1 00:00:05,023 --> 00:00:06,702 - Hey, Mom. - Good morning. 2 00:00:06,727 --> 00:00:09,120 Oh, Katie, I have so much to tell you. 3 00:00:09,230 --> 00:00:11,330 So we went out for the other Carol's birthday, 4 00:00:11,636 --> 00:00:13,403 and I bought her a top from Chico's. 5 00:00:13,472 --> 00:00:15,472 And then she opens Angie's present. 6 00:00:15,540 --> 00:00:18,408 You are not going to believe this. 7 00:00:18,433 --> 00:00:20,900 - It was the same top? - It was the same top! 8 00:00:21,012 --> 00:00:23,210 Different color though. She's keeping them both. 9 00:00:23,615 --> 00:00:26,182 That new "Bachelorette" gets on my nerves. 10 00:00:26,252 --> 00:00:28,726 Who wears a bikini top to a wine tasting? 11 00:00:29,021 --> 00:00:31,922 And why does she keep bringing up her dead brother? 12 00:00:31,991 --> 00:00:33,791 Mom, I gotta go, I'm gonna miss my bus. 13 00:00:33,860 --> 00:00:35,259 Well, you know, you wouldn't have to commute 14 00:00:35,328 --> 00:00:36,927 if you lived in New Jersey. 15 00:00:36,996 --> 00:00:38,829 Your old room is just the way you left it, 16 00:00:38,898 --> 00:00:40,297 so your father can sleep in there 17 00:00:40,366 --> 00:00:42,099 and you can sleep in the big bed with me. 18 00:00:42,168 --> 00:00:45,174 No, Mom, I love New York. The energy, the glamour... 19 00:00:45,264 --> 00:00:46,524 Ugh! Ew! 20 00:00:47,073 --> 00:00:50,074 Did that rat just jump or did somebody throw that at me? 21 00:00:50,274 --> 00:00:53,069 I saw the show last night. Which segment was yours? 22 00:00:53,094 --> 00:00:56,810 I produced the one about Halloween costumes for obese pets. 23 00:00:56,834 --> 00:00:58,350 Oh, it was good! 24 00:00:58,351 --> 00:01:00,251 Ooh, I liked the dog that was a fat Dracula. 25 00:01:00,319 --> 00:01:03,087 No, Mom, I've been at this show for three years 26 00:01:03,156 --> 00:01:05,089 and I have never produced a lead segment. 27 00:01:05,158 --> 00:01:07,091 Greg just always gives me all the fluff pieces. 28 00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:08,726 I feel like I'm treading water. 29 00:01:08,795 --> 00:01:10,361 Well, you have to go up to Greg and say, 30 00:01:10,429 --> 00:01:11,729 "Listen, bub, I'm the best 31 00:01:11,798 --> 00:01:13,597 and if you can't see it, you're an idiot." 32 00:01:13,666 --> 00:01:15,358 You can't call your boss an idiot. 33 00:01:15,635 --> 00:01:17,288 I'm finally at work, Mom. I gotta go. 34 00:01:17,324 --> 00:01:18,690 Okay. Call you in ten. 35 00:01:24,644 --> 00:01:26,243 Oh, I'm exhausted. 36 00:01:26,312 --> 00:01:28,512 I was in LA last night for the NFL Honors. 37 00:01:28,581 --> 00:01:31,348 My fiancé won for Lewdest Touchdown Dance. 38 00:01:31,417 --> 00:01:33,818 Good morning, everyone. Just a warning, 39 00:01:33,886 --> 00:01:35,653 David Muir interviewed Putin last night, 40 00:01:35,721 --> 00:01:38,122 so we should all be prepared for Chuck to be in a bad mood. 41 00:01:38,191 --> 00:01:39,990 Now, who has segment pitches? 42 00:01:40,059 --> 00:01:41,659 Oh, yeah. "The Washington Post" led 43 00:01:41,727 --> 00:01:43,060 - with a really inter... - Oh, what if we did a segment 44 00:01:43,129 --> 00:01:46,124 called, "Am I Snapchatting My Vacation Wrong"? 45 00:01:46,132 --> 00:01:48,199 Great. Katie, you can produce that. 46 00:01:48,267 --> 00:01:50,301 "The Washington Post" led with the UN Summit. 47 00:01:50,370 --> 00:01:52,069 Right. We'll open with Chuck doing a UN piece. 48 00:01:52,138 --> 00:01:53,638 Gene, you produce that. 49 00:01:53,706 --> 00:01:55,206 You know who I hate? 50 00:01:55,274 --> 00:01:56,941 Ivanka Trump? Same. 51 00:01:57,010 --> 00:01:58,909 You know, she farted in my face at SoulCycle. 52 00:01:58,978 --> 00:02:01,912 Young "rock and roll" reporters like David Muir. 53 00:02:01,981 --> 00:02:04,348 This industry is plagued by ageism. 54 00:02:04,417 --> 00:02:06,417 Unless you Twitter and know all the latest slang, 55 00:02:06,486 --> 00:02:08,619 they'll throw you out like yesterday's newspaper, 56 00:02:08,688 --> 00:02:11,389 which everyone's reading on their watch now, I guess. 57 00:02:11,457 --> 00:02:15,326 Uh, Twitter: I ate a salad. Pound sign, I'm cool. 58 00:02:15,395 --> 00:02:17,862 Here's your coffee, sir. I'm Cody, the new intern. 59 00:02:17,930 --> 00:02:19,530 I'm sure we'll be very close. 60 00:02:19,599 --> 00:02:21,098 Greg, fire Cody and get someone else 61 00:02:21,167 --> 00:02:22,400 to bring me another coffee. 62 00:02:23,336 --> 00:02:24,335 Good meeting. 63 00:02:26,372 --> 00:02:28,472 Listen, bub, I'm the best. 64 00:02:28,541 --> 00:02:29,640 - What? - Nothing. 65 00:02:29,709 --> 00:02:31,008 I'm so sorry I said that. 66 00:02:31,077 --> 00:02:32,943 Don't even... Don't worry about it. 67 00:02:39,085 --> 00:02:42,019 Justin, everything sucks. 68 00:02:42,088 --> 00:02:44,021 I just want to be a great journalist, you know? 69 00:02:44,090 --> 00:02:45,823 It's been my dream since, like, forever. 70 00:02:45,892 --> 00:02:47,892 You know what? Dreams just mess you up, okay? 71 00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:49,727 I used to dream of being a doctor, 72 00:02:49,796 --> 00:02:51,303 but every time I went into surgery, 73 00:02:51,351 --> 00:02:52,984 my hands became dog mouths, 74 00:02:53,052 --> 00:02:54,685 which was very frustrating, 75 00:02:54,754 --> 00:02:56,053 'cause it was affecting my dexterity. 76 00:02:56,122 --> 00:02:58,122 - Yeah. - Then I stopped drinking soda 77 00:02:58,191 --> 00:02:59,790 at night and now I don't have that dream. 78 00:02:59,859 --> 00:03:00,758 You see what I'm saying? 79 00:03:03,963 --> 00:03:05,196 Hey, Mom. 80 00:03:05,265 --> 00:03:07,231 The other Carol died! 81 00:03:07,300 --> 00:03:08,532 Oh, my God. What? 82 00:03:08,601 --> 00:03:12,203 It was a heart attack. No one saw it coming. 83 00:03:12,272 --> 00:03:14,038 I mean, she was 400 pounds 84 00:03:14,107 --> 00:03:15,506 and she screamed at the news a lot, 85 00:03:15,575 --> 00:03:17,615 but hindsight's 20/20. 86 00:03:17,624 --> 00:03:19,147 Mom, I'm so sorry. 87 00:03:19,209 --> 00:03:20,224 Hey. 88 00:03:20,293 --> 00:03:22,026 I had an idea about that Snapchat piece. 89 00:03:22,094 --> 00:03:23,994 I shouldn't have let her eat the whole cake! 90 00:03:24,062 --> 00:03:25,495 Can you hang on just one second? 91 00:03:25,564 --> 00:03:26,997 - Oh, sure. - Ravenous! 92 00:03:27,065 --> 00:03:29,232 What if instead of doing it on the show, 93 00:03:29,301 --> 00:03:30,967 we did it on Snapchat? 94 00:03:31,036 --> 00:03:32,202 - Katie, are you still there? - Katie, are you listening? 95 00:03:32,270 --> 00:03:33,336 Yeah, I am. 96 00:03:33,405 --> 00:03:34,537 - Anyway... - Anyway, 97 00:03:34,606 --> 00:03:35,772 - do you have any ideas? - I have no one 98 00:03:35,841 --> 00:03:37,273 to go to the funeral with me. 99 00:03:37,342 --> 00:03:38,475 - What about Dad? - Dads on Snapchat? 100 00:03:38,543 --> 00:03:40,443 Well, him, but I mean no one fun. 101 00:03:40,512 --> 00:03:42,145 That's the piece. 102 00:03:42,214 --> 00:03:43,113 - Can you get working on it? - Can you come with me, Katie? 103 00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:44,314 Yes, I can. 104 00:03:44,383 --> 00:03:46,606 Great! Bye. 105 00:03:47,958 --> 00:03:49,033 Bye. 106 00:03:50,585 --> 00:03:51,788 Sorry I'm late. 107 00:03:51,857 --> 00:03:53,156 It's okay, honey. 108 00:03:53,225 --> 00:03:55,959 It took them forever to carry in the casket. 109 00:03:56,728 --> 00:03:58,560 - Because of her weight. - Oh. 110 00:03:59,413 --> 00:04:01,704 Halfway down, they just slid it. 111 00:04:04,569 --> 00:04:06,202 Dave, honey, breathe through your nose 112 00:04:06,271 --> 00:04:07,270 or wait outside. 113 00:04:07,339 --> 00:04:08,638 Okay, you betcha. 114 00:04:11,209 --> 00:04:12,710 Love you, Dad. 115 00:04:13,818 --> 00:04:17,253 Carol accomplished a lot in her time on Earth. 116 00:04:17,322 --> 00:04:20,590 She was a stay-at-home mom, a licensed driver, 117 00:04:20,659 --> 00:04:24,127 and a dedicated "Doctor..." 118 00:04:24,195 --> 00:04:26,331 "Phil" viewer. 119 00:04:26,965 --> 00:04:28,784 But she also had big dreams. 120 00:04:29,434 --> 00:04:32,268 Carol's dream was to visit the castle in England 121 00:04:32,337 --> 00:04:34,070 where "Harry Potter" was filmed, 122 00:04:34,139 --> 00:04:36,839 but the Lord called her home. 123 00:04:36,908 --> 00:04:40,910 If we can learn anything from Carol's passing, 124 00:04:40,979 --> 00:04:42,712 it is this... 125 00:04:42,781 --> 00:04:45,046 If you have a dream, 126 00:04:45,071 --> 00:04:47,674 you must go after it, 127 00:04:47,719 --> 00:04:50,907 not next year. Not next week. 128 00:04:51,589 --> 00:04:53,751 - Now. - Amen. 129 00:04:55,894 --> 00:04:57,627 Greg, can I ask you something? 130 00:04:57,696 --> 00:05:00,063 No, we can't soundproof the women's room. 131 00:05:00,131 --> 00:05:01,564 I'm sorry if the camera department 132 00:05:01,633 --> 00:05:02,945 can hear you in there. 133 00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:04,233 That was an anonymous suggestion 134 00:05:04,302 --> 00:05:05,535 and it wasn't... It wasn't me. 135 00:05:05,603 --> 00:05:08,015 No, um, I want to produce the lead... 136 00:05:08,742 --> 00:05:09,672 tonight. 137 00:05:10,272 --> 00:05:11,274 No. 138 00:05:11,802 --> 00:05:13,343 Wait, why no? 139 00:05:13,411 --> 00:05:15,845 Because Chuck is difficult and I trust Gene. 140 00:05:15,875 --> 00:05:17,796 But maybe you only trust Gene because he's a man. 141 00:05:17,829 --> 00:05:19,762 Have you taken the Implicit Bias Test online? 142 00:05:19,773 --> 00:05:21,706 My results said I distrust all white people. 143 00:05:21,775 --> 00:05:23,407 You honestly think I'm being sexist? 