1
00:00:00,039 --> 00:00:01,218
Which is why I only

2
00:00:01,244 --> 00:00:02,437
take baths.

3
00:00:02,531 --> 00:00:03,863
Chuck.

4
00:00:04,461 --> 00:00:06,528
Speaking of messy situations,

5
00:00:06,596 --> 00:00:10,065
a serial killer remains on
the loose tonight in Texas.

6
00:00:10,133 --> 00:00:12,967
His calling card? Removing
his victims' throats.

7
00:00:13,036 --> 00:00:14,836
Let's hope the authorities
are better at catching

8
00:00:14,905 --> 00:00:16,771
"The El Paso Neck-Puller-Outer"

9
00:00:16,840 --> 00:00:18,940
- than they were at naming him.
- Just wait 'til you see

10
00:00:19,009 --> 00:00:21,042
the security camera
footage I tracked down.

11
00:00:21,111 --> 00:00:23,711
We now bring you exclusive
video of the killer

12
00:00:23,780 --> 00:00:25,947
stalking his most recent victim.

13
00:00:26,016 --> 00:00:27,682
Just a warning, this footage

14
00:00:27,751 --> 00:00:29,319
is extremely graphic.

15
00:00:32,255 --> 00:00:34,055
- Oh, my God.
- What?

16
00:00:34,124 --> 00:00:36,424
No. Did I put in the wrong thing?

17
00:00:36,493 --> 00:00:39,269
Yeah, Ma, you put in the wrong thing.

18
00:00:39,430 --> 00:00:42,749
Oh, darn. I guess I don't deserve
my after-show treat.

19
00:00:44,045 --> 00:00:45,845
Mm. Chilling stuff.

20
00:00:45,913 --> 00:00:48,281
Join us tomorrow for more
on this developing story.

21
00:00:49,651 --> 00:00:50,983
Great show, everyone.

22
00:00:51,052 --> 00:00:52,685
Now where's that special cupcake

23
00:00:52,710 --> 00:00:54,210
I was saving for myself?

24
00:00:54,260 --> 00:00:55,526
Oh, boy. I wonder if that was

25
00:00:55,564 --> 00:00:57,364
also his scotch I drank.

26
00:00:57,409 --> 00:01:00,064
Hey! I need my scotch
and my cupcake!

27
00:01:10,138 --> 00:01:11,804
I'm sorry, sweetie. I know that story

28
00:01:11,873 --> 00:01:13,239
was important to you.

29
00:01:13,308 --> 00:01:15,074
I just get so overwhelmed sometimes.

30
00:01:15,143 --> 00:01:17,576
I know, Mom, I've seen you
try to step onto an escalator.

31
00:01:17,645 --> 00:01:20,179
Being an intern is harder
than I thought it would be.

32
00:01:20,248 --> 00:01:22,048
I mean, look at my to-do list:

33
00:01:22,116 --> 00:01:23,949
"Print script from ENPS,"

34
00:01:24,018 --> 00:01:25,384
"load rundown into prompter,"

35
00:01:25,453 --> 00:01:27,887
"answer phones"? It's all nonsense words!

36
00:01:27,955 --> 00:01:29,188
Well, hey, you're catching up

37
00:01:29,257 --> 00:01:31,424
on 30 years of being
out of the workplace.

38
00:01:31,492 --> 00:01:32,892
I mean, the last time
you were in an office

39
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:35,240
it was okay to slap a
secretary on the butt,

40
00:01:35,730 --> 00:01:37,229
which I need you to
stop doing, by the way.

41
00:01:37,298 --> 00:01:38,864
Ah, she loves it.

42
00:01:38,933 --> 00:01:41,934
Oh, Katie, I'm good at all
the mom parts of the job:

43
00:01:42,003 --> 00:01:44,637
getting lunches and
celebrating birthdays.

44
00:01:44,706 --> 00:01:47,440
It's all the other parts
that I keep screwing up.

45
00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:50,145
It's a teleprompter, and
the video file system,

46
00:01:50,170 --> 00:01:52,137
and then the doo-dads,
and the chunka chunka...

47
00:01:52,168 --> 00:01:53,731
I'm not good at machines.

48
00:01:53,915 --> 00:01:55,748
How? You're a Facebook savant.

49
00:01:55,817 --> 00:01:57,983
You're catfishing like
80 people right now.

50
00:01:58,052 --> 00:01:59,685
Yeah, well, Michael Strahan's

51
00:01:59,754 --> 00:02:01,721
- falling out of love with me.
- Okay.

52
00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:03,389
If you're gonna be an intern here,

53
00:02:03,414 --> 00:02:05,347
you can't just keep doing the mom stuff.

54
00:02:05,372 --> 00:02:06,894
You need to learn new skills.

55
00:02:06,942 --> 00:02:08,508
- Even if it's hard.
- Okay.

56
00:02:08,577 --> 00:02:10,858
Ah, who broke the chunka chunka?

57
00:02:11,246 --> 00:02:13,280
- That's a real thing?
- Uh-huh.

58
00:02:13,348 --> 00:02:14,823
And I broke it.

59
00:02:15,551 --> 00:02:17,083
All right, listen up, folks.

60
00:02:17,152 --> 00:02:18,718
As you all know, I have never missed

61
00:02:18,787 --> 00:02:21,655
a single episode of "The Breakdown."

62
00:02:21,723 --> 00:02:24,324
That's why they call me the Chuck Wagon!

63
00:02:24,393 --> 00:02:26,626
Mm, it's because John
Stossel once tricked him

64
00:02:26,695 --> 00:02:28,089
into eating dog food.

65
00:02:28,153 --> 00:02:29,252
I've always been proud

66
00:02:29,300 --> 00:02:31,498
of my Lou Gehrig-like streak.

67
00:02:31,567 --> 00:02:32,899
And as the captain of this team,

68
00:02:32,968 --> 00:02:35,602
I consider it my duty to set an example.

