- Dave, go get the veggies.
- Okay, dear.

334
00:12:37,403 --> 00:12:38,661
Okay, guys,

335
00:12:38,730 --> 00:12:41,464
we have to get our story out
before Gram runs her version.

336
00:12:41,533 --> 00:12:43,166
Now, I know it's a lot to ask.

337
00:12:43,235 --> 00:12:45,001
If we take down the woman
who runs the network,

338
00:12:45,070 --> 00:12:46,970
we could potentially lose our jobs.

339
00:12:47,038 --> 00:12:49,272
But why did we become journalists

340
00:12:49,341 --> 00:12:52,075
if not to uncover the truth and use it

341
00:12:52,144 --> 00:12:53,743
to change the world?

342
00:12:53,812 --> 00:12:54,911
You know what?

343
00:12:55,224 --> 00:12:56,123
I'm in.

344
00:12:56,191 --> 00:12:57,391
- Really?
- Yeah.

345
00:12:57,459 --> 00:12:59,960
I hate Gram and this crunchy suit.

346
00:13:00,028 --> 00:13:01,261
And because we're journalists.

347
00:13:01,330 --> 00:13:02,841
No, just the suit.

348
00:13:03,098 --> 00:13:04,097
I'm in too.

349
00:13:04,166 --> 00:13:05,132
Because of my speech?

350
00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:06,400
What speech?

351
00:13:06,468 --> 00:13:07,934
You know what? I'm in too.

352
00:13:08,003 --> 00:13:09,870
Gram is mean AF.

353
00:13:09,938 --> 00:13:11,805
That's a Twitter term
which I can only assume

354
00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:14,074
stands for mean "as Frankenstein."

355
00:13:14,143 --> 00:13:16,309
There is another term, DTF:

356
00:13:16,378 --> 00:13:18,378
Don't Touch Frankenstein.

357
00:13:18,447 --> 00:13:20,349
To which I usually just reply,

358
00:13:22,732 --> 00:13:24,418
Won't Touch Frankenstein.

359
00:13:24,818 --> 00:13:26,186
Right, so we're all in.

360
00:13:26,255 --> 00:13:28,088
Now, what is the plan?

361
00:13:28,157 --> 00:13:30,357
Yeah, how are we supposed
to do a show exposing Gram

362
00:13:30,426 --> 00:13:32,058
if she's watching the entire time?

363
00:13:32,127 --> 00:13:33,960
Because we will be doing

364
00:13:34,029 --> 00:13:35,061
two shows,

365
00:13:35,130 --> 00:13:36,596
one show for Gram

366
00:13:36,665 --> 00:13:39,199
and one show for the rest of the world.

367
00:13:40,269 --> 00:13:41,635
Ooh.

368
00:13:41,703 --> 00:13:43,003
I don't get it.

369
00:13:43,071 --> 00:13:44,638
Mom, I explained the whole thing to you

370
00:13:44,706 --> 00:13:45,972
before everyone came over.

371
00:13:46,041 --> 00:13:47,707
I know, but I was busy cleaning up.

372
00:13:47,776 --> 00:13:49,643
No one's ever seen my house before.

373
00:13:49,711 --> 00:13:50,877
I love it.

374
00:13:50,946 --> 00:13:52,846
It's so funny.

375
00:13:52,915 --> 00:13:53,880
Oh.

376
00:13:53,949 --> 00:13:55,382
Okay, so here's the plan.

377
00:13:56,585 --> 00:13:58,236
Every day, at 3:00 p.m.,

378
00:13:58,249 --> 00:13:59,976
Gram has a cup of tea in the break room.

379
00:14:00,001 --> 00:14:02,200
Oh, yeah, and then she
takes her glasses off

380
00:14:02,225 --> 00:14:04,492
when she drinks it
because it steams them up!

381
00:14:04,517 --> 00:14:06,751
I do that too, but I drink coffee.

382
00:14:06,820 --> 00:14:09,053
Actually, I could go for a cup right now.

383
00:14:09,122 --> 00:14:10,254
Does anyone else want? Dave!

384
00:14:11,491 --> 00:14:14,192
Okay, focus! Focus.

385
00:14:14,260 --> 00:14:17,295
Justin will create a complex diversion,

386
00:14:17,364 --> 00:14:20,031
distracting Gram just long enough

387
00:14:20,100 --> 00:14:23,067
so that Beth can gain access to her phone

388
00:14:23,136 --> 00:14:25,341
and swap out her glasses.

389
00:14:25,366 --> 00:14:27,165
I can type really fast

390
00:14:27,234 --> 00:14:29,134
because I'm currently
in a sexting relationship

391
00:14:29,203 --> 00:14:30,984
with all of the Pittsburgh Steelers.

