1 00:00:00,039 --> 00:00:02,695 And the senator was forced to suspend his campaign 2 00:00:02,732 --> 00:00:04,828 when officials discovered it was a, 3 00:00:04,923 --> 00:00:07,657 "Weekend at Bernie's" situation. Chuck? 4 00:00:07,726 --> 00:00:11,128 Dozens hospitalized as a serial arsonist strikes 5 00:00:11,197 --> 00:00:12,330 again in New York City. 6 00:00:12,398 --> 00:00:13,698 We go now to our field reporter, 7 00:00:13,767 --> 00:00:15,133 Kevin Herkins, 8 00:00:15,201 --> 00:00:16,234 who's been on top of this story 9 00:00:16,302 --> 00:00:17,602 from the beginning. Kevin? 10 00:00:17,670 --> 00:00:19,303 That's right, Chuck. 11 00:00:19,372 --> 00:00:21,038 This Quiznos may be toasted, 12 00:00:21,107 --> 00:00:23,908 but tonight, nobody's saying "Mmm." 13 00:00:23,977 --> 00:00:27,078 Witnesses saw a white male fleeing the scene. 14 00:00:27,147 --> 00:00:29,981 He's described as 30s, red hair, 15 00:00:30,049 --> 00:00:32,555 wearing a grey suit, and a pink tie. 16 00:00:33,820 --> 00:00:37,455 However, police are warning that the description is wrong 17 00:00:37,524 --> 00:00:40,291 and the guy probably looks the opposite to that. 18 00:00:40,316 --> 00:00:41,359 There he is! 19 00:00:41,427 --> 00:00:43,360 We now go live to over there! 20 00:00:43,696 --> 00:00:44,862 No! 21 00:00:47,281 --> 00:00:50,516 Well, I'm sure that's some sort of strange coincidence. 22 00:00:50,585 --> 00:00:53,285 Kevin is a beloved member of the MMN family. 23 00:00:53,354 --> 00:00:55,087 - He obviously didn't... - I did it! 24 00:00:55,156 --> 00:00:56,753 I set all the fires! 25 00:00:56,778 --> 00:01:00,414 Redheads unite and kill all the other hair colors! 26 00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:06,165 Back to you, Chuck. 27 00:01:10,196 --> 00:01:12,670 Synced and corrected by louvette www.addic7ed.com 28 00:01:13,241 --> 00:01:16,197 There's my little star! 29 00:01:17,178 --> 00:01:19,678 All my friends saw you on TV! 30 00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:21,013 Oh, I'm exhausted. 31 00:01:21,082 --> 00:01:22,648 I was up all night recording vocals 32 00:01:22,717 --> 00:01:24,717 for DJ Snake's brother, DJ Worm, 33 00:01:24,786 --> 00:01:26,886 and my voice is already shot from doing that TED Talk 34 00:01:26,954 --> 00:01:28,654 on the power of chillaxing. 35 00:01:28,723 --> 00:01:31,057 Tonight, I'm serving as a celebrity referee 36 00:01:31,125 --> 00:01:33,526 at Susan Sarandon's ping pong nightclub. 37 00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:35,761 Huh. That last one sounds made up. 38 00:01:35,830 --> 00:01:37,797 Are you working on any dope side projects, Chuck? 39 00:01:37,865 --> 00:01:39,398 Well, actually, in June, 40 00:01:39,467 --> 00:01:41,267 I am giving the commencement address 41 00:01:41,335 --> 00:01:44,303 at the Braithwaite School for Troubled Boys. 42 00:01:44,372 --> 00:01:45,771 Wonderful news, everyone. 43 00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:48,474 Kevin has been indicted for serial arson. 44 00:01:48,543 --> 00:01:50,309 - Oh, my God. - Obviously, we need 45 00:01:50,378 --> 00:01:52,178 a new field reporter ASAP, 46 00:01:52,246 --> 00:01:54,113 so if anyone has any ideas... 47 00:01:54,182 --> 00:01:56,248 We don't need someone with a ton of experience. 48 00:01:56,317 --> 00:01:58,284 Basically, if they can string four words together, 49 00:01:58,352 --> 00:01:59,444 the job is theirs. 50 00:01:59,469 --> 00:02:00,870 Me could go camera. 51 00:02:01,446 --> 00:02:03,046 Katie could do it. 52 00:02:03,114 --> 00:02:04,681 Ha! That's an interesting idea. 53 00:02:04,749 --> 00:02:06,049 Who said that? 54 00:02:06,117 --> 00:02:08,585 I did. I'm a talent scout. 55 00:02:08,653 --> 00:02:09,953 Well, what are you doing 56 00:02:10,021 --> 00:02:11,621 at our morning meeting? 57 00:02:11,690 --> 00:02:13,723 Do you want to do it, Katie? Just for today? 58 00:02:13,792 --> 00:02:14,691 No, thanks. 59 00:02:14,759 --> 00:02:16,159 - Good. - What? 60 00:02:16,228 --> 00:02:17,206 Why? 61 00:02:17,446 --> 00:02:19,012 You've got nothing going on. I read your texts. 62 00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:21,802 They're all from the Domino's Pizza Tracker. 63 00:02:22,195 --> 00:02:24,322 Because I would like to produce a story. 64 00:02:24,391 --> 00:02:25,957 I've been working a source at the NRA, 65 00:02:26,027 --> 00:02:28,428 and I think he's finally willing to do an interview. 