69
00:02:35,671 --> 00:02:36,736
Same.

70
00:02:36,805 --> 00:02:38,104
Oh, I know I'm taking July off,

71
00:02:38,173 --> 00:02:40,040
but I need August off, too.

72
00:02:40,108 --> 00:02:42,642
I hate to do it, but it's for vacation.

73
00:02:42,711 --> 00:02:43,810
- Oh.
- Anyway,

74
00:02:43,879 --> 00:02:46,446
I will be missing tomorrow's show

75
00:02:46,515 --> 00:02:49,477
so that I can accept a
very prestigious award

76
00:02:49,851 --> 00:02:52,578
from "Cool and Young Magazine."

77
00:02:52,625 --> 00:02:54,992
Is that a real magazine? No, right?

78
00:02:55,173 --> 00:02:57,123
I assume in my absence you'll just run

79
00:02:57,192 --> 00:02:59,125
old Laurel and Hardy movies or something.

80
00:02:59,194 --> 00:03:01,228
It'll be hard, but I think we can manage

81
00:03:01,296 --> 00:03:02,696
without you for one day, Chuck

82
00:03:02,764 --> 00:03:03,888
Over and out.

83
00:03:05,067 --> 00:03:07,400
A day without Chuck! Can you imagine?

84
00:03:07,469 --> 00:03:09,269
It'll be like when
Cedric went off to Eton

85
00:03:09,338 --> 00:03:10,770
and then I got to decide what hurrah

86
00:03:10,839 --> 00:03:13,173
- we chirrupped at gymnasium!
- Sure.

87
00:03:13,242 --> 00:03:14,975
Don't you see, Katie? Chuck is the reason

88
00:03:15,043 --> 00:03:16,710
we live in fear, the reason

89
00:03:16,778 --> 00:03:19,112
- our jobs are so difficult.
- The reason I have lockjaw.

90
00:03:19,181 --> 00:03:20,914
But now he's gone.

91
00:03:20,983 --> 00:03:23,116
You're right. You're right.

92
00:03:23,185 --> 00:03:27,373
Tomorrow is gonna be
the easiest day ever!

93
00:03:32,928 --> 00:03:34,394
Stop spinning down there!

94
00:03:34,463 --> 00:03:35,895
- Oh.
- Oh, God, are you okay?

95
00:03:35,964 --> 00:03:38,925
Don't talk to each other.
Go on. Move along.

96
00:03:42,404 --> 00:03:43,637
You wanted to see me, Chuck?

97
00:03:43,705 --> 00:03:45,785
Ah, yes, come in. Sit down.

98
00:03:47,476 --> 00:03:50,310
- Carol, can you keep a secret?
- Of course.

99
00:03:50,379 --> 00:03:53,146
- Just ask Angie.
- Hi, Chuck!

100
00:03:53,215 --> 00:03:55,215
Now that I work, we
can't hang out all day.

101
00:03:55,284 --> 00:03:57,050
So I just keep her on speaker.

102
00:03:57,119 --> 00:03:59,586
Chuck, can you say my name on the show?

103
00:03:59,655 --> 00:04:03,857
It's Angie Deltaliano. A-N-G-I-E...

104
00:04:03,925 --> 00:04:05,492
Carol, I have a confession.

105
00:04:05,778 --> 00:04:07,020
I'm not going to the

106
00:04:07,045 --> 00:04:09,085
"Cool and Young
Magazine" Awards tomorrow.

107
00:04:09,131 --> 00:04:11,398
Really? Have you already
given your tickets back?

108
00:04:11,466 --> 00:04:13,800
Can I have them, plus five
more for my walking group?

109
00:04:13,869 --> 00:04:15,707
The truth is I'm getting

110
00:04:16,386 --> 00:04:17,895
cataract surgery.

111
00:04:17,939 --> 00:04:19,205
- Oh.
- I'm doing both eyes

112
00:04:19,274 --> 00:04:21,675
on the same day, so that
I only miss one show.

113
00:04:21,743 --> 00:04:23,677
I need you to get me a car
home from the procedure.

114
00:04:23,745 --> 00:04:26,146
Oh, okay. Well, I
guess I can handle that.

115
00:04:26,214 --> 00:04:28,114
You're the only one
I can trust with this.

116
00:04:28,183 --> 00:04:30,617
You can't show weakness in this business.

117
00:04:30,686 --> 00:04:33,520
Those vultures are just
looking for any excuse

118
00:04:33,588 --> 00:04:36,389
- to tear you down.
- Oh, tell me about it.

119
00:04:36,458 --> 00:04:38,425
They hate us 'cause they ain't us, Chuck.

120
00:04:38,493 --> 00:04:40,527
One false move and they'll replace you

121
00:04:40,918 --> 00:04:43,043
with some hotshot young newsman

122
00:04:43,465 --> 00:04:45,598
who drinks Sriracha and eats Lululemon.

123
00:04:47,302 --> 00:04:49,469
Hey, Ang, it's cataract surgery.

124
00:04:49,571 --> 00:04:51,471
Oh, I-I mean the wrong
number, I gotta go.

125
00:04:51,540 --> 00:04:53,473
I'm with Chuck Pierce; he's
getting cataract surgery.

126
00:04:53,575 --> 00:04:54,761
Oh, damn!

127
00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:01,906
A day without Chuck.

128
00:05:02,408 --> 00:05:03,574
What a dream.

129
00:05:03,642 --> 00:05:04,942
No one to yell at me,

130
00:05:05,010 --> 00:05:06,209
no one to call me "The Little Prince"

131
00:05:06,278 --> 00:05:07,210
and tell me to go back to my asteroid.

132
00:05:07,279 --> 00:05:09,880
Oh, I feel so relaxed. Look at my jaw!

133
00:05:09,949 --> 00:05:11,715
I can fit my whole fist in my mouth.

134
00:05:11,784 --> 00:05:12,835
Not at work.