392
00:14:31,050 --> 00:14:33,721
Then Greg will return the
phone and replacement glasses.

393
00:14:33,831 --> 00:14:35,697
- Why did Greg twirl like that?
- Shh.

394
00:14:35,766 --> 00:14:38,267
When Gram goes upstairs
to use the nicer bathroom,

395
00:14:38,335 --> 00:14:41,970
Mom will slow her down while
I sneak into the building.

396
00:14:42,039 --> 00:14:43,639
Chuck and Wayne and I

397
00:14:43,707 --> 00:14:45,707
just need to make it
to the roof unnoticed.

398
00:14:45,776 --> 00:14:48,176
That's where we'll be
broadcasting the real show.

399
00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:51,079
Wait.

400
00:14:51,148 --> 00:14:53,115
My only job is to carry a box?

401
00:14:53,183 --> 00:14:54,416
Well, that stinks.

402
00:14:54,485 --> 00:14:55,317
Can't I, like, I don't know,

403
00:14:55,386 --> 00:14:57,452
climb an elevator shaft or something?

404
00:14:57,521 --> 00:14:58,631
No.

405
00:14:58,632 --> 00:14:59,964
And why are we doing a
real show on the roof?

406
00:15:00,033 --> 00:15:02,505
- What if it rains?
- It won't.

407
00:15:02,552 --> 00:15:03,668
It owes me one.

408
00:15:04,500 --> 00:15:06,099
Gram will never know

409
00:15:06,124 --> 00:15:07,724
that the show that she is watching

410
00:15:07,792 --> 00:15:10,026
from the control room is just for her

411
00:15:10,095 --> 00:15:12,829
and that Chuck, who's
blurry image she sees,

412
00:15:12,897 --> 00:15:14,864
thanks to her replacement glasses,

413
00:15:14,933 --> 00:15:16,733
is just a wax figure.

414
00:15:16,801 --> 00:15:18,668
Good evening. I'm Chuck Pierce.

415
00:15:18,737 --> 00:15:20,003
We begin tonight's broadcast...

416
00:15:20,071 --> 00:15:21,204
I don't get it.

417
00:15:21,272 --> 00:15:22,972
Can we say the whole thing over again?

418
00:15:28,580 --> 00:15:30,813
Remember, one word off-prompter,

419
00:15:30,882 --> 00:15:32,348
and I kill the show

420
00:15:32,417 --> 00:15:33,516
and my corgi.

421
00:15:33,585 --> 00:15:34,951
What? Why?

422
00:15:35,020 --> 00:15:36,619
Good evening.

423
00:15:36,688 --> 00:15:38,388
We begin tonight's
broadcast with an update

424
00:15:38,456 --> 00:15:40,757
on the recent Biscuit
Blitz hacking scandal

425
00:15:40,825 --> 00:15:43,760
and the brave CEO who put an end to it.

426
00:15:43,828 --> 00:15:44,968
Good evening.

427
00:15:44,993 --> 00:15:46,875
Tonight's show will
be a little different.

428
00:15:47,027 --> 00:15:49,701
Just a man and a camera

429
00:15:50,039 --> 00:15:51,238
and the truth.

430
00:15:51,660 --> 00:15:54,175
Whoa, is he hot?

431
00:15:54,243 --> 00:15:55,809
Smokin'.

432
00:15:55,878 --> 00:15:57,911
We take a look at the
recent hacking scandal

433
00:15:57,980 --> 00:16:00,113
and at the story that one CEO

434
00:16:00,182 --> 00:16:02,349
doesn't want you to hear.

435
00:16:02,418 --> 00:16:04,284
Mildred Marlock vows to find

436
00:16:04,353 --> 00:16:06,053
whoever was responsible,

437
00:16:06,121 --> 00:16:09,058
because it definitely wasn't her.

438
00:16:09,107 --> 00:16:11,035
- Portia?
- Thanks, Chuck.

439
00:16:11,156 --> 00:16:14,457
Coming up, a Chicago homicide
victim refuses to talk.

440
00:16:14,526 --> 00:16:16,693
What is she hiding? Stay with us.

441
00:16:17,557 --> 00:16:19,062
Well, you got your story.

442
00:16:19,131 --> 00:16:20,063
Are you happy now?

443
00:16:20,132 --> 00:16:21,397
No, I'm disappointed,

444
00:16:21,466 --> 00:16:23,900
the way you ambushed me yesterday.