144 00:05:23,476 --> 00:05:24,809 I have worked here longer than Gene. 145 00:05:24,878 --> 00:05:26,177 Why else haven't I gotten a shot? 146 00:05:26,279 --> 00:05:27,145 Maybe you're not as good as Gene. 147 00:05:27,213 --> 00:05:28,146 You ever considered that? 148 00:05:28,567 --> 00:05:29,814 No, I-I had not. 149 00:05:29,883 --> 00:05:32,483 Good journalists, like Gene, can produce a segment 150 00:05:32,552 --> 00:05:34,919 without someone saying, "Good job, little one." 151 00:05:34,988 --> 00:05:37,188 Good journalists know when to scrap a story 152 00:05:37,257 --> 00:05:39,657 and think on their feet if a better one comes along. 153 00:05:39,726 --> 00:05:40,989 I don't think you can do that. 154 00:05:41,116 --> 00:05:42,960 And actually, I don't think you think you can either. 155 00:05:43,272 --> 00:05:44,829 You don't know what I don't think. 156 00:05:46,604 --> 00:05:48,389 Hey, there's our girl. 157 00:05:48,458 --> 00:05:50,292 You really showed that toilet who's boss. 158 00:05:50,377 --> 00:05:52,344 That wasn't me, Ron! 159 00:05:54,574 --> 00:05:56,507 Oh, well, thanks for finally joining us. 160 00:05:56,576 --> 00:05:58,609 Can I get you a drink, a cranberry scone, an emoji? 161 00:05:58,678 --> 00:06:00,211 Or should we start the damn meeting? 162 00:06:00,236 --> 00:06:01,612 Let's start, shall we? I think we should lead 163 00:06:01,681 --> 00:06:03,648 - with the hurricane. - Ooh, I have a story pitch. 164 00:06:03,716 --> 00:06:07,552 Why is bathroom water sweeter than kitchen water? 165 00:06:07,620 --> 00:06:09,520 Fine. Katie, you take that. 166 00:06:09,589 --> 00:06:12,056 Gene, you take the hurricane. Now, for the B block... 167 00:06:12,125 --> 00:06:14,325 Mr. Pierce, I would like to ask you something. 168 00:06:14,394 --> 00:06:16,861 I have never produced a lead, ever, 169 00:06:16,930 --> 00:06:18,296 and I've worked here longer than Gene. 170 00:06:18,364 --> 00:06:20,565 - Which white guy is Gene? - I... 171 00:06:20,633 --> 00:06:21,799 And I really think I could do it 172 00:06:21,868 --> 00:06:23,734 if I'm just given the chance. 173 00:06:26,126 --> 00:06:29,252 I mean, shouldn't seniority count for something? 174 00:06:30,243 --> 00:06:33,377 Yes. Yes, it should. 175 00:06:33,446 --> 00:06:35,847 This person is doing hurricane lead. 176 00:06:36,883 --> 00:06:38,583 You know what, Greg? 177 00:06:38,651 --> 00:06:39,650 That's exactly what's wrong with this business. 178 00:06:39,719 --> 00:06:41,252 Nobody rewards experience. 179 00:06:41,321 --> 00:06:42,920 Well, I do! 180 00:06:42,989 --> 00:06:45,581 My personal trainer lives in a nursing home! 181 00:06:46,426 --> 00:06:48,492 Very excited to work... Together. 182 00:06:50,930 --> 00:06:53,097 Oh, hi. What are you doing here? 183 00:06:53,166 --> 00:06:55,833 Oh, no, did Dad finally run off because of how you treat him? 184 00:06:55,902 --> 00:06:58,436 No, he's in the car. I cracked a window, he's fine. 185 00:06:58,504 --> 00:07:00,071 Listen I'm going back to school. 186 00:07:00,139 --> 00:07:01,606 - Oh, that's great. - I'm gonna study 187 00:07:01,674 --> 00:07:03,975 television production, and the admissions lady said 188 00:07:04,043 --> 00:07:05,910 I could get credit for an internship. 189 00:07:05,979 --> 00:07:07,278 Oh, good for you, Mom. 190 00:07:07,347 --> 00:07:08,479 So I'm getting one here. 191 00:07:08,548 --> 00:07:10,068 What? What? No, no. Why? Help. 192 00:07:10,248 --> 00:07:11,749 Yeah, the show needs an intern. 193 00:07:11,818 --> 00:07:14,151 You know, the lady said that students should use 194 00:07:14,220 --> 00:07:17,321 their, you know, connections in the industry. 195 00:07:17,390 --> 00:07:19,523 So, I'm starting from the bottom. 196 00:07:19,592 --> 00:07:21,192 You know, like that rapper sings. 197 00:07:21,261 --> 00:07:23,474 Who's that guy? The Canadian wheelchair guy 198 00:07:23,499 --> 00:07:24,763 who's dating "Nicole Mirage"? 199 00:07:24,764 --> 00:07:25,830 - Drake. - Yes. 200 00:07:25,899 --> 00:07:27,131 Drake, Mom, and that's crazy. 201 00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:29,100 It's one thing to take a class to keep busy, 202 00:07:29,168 --> 00:07:31,903 but you can't embark on a giant new career 203 00:07:31,971 --> 00:07:33,671 - at your age. - Why? 204 00:07:33,740 --> 00:07:35,072 It's my dream. 205 00:07:36,776 --> 00:07:40,044 If you have a dream, you must go after it, 206 00:07:40,113 --> 00:07:41,927 not next year, 207 00:07:41,952 --> 00:07:44,673 not next week, now. 208 00:07:44,717 --> 00:07:46,484 Now, Carol! 209 00:07:46,552 --> 00:07:48,152 Amen! 210 00:07:48,221 --> 00:07:52,189 What? No, Father Kevin was talking to me. 211 00:07:52,258 --> 00:07:55,059 And since when has it been your dream to work in the news? 212 00:07:55,128 --> 00:07:56,961 Since always! 213 00:07:57,030 --> 00:08:01,132 But then I met your father and quit my job to raise you. 214 00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:04,035 M'kay. Mom, you do not want to be an intern. 215 00:08:04,103 --> 00:08:05,970 It is boring and thankless. 216 00:08:06,039 --> 00:08:08,906 - Boring and thankless? - I was a mom for 30 years. 217 00:08:08,975 --> 00:08:10,775 I cleaned barf out of the tape deck 218 00:08:10,843 --> 00:08:12,109 of a Teddy Ruxpin. 219 00:08:12,178 --> 00:08:13,878 Well, I'm sorry, Mom, 220 00:08:13,947 --> 00:08:16,414 because we already filled that internship opening. 221 00:08:16,482 --> 00:08:18,316 She's lying. I'd be happy 222 00:08:18,384 --> 00:08:20,184 to accept your application, young lady. 223 00:08:20,508 --> 00:08:21,552 Oh. 224 00:08:24,696 --> 00:08:26,097 What are you doing? 225 00:08:26,122 --> 00:08:27,742 Hiring your mother as our intern. 226 00:08:27,767 --> 00:08:29,076 Look, I get that you're mad 227 00:08:29,101 --> 00:08:30,903 that I went over your head with Chuck, okay, 228 00:08:30,928 --> 00:08:32,113 but this is not the way to get back at me. 229 00:08:32,181 --> 00:08:33,280 You know what you could do? 230 00:08:33,349 --> 00:08:35,049 Spread a rumor that I'm an alcoholic. 231 00:08:35,341 --> 00:08:36,907 Ooh, or slut-shame me. 232 00:08:36,976 --> 00:08:38,108 This has nothing to do with you. 233 00:08:38,177 --> 00:08:40,244 If I hire an "Old" as an intern, 234 00:08:40,312 --> 00:08:42,079 it'll finally get Chuck off my back. 235 00:08:42,147 --> 00:08:44,715 Whenever he yells about ageism I can just point to this "Old." 236 00:08:44,783 --> 00:08:47,651 Oh, your ring is so big. Did he cheat? 237 00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:49,453 - Mom... - No, but if he does, 238 00:08:49,521 --> 00:08:50,921 I have just the thing picked out. 239 00:08:52,157 --> 00:08:53,323 Katie, I didn't know your mom lives, 240 00:08:53,392 --> 00:08:54,658 like, ten minutes from here. 241 00:08:54,727 --> 00:08:55,926 Why don't you just move in with her? 242 00:08:55,995 --> 00:08:57,561 Yeah, that's what I always say. 243 00:08:57,630 --> 00:08:59,496 Hi, I'm the Executive Producer. 244 00:08:59,565 --> 00:09:02,199 Oh, you must be Greg. He's not that tiny. 245 00:09:02,268 --> 00:09:04,301 Okay, good interview. You're hired. 246 00:09:04,370 --> 00:09:05,669 - W-what? - When can you start? 247 00:09:05,738 --> 00:09:07,337 How about today? 248 00:09:07,406 --> 00:09:08,338 Perfect. 249 00:09:08,407 --> 00:09:10,676 Oh, I love this man. 250 00:09:11,310 --> 00:09:12,509 You should date him. 251 00:09:12,578 --> 00:09:13,944 Mom! 252 00:09:14,013 --> 00:09:15,245 Job's pretty simple, 253 00:09:15,314 --> 00:09:17,281 except you do have to be careful around Chuck. 254 00:09:17,349 --> 00:09:19,216 Why? Is he handsy with the girls? 255 00:09:19,285 --> 00:09:20,350 I don't mind. 256 00:09:20,419 --> 00:09:22,319 No, but he loves to fire interns. 257 00:09:22,388 --> 00:09:24,554 Oh. Well, I get along with everybody. 258 00:09:24,623 --> 00:09:26,957 Chuck gets his lunch at 1:00, he gets his snack at 2:30, 259 00:09:27,026 --> 00:09:29,059 at 3:00 he takes his nap so his snack must arrive 260 00:09:29,128 --> 00:09:30,360 at 2:30. Got it? 261 00:09:30,429 --> 00:09:31,862 - Yes. - Say it back to me. 262 00:09:31,930 --> 00:09:32,996 Oh, then no. 263 00:09:33,065 --> 00:09:34,831 Okay, start with this guy in the kayak 264 00:09:34,856 --> 00:09:35,999 going past a submerged car right there. 265 00:09:36,068 --> 00:09:37,831 - Hi, Pumpkin. - Hi. 266 00:09:38,737 --> 00:09:39,770 You must be Justin. 267 00:09:39,838 --> 00:09:41,405 - Oh, hi. - Hello. 268 00:09:41,473 --> 00:09:43,211 I think he smells fine. 269 00:09:43,542 --> 00:09:44,741 Mom, do you need something? 270 00:09:44,810 --> 00:09:46,243 'Cause we're kind of on a deadline. 271 00:09:46,312 --> 00:09:47,978 Oh, of course. Oh, for your big story. 272 00:09:48,047 --> 00:09:49,279 - Yeah. - Oh, it's just too bad 273 00:09:49,348 --> 00:09:50,914 it has to be about a hurricane. 274 00:09:50,983 --> 00:09:52,482 Why is that too bad? 275 00:09:52,551 --> 00:09:54,751 The news is always scaring people about the weather. 276 00:09:54,820 --> 00:09:57,788 They say a hurricane's coming, then nothing happens. 277 00:09:57,856 --> 00:09:59,850 Now, why did I come in here? 278 00:10:00,980 --> 00:10:03,226 Oh, God, okay, I walked in, I sat down... 279 00:10:03,676 --> 00:10:04,861 Ugh, God, what is it? 280 00:10:04,930 --> 00:10:07,097 Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh... 281 00:10:07,166 --> 00:10:08,832 Okay, yes. Honey, 282 00:10:08,901 --> 00:10:10,067 is your work email password 283 00:10:10,135 --> 00:10:11,968 the same as your regular email password? 284 00:10:12,037 --> 00:10:13,603 It is the same, but don't say it out loud. 285 00:10:13,672 --> 00:10:15,572 So it's "teamedward," all lowercase? 286 00:10:15,641 --> 00:10:16,573 - Mm-hmm. - Okay, thank you. 287 00:10:16,642 --> 00:10:17,750 Yup. 288 00:10:18,243 --> 00:10:19,609 Oh, my God, I can't believe she's working here. 289 00:10:19,678 --> 00:10:22,112 I can't believe you let your mother have your email password. 