135
00:05:13,252 --> 00:05:14,985
Isn't it great that Chuck's not here?

136
00:05:15,054 --> 00:05:16,787
- Yeah.
- Now we can finally

137
00:05:16,855 --> 00:05:18,889
- do my idea for the show.
- Pardon?

138
00:05:18,958 --> 00:05:20,357
It's pronounced Portia.

139
00:05:20,426 --> 00:05:22,659
You remember my idea for
the set that we talked about.

140
00:05:22,728 --> 00:05:24,695
You know what I think
would really help the show?

141
00:05:24,763 --> 00:05:27,531
If we got rid of the desk
so people could see my legs.

142
00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:30,069
My mentor Roger Ailes suggested it.

143
00:05:30,285 --> 00:05:32,355
Oh, I love that idea.

144
00:05:32,386 --> 00:05:35,638
Problem is, Chuck. He'd never go for it.

145
00:05:36,698 --> 00:05:38,965
Yeah, of course, but Chuck
is just gone for one day.

146
00:05:39,033 --> 00:05:41,367
- Isn't he?
- Well, yeah, but you said...

147
00:05:41,436 --> 00:05:44,504
Believe me, if Chuck
missed even a single day,

148
00:05:44,572 --> 00:05:46,506
we would definitely do it.

149
00:05:46,574 --> 00:05:48,324
So we are definitely doing it.

150
00:05:48,355 --> 00:05:49,551
Thanks, Greg.

151
00:05:50,578 --> 00:05:52,378
Rog, he said yes.

152
00:05:52,447 --> 00:05:53,946
What was that about?

153
00:05:54,015 --> 00:05:55,782
Just a hiccup. I'm not letting it

154
00:05:55,850 --> 00:05:57,150
ruin my Chuck-free day.

155
00:05:57,218 --> 00:05:59,079
- Hello, Gregory.
- Ah, gods!

156
00:05:59,103 --> 00:06:01,003
- Hi, Beth.
- Heard Chuck's not here.

157
00:06:01,071 --> 00:06:02,671
- You know what that means.
- You're just gonna do

158
00:06:02,740 --> 00:06:04,539
- a normal weather report?
- Nope!

159
00:06:04,608 --> 00:06:07,409
We can finally do my climate
change rant on the show.

160
00:06:07,478 --> 00:06:09,244
I did it at an Earth Day rally.

161
00:06:09,313 --> 00:06:11,246
- The Mayor threw up.
- Right.

162
00:06:11,315 --> 00:06:14,049
I said I loved the idea,
but Chuck would hate it.

163
00:06:14,118 --> 00:06:15,851
Exactly. But now he's dead.

164
00:06:15,919 --> 00:06:18,068
And we get to have our revenge.

165
00:06:20,791 --> 00:06:22,257
Okay, two hiccups.

166
00:06:22,326 --> 00:06:24,852
How many times did you
use Chuck as an excuse?

167
00:06:25,095 --> 00:06:27,959
Umm, no other times.

168
00:06:28,422 --> 00:06:30,526
You know, Carol, when I asked
you to arrange a ride for me,

169
00:06:30,595 --> 00:06:32,328
I meant a professional car service.

170
00:06:32,397 --> 00:06:33,796
Oh, shush your tush.

171
00:06:33,865 --> 00:06:35,498
At least picking up a sick kid

172
00:06:35,566 --> 00:06:37,433
is a job I know I can handle.

173
00:06:37,502 --> 00:06:40,569
What smells like marshmallow
yams and curry powder back here?

174
00:06:40,638 --> 00:06:43,652
It's my new perfume, Bombay Thanksgiving.

175
00:06:43,837 --> 00:06:45,991
It's from Chico's Ethnic
Harvest collection.

176
00:06:46,016 --> 00:06:49,378
I can't read how many of these
pills I'm supposed to take.

177
00:06:49,447 --> 00:06:52,315
Do you have anybody back at
your place to take care of you?

178
00:06:52,383 --> 00:06:54,216
I know from snooping you're not married.

179
00:06:54,285 --> 00:06:56,652
I'll be fine. Loni Anderson's back here.

180
00:06:56,721 --> 00:06:58,921
- She said she'll be my nurse.
- That's my bag of clothes

181
00:06:58,990 --> 00:07:01,057
- for Goodwill.
- Loni, that's racist!

182
00:07:01,125 --> 00:07:03,726
You can't say that anymore, it's the...

183
00:07:03,795 --> 00:07:04,760
It's the '90s.

184
00:07:06,898 --> 00:07:08,497
- Mom, where are you?
- You're supposed to

185
00:07:08,566 --> 00:07:09,965
make copies of the rundown for everbody.

186
00:07:10,034 --> 00:07:11,734
I can't be doing your job.

187
00:07:11,803 --> 00:07:14,003
Okay, the copy machine
said it needed toner,

188
00:07:14,072 --> 00:07:16,372
so I then I went to Sephora,
and then I couldn't figure out

189
00:07:16,441 --> 00:07:18,808
- how to put it in, so I...
- Mom, we just

190
00:07:18,876 --> 00:07:20,297
had this conversation.

191
00:07:20,352 --> 00:07:22,778
I know, but I had to drive Chu...

192
00:07:22,847 --> 00:07:24,880
- No one to nowhere.
- You're just lucky

193
00:07:24,949 --> 00:07:26,382
Chuck isn't here to yell at you.

194
00:07:29,285 --> 00:07:31,220
I'm sorry, honey. I'm just listening

195
00:07:31,289 --> 00:07:33,801
to my new Halloween Sounds CD.

196
00:07:38,184 --> 00:07:40,918
Mom, today is supposed to be easy.

197
00:07:40,987 --> 00:07:44,021
- Stop being a pain in my jaw.
- Okay, I'm gonna be back soon

198
00:07:44,091 --> 00:07:46,792
and then I will figure out
how to make those copies.