66 00:02:28,727 --> 00:02:31,130 Okay. That does sound better than your last piece 67 00:02:31,199 --> 00:02:32,799 about the cat who dialed 912 68 00:02:32,867 --> 00:02:35,435 and everyone died. There is one more thing. 69 00:02:35,503 --> 00:02:38,037 The network has received quite a few angry phone calls 70 00:02:38,106 --> 00:02:41,126 from older viewers about our theme song. 71 00:02:41,376 --> 00:02:43,985 Really? I think our theme song's zazzy. 72 00:02:44,048 --> 00:02:45,614 Unfortunately, elderly people 73 00:02:45,682 --> 00:02:47,682 who complain about things are our key demographic. 74 00:02:47,751 --> 00:02:49,451 We're gonna need a new theme song. 75 00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:50,986 New theme song, eh? 76 00:02:51,055 --> 00:02:52,785 You know, I play... 77 00:02:54,823 --> 00:02:55,903 guitar. 78 00:03:02,566 --> 00:03:04,599 But I think you'd be great on the show! 79 00:03:04,668 --> 00:03:06,535 Mom, stop following me. 80 00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:08,470 I have no desire to be on camera. 81 00:03:08,539 --> 00:03:10,105 I think you're just scared because 82 00:03:10,174 --> 00:03:12,607 of what happened last time you tried to be a star. 83 00:03:15,746 --> 00:03:17,913 Katie, dance like no one's watching 84 00:03:17,981 --> 00:03:20,582 even though everyone is and the stakes couldn't be higher. 85 00:03:20,651 --> 00:03:22,417 ♪ Naa na-na na-na ♪ 86 00:03:22,486 --> 00:03:24,553 ♪ Na-na-na-na na-na-na na-na-na ♪ 87 00:03:24,621 --> 00:03:26,822 - ♪ Na-na-na-na ♪ - Yes! 88 00:03:26,890 --> 00:03:29,124 ♪ Here come the hot stepper, na-na-na ♪ 89 00:03:29,193 --> 00:03:31,460 ♪ I'm the lyrical gangster, murderer ♪ 90 00:03:33,063 --> 00:03:34,296 ♪ Murderer ♪ 91 00:03:34,364 --> 00:03:35,697 ♪ Like it like that ♪ 92 00:03:35,766 --> 00:03:37,399 ♪ Murderer ♪ 93 00:03:37,468 --> 00:03:40,402 ♪ No no we don't die ♪ 94 00:03:40,471 --> 00:03:42,039 Oh, no. She forgot it. 95 00:03:42,561 --> 00:03:43,894 ♪ Anyone test will hear... ♪ 96 00:03:44,367 --> 00:03:47,391 Boo! Boo! 97 00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:50,461 Mom, I'm not scared. 98 00:03:50,529 --> 00:03:52,596 I just don't want to be a field reporter, 99 00:03:52,665 --> 00:03:54,498 and honestly, I don't want you to go back 100 00:03:54,567 --> 00:03:56,567 to being an insane stage mom. 101 00:03:56,636 --> 00:03:58,769 Oh, please. I wasn't insane enough. 102 00:03:58,838 --> 00:04:00,337 If I had pushed you harder, 103 00:04:00,406 --> 00:04:01,805 you would've won Little Miss New Jersey 104 00:04:01,874 --> 00:04:03,641 and Little Miss America 105 00:04:03,709 --> 00:04:06,277 and that other pageant that turned out to be for dwarves. 106 00:04:06,345 --> 00:04:08,078 I didn't want to do any of those. 107 00:04:08,147 --> 00:04:11,081 Only because you were afraid of your own greatness. 108 00:04:11,150 --> 00:04:12,583 You're not gonna make that mistake again. 109 00:04:12,652 --> 00:04:14,013 Yes, I am. 110 00:04:14,038 --> 00:04:15,352 Oh, so you admit that it's a mistake. 111 00:04:15,396 --> 00:04:17,827 Well, case closed, Judge Joe Black. 112 00:04:17,852 --> 00:04:19,076 Or is it Brown? 113 00:04:19,454 --> 00:04:20,592 You know, the... 114 00:04:21,774 --> 00:04:23,068 black one. 115 00:04:23,093 --> 00:04:26,025 Okay, Mom, Mom, I'm not doing it. 116 00:04:26,288 --> 00:04:27,354 Okay. 117 00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:30,040 What do you say to this? 118 00:04:30,198 --> 00:04:33,235 "Believe in your dreams"? Why do you have this? 119 00:04:33,280 --> 00:04:35,601 Oh, Katie, I just don't want you to be on your deathbed 120 00:04:35,678 --> 00:04:39,320 and look over at me and say, "I should've gone for it, Mom." 121 00:04:40,811 --> 00:04:44,574 "New theme song, eh? You know, I play guitar." 122 00:04:45,436 --> 00:04:48,604 Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. 123 00:04:48,673 --> 00:04:50,118 Listen to the rock. 124 00:04:50,157 --> 00:04:52,323 I'm definitely not gonna regret it, 125 00:04:52,353 --> 00:04:54,754 and I'm not making my life decisions 126 00:04:54,822 --> 00:04:57,182 based on advice from a rock! 127 00:04:59,260 --> 00:05:00,659 I'm coming. 128 00:05:04,817 --> 00:05:06,651 Is someone playing a prank on me? 129 00:05:06,719 --> 00:05:10,423 Because it's very funny, and I definitely get it! 130 00:05:16,229 --> 00:05:18,108 "Believe in your dreams"? 