445
00:16:23,969 --> 00:16:25,602
What kind of man tries to throw

446
00:16:25,670 --> 00:16:28,025
his own grandmother under the...

447
00:16:28,540 --> 00:16:31,141
Oh, what do you call that long, tall

448
00:16:31,209 --> 00:16:33,409
car for poor people, uh...

449
00:16:33,512 --> 00:16:34,480
oh, anyway.

450
00:16:34,505 --> 00:16:36,072
It's a shame because

451
00:16:36,096 --> 00:16:38,830
this Saint Wiggin's
Day, I was going to make

452
00:16:38,855 --> 00:16:41,449
crumb fairy from scratch.

453
00:16:41,488 --> 00:16:43,153
You could have been a part of that,

454
00:16:43,221 --> 00:16:45,054
but you had to ruin it.

455
00:16:48,033 --> 00:16:49,626
What is wrong with you?

456
00:16:49,694 --> 00:16:51,094
The show's fake!

457
00:16:51,163 --> 00:16:52,896
What are you talking
about, you little turkey?

458
00:16:52,964 --> 00:16:54,531
They're broadcasting the
real show from the roof!

459
00:16:54,599 --> 00:16:55,632
I'm sorry, Gram!

460
00:17:00,189 --> 00:17:01,789
Oh, what is wrong with these?

461
00:17:02,706 --> 00:17:04,974
Why is this in airplane mode?

462
00:17:06,523 --> 00:17:07,956
Shut down the show now.

463
00:17:08,025 --> 00:17:09,770
Go to bars and tone.

464
00:17:10,036 --> 00:17:11,536
Which is why we believe that this story

465
00:17:11,605 --> 00:17:13,805
may go right to the very top.

466
00:17:13,874 --> 00:17:15,173
- Oh, crap.
- What?

467
00:17:15,242 --> 00:17:16,541
Sorry, guys, we're off the air.

468
00:17:16,610 --> 00:17:19,511
- Oh, come on.
- That's right, you are.

469
00:17:19,579 --> 00:17:22,046
I didn't get to where
I am by being an idiot.

470
00:17:22,115 --> 00:17:23,858
I got to where I am

471
00:17:23,883 --> 00:17:25,649
by being a genius

472
00:17:25,674 --> 00:17:28,588
and sleeping with a powerful, fat man.

473
00:17:28,688 --> 00:17:31,055
Do you think I would have
orchestrated this hack

474
00:17:31,124 --> 00:17:34,243
if I thought it was ever
going to be tied to me?

475
00:17:34,268 --> 00:17:35,867
It just did, though.

476
00:17:36,114 --> 00:17:39,050
Smile, Gram. You're on "The Breakdown."

477
00:17:39,145 --> 00:17:41,032
And now we are off the air.

478
00:17:41,101 --> 00:17:42,167
For real.

479
00:17:42,235 --> 00:17:44,229
What the hell is going on?

480
00:17:44,288 --> 00:17:45,854
- Well, when you...
- Congratulations, Gram.

481
00:17:45,923 --> 00:17:48,390
You just incriminated
yourself on live TV.

482
00:17:48,458 --> 00:17:49,724
Dude, why are you the one

483
00:17:49,793 --> 00:17:51,026
that's saying everything right now?

484
00:17:51,094 --> 00:17:52,894
- I came up with the whole plan!
- Shh.

485
00:17:52,963 --> 00:17:54,462
I didn't have a panic attack, Gram.

486
00:17:54,531 --> 00:17:57,032
I just needed to trick you
into confessing on camera.

487
00:17:57,100 --> 00:17:58,533
But I called the network.

488
00:17:58,602 --> 00:17:59,901
No, you didn't.

489
00:17:59,970 --> 00:18:01,469
I reprogrammed the contact in your phone

490
00:18:01,538 --> 00:18:02,938
to Beth's number.

491
00:18:03,006 --> 00:18:04,706
I'm surprised you
didn't think it was weird

492
00:18:04,775 --> 00:18:07,943
when I said, "Okay, I'll
shut down the show, Gram."

493
00:18:08,011 --> 00:18:09,578
I don't know your name.

494
00:18:09,646 --> 00:18:11,313
The bars and tone were a graphic,

495
00:18:11,381 --> 00:18:13,048
you crunchy-suit loving bitch!

496
00:18:13,116 --> 00:18:14,449
No, no, no.

497
00:18:14,518 --> 00:18:16,318
You should be ashamed of yourself.

498
00:18:16,386 --> 00:18:19,621
When I become a grandmother,
I'm gonna be nothing like you.

499
00:18:19,690 --> 00:18:22,624
I mean if I become a grandmother.

