Previously on Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce...
The crack is gonna continue spreading unless you
get a retaining wall.
You don't need to deal with the foundation today,
but it needs to be handled soon.
I blew it with Marco. We had this amazing meeting,
and what do I do after? I go--
You kissed him?
Maybe I gave across the wrong vibe.
Delvar, is that you?
You need to talk to your father, your only living parent.
Please, he gets his check every month.
I just booked a suite at the Four Seasons
in Bora Bora for next week.
Come with me.
SORRY CAN'T MAKE IT. GO WITHOUT ME...
Never mind, Tommy. Just take me home.
He found these emails between me and someone else.
That is my friend Will.
Oh, that's your friend Will?
Wow, he's just a widdle boy.
I've been an ass. I've been a--
A douchey, insecure, immature ass.
You could have anybody you want.
RULE # 46 KEEP THE HOLIDAYS LOW KEY
Oh, my God, no.
The wind was bad enough.
Sleep officially over.
Mmm, we should tell them to start later.
We can't, they have to be done by Thanksgiving.
Good morning, beautiful.
I like your face.
I like yours.
So what are you doing for Thanksgiving?
You got the kids?
No, Jake's taking the kids to his parents',
Max and Ford are up north.
Just holiday orphans here, only.
What are you doing?
Well, my folks are with my sister up in Alaska,
so it is just me and Mike the roommate.
Oh, God.
That's horrible.
Yeah.
It will be video games and frozen turkey dinners.
- Oh. - I mean, look,
I have mad poultry skills,
but Mike hates real food.
You have mad poultry skills?
- Stunning. - What does that mean?
Stunning.
I'd love an adults-only Thanksgiving.
Is it--
Is it too soon for us to have Thanksgiving together?
I mean, the kids aren't here, so I-- it would be-
Too soon for kids.
But we've been a thing for over three weeks.
A thing? Oh, wait.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, a thing as in
I only want to see you? Because...
I only want to see you.
Does that make you my boyfriend?
I'd say I've been your boyfriend
since I first laid eyes on you.
You just didn't know it.
Swoon.
Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com
Argh-- okay, here.
Gonna give that to you, you put it there for me?
We're gonna put them up--
Hi.
- Oh, no. - What?
There's been a misunderstanding.
We're building an edible wall today.
I think Coachella's next week.
That's so fun-- Okay, I'll just--
You don't need my help, then.
- I'll leave. - Well, I don't know.
I don't want to mess up your cute outfit.
Wow.
Were you just flirting with me?
What?
No.
No?
No, I don't--
I don't do-- I was just being whatever.
Well, your whatever was really flirty,
just so you know.
- Was I flirting? - Nope.
Thank you. I didn't think so.
So I hope you're enjoying the ride.
Oh, what do you mean?
Well, you've got a lot to be thankful for, lady.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
First you land Gordon Beech,
and now you are dating Josh Groban?
And everything's good with Mr. Beech?
Yeah, great, why?
Good. No, I'm just curious.
I-- you know, not handling his business anymore, so.
So this is where you do your work now,
in a bakery.
- What are you doing here? - Your assistant
told me where to find you.
I would have called ahead, but I didn't want to give you
the opportunity to make your excuses, Delvar.
This is my boss, Albert. This is my father, Majid.
Father?
Well, it is very nice to meet you.
Delia has told me so much about you.
So you and the wife are in from Iran?
That's a hell of a flight.
I live in Baltimore,
and I haven't seen my wife in 30 years.
Oh, I'm sorry.
That-- that's me.
I must have gotten confused.
Well, I'll leave you to your daughter, then, sir.
- She is a treasure. - Oh.
Have a wonderful holiday.
Thanks.
Bye.
- What you doing, jellybean? - Writing Dad.
He's always bemoaning the death of handwriting.
Do you have the address for where he is?
He also bemoans the death of the eight-track tape.
Hi, guys.
Will, this is Jo and Zooey.
- I remember you. - I remember you.
- How are you? - Good.
Will is officially my new boyfriend.
Oh, is this how we do it here in Los Angeles?
Should I send you gifts and shit?
No, of course not.
Throw a piñata party, something like that?
Is that canned mushroom soup?
My famous green bean casserole, baby.
Oh, fried onions.
Come on, that's classic. I mean, that's--
that's the Louie Louie of side dishes right there.
- Mini marshmallows. - Yeah, it's a crowd-pleaser.