131 00:05:20,779 --> 00:05:21,828 Thank you! 132 00:05:22,936 --> 00:05:25,036 I'm writing the new theme song, and that's final. 133 00:05:25,103 --> 00:05:27,291 If Frasier can do it, so can I. 134 00:05:28,807 --> 00:05:31,447 For lunch, I wanted tossed salad and scrambled eggs. 135 00:05:32,911 --> 00:05:34,731 It's not because of the song. 136 00:05:41,353 --> 00:05:42,586 Hey, what's Greg doing? 137 00:05:42,654 --> 00:05:44,621 Screen testing new field reporters. 138 00:05:44,690 --> 00:05:46,693 Do you speak any English at all? 139 00:05:47,259 --> 00:05:49,226 - Ja. - We'll be in touch. 140 00:05:49,294 --> 00:05:50,694 I can't believe you don't want to do it, Katie. 141 00:05:50,762 --> 00:05:52,195 Yeah, I don't know. 142 00:05:52,264 --> 00:05:53,697 I just never really wanted to be on camera. 143 00:05:53,765 --> 00:05:55,565 Plus, I have this NRA piece that I think... 144 00:05:55,634 --> 00:05:56,967 It's 2017. 145 00:05:57,035 --> 00:05:58,335 The only people that don't want fame 146 00:05:58,403 --> 00:06:01,075 and attention are molesters and not even. 147 00:06:01,306 --> 00:06:03,540 Josh Duggar and Jared Fogle have that new reality show 148 00:06:03,609 --> 00:06:05,785 "Property Pervs." You're the only one. 149 00:06:06,311 --> 00:06:09,346 - Okay, whenever you're ready. - Hi, I'm Gordy Smurch, 150 00:06:09,414 --> 00:06:12,549 and today, I'm reporting on boogers, ew! 151 00:06:12,618 --> 00:06:13,670 Thank you! 152 00:06:14,152 --> 00:06:16,152 So you haven't found anyone yet, huh? 153 00:06:16,221 --> 00:06:19,055 No. The talent pool is thin, Katie. 154 00:06:19,124 --> 00:06:20,677 There's just too many news shows. 155 00:06:20,706 --> 00:06:23,641 CNN had to give 10:00 to the "Damn Daniel" guy. 156 00:06:23,666 --> 00:06:27,036 - Oh, this guy looks normal. - Okay, go ahead. 157 00:06:32,504 --> 00:06:33,903 Could you do it without the dummy? 158 00:06:33,972 --> 00:06:36,220 You heard him, dummy. Get lost. 159 00:06:39,348 --> 00:06:41,649 Could you please fill in, Katie? 160 00:06:41,717 --> 00:06:43,984 - Buy me some time. - I don't know. 161 00:06:44,053 --> 00:06:45,920 Every time I do something like this, 162 00:06:45,988 --> 00:06:48,122 my mom just gets way too into it. 163 00:06:48,191 --> 00:06:49,723 This one time, I was in the background 164 00:06:49,792 --> 00:06:51,058 of a "Girls Gone Wild" video, 165 00:06:51,127 --> 00:06:53,727 not naked, just using a metal detector, 166 00:06:53,796 --> 00:06:55,763 and she bought, like, a thousand copies. 167 00:06:55,788 --> 00:06:56,933 Please, Katie, 168 00:06:58,060 --> 00:06:59,199 for the show. 169 00:07:00,169 --> 00:07:01,412 Fine. 170 00:07:01,443 --> 00:07:03,373 Fine, but just temporarily. 171 00:07:03,806 --> 00:07:06,073 We're back in business, baby! 172 00:07:06,142 --> 00:07:08,390 What? Why do you have that? 173 00:07:08,415 --> 00:07:10,132 I've never taken it off. 174 00:07:11,353 --> 00:07:13,487 Fans from around the globe will gather 175 00:07:13,489 --> 00:07:14,822 at this midtown hotel to celebrate 176 00:07:14,891 --> 00:07:16,457 the 20th anniversary 177 00:07:16,526 --> 00:07:17,858 of "Dunston Checks In," 178 00:07:17,927 --> 00:07:21,945 which this reporter urges all of you to check out. 179 00:07:22,336 --> 00:07:24,570 In Manhattan, I'm Katie Wendelson. 180 00:07:24,638 --> 00:07:25,804 Back to you, Chuck. 181 00:07:25,873 --> 00:07:27,387 Back to you, Chuck! 182 00:07:28,342 --> 00:07:29,808 All right, everyone, go get some dessert, 183 00:07:29,877 --> 00:07:31,043 and then we'll rewind 184 00:07:31,112 --> 00:07:32,578 and watch it for the sixth time. 185 00:07:32,646 --> 00:07:34,313 Dave, open that wine 186 00:07:34,381 --> 00:07:36,315 you've been saving for your retirement! 187 00:07:36,383 --> 00:07:37,793 You got it, dear! 188 00:07:38,568 --> 00:07:39,841 Congratulations. 189 00:07:39,866 --> 00:07:41,632 - Thanks, Angie. - You know, now that you have 190 00:07:41,701 --> 00:07:44,969 such a cool job, I may set you up with my nephew, 191 00:07:45,038 --> 00:07:47,171 the one that killed all those possums under my deck. 192 00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:50,007 - Ralphie asked about me? - Uh, no. 193 00:07:53,980 --> 00:07:57,122 Mom, why is that woman glaring at you? 194 00:07:57,750 --> 00:08:00,151 Oh, her? That's my nemesis, Judy. 195 00:08:00,219 --> 00:08:03,154 She is so jealous because you're on TV. 196 00:08:03,222 --> 00:08:05,823 Her daughter's just a stupid senator. 