290 00:10:22,181 --> 00:10:24,247 I mean, at least I used to have work as an escape, 291 00:10:24,316 --> 00:10:26,216 you know, but now there's, like, no boundaries. 292 00:10:26,285 --> 00:10:29,052 She's just gonna be on top of me every single day! 293 00:10:29,121 --> 00:10:30,721 Listen, this problem will solve itself. 294 00:10:30,789 --> 00:10:33,323 Have you ever seen my super edit of Chuck firing interns? 295 00:10:33,392 --> 00:10:35,859 Why am I sweating so much? You're fired! 296 00:10:35,928 --> 00:10:37,160 That's eye contact. You're fired. 297 00:10:37,229 --> 00:10:39,696 My ex-wife has that sweater. You're fired. 298 00:10:39,765 --> 00:10:41,298 You're fired. Fired! Fired! 299 00:10:41,367 --> 00:10:43,533 Who put that there? You're fired! 300 00:10:43,602 --> 00:10:45,202 Is this a tour or can I fire them? 301 00:10:45,270 --> 00:10:47,003 Who's the old guy? You're fired! 302 00:10:47,072 --> 00:10:49,406 - Chuck, that's a mirror. - Then smash it! 303 00:10:49,475 --> 00:10:51,508 Wheelchair, you're fi... 304 00:10:52,072 --> 00:10:53,910 See? No intern's ever lasted more than a couple weeks. 305 00:10:53,979 --> 00:10:54,899 Yeah. 306 00:10:55,447 --> 00:10:57,481 Katie, did you need a file called 307 00:10:57,549 --> 00:11:01,297 "Hurricane Research, important"? 'Cause it just disappeared. 308 00:11:01,404 --> 00:11:03,487 Oh, I just spoke with Greg, he is single, 309 00:11:03,555 --> 00:11:06,156 so I invited him to your cousin Tami's wedding. 310 00:11:06,225 --> 00:11:07,391 Do you think he'll need his own hotel room 311 00:11:07,459 --> 00:11:09,025 or can he just share a bed with Dad? 312 00:11:09,094 --> 00:11:11,395 Can you go to the post office? I need some stamps. 313 00:11:11,463 --> 00:11:13,397 Oh. No, I can't. No time. 314 00:11:13,465 --> 00:11:15,961 Gotta get Chuck his snack at 2:30. 315 00:11:16,055 --> 00:11:18,802 No, um, Chuck takes his nap at 2:30. 316 00:11:18,871 --> 00:11:20,414 He gets his snack at 3:00. 317 00:11:20,454 --> 00:11:21,905 Oh, right. 318 00:11:21,974 --> 00:11:23,740 It's hard to remember things when you're a woman my age. 319 00:11:23,809 --> 00:11:27,997 Plus Alzheimer's and insanity do run in our family. Okay! 320 00:11:29,417 --> 00:11:31,014 Oh, my God. I just lied to my mom to get her fired. 321 00:11:31,083 --> 00:11:32,282 Please don't judge me. 322 00:11:32,351 --> 00:11:33,517 Bad news, Wendelson. 323 00:11:33,585 --> 00:11:34,885 Your hurricane just got downgraded. 324 00:11:34,953 --> 00:11:36,319 - What? - A Category Two 325 00:11:36,388 --> 00:11:37,888 isn't gonna make much of a lead. 326 00:11:37,956 --> 00:11:40,158 Oh, no, I'm still the lead. I'm gonna fix this. 327 00:11:40,298 --> 00:11:42,164 Then you better find a way to change the weather. 328 00:11:49,168 --> 00:11:51,951 Oh! 329 00:11:52,022 --> 00:11:54,322 Hey, Beth, you preparing for an earthquake? 330 00:11:54,391 --> 00:11:56,951 The mega-quake isn't until 2018, 331 00:11:57,278 --> 00:12:00,561 and you won't be laughing then. I dropped a raisin. 332 00:12:01,698 --> 00:12:03,598 Do you have any contacts at the National Weather Service? 333 00:12:03,667 --> 00:12:05,381 I'm trying to get a tropical storm 334 00:12:05,406 --> 00:12:07,105 upgraded back to a hurricane. 335 00:12:07,143 --> 00:12:09,203 Oh, sure thing. I can call Bernie in Storm Designations. 336 00:12:09,272 --> 00:12:11,283 - Oh, really? - No! 337 00:12:11,319 --> 00:12:13,341 There's no Bernie in Storm Designations. 338 00:12:13,410 --> 00:12:15,710 There's a Barney in Weather Event Classifications, 339 00:12:15,779 --> 00:12:18,138 - but I'm not calling him. - Why not? 340 00:12:18,208 --> 00:12:20,948 You can't re-categorize a storm for no reason. 341 00:12:21,017 --> 00:12:23,217 Unless you want to get called before an Ethics Tribunal 342 00:12:23,242 --> 00:12:25,656 at the Barometric Castle in St. Paul! 343 00:12:25,685 --> 00:12:27,397 Is that what you want? 344 00:12:29,347 --> 00:12:30,813 How did your rain dance go? 345 00:12:30,891 --> 00:12:32,457 Can't talk right now. I got a lot of work to do 346 00:12:32,526 --> 00:12:33,658 and it's almost 2:30. 347 00:12:33,727 --> 00:12:35,126 Where's my snack? 348 00:12:35,195 --> 00:12:36,245 Oh, God. 349 00:12:36,270 --> 00:12:37,870 I'm supposed to have my snack at 2:30! 350 00:12:38,165 --> 00:12:40,098 Katie. Stamps. 351 00:12:40,167 --> 00:12:42,367 Who's yelling like that? Sounds like the Pathmark by me 352 00:12:42,436 --> 00:12:44,002 that's all Hispanic now. 353 00:12:44,071 --> 00:12:45,937 It's Chuck, about his snack. 354 00:12:46,006 --> 00:12:47,105 What? 355 00:12:47,174 --> 00:12:48,907 You told me he got his snack at 3:00. 356 00:12:48,976 --> 00:12:50,175 I'm so mad I could spit bullets! 357 00:12:50,868 --> 00:12:52,644 I... did I? I... 358 00:12:52,713 --> 00:12:54,546 All right, who screwed this up? 359 00:12:54,615 --> 00:12:55,747 Who's the intern? 360 00:12:56,860 --> 00:12:58,717 Mr. Pierce, I can explain. 361 00:12:58,785 --> 00:13:01,152 - Are you the intern? - No, Katie Wendelson. 362 00:13:01,221 --> 00:13:02,621 Segment Producer? I held your hand 363 00:13:02,689 --> 00:13:03,989 while you passed your kidney stones? 364 00:13:04,057 --> 00:13:05,490 - It's okay, dear. - Hi. 365 00:13:05,559 --> 00:13:06,591 - Hi. - I'm Carol. 366 00:13:06,660 --> 00:13:08,425 - Hi. - I'm the intern. 367 00:13:09,363 --> 00:13:10,422 But you're, uh... 368 00:13:12,566 --> 00:13:14,633 Carol, we have a schedule. 369 00:13:14,701 --> 00:13:16,167 - I know. - And when people disrespect 370 00:13:16,236 --> 00:13:18,403 that schedule, they disrespect me. 371 00:13:18,472 --> 00:13:19,938 - Oh, I'm sorry. - Well, Carol, 372 00:13:20,007 --> 00:13:21,907 I've been in this business for 30 years, 373 00:13:21,975 --> 00:13:24,376 and I will not be disrespected! 374 00:13:24,444 --> 00:13:28,046 I was on the ground in Kosovo! I shot a flaming arrow 375 00:13:28,115 --> 00:13:30,315 at Mike Wallace's Viking funeral! 376 00:13:30,384 --> 00:13:31,283 And another thing... 377 00:13:31,351 --> 00:13:33,718 Jeez Louise, calm down! 378 00:13:33,787 --> 00:13:34,953 You're a graying old man, 379 00:13:35,022 --> 00:13:36,855 you're throwing a tantrum about a snack. 380 00:13:36,924 --> 00:13:38,623 The world's not gonna end if you don't get 381 00:13:38,692 --> 00:13:41,793 your little pizza bagel, which you don't need by the way. 382 00:13:41,862 --> 00:13:43,728 You hold your weight in your belly, and that is 383 00:13:43,797 --> 00:13:46,498 heart attack city according to "Good Housekeeping." 384 00:13:46,566 --> 00:13:50,199 Okay? I mean, you're not like that, um... 385 00:13:51,672 --> 00:13:53,738 Oh, gosh, who was that actor who died? 386 00:13:53,807 --> 00:13:55,340 You know, mob show? Come on, think. 387 00:13:55,409 --> 00:13:56,508 Uh, Marlon Brando? 388 00:13:56,576 --> 00:13:58,276 No, no, no, he was in that movie I like 389 00:13:58,345 --> 00:14:00,111 with Old Christine. Come on, you know it! 390 00:14:00,180 --> 00:14:01,212 James Gandolfini. 391 00:14:01,281 --> 00:14:02,447 - Yes. - James Gandolfini. 392 00:14:02,516 --> 00:14:04,115 - Yes. Yes. - It's James Gandolfini. 393 00:14:04,184 --> 00:14:05,784 You're not like him, Chuck, but you could be. 394 00:14:05,852 --> 00:14:09,187 Take care of yourself and stop getting so mad! 395 00:14:10,023 --> 00:14:11,750 Okay, go to your office. 396 00:14:12,192 --> 00:14:14,259 - Oh, all right. - Okay. 397 00:14:14,328 --> 00:14:17,128 That's right. I'll make you a bowl of popcorn, okay? 398 00:14:17,197 --> 00:14:18,535 - Okay. - Go, go. 399 00:14:22,442 --> 00:14:24,184 Did I tell you the wrong time? 400 00:14:24,283 --> 00:14:25,513 Nice try, Pumpkin. 401 00:14:27,021 --> 00:14:29,148 I can always tell when you're lying. 402 00:14:31,536 --> 00:14:32,661 That was amazing. 403 00:14:32,700 --> 00:14:34,412 You got Chuck to do what you wanted. 404 00:14:34,481 --> 00:14:36,926 Can I... kiss you? 405 00:14:37,184 --> 00:14:39,276 I don't think I can do this internship. 406 00:14:41,202 --> 00:14:43,679 Wait. Mom, come on. 407 00:14:43,789 --> 00:14:46,124 No, really, I've been running around all day long, 408 00:14:46,149 --> 00:14:48,115 and I am exhausted. 409 00:14:48,228 --> 00:14:51,302 You're right, Pumpkin, I'm too old for this. 410 00:14:52,521 --> 00:14:54,025 Goodbye, everyone! 411 00:14:54,568 --> 00:14:56,442 Thank you for the opportunity. 412 00:14:57,124 --> 00:14:58,175 Kathryn. 413 00:15:09,758 --> 00:15:12,759 ♪ Are you reeling in the years? ♪ 414 00:15:15,684 --> 00:15:17,350 Could you hear my psych-up music? 415 00:15:17,419 --> 00:15:19,519 Um, yes. 416 00:15:19,895 --> 00:15:21,655 Pretty fresh beat, huh? 417 00:15:22,084 --> 00:15:26,026 Well, let me blow your mind. That song is 40 years old. 418 00:15:26,908 --> 00:15:28,795 Okay. Um, they need you for run-through. 419 00:15:28,864 --> 00:15:31,565 No. I have to speak to that mature intern first. 420 00:15:31,633 --> 00:15:32,632 Can you send her in? 421 00:15:32,701 --> 00:15:35,001 Um, sir? Sir? Uh, she quit. 422 00:15:35,070 --> 00:15:36,570 Well, get her back here, 423 00:15:36,638 --> 00:15:38,850 or you and the other interns are fired! 424 00:15:38,905 --> 00:15:41,339 I'm... not an intern. 425 00:15:41,408 --> 00:15:43,241 - What the hell was that? - I'm on it, Greg. 426 00:15:43,310 --> 00:15:45,310 Yeah, you better be on it, or else you'll be on Craigslist 427 00:15:45,378 --> 00:15:47,424 selling your body for rent money! 428 00:15:48,014 --> 00:15:49,924 Sorry, that was too rough. 429 00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:53,585 You know what? Coffee. Coffee run on me. 430 00:15:55,755 --> 00:15:58,089 Oh. Mom, why didn't you answer your phone? 