My baby over there loves it.
No, I don't.
- Oh, all right. - Well, you know,
since Will and Mike are coming to dinner,
and it's, like, an adults-only Thanksgiving--
- And Zooey. - As I was saying,
an adults-only Thanksgiving,
we thought that we would make the menu kind of new?
You told me to make the Hernandez classics.
I know, I did. I did.
You told me.
So...
We're gonna make this menu a mash-up.
Your Joy of Cooking circa 1952
and our stuff, right?
- Hey, Daryl. - Hello?
Dog, what are you doing outside?
Good boy. What's going on?
He got out again, Miss M.
I thought all the doors were shut.
Sorry, my guys might have let him slip by.
Go to your room.
Thanks, Daryl.
He was digging around under the house.
- Found this. - What is that?
I don't know. It happens all the time.
We find stuff in walls, crawl spaces.
Really? I didn't know that.
Funny. Thank you.
Done by Thanksgiving, right?
Yup.
It's stuck.
Ow!
Oh, shit.
- You okay? - Yes.
Someone doesn't want you to open that box.
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. I'll get you a Band-Aid.
Thank you, I'm good.
Keep that on there, all right?
- I'm good. - Hold it tight.
All right.
What is all this stuff?
Ah.
Oh.
Hey, Jake.
Hey, Abby.
Oh, wow, you sound terrible.
Are you guys headed to the airport, or?
I'm not gonna go. I can't.
I-- I got a mild case of norovirus or something.
A massive evacuation.
Nobody wants that on an airplane.
Oh, uh-oh.
Look, I'm really sorry to do this,
but I think the kids should come to your place.
I don't want them getting this.
Of course, yeah.
Do you need anything, or?
Sleep, mostly.
Okay, well, I'll-- I'll come pick them up.
Abby.
I hope I'm not ruining your plans.
No, it-- It's all good.
Thanks.
Bye.
So we're doing all this foundation work and Dog digs
up this box that's incredible, with all these pictures
and amazing letters from dead people.
- Love letters? - Yeah, totally.
This guy Frank and his wife had this incredible romance
with so much passion, which, I, by the way,
was also gonna have this weekend with my boyfriend.
You've got to stop saying that word.
But now I have the kids,
which of course I'm thrilled about,
but it means I have to literally un-invite my boyfriend.
You can't un-invite the poultry master.
I guess so. You know what?
I'm just gonna tell him, and I'm gonna let him decide.
I think you should do it. I mean,
Thanksgiving is an inclusive holiday.
The more, the merrier.
You should just keep those doors wide open.
Okay, who do you want to invite?
- Oh, I want to invite Marco. - Really?
Yes, he totally flirted with me today.
Do it, invite him.
Maybe he'll be your next boyfriend.
Oh, I don't know about that.
Oh, my God, I can't believe I have to completely revamp
my Thanksgiving menu.
This is so crazy. I just spent $300 on a goose
and all the other stuff the kids won't eat.
We'll eat my food.
Jo, I say this with love, but my children would not
go near a Waldorf salad with a ten-foot pole.
- Waldorf salad? - Yeah.
Yes.
- That is some trailer trash. - Oh, my God.
You guys are such snobs.
Let me tell you something, wait 'till you have my artichoke dip.
Oh, I'm terrified.
It's amazing.
Quinoa and Power Berry Salad,
Chipotle Vegan Chili.
Whatever happened to a nice bowl of soup?
Please, this place isn't fancy, okay?
I'm sure they have soup.
Delia Banai?
Hal Steed, CAA.
Oh, Hal, hi.
Nice profile in 40 Under 40.
Terrific-- I mean, absolutely terrific.
- Thank you, Hal. - Yeah.
Oh, this is my father, Majid.
He's in academics.
Actually I work for the Center for Socialist Thought now.
I'm not even gonna pretend to know what that means,
but good for you.
Delia, you know what? I got to tell you something.
I represent a few people
who could use a shark like you to help un-marry them.
Well, have them call me, by all means.
Absolutely, I will.
I'll look you up. Oh, got to go.
Hey, enjoy your lunch.
People in this city wear their ignorance like a crown.
Let's just get this over with, okay?
How much do you need?
$5,000,
but it's not what you think.
Oh, it's not because you drink too much
and make poverty-level wages
at the center for pointless crusades?
It's because I'm sick.
Really?
Prostate cancer.