197 00:08:05,892 --> 00:08:07,925 I am so proud of you, Katie. 198 00:08:07,994 --> 00:08:09,593 You made me so happy tonight! 199 00:08:09,662 --> 00:08:10,961 Aw, thanks, Mom. 200 00:08:11,030 --> 00:08:13,064 You know what, it wasn't even that bad. 201 00:08:13,132 --> 00:08:14,732 I got my makeup done, a mean girl 202 00:08:14,801 --> 00:08:16,567 from middle school approved my friend request. 203 00:08:16,636 --> 00:08:19,036 See, I told you this was gonna be a good thing. 204 00:08:19,105 --> 00:08:21,839 Yeah, and I've never had so many people say "Good job." 205 00:08:21,908 --> 00:08:23,808 You never hear that as a producer. 206 00:08:23,876 --> 00:08:25,343 Sometimes, I sit on my own hand 207 00:08:25,411 --> 00:08:26,644 and then pat myself on the back 208 00:08:26,713 --> 00:08:27,978 so it feels like a stranger's doing it. 209 00:08:28,047 --> 00:08:29,023 Oh. 210 00:08:29,962 --> 00:08:31,302 Wait. What? 211 00:08:32,618 --> 00:08:34,285 ...with Portia Scott Griffin. 212 00:08:34,354 --> 00:08:37,221 Stan, you've been at the NRA for 30 years? 213 00:08:37,290 --> 00:08:39,423 What? They did my NRA interview without me? 214 00:08:39,492 --> 00:08:40,691 But I was out in the field. 215 00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:42,326 I didn't write any questions. 216 00:08:42,395 --> 00:08:43,807 So let's get right to it. 217 00:08:43,976 --> 00:08:47,245 What is, like, the coolest gun in the world? 218 00:08:48,164 --> 00:08:50,382 Oh, no. She produced it herself. 219 00:08:50,452 --> 00:08:51,951 You know, I once shot a bazooka 220 00:08:52,020 --> 00:08:53,605 in a Taylor Swift video. 221 00:08:53,630 --> 00:08:55,263 - Is there a question? - No. 222 00:08:55,710 --> 00:08:57,136 Do you have any questions for me? 223 00:08:57,795 --> 00:09:00,785 Um, what's Taylor Swift like? 224 00:09:01,096 --> 00:09:02,328 - Well... - Oh, my God. 225 00:09:02,397 --> 00:09:04,030 She's screwed it all up. 226 00:09:04,099 --> 00:09:05,999 I lost a huge story 'cause I was doing 227 00:09:06,068 --> 00:09:08,435 some stupid thing to make you happy. 228 00:09:08,503 --> 00:09:11,004 - Aw. - No, Mom, not "Aw." 229 00:09:11,073 --> 00:09:12,839 I'm never going on camera again. 230 00:09:12,908 --> 00:09:13,973 - What? - Hey. 231 00:09:14,042 --> 00:09:15,308 Can I have a picture with the TV star? 232 00:09:15,377 --> 00:09:17,077 Yes. 233 00:09:17,145 --> 00:09:19,612 And tomorrow, I am marching into Greg's office, 234 00:09:19,681 --> 00:09:21,514 and I am telling him that this is over. 235 00:09:21,583 --> 00:09:23,850 Oh, Ralphie texted back. 236 00:09:23,919 --> 00:09:27,348 He said, "She wishes" and four toilet emojis. 237 00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:39,490 Hey, who are you, the janitor? 238 00:09:39,801 --> 00:09:41,000 Clean up these papers 239 00:09:41,069 --> 00:09:42,068 that someone else threw on the ground. 240 00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:44,286 No, I'm the editor, Justin. 241 00:09:44,355 --> 00:09:46,055 Haven't I seen you going through the garbage? 242 00:09:46,123 --> 00:09:48,057 No. Oh, wait. 243 00:09:48,125 --> 00:09:50,319 The garbage? Yeah. 244 00:09:51,429 --> 00:09:52,458 Cool guitar. 245 00:09:56,100 --> 00:09:57,831 That's her way of saying thank you. 246 00:09:58,815 --> 00:10:00,123 Okay, well, see ya. 247 00:10:00,148 --> 00:10:01,978 I'm actually writing a new theme song for the show. 248 00:10:02,003 --> 00:10:03,381 It's going really well. 249 00:10:03,382 --> 00:10:05,315 - Cool. Let's hear it. - All right, you got me! 250 00:10:05,384 --> 00:10:06,783 It's going horribly! 251 00:10:07,184 --> 00:10:08,376 It's not fair. 252 00:10:08,377 --> 00:10:10,344 People only see me as one thing, 253 00:10:10,413 --> 00:10:11,645 a serious newsman, 254 00:10:11,714 --> 00:10:13,013 but I'm so much more! 255 00:10:13,333 --> 00:10:14,698 I'm a musician! 256 00:10:14,850 --> 00:10:15,962 I'm a painter. 257 00:10:16,317 --> 00:10:19,356 I'm a dirty standup. I'm a dirty magician. 258 00:10:19,395 --> 00:10:22,705 - I'm an X-rated hypnotist. - Okay, well, see ya. 259 00:10:22,763 --> 00:10:25,127 Portia gets all these opportunities to be creative. 