199
00:07:46,860 --> 00:07:49,995
Great, uh, then just update
the script in ENPS OTA,

200
00:07:50,064 --> 00:07:51,730
calibrate the EQ on the LCDs,

201
00:07:51,799 --> 00:07:53,365
and don't forget to
check with the ATF

202
00:07:53,434 --> 00:07:55,477
about the APB on that rapper El-P.

203
00:07:55,532 --> 00:07:56,865
Do you have all that?

204
00:07:57,367 --> 00:07:59,801
I know it's complicated, but
you gotta learn all this stuff.

205
00:07:59,869 --> 00:08:01,402
You're an intern.

206
00:08:01,471 --> 00:08:02,703
Mom, I gotta go.

207
00:08:07,343 --> 00:08:10,388
No. I'm a mom.

208
00:08:11,781 --> 00:08:13,872
Ahh!

209
00:08:15,685 --> 00:08:17,084
Ah! Where am I?

210
00:08:17,153 --> 00:08:19,053
Oh! Who's kidnapped me?

211
00:08:19,122 --> 00:08:20,754
- I did.
- Uh!

212
00:08:20,809 --> 00:08:22,323
I'm gonna take care of you.

213
00:08:22,392 --> 00:08:23,809
Ahh, oh, God.

214
00:08:24,194 --> 00:08:25,960
I'm being "Misery" -ed!

215
00:08:27,508 --> 00:08:30,132
I couldn't just let
you be alone and blind.

216
00:08:30,201 --> 00:08:32,234
What if you hurt yourself?

217
00:08:32,259 --> 00:08:34,025
What if you ate a decorative apple,

218
00:08:34,078 --> 00:08:35,517
thinking it was a real apple?

219
00:08:35,542 --> 00:08:36,942
I did that once at Crate and Barrel

220
00:08:37,011 --> 00:08:38,644
and they made me pay for it!

221
00:08:38,712 --> 00:08:39,811
- You kidnapped me?
- Oh.

222
00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:42,547
And took me to...

223
00:08:42,616 --> 00:08:44,316
- The suburbs!
- This is where all my

224
00:08:44,385 --> 00:08:45,617
mothering supplies are.

225
00:08:45,686 --> 00:08:48,320
Soup, expired medicine, and four closets

226
00:08:48,389 --> 00:08:50,589
- full of nothing but quilts.
- Ah. That's it.

227
00:08:50,658 --> 00:08:52,391
I'm walking back to Manhattan.

228
00:08:52,459 --> 00:08:54,393
- Ow!
- Oh, no, you are not

229
00:08:54,461 --> 00:08:55,694
going anywhere, mister.

230
00:08:55,763 --> 00:08:58,230
Lie back. Not until we take off

231
00:08:58,299 --> 00:09:00,065
those bandages tomorrow morning.

232
00:09:00,134 --> 00:09:01,600
- What am I wearing?
- Those are Dave's

233
00:09:01,669 --> 00:09:04,050
favorite pajamas. You can keep them.

234
00:09:04,680 --> 00:09:06,505
- You undressed me?
- I didn't look.

235
00:09:06,573 --> 00:09:08,206
Yes, she did.

236
00:09:08,275 --> 00:09:10,375
Angie?

237
00:09:10,444 --> 00:09:12,744
- And then a dragon comes in.
- Whoosh!

238
00:09:12,813 --> 00:09:14,713
And opens his mouth...

239
00:09:14,782 --> 00:09:17,115
And fire shoots out. And in that fire,

240
00:09:17,184 --> 00:09:18,350
there's an explosion and out of it

241
00:09:18,452 --> 00:09:20,052
comes up "The Breakdown" logo.

242
00:09:20,120 --> 00:09:21,687
- Mm!
- So

243
00:09:21,755 --> 00:09:23,588
that's the opening credit
sequence that I thought

244
00:09:23,657 --> 00:09:24,790
- was a great idea?
- Oh, yeah,

245
00:09:24,858 --> 00:09:26,158
You said, "It's quite good."

246
00:09:26,226 --> 00:09:27,559
And, you know, now that

247
00:09:27,628 --> 00:09:28,593
Chuck's gonna be gone,

248
00:09:28,662 --> 00:09:29,795
we can finally do it.

249
00:09:29,863 --> 00:09:33,309
- Booyah!
- Yeah! Ow, er.

250
00:09:33,701 --> 00:09:36,552
- Can you just hang tight for one minute?
- Okay, yeah.

251
00:09:38,405 --> 00:09:39,404
- Hi...
- Greg...

252
00:09:39,473 --> 00:09:40,769
Be right back.

253
00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:49,654
Dude, what the hell are you doing?

254
00:09:49,723 --> 00:09:50,788
Nothing.

255
00:09:50,857 --> 00:09:52,381
Just pulling a tape on...

256
00:09:52,529 --> 00:09:53,925
sex tourism.

257
00:09:53,994 --> 00:09:55,087
I mean...

258
00:09:55,433 --> 00:09:56,547
sex torture.

259
00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:00,193
- Sex torture.
- Hm.

260
00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:03,534
You wouldn't be hiding from
the line of crazy people

261
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:05,169
outside your office, would you?

262
00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:07,138
It's just, I've used Chuck

263
00:10:07,207 --> 00:10:08,706
as an excuse so many times.

264
00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:10,541
Now he's gone, the entire
staff's come to collect.

265
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:13,278
Well, just tell them no.
You do it to me all the time.

266
00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:15,079
'Cause you're a professional.
You can handle it.

267
00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:16,447
These other people cannot.

268
00:10:16,516 --> 00:10:18,283
Wait, so you think of me as your equal?

269
00:10:18,351 --> 00:10:20,218
Oh, please don't make
a big deal out of this.

270
00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:21,618
I won't, I won't.

271
00:10:21,643 --> 00:10:22,804
It's just that I...