Okay, next I need to go to the florist, which is on Melrose,
and then the-- the Xbox place on Santa Monica,
and then I got to go to the crafty store
to get Sculpy, which is on Beverly.
Why you making all these stops?
I don't understand. We got the eats.
- We got the booze-- - It's for our rituals.
We-- every year, we take Sculpy and make these pilgrims
and all these other things, and-- Oh, my God.
I completely forgot the turkey piñata.
- That's, like, downtown. - Abby!
I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself.
- This is pressure! - I know.
This is my kids' first holiday post-separation,
and it has to be fun, and it has to be distracting, and--
Right, or they won't notice that their father's missing.
Fine, chill out. Chill out, Abby.
Okay, I get it.
It's got turkey in the name.
Hey, Mom.
Hi, Charlie.
Mom, this stuff in the box is so weird.
No, they're precious.
Oh, wow, Frank and Bertha had it bad.
"Love is not love
which alters when it alteration finds
or bends with the remover to remove.
Oh, no, it is an ever-fixed mark that looks on tempests
and is never shaken."
Those don't belong to us.
Mom, these guys are dead.
I don't think they're gonna come back for them soon.
Well, it's personal stuff.
Dog, shh.
Shh.
Char-Char?
Can you get the ball and throw it for Dog?
Ugh.
All right.
Come on, Dog, ugh.
"Done by Thanksgiving." Right.
I bet that Dog sees Frank.
You know, I heard animals can see ghosts.
No joke. That stuff is for real.
Jo, don't scare them.
I'm not scared.
I think it'd be awesome to have a ghost.
Oh, God. It's Frank.
Oh, no, no, Frank!
Oh, God.
You scared me.
What, by dialing your phone?
I'm sorry. I'm just jumpy.
Jo keeps going on and on about how Frank is a ghost.
It's so stupid, but, you know, these letters are so sad.
Bertha left Frank.
Frank was ruined.
Oh, prime haunting scenario, lost love.
Right? I mean,
he essentially turned into a hermit after that.
Oh, my God, I'm gonna stop.
Done. Did you get my text
about the kids? Can you come?
I would love it.
I'm okay if you're okay.
Yeah, no, I am,
but I just-- look, it's just gonna stress you out,
and we always have next year.
I just-- well, maybe you should just enjoy your kids.
No, I won't be stressed out.
I promise I won't. I--
I would really like you there.
Oh, I mean,
I am your boyfriend, so...
Hel-- hello?
Hello?
Ahh!
I'm scared.
Oh, my God.
- I got to go. - Yeah, I got it.
We'll talk tomorrow.
What's happening? What's happening?
- Is it the wind? - It's not the wind.
What is it?
It's the voices.
Okay.
There are no voices, and everything is okay.
Okay.
What are you making over there?
Ambrosia, and yes,
with maraschino cherries and marshmallows.
Go ahead, make a crack. Try me.
You're a little on edge there, gal.
It's just this stupid wind.
It just makes my brain itchy.
Quiet down!
What's the matter with him?
Don't say anything.
So what's going on with Bertha and Frank?
Bertha and Frank, my kindred spirits.
Let's see, next letter.
- The latest is... - Mm-hmm?
"Sweet, sweet Bertha."
Bertha. Bertha's such a hard name.
It's not sexy.
Oh, Bertha.
Do me, Bertha.
Okay, "I'm going crazy here in my bed,
only a floor above you, craving your hands on me
while Jane prattles on about her days at the club."
Who's Jane?
What Jane?
Jane is his wife.
Oh, my God.
He was schtupping the nanny.
That bastard!
That's why he's in limbo.
The guy was screwing over two women.
Maybe Frank was confused. He seemed nice.
A lot of unresolved issues with Frank, hmm?
No.
We're not doing a séance, Jo.
Okay, come on. We're gonna have
a little smudge, sage,
lavender, poof,
all the negative energy will just fly out the window.
- It'll be fun. - No.
- Yes. - No, no.
What are you doing for Thanksgiving?
Well, homegrown does these holiday food bags
for some local churches,
so probably just do a drop-off in the morning.
- That's cool. - Yeah.
Do you need help?
Don't you have some kind of fancy dinner with fancy friends?
I do have a fancy dinner, but it's not 'till later,
and my kids are with their dad, so I'm kind of free.
Yeah, cool. Come-- come help out.
All right, I will.
And then if you-- if you wanted to come to my thing
after, you-- you could.