431 00:15:58,158 --> 00:16:00,492 I don't have to. You're not my boss anymore. 432 00:16:00,870 --> 00:16:03,438 Okay, Chuck says he needs to talk to you. 433 00:16:03,506 --> 00:16:06,140 Oh, so you only came here because you need my help. 434 00:16:06,208 --> 00:16:09,409 No, no. I'm very sorry that I tried to get you fired, okay? 435 00:16:09,478 --> 00:16:13,413 I gave up everything for you, and now I just want 436 00:16:13,482 --> 00:16:16,583 a little dream for myself and you won't let me have it. 437 00:16:16,652 --> 00:16:19,638 But Mom, why can't you get a different little dream? 438 00:16:19,663 --> 00:16:21,421 Why do you have to horn in on mine? 439 00:16:21,490 --> 00:16:22,656 - Oh! - Hi, Honey. 440 00:16:22,724 --> 00:16:24,124 I'm just gonna close the den door 441 00:16:24,193 --> 00:16:25,554 so I can read my magazine. 442 00:16:25,579 --> 00:16:28,328 Mom, work is hard enough without you there, okay? 443 00:16:28,397 --> 00:16:31,064 I have nothing for my lead hurricane segment. 444 00:16:31,133 --> 00:16:34,167 And Greg and everybody else there thinks that I suck, 445 00:16:34,236 --> 00:16:37,370 and the worst part is, they are probably right. 446 00:16:37,439 --> 00:16:39,308 Oh, you do not suck. You're great. 447 00:16:39,356 --> 00:16:41,089 You've always been great. 448 00:16:41,376 --> 00:16:42,684 Look at this shrine. 449 00:16:43,004 --> 00:16:46,839 You were the smartest kid, and a track star. 450 00:16:46,903 --> 00:16:50,004 And you were amazing in "Les Mis" as Dock Whore. 451 00:16:50,073 --> 00:16:52,676 Mom, do you remember how I got on the track team? 452 00:16:53,076 --> 00:16:55,743 I didn't make it and then you went to the coach 453 00:16:55,812 --> 00:16:57,445 and you forced him to let me on. 454 00:16:57,514 --> 00:16:59,247 You have always interfered. 455 00:16:59,316 --> 00:17:01,216 I can never do anything on my own! 456 00:17:01,284 --> 00:17:04,018 And then what happened next? Who won these trophies? 457 00:17:04,087 --> 00:17:06,588 I got you on the team, but I didn't run the race for you, 458 00:17:06,656 --> 00:17:07,974 did I, dum-dum? 459 00:17:09,571 --> 00:17:11,808 I guess I did do the running. 460 00:17:12,796 --> 00:17:14,862 You just made me believe that I could. 461 00:17:14,931 --> 00:17:16,164 And you can do this too. 462 00:17:16,233 --> 00:17:18,366 You are a good little journalist! 463 00:17:18,435 --> 00:17:19,801 Yeah, you're right. 464 00:17:20,025 --> 00:17:22,726 And a good journalist knows when to scrap their story! 465 00:17:25,530 --> 00:17:27,730 Am I supposed to follow you? 466 00:17:27,799 --> 00:17:29,198 Mom, yeah. 467 00:17:29,502 --> 00:17:30,558 Oh. 468 00:17:31,936 --> 00:17:33,869 Whew. I'm scrapping the lead! 469 00:17:33,938 --> 00:17:35,604 What? But I just sent you 470 00:17:35,673 --> 00:17:38,207 to return henceforth with the "Old." 471 00:17:38,276 --> 00:17:40,309 Justin, get me clips of workers in their 60s. 472 00:17:40,378 --> 00:17:42,044 I'm on it! 473 00:17:42,113 --> 00:17:44,313 Amy, get that econ professor from NYU on the phone. 474 00:17:44,382 --> 00:17:46,082 Brenda, I need stats on baby boomers 475 00:17:46,150 --> 00:17:47,283 re-entering the workforce. 476 00:17:47,351 --> 00:17:48,884 My name is not Brenda. Copy that. 477 00:17:48,953 --> 00:17:50,886 Story's not about a hurricane anymore. 478 00:17:50,955 --> 00:17:51,987 It's about a tsunami. 479 00:17:52,056 --> 00:17:53,656 What are you doing? 480 00:17:53,724 --> 00:17:55,057 A good journalist always knows when to scrap their lead 481 00:17:55,126 --> 00:17:56,559 if a better one comes along, right? 482 00:17:56,627 --> 00:17:57,927 - What? - That's... you... 483 00:17:57,995 --> 00:17:59,829 - Greg, you said that. - No, I didn't. 484 00:17:59,897 --> 00:18:01,230 - Verbatim, you said that to me. - When? 485 00:18:01,299 --> 00:18:02,731 - Yesterday. - Why are we even talking 486 00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:04,733 about this? The show is in 20 minutes! 487 00:18:04,802 --> 00:18:07,269 It's in 20 minutes? 20? 2-0, great. 488 00:18:10,541 --> 00:18:11,841 - Carol. - Yes. 489 00:18:11,909 --> 00:18:15,111 Earlier, you called me a "graying old man." 490 00:18:15,179 --> 00:18:16,579 I'm sorry. I have no filter. 491 00:18:16,647 --> 00:18:18,247 I've ruined dozens of surprise parties. 492 00:18:18,316 --> 00:18:20,444 No, no, no, I want to know if it's true. 493 00:18:21,052 --> 00:18:22,918 Does my hair look gray on camera? 494 00:18:24,757 --> 00:18:26,095 It's just that... 495 00:18:27,649 --> 00:18:29,744 nobody around here tells me the truth. 496 00:18:30,594 --> 00:18:32,294 Your hair does look gray. 497 00:18:35,938 --> 00:18:37,000 Thank you, Carol. 498 00:18:37,068 --> 00:18:38,767 And also, Chuck, when you wear a green tie, 499 00:18:38,836 --> 00:18:40,769 you look exactly like a leprechaun. 500 00:18:40,838 --> 00:18:42,104 It's because of your ears, they're very po... 501 00:18:42,173 --> 00:18:44,640 Baby steps, Carol, baby steps. 502 00:18:45,910 --> 00:18:48,144 Live from Secaucus, New Jersey, 503 00:18:48,212 --> 00:18:50,045 this is "The Breakdown" with Chuck Pierce... 504 00:18:50,114 --> 00:18:51,947 The lead is changing! Guys, the lead is changing, 505 00:18:52,016 --> 00:18:53,749 okay? The package is on B. 506 00:18:53,818 --> 00:18:55,851 Chuck, there's new copy in your prompter. 507 00:18:56,921 --> 00:18:58,721 Good evening. Tonight we take a look 508 00:18:58,789 --> 00:19:00,890 at the so-called "Silver Tsunami," 509 00:19:00,958 --> 00:19:02,858 America's surplus of baby boomers 510 00:19:02,927 --> 00:19:05,728 and their predicted drain on Social Security 511 00:19:05,796 --> 00:19:06,862 when they retire. 512 00:19:07,365 --> 00:19:10,266 But as more older Americans choose to re-enter the workforce, 513 00:19:10,334 --> 00:19:14,136 the future of our economy seems brighter than ever. 514 00:19:16,450 --> 00:19:19,709 Proving that seniority does count for something, Greg. 515 00:19:19,777 --> 00:19:21,677 I mean, Portia. 516 00:19:21,746 --> 00:19:23,412 Thanks, Chuck. Coming up, 517 00:19:23,481 --> 00:19:26,148 is there a silent killer hiding in your family's handguns? 518 00:19:26,217 --> 00:19:27,850 - That's when we return. - And, we're clear. 519 00:19:27,919 --> 00:19:29,051 Ooh. 520 00:19:29,362 --> 00:19:30,876 Good job, little one. 521 00:19:31,222 --> 00:19:33,656 On to the next crisis, who's gonna tell Chuck 522 00:19:33,724 --> 00:19:35,824 with that hair he looks like Ronald McDonald? 523 00:19:35,893 --> 00:19:38,160 Handling Chuck sounds like a job for my mom. 524 00:19:38,229 --> 00:19:39,828 It's too bad that she quit. 525 00:19:39,897 --> 00:19:41,163 Yeah, it really is. 526 00:19:41,232 --> 00:19:43,332 She could have talked him into so many things. 527 00:19:43,401 --> 00:19:44,934 Hey, if you really want her back, 528 00:19:45,002 --> 00:19:46,328 I'm willing to negotiate. 529 00:19:46,367 --> 00:19:47,836 What are your terms? 530 00:19:47,905 --> 00:19:50,339 I convince my mom to come back and be our intern, 531 00:19:50,408 --> 00:19:53,943 and you let me do one lead story every week. 532 00:19:54,011 --> 00:19:55,344 - Done. - Oh! 533 00:19:55,413 --> 00:19:57,246 I thought you were gonna ask for a raise, which I would've given you. 534 00:19:57,315 --> 00:19:58,247 - No. - Idiot. 535 00:19:58,316 --> 00:20:00,449 Damn it. 536 00:20:00,518 --> 00:20:03,085 You know what? No. Baby steps, baby steps. 537 00:20:08,492 --> 00:20:11,038 Hey, Pumpkin. The show was great. 538 00:20:11,063 --> 00:20:12,985 I loved the story you did about me. 539 00:20:13,054 --> 00:20:14,430 And what'd you think of Chuck's hair? 540 00:20:14,455 --> 00:20:16,259 Zazzy, right? 541 00:20:16,423 --> 00:20:18,423 It's real zazzy, yeah. 542 00:20:18,492 --> 00:20:20,091 Um, listen, Mom, 543 00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:22,260 I think you should come back and be our intern. 544 00:20:22,329 --> 00:20:23,662 I don't know, Katie. Having me around 545 00:20:23,730 --> 00:20:26,498 is a big sacrifice. I can't do that to you. 546 00:20:26,567 --> 00:20:30,001 I've already given you genes for hairy arms and scoliosis. 547 00:20:30,070 --> 00:20:31,947 It's not a sacrifice, Mom. 548 00:20:32,506 --> 00:20:34,289 You make me believe in myself. 549 00:20:35,209 --> 00:20:36,942 And I-I need you. 550 00:20:37,010 --> 00:20:38,820 Aw, really? 551 00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:42,514 I don't know, Katie. I have to think about it, okay? 552 00:20:42,583 --> 00:20:43,527 Okay, Mom. 553 00:20:44,084 --> 00:20:45,417 Just kidding! 554 00:20:45,486 --> 00:20:48,119 I'm in! We're coworkers! 555 00:20:49,556 --> 00:20:50,956 Oh, I can't come in tomorrow. 556 00:20:51,024 --> 00:20:53,291 Two gays from my soap are getting married. 557 00:20:53,360 --> 00:20:54,459 Why is this commercial break taking so long? 558 00:20:55,762 --> 00:20:57,295 Where's Carol? Get me Carol. 559 00:20:57,364 --> 00:20:59,231 They need me on the floor. 560 00:20:59,299 --> 00:21:00,968 - Carol? - Yeah, can we get Carol? 561 00:21:01,368 --> 00:21:02,677 Wrong way, Mom! 562 00:21:03,044 --> 00:21:04,740 Carol here? Is she in the building? 563 00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:06,764 Carol! Carol! 564 00:21:16,750 --> 00:21:18,717 Hey, Mom, I gotta go, I'm at work now. 565 00:21:18,742 --> 00:21:20,006 - Yeah, me too. - Oh, hi. 566 00:21:20,031 --> 00:21:21,030 - Hi, Mom. - Yeah, hey. 567 00:21:21,099 --> 00:21:22,391 It's not real Starbucks. 568 00:21:22,462 --> 00:21:24,822 Daddy gave me one of those Sofia Vergara coffee machines 569 00:21:24,847 --> 00:21:26,110 so I make it in that and then I put it 570 00:21:26,135 --> 00:21:28,610 in old Starbucks cups. That's money in my pocket. 571 00:21:28,635 --> 00:21:30,798 You ready for your first full day as an intern? 