272
00:10:23,121 --> 00:10:24,587
I think about my journey, you know?

273
00:10:24,656 --> 00:10:26,441
And I think about all the
little girls out there...

274
00:10:27,114 --> 00:10:29,856
- ♪ This is my fight song... ♪
- Get a hold of yourself!

275
00:10:29,881 --> 00:10:31,116
I'm trying to tell you something.

276
00:10:31,185 --> 00:10:32,629
- Mm-hmm.
- Chuck has always

277
00:10:32,672 --> 00:10:33,938
made my life hell.

278
00:10:34,075 --> 00:10:35,888
On my first day of work
he forced me to fire

279
00:10:35,956 --> 00:10:38,157
his cool, young co-host, Fletch Trank.

280
00:10:38,225 --> 00:10:40,459
Oh, the guy that
parachutes into every story?

281
00:10:40,528 --> 00:10:42,508
- He doesn't have to do that.
- And working for Chuck

282
00:10:42,558 --> 00:10:44,191
has never gotten easier.

283
00:10:44,471 --> 00:10:46,265
Everything's hard. Every day is a battle.

284
00:10:46,333 --> 00:10:48,100
Every answer is no.
That's why I don't want

285
00:10:48,169 --> 00:10:49,802
to say no to these people.

286
00:10:50,331 --> 00:10:52,785
'Cause I don't want
to become their Chuck.

287
00:10:52,933 --> 00:10:55,253
Wow. I always assumed
you were just a dick.

288
00:10:55,423 --> 00:10:56,808
But you're secretly kind of not.

289
00:10:56,877 --> 00:10:58,510
Well, yes, because in the movies,

290
00:10:58,579 --> 00:11:00,344
villains always have British accents.

291
00:11:00,383 --> 00:11:02,539
Even the Nazis. How is that fair?

292
00:11:02,752 --> 00:11:04,749
Well, you know what? It's just one show.

293
00:11:04,819 --> 00:11:06,318
Chuck's gonna be back on Monday

294
00:11:06,387 --> 00:11:08,471
to say no to everything again, right?

295
00:11:09,381 --> 00:11:11,817
And it's just one show.
How bad could it be?

296
00:11:11,848 --> 00:11:14,593
We begin our broadcast with
reports of a pipeline explosion

297
00:11:14,662 --> 00:11:17,196
in the West Village
neighborhood of Manhattan.

298
00:11:17,264 --> 00:11:19,081
Should I do the "Basic Instinct" move

299
00:11:19,106 --> 00:11:21,533
for this story or wait for "Pope Visit"?

300
00:11:21,602 --> 00:11:24,203
The camera guy's been taking
an experimental film class

301
00:11:24,271 --> 00:11:26,872
down at the Learning Annex, and
I told him he could "go nuts."

302
00:11:26,941 --> 00:11:29,074
♪ Shoo bah, bah doo
bah shoo ba, doo ♪

303
00:11:29,143 --> 00:11:31,143
- What the hell is that?
- I told the sound guy

304
00:11:31,212 --> 00:11:32,845
his scatcapella group group could do

305
00:11:32,913 --> 00:11:35,147
- all the music for the show now.
- Oh, no.

306
00:11:35,216 --> 00:11:36,949
♪ Shoo bay ba do
ba da ba news ♪

307
00:11:37,017 --> 00:11:38,951
- Yeah!
- And now, Beth Vierk

308
00:11:39,019 --> 00:11:40,783
with the weather.

309
00:11:41,533 --> 00:11:42,555
Thanks, Portia.

310
00:11:42,580 --> 00:11:44,056
The year: 2018.

311
00:11:44,125 --> 00:11:46,658
The reality: you're all dead.

312
00:11:46,727 --> 00:11:48,126
What are you smiling for?

313
00:11:48,275 --> 00:11:50,095
I'm not, my lockjaw is back.

314
00:11:50,531 --> 00:11:52,164
I never thought I'd say this, but...

315
00:11:52,233 --> 00:11:53,699
we need Chuck.

316
00:11:53,768 --> 00:11:55,501
So now the other Property Brother

317
00:11:55,569 --> 00:11:57,829
is trying to sell the house.

318
00:11:59,068 --> 00:12:00,572
Or is that the same brother again?

319
00:12:00,641 --> 00:12:01,707
What kind of soup is this, Carol?

320
00:12:01,776 --> 00:12:02,908
It's pretty good. And it takes a lot

321
00:12:02,977 --> 00:12:04,676
to impress a souphead like me.

322
00:12:04,745 --> 00:12:07,312
It's my secret recipe.
I've been feeding it

323
00:12:07,381 --> 00:12:10,483
to sickies on this
couch for over 30 years.

324
00:12:10,538 --> 00:12:12,474
While I do not condone kidnapping,

325
00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:14,386
this is better than
the time Pablo Escobar

326
00:12:14,455 --> 00:12:16,188
took me from my hotel room

327
00:12:16,257 --> 00:12:17,956
and made me an exhibit in his zoo.

328
00:12:18,025 --> 00:12:19,324
Well, at least it's good to know

329
00:12:19,393 --> 00:12:21,478
that I'm still good at one thing.

330
00:12:21,955 --> 00:12:23,362
I don't know if you've
noticed, but it turns out

331
00:12:23,430 --> 00:12:25,364
I'm not so great at being an intern.

332
00:12:25,432 --> 00:12:26,899
You brought me a script yesterday.

333
00:12:26,967 --> 00:12:28,867
It had clearly gone
through a washing machine.

334
00:12:28,936 --> 00:12:30,878
"Follow your dreams" is great

335
00:12:30,919 --> 00:12:32,220
when it's sewn on a pillow,

336
00:12:32,245 --> 00:12:35,207
but doing it at 60, it's hard.

337
00:12:35,728 --> 00:12:37,708
Sometimes I wonder if
maybe I'm kidding myself

338
00:12:37,778 --> 00:12:40,253
trying to do a young person's job.