I mean, it's gonna be a lot of fun, good food,
good wine, good people.
Yeah, I don't really believe in Thanksgiving.
No, it exists. I've seen it.
It's the celebration
of the systematic genocide of the Native American people.
Oh, my God, you are gonna be a delightful dinner companion.
And this is why it may not be the best idea.
Well, if you don't come, all the extra food
that's not gonna be eaten?
- Mm-hmm? - Landfill.
And you are gonna be responsible for that.
How does that feel?
Good one. You sure?
I mean, I don't want to impose on your Hollywood peeps.
No, I'm-- I'm sure. You should-- you should come.
Besides, it's gonna be really funny when one of my friends
wants to punch you in the face.
Okay.
Family meeting.
Is it something bad?
No, no, it's good.
I have been on a few dates with a special friend,
and he's coming to Thanksgiving.
Is he invisible like Chad?
No, he is real.
Actually, Lilly, you met him that one night.
Oh, that guy.
Before you say anything, please
remember that Becca is younger than he is,
and you actually liked her.
Whatever.
Just do not kiss him, or else I'll upchuck.
Ew!
Okay, that's a deal.
Thank you for your kind blessings.
Char-Char, do you have anything you want to ask?
Is he gonna be my new daddy?
No, no, honey.
Your daddy is always gonna be your daddy no matter what.
Will is just someone that I really like.
I don't have any plans to marry him.
Can he play ping pong?
I'm sure if you ask him he will.
- Yeah! - Okay.
Does that mean it's okay?
- You're good? - It's close enough.
Don't push it, Mom.
Hey, Delia.
Oh, of course your father can come.
Oh, I'm so sorry that he's not well.
Where's the rest of the candy?
Yeah, no, don't worry about it, seriously.
Okay, bye.
Oh, my God.
That makes--
That makes 12 people coming to dinner.
How am I gonna fit them all around the table?
Does this taste dusty to you?
Oh, I have no intention of finding out.
Do you know what Delia said about hanging out with her dad?
She said it's akin to walking the plank.
If they argue all dinner, it's gonna be a nightmare.
Mom, can Dad please come to Thanksgiving?
- No. - He's all alone.
No, honey, he's sick, and I'm sure he's just sleeping.
No, he's all better, see?
You know what, Charlie? I'm so sorry that he can't come.
I'm so sorry.
Argh!
- Hey! - I want Daddy!
- Char-Char, honey.
The oven's not working.
Abby, the oven isn't working.
What do you mean, the oven's not working?
- It's not working. - Oh, my God.
I have 12 people coming for a hot dinner.
Darryl, the oven's not working.
He left hours ago.
What are you screaming for Darryl for?
God, Darryl.
- Come here, honey. - I want Daddy.
Come here, give it. Come here.
Come here, come with me.
- I want Daddy! - All right.
- I want Daddy! - Oh, my God.
- I want Daddy! - Darryl.
Darryl, the-- the oven has stopped working.
- Call me back. - I want Daddy!
Oven not working, kid possessed, classic ghost moves.
I want Daddy!
- Jo, I just need help. - All right.
Okay, so it says right here...
Please just give me a hand.
To rid a home of unwanted spirits...
No, no, no, no.
We need to smudge with sage.
The help that I'm asking you for--
- Sweetie. - I need you to help me set
- the table. - Listen to me,
the oven broke.
The dog's barking at air.
- Darryl fixed the oven. - Okay?
Charlie broke the piñata. I'm missing a sandal.
I got to put the--
one glass on each thing.
I'm feeling it.
There's a long line of psychics in my family.
- You know that. - There's a long line
of mental illness in your family.
This dead guy needs to atone for betraying two women.
- He didn't betray two women. - Yeah, he did.
He loved two women at the same time.
That's not the same thing.
How do you know if he even loved them?
Well, he just did,
and those letters, they're very sensitive.
The guy was a user, sweetie.
He was not a user, he--
User.
I do not know why I'm having this conversation.
Can you please just help me set this table?
Fine, it's your funeral. Not literally.
Ghosts don't kill people.
They make people kill people.
That's all I'm saying.
- Oh, my God. - Shit!
Oh, Jake.
Chill pill.
Jake?
- Hi, what are you doing here? - Hi.
Why are you here?
You-- you invited me.
- I brought the pies. - I didn't invite you.
What?
- No. - Not from you?