572 00:21:30,867 --> 00:21:32,904 Ooh, yes, Katie, it's gonna be so much fun. 573 00:21:32,936 --> 00:21:35,082 Like when I went to all of third grade with you. 574 00:21:35,107 --> 00:21:36,337 Yeah, I didn't love that. 575 00:21:36,406 --> 00:21:38,406 Yeah, me either. I got a C in math. 576 00:21:38,475 --> 00:21:41,242 Ugh, of course, Greg finally starts letting me produce 577 00:21:41,311 --> 00:21:43,878 lead stories, and it's the slowest news day of the year. 578 00:21:43,947 --> 00:21:46,848 Well, if you're looking for a good story... 579 00:21:46,916 --> 00:21:49,717 Do not say Angie seeing a ghost down the shore. 580 00:21:49,786 --> 00:21:51,706 I wasn't going to. 581 00:21:52,799 --> 00:21:54,380 But, Katie, she really saw him. 582 00:21:54,405 --> 00:21:56,038 Mom, this is my big shot, okay? 583 00:21:56,107 --> 00:21:57,607 I just don't want to screw it up. 584 00:21:57,675 --> 00:21:58,908 You won't, pumpkin. 585 00:21:58,977 --> 00:22:01,577 Just work hard and stay focused, like me. 586 00:22:01,646 --> 00:22:03,346 You think it's easy juggling an internship 587 00:22:03,414 --> 00:22:06,048 and taking care of your father? Oh, shoot. 588 00:22:06,117 --> 00:22:07,783 I forgot to give him dinner last night. 589 00:22:07,852 --> 00:22:09,619 - And going to school. - Yeah. 590 00:22:09,687 --> 00:22:12,722 That's what I was supposed to do yesterday, damn it! 591 00:22:13,430 --> 00:22:15,424 Morning, everyone. Who has segment pitches? 592 00:22:15,493 --> 00:22:18,194 Oh, before we begin, I'd like to say a few words. 593 00:22:18,263 --> 00:22:20,162 Ooh, actually, interns aren't allowed in this meeting. 594 00:22:20,231 --> 00:22:21,773 I just want to say 595 00:22:22,033 --> 00:22:24,200 how excited I am to be here. 596 00:22:24,269 --> 00:22:26,535 And I want to thank Greg for hiring me, 597 00:22:26,604 --> 00:22:29,071 and, oh, Portia for that great interaction 598 00:22:29,140 --> 00:22:30,306 on the elevator this morning. 599 00:22:30,375 --> 00:22:32,108 And thank you, Carol, 600 00:22:32,176 --> 00:22:34,569 for your interesting take on the Black Lives Matter movement. 601 00:22:35,797 --> 00:22:38,483 And my daughter Katie, the love of my life. 602 00:22:38,484 --> 00:22:41,652 When she was born, I needed an episiotomy... 603 00:22:41,721 --> 00:22:43,054 Okay. That's good, that's enough. 604 00:22:43,122 --> 00:22:44,622 - Mom. - Okay. Thank you. 605 00:22:46,359 --> 00:22:49,801 Well, it seems we have a slow news day on our hands. 606 00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:51,562 CNN is just playing "Death Becomes Her." 607 00:22:51,587 --> 00:22:52,953 Ooh, I have a pitch. 608 00:22:53,082 --> 00:22:55,629 Okay, you know the meme of Kermit drinking root beer? 609 00:22:57,183 --> 00:22:59,571 Okay, well, you know the rapper Plerp? 610 00:23:00,506 --> 00:23:01,772 Whatever. 611 00:23:01,841 --> 00:23:03,274 I'll just riff on the housing crisis. 612 00:23:03,343 --> 00:23:05,147 Okay, Gene, you can produce that. 613 00:23:05,186 --> 00:23:06,341 Produce what? 614 00:23:06,366 --> 00:23:07,632 - Oh, the AP is reporting... - Mom, can you not... 615 00:23:07,700 --> 00:23:09,667 A black bear got loose in Central Park. 616 00:23:09,736 --> 00:23:10,668 Yeah, I'll produce that. 617 00:23:10,737 --> 00:23:11,869 But it was quickly sedated 618 00:23:11,938 --> 00:23:13,571 and put back in its cage at the zoo. 619 00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:15,386 Sure, Katie, it's yours. 620 00:23:15,675 --> 00:23:18,142 No, that's okay, honey, 'cause it sounds dangerous. 621 00:23:18,211 --> 00:23:20,244 Are you sure you had your thyroid checked? 622 00:23:20,313 --> 00:23:23,080 Uh, the INS hired a new Communications Director. 623 00:23:23,149 --> 00:23:25,082 Katie should produce that. She has IBS... 624 00:23:25,151 --> 00:23:27,118 Not the diarrhea kind, the kind where you can't... 625 00:23:27,186 --> 00:23:29,420 No, Mo... he said "INS"! Come on, Mom. 626 00:23:29,489 --> 00:23:30,955 Karen, try to be professional. 627 00:23:31,024 --> 00:23:32,590 You can't talk to Carol that way. 628 00:23:32,659 --> 00:23:33,591 What did I miss? 629 00:23:33,660 --> 00:23:34,925 Karen has IBS. 630 00:23:34,994 --> 00:23:36,327 I... do... 631 00:23:42,778 --> 00:23:45,369 Well, this is a total disaster. 632 00:23:45,438 --> 00:23:48,172 It's my mom, she just humiliated me in a meeting. 633 00:23:48,241 --> 00:23:49,974 She treats me like a baby still. 634 00:23:50,043 --> 00:23:52,276 Well, you're lucky. I had to grow up too fast. 635 00:23:52,345 --> 00:23:54,145 I managed a McDonald's when I was ten. 636 00:23:54,213 --> 00:23:55,379 I don't know what I expected. 637 00:23:55,448 --> 00:23:57,381 She's always been a helicopter parent. 638 00:23:57,450 --> 00:24:00,551 You should have seen the first time I tried to ride a bike. 639 00:24:00,620 --> 00:24:01,986 Oh, it's okay, baby. 640 00:24:02,055 --> 00:24:04,989 That evil bike is never gonna hurt you again. 641 00:24:05,058 --> 00:24:06,023 Dave, smash it! 642 00:24:06,092 --> 00:24:07,124 You got it, dear. 643 00:24:10,976 --> 00:24:12,376 And, you know, to this day, 644 00:24:12,444 --> 00:24:13,991 I never learned how to ride a bike. 645 00:24:14,061 --> 00:24:15,015 You see? 646 00:24:15,016 --> 00:24:16,803 That there's the problem with helicopter parenting. 647 00:24:16,866 --> 00:24:18,649 You end up with emotionally stunted adult kids 648 00:24:18,717 --> 00:24:21,163 who can't do anything for themselves. 649 00:24:21,188 --> 00:24:23,289 No way, if I couldn't do anything for myself, 650 00:24:23,375 --> 00:24:25,242 I'd still be on my parents' insurance. 651 00:24:25,298 --> 00:24:27,264 But I don't have any insurance. 652 00:24:27,289 --> 00:24:28,525 Unh. Oh. 653 00:24:28,594 --> 00:24:30,460 Come on, you can't even get around the city by yourself. 654 00:24:30,529 --> 00:24:33,380 You got lost on your way to my Chilean dance recital. 655 00:24:33,474 --> 00:24:35,307 Yeah, that's why I missed that. 656 00:24:35,376 --> 00:24:37,143 Well, it's okay. I have a video of it. 657 00:24:38,346 --> 00:24:39,745 That's great. 658 00:24:39,814 --> 00:24:43,416 I wish she would back off and just let me be an adult. 659 00:24:43,484 --> 00:24:45,384 Look, if you really want to be an adult, 660 00:24:45,453 --> 00:24:46,585 you have to set a boundary. 661 00:24:46,654 --> 00:24:48,154 How do you set a boundary with a woman 662 00:24:48,222 --> 00:24:50,089 who posts pictures of you in a bathroom stall 663 00:24:50,158 --> 00:24:53,225 with the caption, "Stronger than IBS #Soproud"? 664 00:24:53,294 --> 00:24:54,460 Say you're her co-worker now 665 00:24:54,529 --> 00:24:56,328 and you need to be treated that way. 666 00:24:56,397 --> 00:24:58,964 Just like I told my little brother at McDonald's. 667 00:24:59,033 --> 00:25:00,232 Yeah. You're right. 668 00:25:00,301 --> 00:25:01,434 Okay. I'll talk to her. 669 00:25:01,502 --> 00:25:02,968 - Thanks, Justin. - Check this out. 670 00:25:03,037 --> 00:25:05,805 I do a cool flip. 671 00:25:11,746 --> 00:25:12,945 Thank you for coming by. 672 00:25:13,014 --> 00:25:15,748 Unfortunately, I have some rather difficult news. 673 00:25:15,817 --> 00:25:18,315 The Geppetto who made you has passed away? 674 00:25:18,719 --> 00:25:20,653 Last night, for the first time ever, 675 00:25:20,721 --> 00:25:23,189 "The Chip and Chet Report" beat us in the ratings. 676 00:25:23,257 --> 00:25:25,391 Oh, my God, I love those guys! 677 00:25:25,460 --> 00:25:27,827 They're co-anchors, but they're also best friends. 678 00:25:27,895 --> 00:25:30,029 And speaking of President Francois Hollande, 679 00:25:30,097 --> 00:25:31,664 Chet and I took our wives on a cruise 680 00:25:31,732 --> 00:25:33,098 down the French Riviera last summer. 681 00:25:33,167 --> 00:25:34,834 A slide show of goofy photos from that trip 682 00:25:34,902 --> 00:25:36,268 after the break. 683 00:25:36,337 --> 00:25:37,937 Also ahead, the results of our viewer poll: 684 00:25:38,005 --> 00:25:39,438 should we buy a dog together? 685 00:25:39,507 --> 00:25:41,373 - I hope they say yes. - Stay with us. 686 00:25:42,910 --> 00:25:44,710 - Yeah, that is a great tie. - It is a great tie. 687 00:25:44,779 --> 00:25:46,479 We should switch ties after the break. 688 00:25:46,647 --> 00:25:49,882 The network believes the reason for our ratings slip 689 00:25:49,951 --> 00:25:51,483 is that viewers... 690 00:25:51,552 --> 00:25:52,885 - Hate Chuck. - Hate Portia. 691 00:25:52,954 --> 00:25:54,720 Best of luck in your future endeavors. 692 00:25:54,789 --> 00:25:57,756 Feel that you two are not friends. 693 00:25:58,244 --> 00:26:00,601 Oh. That's because we're not. 694 00:26:00,661 --> 00:26:02,528 Once, we both crossed the street to avoid each other, 695 00:26:02,597 --> 00:26:04,656 and we ended up on the same side of the street. 696 00:26:05,066 --> 00:26:07,032 Look, the network is just asking 697 00:26:07,101 --> 00:26:09,301 if you could do a little friendly banter 698 00:26:09,370 --> 00:26:10,603 at the end of the show. 699 00:26:10,846 --> 00:26:12,539 Sounds neat. Thank you, Greg. 700 00:26:12,607 --> 00:26:14,907 Wow, that is a massive relief. 701 00:26:14,976 --> 00:26:17,076 Thank you for ruining the show and dropping a steamer 702 00:26:17,144 --> 00:26:19,044 on my journalistic integrity! 703 00:26:19,113 --> 00:26:21,513 News is not the place for small talk and personal opinions. 704 00:26:21,582 --> 00:26:23,716 That's the problem with journalism today. 705 00:26:23,784 --> 00:26:25,017 It's more about the personality 706 00:26:25,086 --> 00:26:26,819 saying the news than the news itself! 707 00:26:26,887 --> 00:26:28,187 A real newsman 708 00:26:28,255 --> 00:26:29,955 has no personality. 709 00:26:30,024 --> 00:26:33,125 Walter Cronkite said one thing at the end of his show. 710 00:26:33,194 --> 00:26:34,727 "And that's the way it is." 711 00:26:34,795 --> 00:26:36,528 Not, "I feel meh today." 