339
00:12:40,992 --> 00:12:42,233
Not me.

340
00:12:42,870 --> 00:12:44,149
He lied.

341
00:12:44,739 --> 00:12:48,086
Oh, Carol, that's why I did
both surgeries on the same day.

342
00:12:48,155 --> 00:12:50,622
I was afraid that if I
took any more time off

343
00:12:50,691 --> 00:12:52,357
I wouldn't be Lou Gehrig.

344
00:12:52,426 --> 00:12:54,893
- I'd be Wally Pipp.
- Oh, the little Pixar robot?

345
00:12:54,962 --> 00:12:56,962
I met him once at
Disney World. Very rude.

346
00:12:57,031 --> 00:13:00,532
No, the baseball player.
Wally Pipp missed one day

347
00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:04,724
and a 22-year-old kid
named Lou Gehrig stepped in.

348
00:13:05,584 --> 00:13:07,958
Wally never got his job back.

349
00:13:08,002 --> 00:13:09,676
Oh, poor Wally.

350
00:13:10,748 --> 00:13:12,244
Pick up, Chuck. Please, please pick up.

351
00:13:12,313 --> 00:13:15,214
Hey, uh, Portia, are we sure we wanna go

352
00:13:15,282 --> 00:13:17,516
- with a skirt that short?
- Of course not.

353
00:13:17,585 --> 00:13:19,885
- This is just for rehearsal.
- Oh, thank God.

354
00:13:19,954 --> 00:13:22,810
When we tape, I'll be
wearing clear shorts.

355
00:13:25,522 --> 00:13:26,959
- Go for Chuck.
- Oh, thank God.

356
00:13:27,027 --> 00:13:30,028
- Chuck, Chuck, it's me.
- Dame Edna? What an honor.

357
00:13:30,097 --> 00:13:31,730
I'm a huge fan of your work.

358
00:13:31,799 --> 00:13:33,532
No, it's Greg. It's obviously Greg.

359
00:13:33,601 --> 00:13:35,133
Listen, the show is a
disaster. We need you

360
00:13:35,202 --> 00:13:36,535
down here right away.

361
00:13:37,088 --> 00:13:39,650
- They want me back at the show.
- See!

362
00:13:40,150 --> 00:13:41,607
I can't say I'm surprised to hear that

363
00:13:41,675 --> 00:13:43,008
but, uh, you know what, Greg?

364
00:13:43,077 --> 00:13:46,205
I'm um, I'm still at the
Cool and Young Awards.

365
00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:47,539
I'm hanging out

366
00:13:47,608 --> 00:13:49,441
with the only person

367
00:13:49,509 --> 00:13:51,555
who really understands me.

368
00:13:51,845 --> 00:13:53,644
- Pitbull.
- He's not coming back.

369
00:13:53,713 --> 00:13:54,668
What do we do?

370
00:13:56,383 --> 00:13:57,915
Hey, Chuck, don't worry about it.

371
00:13:57,984 --> 00:14:01,219
The network wants Fletch
Trank to fill in anyway.

372
00:14:01,287 --> 00:14:04,722
Over my award-winning body!
I'll be there in ten!

373
00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:09,627
Come on, Carol. We're going back to work.

374
00:14:09,696 --> 00:14:11,562
Ooh! Ooh!

375
00:14:11,631 --> 00:14:13,116
Oh!

376
00:14:13,700 --> 00:14:15,566
Okay, all right. It's fine, it's fine.

377
00:14:15,635 --> 00:14:17,668
It's just Dave's stuff. Here we are.

378
00:14:24,824 --> 00:14:27,282
Now let's take a look
at our five day forecast.

379
00:14:28,424 --> 00:14:31,105
And here's what's happening
in your neck of the woods.

380
00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:34,522
All right now, remember Carol,

381
00:14:34,523 --> 00:14:36,422
- nobody can know that I'm blind!
- I know.

382
00:14:36,424 --> 00:14:38,391
- You, stay right here.
- Here?

383
00:14:38,393 --> 00:14:40,393
Hey, gang.

384
00:14:40,395 --> 00:14:43,429
Cool sunglasses, huh? I
came straight here from

385
00:14:43,431 --> 00:14:45,698
the "Cool and Young Magazine" Awards.

386
00:14:45,700 --> 00:14:47,300
I won "Most Cool"!

387
00:14:47,302 --> 00:14:49,235
Ha!

388
00:14:49,237 --> 00:14:51,137
Oh, no! Chuck is back!

389
00:14:51,139 --> 00:14:54,274
I hope he doesn't say no
to all your amazing ideas.

390
00:14:54,276 --> 00:14:57,230
Well, what do you think of today's show?

391
00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:00,613
Oh, that looks good.
Don't change a thing.

392
00:15:00,615 --> 00:15:02,115
- Yes!
- What?

393
00:15:02,117 --> 00:15:03,866
E-even the set?

394
00:15:04,673 --> 00:15:05,970
What about that?

395
00:15:08,323 --> 00:15:10,256
That's my favorite part.

396
00:15:10,258 --> 00:15:11,791
Wow. Thanks, Chuck.

397
00:15:11,793 --> 00:15:13,626
Three, four...

398
00:15:14,896 --> 00:15:17,163
Well let's get you into makeup.

399
00:15:17,165 --> 00:15:19,288
Okay. So long, folks.

400
00:15:20,402 --> 00:15:22,268
And as for you, Fletch Trank,

401
00:15:22,270 --> 00:15:23,686
hit the bricks!

402
00:15:25,139 --> 00:15:27,407
Chuck Pierce is back in town!

403
00:15:27,409 --> 00:15:29,676
Yeah, here we are.

404
00:15:29,678 --> 00:15:32,266
Oh, my God!

405
00:15:33,776 --> 00:15:36,416
Okay, great. Now, here's the hard part.

406
00:15:36,418 --> 00:15:37,617
Oh, Chuck.