260 00:10:25,424 --> 00:10:28,559 She was the news anchor in two different "Batmans" but not me. 261 00:10:28,627 --> 00:10:31,088 Finally, I get my opportunity to write a song 262 00:10:31,118 --> 00:10:33,018 to show a different side of myself to the world, 263 00:10:33,086 --> 00:10:34,249 and I'm blowing it! 264 00:10:34,274 --> 00:10:37,309 Wow, Chuck, I didn't know you were that into music. 265 00:10:37,352 --> 00:10:40,296 Well, you know how the old saying goes, 266 00:10:40,337 --> 00:10:42,562 "All news anchors want to be rock stars 267 00:10:42,601 --> 00:10:45,007 and all rock stars want to be news anchors." 268 00:10:45,341 --> 00:10:46,874 You know, I'm actually in a band myself. 269 00:10:46,943 --> 00:10:48,282 Okay, well, see ya. 270 00:10:48,282 --> 00:10:51,341 No, what I meant was I can help you write the song, 271 00:10:51,791 --> 00:10:54,543 - if you want. - You would do that? 272 00:10:55,208 --> 00:10:57,771 You know what, you're all right, janitor. 273 00:11:06,267 --> 00:11:09,052 Greg, that was my NRA interview. 274 00:11:09,092 --> 00:11:10,068 Good morning. 275 00:11:10,068 --> 00:11:11,834 How could you let Portia do it alone? 276 00:11:11,903 --> 00:11:14,304 That's like letting a baby shoot a gun, which happened 277 00:11:14,347 --> 00:11:15,828 at the end of the interview. 278 00:11:15,853 --> 00:11:17,545 - You were out in the field. - Well, not anymore. 279 00:11:17,611 --> 00:11:19,477 I officially quit being a field reporter. 280 00:11:19,534 --> 00:11:21,267 No, you don't. The network called. 281 00:11:21,336 --> 00:11:23,136 - They loved you. - What? 282 00:11:23,204 --> 00:11:25,304 They wanted you to take over the position permanently. 283 00:11:25,373 --> 00:11:27,240 Why? I wasn't even that good. 284 00:11:27,308 --> 00:11:30,157 Yeah, I have no idea why. I'm sure it's only because... 285 00:11:30,412 --> 00:11:32,378 - Because what? - Well, you know, 286 00:11:32,447 --> 00:11:33,668 you did look 287 00:11:34,223 --> 00:11:35,973 not ugly on camera. 288 00:11:35,992 --> 00:11:37,272 Greg, come on. 289 00:11:37,297 --> 00:11:39,751 You know me, I don't care how hot I look on camera. 290 00:11:39,778 --> 00:11:41,044 Never said "hot." 291 00:11:41,322 --> 00:11:43,426 I'm sorry, but unless you start a fire 292 00:11:43,451 --> 00:11:44,918 and join the Redhead Army, 293 00:11:44,986 --> 00:11:47,220 which Kevin is somehow mobilizing from prison, 294 00:11:47,288 --> 00:11:48,907 you are the new field reporter. 295 00:11:51,125 --> 00:11:54,751 - Stupid slamming bod. - Never said "slamming bod!" 296 00:11:59,159 --> 00:12:00,159 Sorry I'm late. 297 00:12:00,184 --> 00:12:01,316 Last night was the release party 298 00:12:01,385 --> 00:12:03,352 for my new young adult novel. 299 00:12:03,420 --> 00:12:06,321 - Cool. What's it about? - I don't know. 300 00:12:06,390 --> 00:12:07,954 Like, a elf or something. 301 00:12:08,459 --> 00:12:10,660 Sounds like you're pretty busy, Portia. 302 00:12:11,328 --> 00:12:13,108 But so have I! 303 00:12:13,898 --> 00:12:15,531 Chuck's been up for 36 hours. 304 00:12:15,599 --> 00:12:16,832 I managed to put a little something together 305 00:12:16,901 --> 00:12:18,133 for the new theme song, 306 00:12:18,202 --> 00:12:20,506 so why don't you take a listen? 307 00:12:21,138 --> 00:12:24,948 I don't think we're gonna get many complaints on this one. 308 00:12:25,569 --> 00:12:27,089 You may fire when ready. 309 00:12:27,617 --> 00:12:29,950 - [upbeat rock music] - ♪ It's the afternoon ♪ 310 00:12:30,106 --> 00:12:31,493 ♪ Dinner's coming soon ♪ 311 00:12:31,518 --> 00:12:34,719 ♪ But first you need to get some information ♪ 312 00:12:34,788 --> 00:12:37,822 ♪ Kids are home from school, turn on something cool ♪ 313 00:12:37,891 --> 00:12:40,959 ♪ We're the raddest news team in the nation ♪ 314 00:12:41,027 --> 00:12:43,828 ♪ Hearing bad news can take a toll ♪ 315 00:12:43,897 --> 00:12:48,466 ♪ Without a little bit of rock and roll ♪ 316 00:12:48,535 --> 00:12:50,769 ♪ Breakdown, give me a Breakdown ♪ 317 00:12:50,837 --> 00:12:52,670 ♪ Get a hot takedown ♪ 318 00:12:52,739 --> 00:12:55,373 ♪ And tell those CNN clowns to jump in a lake ♪ 319 00:13:00,180 --> 00:13:02,947 ♪ Chuck is number one, Chuck is really fun ♪ 320 00:13:03,016 --> 00:13:06,251 ♪ He's beloved in the Midwest and on every coast ♪ 321 00:13:06,319 --> 00:13:09,320 ♪ Chuck has shot a gun, Chuck can bench a ton ♪ 322 00:13:09,389 --> 00:13:12,524 ♪ Chuck is