712 00:26:36,597 --> 00:26:38,897 Or, uh, "Mm, I like breakfast for dinner." 713 00:26:38,966 --> 00:26:41,133 I, for one, will not be betraying the news. 714 00:26:42,407 --> 00:26:44,628 I'm not a Benedict Arnold like you! 715 00:26:45,798 --> 00:26:48,745 Yeah, Benedict Arnold was the only one who wasn't a traitor! 716 00:26:49,508 --> 00:26:51,027 Chuck does have a point. 717 00:26:51,059 --> 00:26:52,682 Except in the digital era, well-reasoned opinions 718 00:26:52,751 --> 00:26:54,584 are more valuable than the archaic model 719 00:26:54,653 --> 00:26:57,329 of so-called "objective journalism." 720 00:26:57,989 --> 00:27:00,403 Also, what's a Walter Conkrite? 721 00:27:06,779 --> 00:27:07,766 Uh-oh. 722 00:27:09,015 --> 00:27:10,194 - Mom. - Mm-hmm? 723 00:27:10,366 --> 00:27:11,651 We need to talk. 724 00:27:11,970 --> 00:27:14,442 Oh, God, you're pregnant. It's okay. 725 00:27:14,467 --> 00:27:16,740 We'll pretend it's mine, and tell him you're his sister. 726 00:27:17,025 --> 00:27:19,263 No, about you being here. 727 00:27:19,288 --> 00:27:22,182 If this is gonna work, you and I need to establish some boundaries. 728 00:27:22,247 --> 00:27:23,451 Well, sounds good. Tell me more. 729 00:27:23,867 --> 00:27:25,348 Your hand is up my shirt. 730 00:27:25,417 --> 00:27:27,317 I'm just making sure you're not wearing an underwire bra. 731 00:27:27,385 --> 00:27:28,751 I read that they cause breast cancer... 732 00:27:28,820 --> 00:27:30,353 Wait, I don't read. 733 00:27:30,806 --> 00:27:32,154 You know what? It was a dream. 734 00:27:32,224 --> 00:27:33,289 Oh, my... 735 00:27:34,759 --> 00:27:35,892 Okay, listen. 736 00:27:35,917 --> 00:27:37,294 When you and I are at the office, 737 00:27:37,362 --> 00:27:38,662 we are co-workers, okay? 738 00:27:38,730 --> 00:27:40,930 So before you do anything, just ask yourself, 739 00:27:40,999 --> 00:27:43,244 "Would I do this to another co-worker?" 740 00:27:43,284 --> 00:27:46,371 That's not gonna help. I just rubbed Icy Hot on Justin's quads. 741 00:27:46,396 --> 00:27:49,973 Please, Mom, I've worked so hard to be taken seriously here. 742 00:27:49,998 --> 00:27:51,621 I really need you to do this for me. 743 00:27:51,646 --> 00:27:52,931 Okay. I get it. 744 00:27:53,237 --> 00:27:54,837 You know what? From now on, 745 00:27:54,905 --> 00:27:57,239 I'm not gonna treat you like my daughter at work. 746 00:27:57,308 --> 00:27:58,841 No more meddling. 747 00:27:58,909 --> 00:28:00,209 I promise. 748 00:28:00,277 --> 00:28:01,774 - Really? - Really. 749 00:28:01,806 --> 00:28:04,474 Wendelson, your bear escaped again. They're evacuating the park. 750 00:28:04,534 --> 00:28:06,634 Oh, my God. This is like a real story. 751 00:28:06,711 --> 00:28:08,978 If I can sneak in Central Park, I'll get an exclusive. 752 00:28:09,054 --> 00:28:11,454 Yeah, but be careful, it already attacked a woman. 753 00:28:11,516 --> 00:28:13,349 At least, they think it was a woman. 754 00:28:13,418 --> 00:28:15,908 There was nothing left, just her blonde hair. 755 00:28:16,321 --> 00:28:17,553 Wait! 756 00:28:17,622 --> 00:28:18,654 What, Mom? 757 00:28:20,759 --> 00:28:21,899 Have fun! 758 00:28:28,403 --> 00:28:30,113 "What do you do 759 00:28:30,129 --> 00:28:33,427 "when your daughter is going to report on a dangerous story 760 00:28:33,516 --> 00:28:35,486 "and you don't want her to go, 761 00:28:35,512 --> 00:28:38,755 "but you promised you wouldn't treat her like a baby 762 00:28:38,780 --> 00:28:40,446 "in the workplace? 763 00:28:40,710 --> 00:28:42,891 Sincerely, Carol Wendelson." 764 00:28:44,776 --> 00:28:46,143 _ 765 00:28:46,182 --> 00:28:47,214 Oh, darn. 766 00:28:47,283 --> 00:28:48,248 Carol. 767 00:28:48,317 --> 00:28:49,383 I need a favor. 768 00:28:49,737 --> 00:28:51,537 I'm sure you know why I hired you. 769 00:28:51,606 --> 00:28:53,606 To organize the company talent show? 770 00:28:53,675 --> 00:28:55,272 No. Please don't do that. 771 00:28:55,677 --> 00:28:57,810 I hired you because you have a way with Chuck. 772 00:28:57,879 --> 00:29:00,713 Now, the network wants a little banter at the end of the show, 773 00:29:00,782 --> 00:29:02,548 and I need you to get him on board. 774 00:29:02,617 --> 00:29:03,516 - Oh. - All right? 775 00:29:03,585 --> 00:29:05,284 Oh, and have you seen Katie? 776 00:29:05,353 --> 00:29:07,019 I need her to sign a waiver before she leaves for the park. 777 00:29:07,088 --> 00:29:08,488 A waiver, what for? 778 00:29:08,556 --> 00:29:11,290 It's just standard maim-and-dismemberment form. 779 00:29:11,359 --> 00:29:13,144 The kind that Ron signed before he died. 780 00:29:15,076 --> 00:29:16,929 Okay, I'll speak to Chuck 781 00:29:16,973 --> 00:29:19,638 but only if you take my precious baby off that story. 782 00:29:23,934 --> 00:29:25,200 You know what I love? 783 00:29:25,225 --> 00:29:26,124 Chitchat! 784 00:29:26,161 --> 00:29:27,243 I'm not doing it. 785 00:29:27,286 --> 00:29:28,636 Chuck, you got to help me. 786 00:29:28,705 --> 00:29:30,371 Greg says that if you don't do banter on the show, 787 00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:32,151 he's gonna kill my Katie. 788 00:29:32,176 --> 00:29:33,374 That monster. 789 00:29:33,654 --> 00:29:35,220 But I'm sorry, Carol, the answer is no. 790 00:29:35,289 --> 00:29:38,657 Banter is undignified and I won't do it! 791 00:29:38,726 --> 00:29:40,125 Why are you getting so mad? 792 00:29:40,194 --> 00:29:42,027 Whenever my Katie used to throw a tantrum, 793 00:29:42,096 --> 00:29:43,729 it was always about something else. 794 00:29:43,797 --> 00:29:46,064 Are you hungry? Tired? 795 00:29:46,601 --> 00:29:48,367 Teething? Scared? 796 00:29:48,435 --> 00:29:49,501 I'm not scared. 797 00:29:49,904 --> 00:29:51,132 Ding, ding, ding. 798 00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:52,286 I'm not. 799 00:29:52,341 --> 00:29:54,101 - I'm amazing at banter. - Mm-hmm. 800 00:29:54,170 --> 00:29:57,004 I once kept the conversation going for five hours 801 00:29:57,073 --> 00:29:58,906 at Wolf Blitzer's birthday party, 802 00:29:58,975 --> 00:30:00,541 and I was the only one who showed up! 803 00:30:00,610 --> 00:30:01,876 Oh, what's the problem then? 804 00:30:01,945 --> 00:30:03,177 Her! Her! 805 00:30:03,246 --> 00:30:05,012 I can't talk to her! 806 00:30:05,081 --> 00:30:07,381 Portia and I have nothing in common! 807 00:30:07,450 --> 00:30:08,716 When she first started here, 808 00:30:08,785 --> 00:30:10,353 we went to lunch together. 809 00:30:10,653 --> 00:30:13,331 So, did you, uh, have a nice weekend? 810 00:30:13,705 --> 00:30:14,686 I did. 811 00:30:14,721 --> 00:30:16,416 This weekend, I went to go see The Weekend 812 00:30:16,447 --> 00:30:18,723 at Avicii's pop-up club, Weekend. 813 00:30:27,835 --> 00:30:29,368 That was three years ago. 814 00:30:29,437 --> 00:30:31,137 We haven't had a conversation since. 815 00:30:31,204 --> 00:30:33,371 It's hard, you're from a different generation. 816 00:30:33,440 --> 00:30:35,674 I don't know what anybody's talking about anymore. 817 00:30:35,742 --> 00:30:36,808 Me either. 818 00:30:36,877 --> 00:30:38,643 - Like, who is Snapchat? - Ah. 819 00:30:38,712 --> 00:30:39,644 Is he one of the Minions? 820 00:30:39,713 --> 00:30:41,613 And are they all Pokemen? 821 00:30:41,682 --> 00:30:43,114 I saw "Hamilton." 822 00:30:43,183 --> 00:30:44,916 I was like, "Huh?" 823 00:30:44,985 --> 00:30:47,385 I mean, George Washington wasn't black, right? 824 00:30:47,454 --> 00:30:49,487 Or is it one of those things where you don't know for sure? 825 00:30:49,556 --> 00:30:51,523 You know, like Santa Claus or Jesus? 826 00:30:51,592 --> 00:30:53,007 I didn't get it either. 827 00:30:53,226 --> 00:30:55,827 Maybe you just need experience talking to young people. 828 00:30:55,896 --> 00:30:58,063 At least I get to practice with Katie. 829 00:30:58,131 --> 00:30:59,264 God, I love her. 830 00:30:59,333 --> 00:31:01,232 I really hope she doesn't die. 831 00:31:01,301 --> 00:31:02,901 Right. Maybe I just need 832 00:31:02,970 --> 00:31:05,136 - a little more practice. - Yes! 833 00:31:05,205 --> 00:31:07,038 You know, there's lots of young women in the office. 834 00:31:07,107 --> 00:31:08,974 Just trying chatting with one of them. 835 00:31:09,042 --> 00:31:10,809 That is a great i... 836 00:31:10,877 --> 00:31:12,010 I'm sorry! 837 00:31:12,079 --> 00:31:13,111 But lesson learned: 838 00:31:13,180 --> 00:31:14,679 don't banter about how someone 839 00:31:14,748 --> 00:31:16,881 has a Puerto Rican ass for a white girl. 840 00:31:22,089 --> 00:31:23,488 Something wrong, pumpkin? 841 00:31:23,557 --> 00:31:25,824 Yeah. I am so mad right now. 842 00:31:25,892 --> 00:31:27,726 Oh, I know, but don't be mad at me. 843 00:31:27,794 --> 00:31:29,094 You're all I have in this world. 844 00:31:29,162 --> 00:31:31,796 Well, except your father, but he's boring. 845 00:31:33,533 --> 00:31:35,400 Greg gave my story to Gene. 846 00:31:35,469 --> 00:31:37,702 Oh, it's okay, honey. 847 00:31:37,771 --> 00:31:39,505 Mommy's here. 848 00:31:39,536 --> 00:31:41,906 He said it was too dangerous. 849 00:31:41,975 --> 00:31:43,608 What a jerk. 850 00:31:44,098 --> 00:31:46,578 No one believes that women can do anything. 851 00:31:46,647 --> 00:31:48,847 You know, I once ate a 150-ounce steak 852 00:31:48,915 --> 00:31:50,982 faster than any man at Golden Corral. 853 00:31:51,051 --> 00:31:52,350 Greg is a jerk. 854 00:31:52,419 --> 00:31:54,152 We should throw acid on him or something. 855 00:31:54,221 --> 00:31:55,820 Or I could just go talk to him again. 856 00:31:55,889 --> 00:31:57,441 No, no, no, don't do that. 857 00:31:57,858 --> 00:32:00,856 Skunks like Greg, you know, they never admit they're wrong. 