That's all caps.
I didn't write that.
- Charlie. - Chad.
Oh, wow.
He is quite literally the devil.
Well, he is being encouraged by your sad little texts
and your little pictures and--
- Okay, let's not do that. - Do what?
Here's your pie. Happy Thanksgiving.
- I got to go. - Don't-- wait,
wait, wait, please.
Look, clearly Charlie wants you to be here.
Just stay.
It's just--
That's Will.
Lilly told me-- I'll be a perfectly pleasant guest.
- Really? - Yes, really.
Okay.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Mrs. Frumpkis, happy Thanksgiving to you.
- Hi. - Happy Thanksgiving.
You remember Mike?
Hi, Mike. How are you?
Uh, a little wrinkle, Jake is here, so.
Hi, Will.
Oh, he's sick. Sorry, sorry.
- I'm not contagious. - Yes, yes, you are.
- Hi. - Oh, okay.
How you doing?
Welcome to our-- Welcome to the-- to our--
Welcome.
Why don't we crack open the wine?
Yay.
♪ love breaks you down and builds you back up ♪
♪ love is the map and love is the maze ♪
Can I get you anything? A new girlfriend, perhaps?
I'm fine. Don't worry.
Come on, what can I do to help?
You can be my poultry master.
Your poultry master?
Yeah.
All right.
Oh, sorry.
Abby asked me to take a look.
Oh, yeah, I got it.
165, needs a couple more minutes.
Actually, you know what?
It's perfect timing. It's gonna keep cooking.
It's gonna be beautiful.
I don't think we want to gi--
Excuse me. Thanks.
Give our guests salmonella for dessert.
So I think that's good.
Thanks, though.
You got it, Jake.
Hey, bud! How's it going?
- Guess what? - What?
- That's what! - Ow, whoa!
Ow... Ow.
Charlie, what are you doing?
It was a joke.
That's not funny.
Chad told me he would like it.
It's o-- it's okay. It's okay.
I'm fine, seriously. I'm-- I'm fine.
- I'm so sorry. - No, no, I'm fine.
But just for the record,
- Chad was wrong. - Oh, my God.
Charlie, get over here right now.
Come sit with me.
Tell me what is happening with you.
You're not allowed to kick anyone ever, okay?
Now why is Chad here?
I haven't seen him in a long time.
Is he upset about something?
- No. - No?
I'm-- I just invited him for Thanksgiving.
Yeah?
Like I invited my friend?
Are you having any little feelings about that? About Will?
You can tell me. You can tell me anything.
No.
Chad just wanted to party.
Are you okay?
Oh, my God, poor Will.
Jake had to know that that text was not from me.
He had to know it.
And then I want to get mad, but I can't get mad,
because it'd be so sad if he was by himself.
And then the kids are so happy that he's here.
Why can't it ever be easy?
Because then it wouldn't be a holiday.
- I know. - Let's get some wine.
Is it all right if I say that that is not
how I pictured your dad?
That is not what I thought my father would look like.
I suppose that's true.
Yeah, he's a critic.
He's a critic of the Iranian regime
- and all regimes. - Mm-hmm.
He pissed people off so much we had to leave.
My mom didn't want to leave her folks, so we left her.
- And then she died. - Delia.
And that is why I don't tell people, because of the face
- that you're making. - Sorry.
- I didn't make any face. - Mm-hmm.
Re-face.
Will you get that door?
I'm gonna go get the food.
- Hey, just in time. - Hi.
- You look beautiful.
You look beautiful. You must be Marco.
All right, here we go!
A little of this. There it is.
That looks so perfect.
All hail the poultry master!
Thank you, thank you.
All right, so who wants dark meat?
Beautiful.
♪ talking like we used to do ♪
♪ it was always me and you ♪
♪ shaping up and shipping out ♪
♪ check me in and check me out ♪
Abby was saying Frank and Bertha's ghosts are here?
Who?
Dad, we're done. Can we go?
Frank's been pretty quiet tonight.
Frank was very quiet tonight.
Oh, yes, Jo told me you have a philandering ghost.
Pretty convincing evidence.
Here's to Frank
for letting us have an amazing meal spook-free,
thank you very much.
Oh, no. It was Chad.
Kids?
We'll clean it up, Mom.
No, I got it. I'll be right back.
No idea what that was. Enjoy.
Kids, are you okay?
Who made the artichoke dip? It is the bomb.