super cool and Portia is another host ♪ 323 00:13:12,592 --> 00:13:15,326 ♪ If you wanted to be bored, I'm sorry ♪ 324 00:13:15,395 --> 00:13:17,228 ♪ Who says the news can't be a sexy party? ♪ 325 00:13:17,330 --> 00:13:18,563 I'm sorry, how long is this? 326 00:13:18,632 --> 00:13:20,560 It's as long as rock and roll. 327 00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:24,102 ♪ Breakdown, give me a Breakdown ♪ 328 00:13:24,171 --> 00:13:26,237 ♪ Having a Breakdown ♪ 329 00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:29,874 ♪ Having your cake town and eating it too ♪ 330 00:13:29,943 --> 00:13:31,342 ♪ Breakdown ♪ 331 00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:33,778 ♪ 'Cause when you break it down ♪ 332 00:13:33,847 --> 00:13:36,548 ♪ I'm not a newsman ♪ 333 00:13:36,616 --> 00:13:39,751 ♪ I'm all of ♪ 334 00:13:39,820 --> 00:13:43,087 ♪ You ♪ 335 00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:48,993 4 minutes and 35 seconds. 336 00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:51,379 Wow, it felt much longer than that. 337 00:13:51,553 --> 00:13:53,435 Well, what do you think? 338 00:13:55,703 --> 00:13:56,915 Yeah, it's just 339 00:13:56,984 --> 00:13:59,218 our current theme song is six seconds long. 340 00:13:59,286 --> 00:14:00,352 I think we're looking for something a bit more, 341 00:14:00,421 --> 00:14:03,092 like do-do, ba-ba-dum-bum-bum. 342 00:14:03,658 --> 00:14:05,254 Ooh, that's not bad. 343 00:14:07,361 --> 00:14:08,761 Of course. I get it. 344 00:14:08,829 --> 00:14:11,563 You should probably just hire a musician to do it. 345 00:14:11,632 --> 00:14:13,073 I'm just a newsman. 346 00:14:14,101 --> 00:14:15,353 Excuse me, everyone. 347 00:14:21,692 --> 00:14:24,205 Damn you, rock! You made a fool of me! 348 00:14:32,738 --> 00:14:35,006 Are you... magic? 349 00:14:38,225 --> 00:14:40,559 See, honey? I was right all along. 350 00:14:40,628 --> 00:14:42,428 You keep trying to limit yourself, 351 00:14:42,496 --> 00:14:44,363 and the universe just won't let you. 352 00:14:44,432 --> 00:14:46,365 - Yeah, I guess so. - Okay, next thing we need 353 00:14:46,434 --> 00:14:47,900 to do is work on your hair 354 00:14:47,968 --> 00:14:49,702 and your makeup and the way you say "water." 355 00:14:49,770 --> 00:14:51,170 What's wrong with how I say "woda"? 356 00:14:51,238 --> 00:14:52,771 - Ohh... - And please take off 357 00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:54,640 those dumb bird earrings. 358 00:14:54,678 --> 00:14:55,769 They're wearing you. 359 00:14:55,779 --> 00:14:57,345 Yeah, and we need to get you a new catchphrase. 360 00:14:57,414 --> 00:14:59,724 "Back to you, Chuck" is getting a little stale. 361 00:14:59,756 --> 00:15:03,459 How about... ooh, "We have the meats!" 362 00:15:03,574 --> 00:15:05,307 Isn't that an Arby's slogan? 363 00:15:05,376 --> 00:15:07,309 I thought of that independently. 364 00:15:07,411 --> 00:15:08,709 Okay, there you are. 365 00:15:10,691 --> 00:15:12,758 Why am I getting nervous? I don't care about this. 366 00:15:12,827 --> 00:15:14,226 Oh, don't you be nervous. 367 00:15:14,255 --> 00:15:15,954 You are amazing, sweetie. 368 00:15:16,019 --> 00:15:18,402 That's why all those people called in about you. 369 00:15:18,563 --> 00:15:19,998 - Wait, what people? - All the people that called 370 00:15:20,067 --> 00:15:21,967 the network just to say how great you were. 371 00:15:22,036 --> 00:15:23,200 Who told you that? 372 00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:24,848 Greg said he didn't know why the network wanted me. 373 00:15:24,895 --> 00:15:26,328 - Oh, Greg's boss told me. - Oh, yeah? 374 00:15:26,397 --> 00:15:27,696 What's his name, Mom? 375 00:15:27,765 --> 00:15:32,100 John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt... Schmidt. 376 00:15:32,169 --> 00:15:34,489 Liar, liar, capris on fire! 377 00:15:34,532 --> 00:15:36,872 Okay, fine! I called the network. 378 00:15:36,913 --> 00:15:38,579 Me and everyone in the viewing party. 379 00:15:38,648 --> 00:15:41,816 Angie and Barb and Pat and that two-faced B-word, Judy. 380 00:15:41,884 --> 00:15:43,484 She wants to be my friend now! 381 00:15:43,553 --> 00:15:45,753 But why would the network listen to you? 382 00:15:45,822 --> 00:15:47,488 Well, you know what Greg said. 383 00:15:47,557 --> 00:15:50,458 Old complainers are "The Breakdown's key demographic". 