858 00:32:01,461 --> 00:32:03,094 Why don't you go behind his back? 859 00:32:03,163 --> 00:32:05,521 Take the day off and go to the movies with me. 860 00:32:06,266 --> 00:32:07,198 Wait a minute, you're right. 861 00:32:07,267 --> 00:32:08,199 I should go behind his back. 862 00:32:08,268 --> 00:32:10,468 Great, why don't we see that new Nancy Meyers movie 863 00:32:10,537 --> 00:32:12,170 where Chris Hemsworth builds a gazebo 864 00:32:12,239 --> 00:32:14,272 and then marries a 100-year-old woman? 865 00:32:14,341 --> 00:32:16,274 No, no, no, I meant you're right. 866 00:32:16,343 --> 00:32:18,827 I should go rogue and report my story anyway. 867 00:32:19,724 --> 00:32:20,378 What? 868 00:32:20,447 --> 00:32:22,147 I just need to get rid of Gene. 869 00:32:22,215 --> 00:32:24,115 You know, I'm pretty sure some of those Jewish holidays 870 00:32:24,159 --> 00:32:25,594 he takes off are made up. 871 00:32:25,619 --> 00:32:27,685 Okay, I'll threaten to tell Greg that there's no such thing as 872 00:32:27,755 --> 00:32:29,488 Hha Hha Hha Hazad 873 00:32:29,557 --> 00:32:32,324 and you tell Wayne the cameraman to meet me by the news van. 874 00:32:32,393 --> 00:32:33,292 Oh, crud. 875 00:32:33,361 --> 00:32:34,927 - What? - Hmm? 876 00:32:34,996 --> 00:32:36,962 Oh, crud? Oh, it's... This expression from the '70s. 877 00:32:37,031 --> 00:32:38,597 You know, it means "cool," like "boss" 878 00:32:38,666 --> 00:32:40,266 or "can you dig it?" 879 00:32:40,334 --> 00:32:42,401 Mom, I know I said I didn't need a mom at work, 880 00:32:42,470 --> 00:32:44,436 but I do. 881 00:32:44,505 --> 00:32:45,804 - Oh. - Thank you. 882 00:32:51,185 --> 00:32:52,651 Oh. Hi, Mom. 883 00:32:52,713 --> 00:32:54,679 Gene was cool with me taking the story. 884 00:32:54,747 --> 00:32:57,748 Turns out he had to leave early anyway for "Rik Machanach." 885 00:32:57,817 --> 00:32:59,250 Yeah. Let's go, Wayne. 886 00:32:59,318 --> 00:33:00,995 Yeah. 887 00:33:01,454 --> 00:33:02,720 Uh-oh, Wendelson, 888 00:33:02,788 --> 00:33:03,854 we got a flat. 889 00:33:03,923 --> 00:33:05,689 Oh, you have got to be kidding me! 890 00:33:05,758 --> 00:33:06,957 Mm-mm. 891 00:33:07,026 --> 00:33:09,260 Damn, that looks like a puncture. 892 00:33:09,328 --> 00:33:12,162 You know, I bet it was a nail or a screw. 893 00:33:12,231 --> 00:33:13,464 Now, the smart money is on a nail 894 00:33:13,533 --> 00:33:14,865 but you can never count out a screw. 895 00:33:14,934 --> 00:33:18,269 Oh, that is a shame. Oh! 896 00:33:18,654 --> 00:33:19,687 Oh, well, Katie, 897 00:33:19,755 --> 00:33:21,956 I guess the only thing left for us to do now 898 00:33:22,024 --> 00:33:24,925 is shop for seasonal table runners at HomeGoods. 899 00:33:24,994 --> 00:33:26,121 I'll drive. 900 00:33:26,302 --> 00:33:27,928 Oh, my God, Mom. I forgot. 901 00:33:27,997 --> 00:33:29,856 You have a car. I'll take that to the park. 902 00:33:30,187 --> 00:33:31,687 Oh, no, no, no, you know what? 903 00:33:31,756 --> 00:33:34,123 Remember, I took you off our insurance, 904 00:33:34,191 --> 00:33:36,558 so I could use the money to buy more boysenberry bombs 905 00:33:36,627 --> 00:33:38,060 on my "Biscuit Blitz" game. 906 00:33:38,129 --> 00:33:39,569 Fine, then you drive us. 907 00:33:39,917 --> 00:33:41,525 Oh, crud! 908 00:33:46,581 --> 00:33:47,648 And that's our show. 909 00:33:47,690 --> 00:33:51,294 Tune in tomorrow night when I go undercover as an ugly person. 910 00:33:52,404 --> 00:33:53,870 And then we do the banter and we're out. 911 00:33:53,939 --> 00:33:55,805 - Good rehearsal, everybody. - Whoa, whoa. 912 00:33:55,874 --> 00:33:58,441 Really appreciate you giving this whole banter thing a go. 913 00:33:58,510 --> 00:33:59,809 Well, I'm a team player. 914 00:33:59,878 --> 00:34:01,311 But would you mind rehearsing it just once? 915 00:34:01,380 --> 00:34:02,746 I mean, I know you can do it, 916 00:34:02,814 --> 00:34:04,547 but just for the guys in the booth. 917 00:34:04,572 --> 00:34:05,757 We're actually good in the booth, Greg. 918 00:34:05,825 --> 00:34:07,140 Thank you, Richard. 919 00:34:08,262 --> 00:34:09,586 Please, just, one time for me. 920 00:34:12,157 --> 00:34:12,982 Okay. 921 00:34:13,392 --> 00:34:14,656 I'll give it a go. 922 00:34:15,230 --> 00:34:17,494 And that's our show. Tune in tomorrow night 923 00:34:17,562 --> 00:34:20,552 as I go undercover as an ugly person. 924 00:34:21,400 --> 00:34:22,799 Hey, bomb suit, Chuck. 925 00:34:22,868 --> 00:34:25,001 It's cis male, but it slays. 926 00:34:25,070 --> 00:34:25,958 Oh. 927 00:34:28,774 --> 00:34:29,973 I can't do this, Greg. 928 00:34:30,042 --> 00:34:31,408 She is pranking on me. 929 00:34:31,476 --> 00:34:33,128 Okay, let's take five. 930 00:34:33,560 --> 00:34:35,026 Chuck, you're an accomplished journalist. 931 00:34:35,095 --> 00:34:36,428 You talk to people for a living. 932 00:34:36,496 --> 00:34:38,496 Just treat it like an interview. 933 00:34:38,997 --> 00:34:40,847 I'm amazing at interviews. 934 00:34:40,958 --> 00:34:42,834 I once got Madeleine Albright to admit 935 00:34:42,903 --> 00:34:44,959 that she was in love with Boris Yeltsin 936 00:34:45,146 --> 00:34:46,379 and Boris Yeltsin to admit 937 00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:48,139 that he was in love with Madeleine Albright. 938 00:34:48,256 --> 00:34:50,508 Now, why did I never set those two up? 939 00:34:52,846 --> 00:34:54,346 And that's our show. Tune in tomorrow... 940 00:34:54,414 --> 00:34:56,047 Where were you last night? 941 00:34:56,619 --> 00:34:57,573 Uh... 942 00:34:57,951 --> 00:35:00,165 - I-I was home. - All night? 943 00:35:00,259 --> 00:35:01,920 You didn't go out at all? 944 00:35:02,326 --> 00:35:04,456 - Oh, well, I went for a run. - Interesting. 945 00:35:04,524 --> 00:35:05,857 'Cause it was raining last night, 946 00:35:05,926 --> 00:35:07,626 so that doesn't make very much sense, does it? 947 00:35:07,694 --> 00:35:08,627 - I went before... - Does it? 948 00:35:08,695 --> 00:35:10,595 Answer the question, liar! 949 00:35:10,893 --> 00:35:12,264 I was stealing lipstick from Duane Reade! 950 00:35:12,332 --> 00:35:14,366 I have a problem, okay? 951 00:35:15,769 --> 00:35:16,701 Uh-oh... 952 00:35:16,770 --> 00:35:19,391 Okay, that one was my bad. 953 00:35:25,014 --> 00:35:26,945 Mom, why are you driving so slow? 954 00:35:27,014 --> 00:35:28,647 I'm just being cautious. 955 00:35:28,715 --> 00:35:29,981 Last week, you "Tokyo Drifted" 956 00:35:30,050 --> 00:35:31,901 into a Macy's one-day sale. 957 00:35:32,619 --> 00:35:34,986 And wait, why are we on the east side of the park? 958 00:35:35,055 --> 00:35:36,655 The wire said the bear was on the west. 959 00:35:36,723 --> 00:35:38,990 Hey, anybody have a craving for a Banana Barge 960 00:35:39,059 --> 00:35:41,304 - from the Carvel in my town? - I do. 961 00:35:41,329 --> 00:35:42,761 Absolutely not! 962 00:35:42,829 --> 00:35:44,496 It's like you don't want us to get there. 963 00:35:44,564 --> 00:35:45,797 Oh, my God. 964 00:35:45,866 --> 00:35:47,832 You don't want us to get there. 965 00:35:47,901 --> 00:35:50,602 You're meddling because you think it's too dangerous. 966 00:35:50,671 --> 00:35:52,671 No, I'm not. I love dangerous stuff. 967 00:35:52,739 --> 00:35:54,906 Let's go get skull tattoos right now. 968 00:35:54,975 --> 00:35:56,141 Hey, Mom? 969 00:35:56,209 --> 00:35:58,343 How'd the news van get a flat tire? 970 00:35:58,412 --> 00:36:00,779 I don't know, a nail or... or a screw. 971 00:36:00,847 --> 00:36:02,414 - Right, Wayne? - Yeah, I think... 972 00:36:02,482 --> 00:36:05,850 Or a vaguely ethnic tusk necklace from Chico's! 973 00:36:05,919 --> 00:36:08,354 There's still tire on it. 974 00:36:09,669 --> 00:36:12,824 Okay, I'm sorry I meddled, but it's just that, 975 00:36:12,893 --> 00:36:14,859 what if the bear rips out your uterus 976 00:36:14,928 --> 00:36:16,761 and you can't have children, Katie? 977 00:36:16,830 --> 00:36:18,330 That's exactly what Greg said 978 00:36:18,398 --> 00:36:19,597 when he took me off the story. 979 00:36:19,666 --> 00:36:21,666 In retrospect, it was weird he said that. 980 00:36:21,735 --> 00:36:23,168 You can't keep me from doing my job. 981 00:36:23,236 --> 00:36:24,740 Oh, yes, I can. 982 00:36:25,735 --> 00:36:27,672 Oh, the child locks? 983 00:36:27,741 --> 00:36:28,940 Ugh! Why are you doing this? 984 00:36:29,009 --> 00:36:30,642 Because I am not just your co-worker, 985 00:36:30,711 --> 00:36:32,010 I'm your mommy. 986 00:36:32,079 --> 00:36:34,446 It never changes. 987 00:36:34,514 --> 00:36:36,548 You helicopter-parent me so hard 988 00:36:36,616 --> 00:36:38,550 that I end up getting burned in a fiery 989 00:36:38,618 --> 00:36:39,985 helicopter-parent crash. 990 00:36:40,053 --> 00:36:41,619 What? I'm just keeping you safe. 991 00:36:41,688 --> 00:36:43,021 Like I've always kept you safe. 992 00:36:43,090 --> 00:36:44,823 You kept me in a gilded cage. 993 00:36:44,891 --> 00:36:46,458 Oh, please, that was one time. 994 00:36:46,526 --> 00:36:48,460 You're holding me back, just like you did when 995 00:36:48,528 --> 00:36:50,495 I was a kid and you wouldn't let me go to summer camp. 996 00:36:50,564 --> 00:36:51,896 Because I waited all school year 997 00:36:51,965 --> 00:36:52,897 to hang out with you. 998 00:36:52,966 --> 00:36:54,466 Or spring break? 999 00:36:54,534 --> 00:36:55,800 You could have been murdered in Aruba. 1000 00:36:55,869 --> 00:36:57,535 Dutch guys love you. 1001 00:36:57,604 --> 00:36:59,070 All I'm saying is that sometimes 1002 00:36:59,139 --> 00:37:01,172 when you thought you were protecting me, you weren't. 1003 00:37:01,241 --> 00:37:02,674 And because of that, 1004 00:37:02,743 --> 00:37:04,843 I'm not totally prepared to be an adult. 1005 00:37:04,911 --> 00:37:06,745 You are a great adult. 