500
00:18:22,693 --> 00:18:24,459
Seriously, Mom? Right now,
you want to talk about...

501
00:18:24,528 --> 00:18:25,660
- Yes.
- Great.

502
00:18:25,699 --> 00:18:27,495
I refuse to stand here and be lectured

503
00:18:27,564 --> 00:18:31,704
by a woman who can only
afford 3/4 of a pant.

504
00:18:32,736 --> 00:18:34,002
If it's the last thing I do,

505
00:18:34,071 --> 00:18:36,304
I will get you, Gene!

506
00:18:36,373 --> 00:18:37,806
No-no-no, no, get me, get me!

507
00:18:37,874 --> 00:18:39,407
Get me.

508
00:18:41,478 --> 00:18:42,611
Way to go, Gene!

509
00:18:42,679 --> 00:18:43,645
Well done, Gene!

510
00:18:43,714 --> 00:18:44,946
Stop, stop it, stop.

511
00:18:48,485 --> 00:18:50,619
Hey, I just wanted to say bye

512
00:18:50,687 --> 00:18:53,321
'cause we probably won't
be co-workers anymore

513
00:18:53,390 --> 00:18:56,024
because we probably
won't have a show anymore.

514
00:18:56,093 --> 00:18:57,166
Right.

515
00:18:57,167 --> 00:18:58,132
But we'll see each other, I'm sure.

516
00:18:58,201 --> 00:18:59,273
Yeah.

517
00:19:01,577 --> 00:19:03,071
And, hey, you know, if you need someone

518
00:19:03,139 --> 00:19:05,106
to spend Saint Wiggin's Day with,

519
00:19:05,175 --> 00:19:07,942
I can bake that crumb fairy dessert.

520
00:19:08,011 --> 00:19:10,563
It's actually a gelatinous savory dish.

521
00:19:10,588 --> 00:19:11,787
What?

522
00:19:11,812 --> 00:19:13,718
But that's lovely. Thank you.

523
00:19:16,351 --> 00:19:17,450
- Well?
- 'Kay.

524
00:19:30,671 --> 00:19:32,811
Gram's been suspended by
the board of directors.

525
00:19:32,836 --> 00:19:34,536
The show might be okay.

526
00:19:36,203 --> 00:19:38,039
Were you guys about to kiss?

527
00:19:40,717 --> 00:19:43,551
No, it's actually a
British celebratory custom.

528
00:19:43,619 --> 00:19:44,832
Oh, cool.

529
00:19:45,621 --> 00:19:46,721
I'll try it.

530
00:19:46,812 --> 00:19:47,946
Yeah, of course.

531
00:19:49,992 --> 00:19:50,970
Okay.

532
00:19:52,343 --> 00:19:53,651
I'll take a kiss.

533
00:19:53,650 --> 00:19:54,916
If you're giving 'em out.

534
00:19:55,018 --> 00:19:56,089
Right.

535
00:19:56,918 --> 00:19:58,012
Okay.

536
00:19:58,013 --> 00:19:59,346
I love other cultures.

537
00:19:59,415 --> 00:20:00,481
I'll take one too.

538
00:20:00,549 --> 00:20:01,949
Excellent.

539
00:20:05,972 --> 00:20:07,654
You don't have to do this.

540
00:20:07,723 --> 00:20:08,899
I know.

541
00:20:15,542 --> 00:20:18,141
You did such a good job today.

542
00:20:18,205 --> 00:20:20,472
Well, I couldn't have
done it without you, Mom.

543
00:20:20,541 --> 00:20:22,717
Or Gene. That guy's the man.

544
00:20:25,127 --> 00:20:27,394
You know, I-I know it took a lot

545
00:20:27,462 --> 00:20:30,130
for you to get tough
with me, but I'm so happy

546
00:20:30,198 --> 00:20:31,270
that you did.

547
00:20:31,633 --> 00:20:32,799
Thanks, Mom.

548
00:20:32,868 --> 00:20:34,674
You're welcome, pumpkin.

549
00:20:34,699 --> 00:20:36,899
And thanks for finally
seeing me as a gwown-up.

550
00:20:37,190 --> 00:20:39,272
I'm glad having your mom at the office

551
00:20:39,341 --> 00:20:40,901
hasn't ruined your life.

552
00:20:40,926 --> 00:20:43,526
I need a mom sometimes. We all do.

553
00:20:46,348 --> 00:20:47,449
Night, kids.

554
00:20:47,474 --> 00:20:50,071
Good night, Carol.

555
00:21:08,271 --> 00:21:11,036
Synced and corrected by louvette
www.addic7ed.com