It's so good.
I did, right here. You like it?
Had room for dinner, never mind dessert.
- Do you want some wine? - No, I'm good.
- You sure? - I'm all right.
Say what you want about white trash Thanksgiving,
this shit is amazing.
It's a shame that it's for a feast that celebrates
a fictional event.
- Exactly. - Can we not do this, please?
Every Thanksgiving devolves into a lesson on revisionist history.
As it should.
How many times do you people gather at a table and debate?
You're all living in little bubbles.
Dad, please, you don't even know who these people are.
Your government makes up facts and perpetuates
disastrous foreign policies
like American exceptionalism.
It's just an excuse for America's voracious greed.
Okay, you know what? You guys can sit here and enjoy
hearing about what assholes you are for the next hour.
Majid's right, though.
You know, I mean, look at the Middle East.
America's foreign policy there is absolutely abhorrent.
Yeah, bullshit.
We have to back Israel, you know.
- That's not the same point. - Hey, guys, guys, guys, guys.
God and politics, two topics best avoided
at the dinner table.
Thank you.
Seriously?
What should we talk about, movies and skateboarding?
It's just that they're circular arguments, Jake.
I mean, we can go around and around all night.
That's the American attitude, right? Not my problem.
Hang on a second. That's not what I'm saying.
That's kinda what you're saying.
No, it's not what I'm saying. But Phoebe's got a point.
I mean, we sit here, we have the same fights year after year.
Are they really meaningful, or are we just sitting around
trying to convince ourselves about how smart we are?
Well, maybe let's just not talk about anything complex
or challenging.
I'm gonna go talk to Delia
because that's a conversation somebody should be having.
No, no, you're right.
I'll-- I'll go.
Okay, I'm gonna get a coffee. Does anyone want a coffee?
Great.
I'm shit-faced.
- Delvar. - Don't.
We don't have to talk about it. It's fine. Just--
You-- you want me to be somebody I'm not.
No, it's the way that you are with my people.
- They're good people. - Good?
- Yes. - They throw their money
at fancy cars, buy houses ten times too big for them.
Yes, they earned it. They work hard.
They indulge, but God, why are you so judgmental?
God, you just talk, and nothing changes.
I wore Salvation Army clothes, and I didn't have enough food.
For what?
I didn't get to be with Mom. For what?
You don't understand.
No, I don't understand,
and every time I ask you, you don't have a real answer.
Oh, my God.
Need some help?
Nope.
You know what? You were right.
I think it was a mistake, you coming here.
Why, because I have an opinion?
No, not because you have an opinion.
It's like you're devoid of the pleasure gene.
Everything is a battle with you.
You always have to be right.
Yeah, my eyes are open.
I see how the world works.
I'm sorry if that makes me a drag.
No, you can understand how the world works
and take a night off every once in a while.
Have a drink.
Relax.
Social change starts at the dinner table, discussion.
Yes, only if it's followed by action.
Right, debate leads to action.
- Does it? - Yes.
Does it? Because who here actually
does anything about American exceptionalism
besides writing a check or signing petitions?
Marco does.
Marco does every day in the city.
What's wrong with writing a check?
Still works any better? What are you talking about?
- You know what? - Who wants pie?
How about you spend a couple more decades on the planet
before you start talking about shit you don't understand?
This is what I'm getting at, 'cause what you really mean is
why don't I spend a couple more decades on this planet before
- I can screw your ex-wife? - Will!
- Hey! - Hey!
Will! Jake! You guys need to quiet down
or you both need to leave this house.
Wow.
Now do you believe there's a ghost?
Okay, I'd also like to apologize for the yelling.
Honey, relax.
Everything was fantastic.
Okay.
- All right. - Thank you.
Yes.
I'd like the recipe for that artichoke dip.
Oh, that-- that is--
That is hilarious.
- Are you leaving? - We're gonna go.
I'm so sorry.
- Good to meet you, man. - But thank you.
- Okay. - Bye.
- You sure you don't want pie? - Nope, I don't want pie.
- You don't want pie? - No, thank you.
- Ah, and you're a guy. - Thanks.
All right.
- Bye. - Bye.
Come here.
So this is what I need to clear the spirits.
I need salt.
I need three bowls.
I need sage.
- I have-- you know what I have? - Do you have some sage?
I just have some cooking sage.
It was the wind that knocked down the tree, not a ghost.
That's where Delia and her father were fighting.