384 00:15:50,526 --> 00:15:52,560 Hey, we are live in 90 seconds. 385 00:15:52,628 --> 00:15:54,729 Oh, my God, Mom, you are unbelievable. 386 00:15:54,797 --> 00:15:56,664 - I know. - No, you know what? 387 00:15:56,733 --> 00:15:57,865 I'm not doing my report. I quit. 388 00:15:57,934 --> 00:15:59,400 What? No. Come here. 389 00:15:59,437 --> 00:16:02,203 You are not gonna quit! I will not let you! 390 00:16:02,235 --> 00:16:04,736 There'll be a hundred calls, a thousand calls. 391 00:16:04,805 --> 00:16:06,271 You don't know how many women I know 392 00:16:06,339 --> 00:16:08,239 with endless free time on their hands. 393 00:16:08,308 --> 00:16:10,208 How do you think Curly Sue won "The Voice"? 394 00:16:10,277 --> 00:16:12,377 It was us! 395 00:16:12,445 --> 00:16:14,512 Anyway, break a leg, pumpkin! 396 00:16:17,472 --> 00:16:19,589 I knew this would happen if I went on camera. 397 00:16:19,614 --> 00:16:20,924 You are like a drug addict, Mom. 398 00:16:20,964 --> 00:16:22,843 Only, your drug is imagining me 399 00:16:22,912 --> 00:16:25,045 playing charades with Jane Lynch on "Hollywood Game Night." 400 00:16:25,114 --> 00:16:26,814 Oh, so what? I'm addicted to fame, 401 00:16:26,882 --> 00:16:28,215 and I ain't going to rehab 402 00:16:28,284 --> 00:16:30,651 unless I get to share a room with Kim Richards. 403 00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:32,352 This is just like when I did pageants, 404 00:16:32,421 --> 00:16:34,953 - and you wouldn't let me quit. - What? 405 00:16:34,993 --> 00:16:38,859 That's why I had to pretend to forget "The Hotstepper." 406 00:16:38,928 --> 00:16:40,994 Yeah, that's right. 407 00:16:41,063 --> 00:16:42,863 I could've done "The Hotstepper" that day. 408 00:16:42,932 --> 00:16:44,198 I could do it right now. 409 00:16:44,266 --> 00:16:47,134 - That is not true! - One minute to air! 410 00:16:47,203 --> 00:16:49,737 We'll talk about this after your report. 411 00:16:50,437 --> 00:16:51,370 Good luck! 412 00:16:55,368 --> 00:16:59,078 Play "Here Comes The Hotstepper" by Ini Kamoze. 413 00:16:59,437 --> 00:17:01,928 ♪ Naa na-na na-na, na-na na-na ♪ 414 00:17:01,974 --> 00:17:03,674 Wait, what are you doing? 415 00:17:04,017 --> 00:17:07,027 I'm ending this the only way I know how. 416 00:17:07,700 --> 00:17:10,368 ♪ Here come the hot stepper, murderer ♪ 417 00:17:10,436 --> 00:17:12,670 ♪ I'm the lyrical gangster, murderer ♪ 418 00:17:12,739 --> 00:17:15,273 ♪ Pick up the crew in-a de area, murderer ♪ 419 00:17:15,341 --> 00:17:17,508 ♪ Still love you like that, murderer ♪ 420 00:17:17,577 --> 00:17:19,510 Oh, my God, she's flawless. 421 00:17:19,579 --> 00:17:20,645 ♪ We don't die ♪ 422 00:17:20,713 --> 00:17:22,647 She did know that dance. 423 00:17:22,715 --> 00:17:25,249 She just wanted to lose the pageant. 424 00:17:25,318 --> 00:17:28,186 ♪ Will hear the fat lady sing ♪ 425 00:17:28,254 --> 00:17:31,255 Damn it! That song is so good. 426 00:17:31,324 --> 00:17:32,390 ♪ I know what Bo... ♪ 427 00:17:32,674 --> 00:17:34,341 I'm also proud to announce 428 00:17:34,410 --> 00:17:37,244 that I recently joined the cast of NBC's live 429 00:17:37,312 --> 00:17:38,879 primetime adaptation of 430 00:17:38,947 --> 00:17:40,918 "Bring in 'da Noise, Bring in 'da Funk." 431 00:17:41,453 --> 00:17:43,787 Congratulations. What an exciting opportunity 432 00:17:43,856 --> 00:17:45,455 for you to bring in the noise 433 00:17:45,524 --> 00:17:48,306 and all of the, uh, the funk as well. 434 00:17:48,336 --> 00:17:50,136 Okay, and we're going to Katie in... 435 00:17:50,174 --> 00:17:51,273 ♪ I'm the daddy of the mack daddy ♪ 436 00:17:51,342 --> 00:17:52,856 What the hell is she doing? 437 00:17:54,045 --> 00:17:55,277 Wendelson, cut it out! 438 00:17:55,346 --> 00:17:56,943 We're going live to you in 20 seconds! 439 00:17:56,975 --> 00:17:58,414 No, you're not. 440 00:17:58,483 --> 00:18:01,450 Not until my mom gives up her dream of making me famous. 441 00:18:01,986 --> 00:18:04,854 I can't give it up. Not now. Not ever. 442 00:18:04,922 --> 00:18:07,040 Wayne, why are you panning to Carol? 443 00:18:07,634 --> 00:18:09,913 Then I'm doing this dance on the air! 444 00:18:09,954 --> 00:18:13,996 I'm gonna make sure no one wants me on camera ever again! 445 00:18:14,065 --> 00:18:16,377 This madness ends now! 446 00:18:17,201 --> 00:18:19,035 Great! The Wendelsons are ruining the show again. 