407
00:15:37,619 --> 00:15:38,918
- The show.
- Yes.

408
00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:40,653
Now obviously, I can't read

409
00:15:40,655 --> 00:15:42,689
- a teleprompter like this.
- Uh-huh.

410
00:15:42,691 --> 00:15:46,926
So Carol, I need you to be my eyes.

411
00:15:46,928 --> 00:15:49,162
- Oh, I don't know.
- All you have to do

412
00:15:49,164 --> 00:15:51,965
is print out the prompter
from the ENPS and get a walkie.

413
00:15:51,967 --> 00:15:54,500
Set it to the same channel
that feeds my earpiece.

414
00:15:54,502 --> 00:15:56,536
Then hide up here and read me my lines

415
00:15:56,538 --> 00:15:58,204
so that no one knows I can't see.

416
00:15:58,206 --> 00:15:59,672
- Easy!
- Oh no, Chuck.

417
00:15:59,674 --> 00:16:02,408
I-I can't handle all that.
I'm just a mom.

418
00:16:02,410 --> 00:16:03,835
No, Carol!

419
00:16:04,507 --> 00:16:05,976
You're an intern.

420
00:16:06,448 --> 00:16:08,989
And you're the only one
that can help me now.

421
00:16:10,285 --> 00:16:11,272
Okay.

422
00:16:12,220 --> 00:16:13,838
Here goes nothing.

423
00:16:14,489 --> 00:16:15,703
Thank you, Carol.

424
00:16:16,157 --> 00:16:18,691
And you know what? I've
never told anyone this

425
00:16:18,693 --> 00:16:20,693
but I think what I'm most afraid of

426
00:16:20,695 --> 00:16:22,551
is not being replaced.

427
00:16:23,087 --> 00:16:24,651
It's being alone.

428
00:16:26,107 --> 00:16:27,344
Carol?

429
00:16:29,571 --> 00:16:30,603
Carol?

430
00:16:33,742 --> 00:16:35,008
It's totally cool.

431
00:16:35,010 --> 00:16:36,709
There's, like, lightning and smoke.

432
00:16:36,711 --> 00:16:38,645
Oh, wait. There's a
wizard that comes out.

433
00:16:38,647 --> 00:16:40,313
He looks kinda like my dad.

434
00:16:40,315 --> 00:16:42,315
Oh, God. What have I done?
This is gonna be a disaster.

435
00:16:42,317 --> 00:16:43,850
In a couple years, everybody's gonna be

436
00:16:43,852 --> 00:16:45,418
wearing an outfit like this.

437
00:16:45,420 --> 00:16:46,919
You know, when I peed my pants

438
00:16:46,921 --> 00:16:49,355
in my high school play...
Kindergarten play,

439
00:16:49,357 --> 00:16:51,391
my mom pulled the fire
alarm to bail me out.

440
00:16:51,393 --> 00:16:53,893
But you are not a teenager...
A five-year-old.

441
00:16:53,895 --> 00:16:57,597
You are the executive producer
of the number two-rated

442
00:16:57,599 --> 00:17:00,566
4:00 cable news hour
in the entire country,

443
00:17:00,568 --> 00:17:03,236
not counting the South,
Midwest, or the top parts.

444
00:17:03,489 --> 00:17:04,569
You're right.

445
00:17:04,839 --> 00:17:06,939
I can't just sit back
and let this happen.

446
00:17:07,409 --> 00:17:10,443
I need to become the one
thing I never wanted to be,

447
00:17:10,445 --> 00:17:12,512
- the thing I always promised my...
- Chuck, you need to be Chuck.

448
00:17:12,514 --> 00:17:13,869
The show's in five minutes.

449
00:17:15,317 --> 00:17:16,966
It ends now!

450
00:17:17,452 --> 00:17:19,352
- What?
- It all ends now.

451
00:17:19,354 --> 00:17:21,788
We're going back to the
normal show we do every night.

452
00:17:21,790 --> 00:17:24,724
No crazy sets or see-through shorts

453
00:17:24,726 --> 00:17:27,593
or live music or doomsday propaganda

454
00:17:27,595 --> 00:17:29,862
or crazy, silly pet tricks!

455
00:17:29,864 --> 00:17:32,632
I'd rather air a live
feed of a human centipede

456
00:17:32,634 --> 00:17:34,968
than any of your stupid ideas!

457
00:17:38,573 --> 00:17:39,939
Sorry... I didn't mean that.

458
00:17:39,941 --> 00:17:41,641
Sorry. You're all really special to me.

459
00:17:41,643 --> 00:17:42,860
Um...

460
00:17:43,311 --> 00:17:44,610
I love you.

461
00:17:46,614 --> 00:17:47,767
Ah!

462
00:17:50,885 --> 00:17:53,786
♪ Carol's doing her job ♪

463
00:17:53,788 --> 00:17:56,055
Thanks doll! ♪ She is the best intern ♪

464
00:17:56,057 --> 00:17:58,057
♪ In the office ♪

465
00:17:58,059 --> 00:17:59,959
♪ Carol ♪

466
00:17:59,961 --> 00:18:01,761
♪ Carol ♪ Thanks, doll!

467
00:18:01,763 --> 00:18:03,463
♪ Carol ♪

468
00:18:03,465 --> 00:18:05,465
♪ Carol ♪ Thanks, doll!

469
00:18:05,467 --> 00:18:08,468
♪ Doo da loo doo da loo ♪

470
00:18:08,470 --> 00:18:10,636
Thanks, doll! ♪ Doo da loo ♪

471
00:18:10,638 --> 00:18:11,637
♪ Carol ♪

472
00:18:17,512 --> 00:18:19,484
Chuck Wagon, this is...

473
00:18:20,081 --> 00:18:21,914
Oh, shoot, what's my spy name?

474
00:18:21,916 --> 00:18:23,483
Uh, Desk...