- Jo. - Right there.
Really, guys, a séance now?
It's not a séance. It's a smudging.
You can get all the ingredients at whole foods.
It's not Voodoo.
Okay, so this is the scientific approach
to ridding your house of unwanted spirits?
If this is what Jo wants to do, let her do it.
It's not gonna hurt anyone.
You really believe Frank is here with us right now?
No.
I mean,
I don't know.
Hmm.
I'm hedging my bets.
Uh, listen, I probably should have told you this before.
I got clean about 18 months ago.
That's why I didn't drink.
Wow.
Yeah, why didn't you tell me?
I don't know. It's-- you know, I'm proud to be sober.
I am.
I just don't want to be all about that.
- Yeah. - And people get weird and
self-conscious and--
- Yeah, I understand. - Yeah, so...
But...
it's okay to ask for help.
My brother was an addict.
- Really? - Yeah.
Wow. Was he in recovery?
Um, no, he's dead.
Sorry.
This place is for the living and not for the dead.
- Really? - This place is for the living
and not for the dead.
Here we go.
Frank,
this place is not for you.
Oh.
Oh, God.
Oh, shit.
No, Mommy, don't bring the ghost!
Charlie, it's okay.
It's okay, I got him.
Charlie.
You know what?
You with the crazy,
there's children here.
So get your shit together.
Lilly, will you check on him?
God dammit.
Poor guy.
Can I talk to you outside, please?
Sorry.
Okay, what the hell is going on?
Now you and Jo are scaring the shit out of our kids?
I know, I-- I'm losing it.
It's just the whole Frank and Bertha thing,
I mean, I just feel like it's a bad omen.
Frank and Bertha, really?
Yeah, I mean, there's so many parallels.
The way he screwed up his marriage.
There's no parallels, Abby.
The guy was a loser who was banging the nanny, okay?
I'm the loser that couldn't grow up.
You were the loser that ran away.
Completely different kind of losers.
No parallels.
I guess what's actually weird is...
this is our house, you know,
and I don't know how to act normal when
you're sitting across from me like you're some kind of guest.
While your super-young, hot boyfriend is carving a goose?
- He cut a goose. - And this was our house.
Our house, and all these people are here that I don't--
I don't really know.
Oh, my God, and I'm sitting there,
and I'm thinking, "So all those years,
all that, is it gone?
Is it just over?"
I know what you mean.
Come here.
Here's the deal.
Boyfriends and girlfriends aside, no matter what happens,
we're family.
You and me and Lilly and Charlie, we're family.
We can't escape it.
Nope, we can't.
I mean, I don't want to escape it.
I don't want to live with you, but I want to die with you,
remember?
You know, tonight with the booze, and--
Temptation's hard.
It's a lot of mental work, you know?
That's why I come across like an asshole.
I'm always in my head, you know?
If it's so hard, why'd you come?
'Cause you scare the hell out of me, woman.
What?
You remember when you kissed me that time?
- Um, yeah. - Yeah.
You reminded me that
I actually do like pleasure.
I'm gonna go say goodnight to the kids
and then go back to bed for a week.
Thanks.
Okay. Abby, thank you. Goodnight.
Will?
Thank you for waiting.
I can't take your money.
Why, because my values are so abhorrent you'd rather die?
Because...
I had a car accident, a DUI.
I'll go to jail if I don't pay the fines.
So you're not sick?
I'm sorry.
Don't.
I cannot believe that I fell for your crap again.
I'm sorry.
It's-- I have a very hard time saying I'm wrong.
Yeah, no shit.
Oh, my God.
At least we have that in common.
I want to tell you something.
Your mother, you have this idea of her,
but she was just a person...
Like me, like you.
Hey.
I thought you'd left.
No, no, I just-- I just went for a walk, get some fresh air.
- I'm sorry. - Don't be, don't be.
I knew what I was in for.
Yeah, I mean, I didn't know, but...
Look, I just--
I see you and Jake and all that history,
and it's hard to compete.
You know it's not a competition, right?
I mean, it's so different.
Yeah, I mean, my-- my brain knows that,
but my fists go into punch mode, apparently.
I still like your face.
Me, too.
I like all of you, a lot.
Okay.
I hope you had another chapter in your life,
Frank, a happier one.
You know what I'm in the mood for?
- Pie, like, a whole pie. - Like, a whole pie?
Well, lucky for you, we've got about seven of them.