447 00:18:19,103 --> 00:18:21,103 But at least they're engaging in dialogue 448 00:18:21,172 --> 00:18:22,476 - about past trauma. - What? 449 00:18:22,501 --> 00:18:24,006 Go stand over there! 450 00:18:24,075 --> 00:18:25,174 ♪ Touch them up and go uh-oh ♪ 451 00:18:25,243 --> 00:18:27,009 Obviously, we can't run that. 452 00:18:27,078 --> 00:18:28,511 Richard, how much time have we got to fill? 453 00:18:28,579 --> 00:18:31,280 About 4 minutes and 35 seconds. 454 00:18:31,545 --> 00:18:32,681 Oh, God. 455 00:18:32,750 --> 00:18:34,183 Hey, that's the exact length of the... 456 00:18:34,252 --> 00:18:35,747 Yes, I know what it's the exact length of! 457 00:18:35,772 --> 00:18:37,286 Go over there! 458 00:18:37,355 --> 00:18:40,022 And there were no survivors but also no deaths 459 00:18:40,091 --> 00:18:42,425 since no one was there. Chuck? 460 00:18:42,805 --> 00:18:44,293 Thank you, Portia. We go now to... 461 00:18:44,362 --> 00:18:46,162 Chuck, we're playing your song! 462 00:18:46,230 --> 00:18:47,696 I was wrong! It's amazing! 463 00:18:47,765 --> 00:18:50,900 The world premiere of our amazing new theme song! 464 00:18:50,968 --> 00:18:53,169 Get ready to rock, America! 465 00:18:53,237 --> 00:18:56,072 ♪ It's the afternoon, dinner's coming soon ♪ 466 00:18:56,140 --> 00:18:58,974 ♪ But first you need to get some information ♪ 467 00:18:59,043 --> 00:19:00,543 You know, my biological father 468 00:19:00,611 --> 00:19:02,478 and I don't really have a relationship anymore, 469 00:19:02,547 --> 00:19:04,146 but the time I spent with you, Chuck... 470 00:19:04,215 --> 00:19:06,820 He can't hear you! Get out of this room! 471 00:19:14,681 --> 00:19:17,258 Well, that was terrible, but at least it's over. 472 00:19:17,879 --> 00:19:20,963 ♪ We've got the flash of a dirty magic show ♪ 473 00:19:21,032 --> 00:19:22,565 ♪ Is this your card, sir? It is! ♪ 474 00:19:22,633 --> 00:19:25,534 ♪ Well, I thought so hey-oh ♪ 475 00:19:30,096 --> 00:19:33,181 Katie, I'm sorry. 476 00:19:34,078 --> 00:19:36,278 I never should've forced you to do those pageants. 477 00:19:36,347 --> 00:19:38,414 I really thought it's what you wanted to do. 478 00:19:38,483 --> 00:19:40,015 I know. I know, Mom. 479 00:19:40,084 --> 00:19:41,417 The truth is I just wanted you to be able 480 00:19:41,486 --> 00:19:43,663 to pursue my dreams. 481 00:19:45,156 --> 00:19:47,456 My dreams. I keep getting it wrong. 482 00:19:47,525 --> 00:19:49,168 My dreams. 483 00:19:49,843 --> 00:19:52,296 Hey, Mom, do you think it's possible 484 00:19:52,324 --> 00:19:55,777 that being on camera is your dream? 485 00:19:56,233 --> 00:19:58,380 Me? On camera? Oh, give me a break. 486 00:19:58,404 --> 00:20:00,097 I really think I'm too old for that. 487 00:20:00,121 --> 00:20:02,121 Mom, you got a job in cable news 488 00:20:02,145 --> 00:20:05,587 with no experience at age 60. 489 00:20:05,611 --> 00:20:07,427 Who says this dream is out of reach? 490 00:20:07,451 --> 00:20:09,304 I don't know, Katie. It seems... 491 00:20:10,163 --> 00:20:11,475 impossible. 492 00:20:11,499 --> 00:20:12,557 Oh, yeah? 493 00:20:12,581 --> 00:20:14,630 Well, what do you say to this? 494 00:20:16,526 --> 00:20:18,526 "Believe in your dreams." 495 00:20:19,126 --> 00:20:20,422 Oh, Katie. 496 00:20:22,538 --> 00:20:24,085 Can we please go? 497 00:20:29,426 --> 00:20:31,592 - Well, Katie, you're fired. - What? 498 00:20:31,615 --> 00:20:33,238 No, no. As a field reporter. 499 00:20:33,263 --> 00:20:34,639 You can still be a producer. 500 00:20:34,865 --> 00:20:35,938 - Oh. - Sorry. 501 00:20:35,963 --> 00:20:38,277 - I thought that'd be more fun. - No, no. It's very funny. 502 00:20:38,302 --> 00:20:39,305 Thank you. 503 00:20:40,177 --> 00:20:42,260 Well, I hope my dancing didn't ruin the show. 504 00:20:42,284 --> 00:20:44,161 Oh, it did. But actually, I was quite impressed 505 00:20:44,185 --> 00:20:46,005 'cause I thought I was the only person on earth 506 00:20:46,030 --> 00:20:47,208 who didn't want to be famous. 507 00:20:47,232 --> 00:20:49,232 No, no. There are two of us. 508 00:20:49,823 --> 00:20:52,986 Oh, I did manage to find a new field reporter finally. 509 00:20:53,010 --> 00:20:55,010 - Oh. - See you Monday, Roberts! 510 00:21:00,581 --> 00:21:02,180 Our time will come, Master. 511 00:21:03,397 --> 00:21:04,721 Master. 512 00:21:05,737 --> 00:21:06,697 Till then... 513 00:21:06,791 --> 00:21:07,753 ...we wait.