475
00:18:23,485 --> 00:18:24,684
Desk Crotch.

476
00:18:24,686 --> 00:18:26,489
We are go for launch.

477
00:18:27,193 --> 00:18:28,921
Well, the entire staff hates me.

478
00:18:28,923 --> 00:18:31,824
Yeah, well, at least now
everything's back to normal.

479
00:18:33,795 --> 00:18:36,496
Wait, did anyone remember to
swap out Justin's new open?

480
00:18:36,498 --> 00:18:37,663
Nope.

481
00:18:48,943 --> 00:18:50,610
Live from Secaucus, New Jersey...

482
00:18:50,612 --> 00:18:52,111
- Yeah!
- This is "The Breakdown."

483
00:18:52,113 --> 00:18:53,513
Well at least now everything's

484
00:18:53,515 --> 00:18:54,781
- back to normal. 
- Good evening.

485
00:18:54,783 --> 00:18:56,849
We begin our broadcast with reports of

486
00:18:56,851 --> 00:18:58,384
turn around, dumb-dumb...

487
00:18:58,386 --> 00:18:59,952
You're facing the wrong way.

488
00:18:59,954 --> 00:19:02,355
No, don't say it. No,
turn your chair around.

489
00:19:02,357 --> 00:19:03,890
Just turn your chair around.

490
00:19:03,892 --> 00:19:05,892
Oh, me! Um...

491
00:19:05,894 --> 00:19:08,136
We begin our br...

492
00:19:10,365 --> 00:19:12,799
Oh, good. This is happening.

493
00:19:12,801 --> 00:19:14,700
With reports of a pipeline explosion

494
00:19:14,702 --> 00:19:16,869
in the West Village
neighborhood of Manhattan.

495
00:19:16,871 --> 00:19:19,038
Oh, no, that's Katie's neighborhood.

496
00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:20,573
I hope she's okay.

497
00:19:20,575 --> 00:19:22,675
Hang on, Angie, I'm going to call her.

498
00:19:22,677 --> 00:19:24,377
Oh.

499
00:19:24,379 --> 00:19:25,878
- Your chair is...
- Would you like me to see

500
00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:27,747
if I can get the hula-dancing
cats back in here?

501
00:19:27,749 --> 00:19:29,292
- No.
- Okay.

502
00:19:29,349 --> 00:19:31,884
Oh, no, I don't know how
to pronounce this word.

503
00:19:31,886 --> 00:19:35,555
- Conflag... conflagre...
- Conflagradion.

504
00:19:35,557 --> 00:19:41,427
Okay, it's C-O-N-F-L-A-G-R-A-T-I-O-N

505
00:19:41,429 --> 00:19:42,895
- was finally contained.
- You know what?

506
00:19:42,897 --> 00:19:44,372
It's still better than rehearsal.

507
00:19:44,427 --> 00:19:45,458
Mm.

508
00:19:45,483 --> 00:19:48,034
Well, that was a weird show.

509
00:19:48,036 --> 00:19:49,502
Angie should be happy, though.

510
00:19:49,504 --> 00:19:50,703
Chuck said her name, like, eight times.

511
00:19:50,705 --> 00:19:52,572
You think anybody noticed that I was

512
00:19:52,574 --> 00:19:54,073
reading Chuck his lines?

513
00:19:54,075 --> 00:19:56,576
So when it comes
to my reproductive health,

514
00:19:56,578 --> 00:19:59,912
there's no substitute
for a vaginal self-exam.

515
00:19:59,914 --> 00:20:03,115
Ooh, I think I was reading
Portia's lines by mistake.

516
00:20:03,117 --> 00:20:04,884
Does that matter, Chuck?

517
00:20:05,161 --> 00:20:07,186
- Back to you, Chuck.
- What?

518
00:20:07,188 --> 00:20:09,088
- Oh, no.
- I think people

519
00:20:09,090 --> 00:20:11,791
- may have noticed.
- Oh, I guess it's game over

520
00:20:11,793 --> 00:20:14,060
- for old Desk Crotch.
- For who?

521
00:20:14,062 --> 00:20:16,062
I still don't know how
to work the machines.

522
00:20:16,064 --> 00:20:19,432
I just ask a bunch of nerds
to help me with everything.

523
00:20:19,434 --> 00:20:21,534
Come on, there's nothing
left for me to do now

524
00:20:21,536 --> 00:20:24,237
except fill my purse with
lots of pens and diet soda

525
00:20:24,239 --> 00:20:25,938
and hand in my resignation.

526
00:20:26,221 --> 00:20:29,141
No, Mom. You did a good job today.

527
00:20:29,143 --> 00:20:30,643
Hey, you got Chuck here.

528
00:20:30,645 --> 00:20:32,778
You talked him through the whole show.

529
00:20:32,780 --> 00:20:34,614
You multi-tasked. You delegated.

530
00:20:34,616 --> 00:20:36,649
I mean, that's not what an intern does,

531
00:20:36,651 --> 00:20:37,950
but it's what a producer does.

532
00:20:37,952 --> 00:20:39,365
A producer?

533
00:20:41,089 --> 00:20:43,990
Are you saying you see
me as your equal, Katie?

534
00:20:43,992 --> 00:20:47,126
Uhh... yeah.

535
00:20:47,641 --> 00:20:50,062
♪ This is my fight song... ♪

536
00:20:50,064 --> 00:20:51,631
Carol?

537
00:20:51,633 --> 00:20:53,766
Carol? I need a ride home.

538
00:20:54,936 --> 00:20:56,936
Oh, the coffee! It's burning me!

539
00:20:56,938 --> 00:21:00,056
Ahh! The decaf! The decaf!

540
00:21:00,696 --> 00:21:03,130
Wait a minute. The
"Cool and Young Magazine"

541
00:21:03,155 --> 00:21:05,188
Awards aren't until next week.

542
00:21:05,829 --> 00:21:08,530
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www.addic7ed.com