1006 00:37:06,813 --> 00:37:08,813 Except sometimes you're a jerk to your mom. 1007 00:37:08,882 --> 00:37:10,815 I hope you have a daughter, you'll see. 1008 00:37:10,884 --> 00:37:12,244 No, I won't. 1009 00:37:12,331 --> 00:37:15,266 Because a bear's gonna rip out my uterus right now. 1010 00:37:15,334 --> 00:37:16,834 What are you doing? 1011 00:37:16,903 --> 00:37:18,869 I'm getting my story whether you like it or not. 1012 00:37:20,039 --> 00:37:21,813 Oh, God. 1013 00:37:23,067 --> 00:37:24,300 And how are you gonna get 1014 00:37:24,334 --> 00:37:25,934 to the other side of the park, missy? 1015 00:37:25,959 --> 00:37:28,192 'Cause I'm sure as heck not driving you! 1016 00:37:28,242 --> 00:37:30,209 I'm riding a bike! 1017 00:37:30,277 --> 00:37:32,110 You don't know how! 1018 00:37:32,179 --> 00:37:34,356 Ha! Yes, I do. 1019 00:37:35,649 --> 00:37:36,739 Nope. 1020 00:37:38,352 --> 00:37:40,118 Nobody help me! 1021 00:37:44,191 --> 00:37:47,370 I'm definitely getting better, though! I think! I... 1022 00:37:47,941 --> 00:37:49,179 All I'm asking for 1023 00:37:49,281 --> 00:37:52,979 is a 20-second conversation, something a toddler could do. 1024 00:37:53,047 --> 00:37:55,644 I mean, not me, I didn't talk till I was nine. 1025 00:37:57,124 --> 00:37:58,423 Well, what's the point? 1026 00:37:58,492 --> 00:38:00,058 He's not even trying to relate to me. 1027 00:38:00,127 --> 00:38:02,093 I did try. I bought a Plerp album. 1028 00:38:02,162 --> 00:38:03,820 No one listens to Plerp anymore. 1029 00:38:03,845 --> 00:38:06,332 - That was this morning. - As an experiment, Portia, 1030 00:38:06,357 --> 00:38:08,101 maybe you could let Chuck pick a topic? 1031 00:38:08,242 --> 00:38:10,108 Oh, yeah, let's cater to the old white guy. 1032 00:38:10,176 --> 00:38:12,510 You know, this is why I quit my podcast with Bernie Sanders. 1033 00:38:12,572 --> 00:38:14,785 Well, look, we must have something in common. 1034 00:38:14,809 --> 00:38:16,641 Uh, how about soup? I like soup. 1035 00:38:16,642 --> 00:38:18,075 What is soup again? 1036 00:38:18,135 --> 00:38:22,146 You know what soup is! You're deliberately being difficult! 1037 00:38:22,215 --> 00:38:23,340 Fine. 1038 00:38:23,340 --> 00:38:25,642 - I like "The Chip and Chet Report." - I have to agree. 1039 00:38:25,797 --> 00:38:28,703 You know, I didn't intend to like them, but they're really very charming. 1040 00:38:28,728 --> 00:38:30,093 Did you see last night's episode? 1041 00:38:30,138 --> 00:38:32,738 Pope Francis came and he blessed their friendship. 1042 00:38:32,816 --> 00:38:35,283 - Well, who wouldn't? - We are trying to beat 1043 00:38:35,352 --> 00:38:36,918 "The Chip and Chet Report," aren't we? 1044 00:38:36,987 --> 00:38:39,347 That is literally the one thing on Earth 1045 00:38:39,372 --> 00:38:41,612 you cannot banter about. 1046 00:38:41,906 --> 00:38:45,100 As God is my witness, we're not leaving this room 1047 00:38:45,171 --> 00:38:48,548 until we find one thing that you both have in common. 1048 00:38:48,980 --> 00:38:51,247 - No, I hate it here. - Great, I love this room. 1049 00:38:51,315 --> 00:38:53,015 Why do you hate me, bike? 1050 00:38:53,084 --> 00:38:54,583 both: Oh. 1051 00:38:56,364 --> 00:38:58,754 This is, like, impossible. 1052 00:38:58,823 --> 00:39:01,492 No wonder Lance Armstrong had to take steroids. 1053 00:39:02,760 --> 00:39:05,117 Oh, jeez, maybe I did screw her up. 1054 00:39:05,306 --> 00:39:07,072 Angie was right. 1055 00:39:07,141 --> 00:39:09,174 Do not tell Angie I said that, Wayne. 1056 00:39:09,266 --> 00:39:10,948 I don't know who Angie is, lady. 1057 00:39:11,019 --> 00:39:12,159 I don't know who you are. 1058 00:39:12,229 --> 00:39:14,094 Uh, I assume an executive producer or something? 1059 00:39:15,950 --> 00:39:19,051 I'm never gonna get to the other side of the park. 1060 00:39:19,120 --> 00:39:21,887 Why don't they make you with four wheels? 1061 00:39:23,290 --> 00:39:25,891 Oh, all these years I thought I was protecting her 1062 00:39:25,960 --> 00:39:28,060 from things that she was scared of. 1063 00:39:28,129 --> 00:39:31,344 But maybe I was just protecting her from things I was scared of. 1064 00:39:31,369 --> 00:39:32,702 Oh, my God. 1065 00:39:32,924 --> 00:39:34,932 She is trying to ride it with her hands on the pedals now. 1066 00:39:35,026 --> 00:39:36,901 Okay, I can't watch this anymore. 1067 00:39:40,966 --> 00:39:43,766 No, Mom, I'm getting that story and you can't stop me. 1068 00:39:43,835 --> 00:39:45,702 I'm not gonna stop you, pumpkin. 1069 00:39:45,770 --> 00:39:46,992 I'm gonna teach you 1070 00:39:47,094 --> 00:39:50,041 like I should have done 25 years ago. 1071 00:39:50,484 --> 00:39:51,516 Really? 1072 00:39:51,618 --> 00:39:53,369 God sure has a sense of humor. 1073 00:39:53,509 --> 00:39:55,531 He gave a nervous Nellie like me 1074 00:39:55,617 --> 00:39:57,780 the world's bravest daughter. 1075 00:39:58,036 --> 00:39:59,773 #Soproud. 1076 00:40:01,729 --> 00:40:03,429 You know, I do know how to ride a bike. 1077 00:40:03,498 --> 00:40:05,297 Maybe I can just go get some footage for the story? 1078 00:40:05,373 --> 00:40:08,207 No, I want you to film my baby's first bike ride. 1079 00:40:08,269 --> 00:40:10,169 And then I want you to ride across the park 1080 00:40:10,238 --> 00:40:12,538 and interview that bear... Or whatever. 1081 00:40:12,914 --> 00:40:14,024 All right. 1082 00:40:14,054 --> 00:40:15,604 - I got you. - Okay, I'm just gonna go slow. 1083 00:40:15,659 --> 00:40:17,359 - Here we go. - That's okay. 1084 00:40:17,428 --> 00:40:19,729 - Good girl, you're doing it. - Okay, don't let go. 1085 00:40:19,815 --> 00:40:22,036 - Don't let go, Mom. - Ooh, ooh, okay, all right. 1086 00:40:22,075 --> 00:40:23,198 Okay, seriously, don't let go. 1087 00:40:23,267 --> 00:40:27,336 An escaped bear was subdued and captured in Central Park today. 1088 00:40:27,404 --> 00:40:29,310 "Breakdown" producer Katie Wendelson 1089 00:40:29,372 --> 00:40:31,807 was first on the scene and got an exclusive interview 1090 00:40:31,875 --> 00:40:35,010 with the hero cop who took the bear down. 1091 00:40:35,188 --> 00:40:36,287 When the bear grabbed my gun, 1092 00:40:36,456 --> 00:40:37,656 yeah, I was terrified. 1093 00:40:37,759 --> 00:40:39,214 But then I was like, "Wait. 1094 00:40:39,283 --> 00:40:41,593 Bears can't shoot guns. They don't have fingers." 1095 00:40:41,743 --> 00:40:43,051 But, boy, was I wrong. 1096 00:40:43,120 --> 00:40:44,853 Solid interview, Wendelson. 1097 00:40:44,922 --> 00:40:46,413 Yeah, no thanks to you. 1098 00:40:46,538 --> 00:40:49,499 How could you let my mom convince you to give away my story? 1099 00:40:49,601 --> 00:40:51,026 She's very persuasive. 1100 00:40:51,095 --> 00:40:52,419 Her, Dave, and I are gonna see 1101 00:40:52,482 --> 00:40:54,129 that Nancy Meyers film together next week. 1102 00:40:54,245 --> 00:40:57,474 Our producer also managed to obtain exclusive footage 1103 00:40:57,567 --> 00:40:59,700 of the hair-raising takedown of the bear. 1104 00:40:59,763 --> 00:41:01,036 Oh, no, no, please, Greg, 1105 00:41:01,105 --> 00:41:02,541 do not show that footage, I am begging you. 1106 00:41:02,643 --> 00:41:03,739 What are you talking about? 1107 00:41:03,807 --> 00:41:06,041 It's great footage. You're barely in it. 1108 00:41:06,110 --> 00:41:09,070 - Mom, look, the bear! - The bear! 1109 00:41:09,156 --> 00:41:11,320 - How do you stop this thing? - I'm coming, honey! 1110 00:41:11,469 --> 00:41:12,656 Mom! 1111 00:41:12,734 --> 00:41:14,367 - I'm coming, honey! - Did you see the bear? 1112 00:41:14,466 --> 00:41:15,917 I saw the bear! 1113 00:41:15,986 --> 00:41:17,419 Ohh! 1114 00:41:17,488 --> 00:41:18,920 I needed that. 1115 00:41:18,963 --> 00:41:20,712 I'll tell you, I spent the entire day 1116 00:41:20,737 --> 00:41:22,540 looking for something Chuck and Portia could banter about 1117 00:41:22,618 --> 00:41:24,196 for 20 seconds, and you know what? 1118 00:41:24,266 --> 00:41:25,641 I did it. And it was worth it. 1119 00:41:25,735 --> 00:41:28,357 Because in the end, Katie, no matter how different we are, 1120 00:41:28,428 --> 00:41:30,228 we're all human beings, aren't we? 1121 00:41:30,297 --> 00:41:32,664 We all have a little something in common. 1122 00:41:32,951 --> 00:41:34,912 You didn't tell them to say that, though, right? 1123 00:41:34,937 --> 00:41:36,234 Because that sucked. 1124 00:41:36,303 --> 00:41:37,462 And that's our show. 1125 00:41:37,498 --> 00:41:39,793 Tune in tomorrow night when I go undercover 1126 00:41:39,864 --> 00:41:40,990 as an ugly person. 1127 00:41:41,037 --> 00:41:43,070 Hey, Portia, you know what I love? 1128 00:41:43,590 --> 00:41:44,806 Lemonade. 1129 00:41:44,874 --> 00:41:46,878 - Really? - Me too. 1130 00:41:46,956 --> 00:41:48,412 I-I'm like obsessed. 1131 00:41:48,451 --> 00:41:49,473 Is that right? 1132 00:41:49,597 --> 00:41:50,850 With iced tea? 1133 00:41:50,980 --> 00:41:52,826 Huh, I haven't heard that mash-up. 1134 00:41:52,896 --> 00:41:54,148 But you know what, I have a feeling that 1135 00:41:54,239 --> 00:41:56,891 "Lemonade's" gonna bring home a ton of awards this year. 1136 00:41:57,047 --> 00:41:58,319 Really? 1137 00:41:58,388 --> 00:42:01,823 Well, maybe it's finally getting the credit it deserves. 1138 00:42:01,935 --> 00:42:05,159 So she thinks they're talking about the Beyoncé album... 1139 00:42:05,228 --> 00:42:07,608 And he thinks they're talking about the drink. 1140 00:42:07,654 --> 00:42:09,007 I'm a genius. 1141 00:42:13,203 --> 00:42:14,836 What a day. 1142 00:42:14,904 --> 00:42:18,139 I sure had an adventure, but I also learned something. 1143 00:42:18,208 --> 00:42:19,420 Get out of here. 1144 00:42:19,445 --> 00:42:21,211 - We're not that close yet, Carol. - Sorry, sir. 1145 00:42:21,763 --> 00:42:23,210 We'll get there! 1146 00:42:24,161 --> 00:42:26,521 Synced and corrected by louvette www.addic7ed.com