1 00:00:00,201 --> 00:00:02,334 Previously on Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce... 2 00:00:02,736 --> 00:00:05,870 I am gonna give you the younger man experience. 3 00:00:05,872 --> 00:00:06,905 How do I get a hold of you? 4 00:00:06,907 --> 00:00:08,406 Let's just let it happen. 5 00:00:08,408 --> 00:00:10,825 What? What does that even mean? 6 00:00:10,827 --> 00:00:13,161 Abby saw you kissing the Euro hubby 7 00:00:13,163 --> 00:00:14,746 at school the other day. 8 00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:16,915 I'm actually trying to help save Vika's marriage. 9 00:00:16,917 --> 00:00:19,634 What are the therapeutic qualities of your vagina? 10 00:00:19,636 --> 00:00:21,720 I think we should come out to the world. 11 00:00:21,722 --> 00:00:24,506 Can't it just be our fantasy for a little bit longer? 12 00:00:24,508 --> 00:00:26,007 Yeah, that's fine. 13 00:00:26,009 --> 00:00:27,425 You have no idea what's happening with Vika. 14 00:00:27,427 --> 00:00:28,927 You have no idea what's going on with me. 15 00:00:28,929 --> 00:00:30,311 At least I'm not home-wrecking. 16 00:00:30,313 --> 00:00:32,063 How about your home, Lyla? How about you? 17 00:00:32,065 --> 00:00:33,932 Dan is possibly going to take my children away. 18 00:00:33,934 --> 00:00:35,316 I'm sorry. 19 00:00:35,318 --> 00:00:36,985 You've lost your street cred in the mommy wars. 20 00:00:36,987 --> 00:00:38,353 I'm sorry, but we think 21 00:00:38,355 --> 00:00:39,988 the Girlfriends' Guide franchise is dead. 22 00:00:40,990 --> 00:00:42,000 Dead? 23 00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:48,480 RULE #21 LEAVE CHILDISHNESS TO THE CHILDREN 24 00:00:51,084 --> 00:00:52,450 Lily! 25 00:00:52,452 --> 00:00:54,386 If you are not downstairs in two minutes, 26 00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:55,837 we are driving away without you. 27 00:00:55,839 --> 00:00:58,706 I'm coming. God. 28 00:01:04,631 --> 00:01:05,713 Missy. 29 00:01:05,715 --> 00:01:07,966 - Back Burner Baby. - What? 30 00:01:07,968 --> 00:01:10,385 It's the thing in the mommy market right now, 31 00:01:10,387 --> 00:01:11,770 blazing up the charts. 32 00:01:11,772 --> 00:01:14,522 Okay. Hey, can I call you back? 33 00:01:14,524 --> 00:01:16,775 Cleo Stevens is a real inspiration. 34 00:01:16,777 --> 00:01:20,028 Take a look to see what's selling for your next thing. 35 00:01:20,030 --> 00:01:21,146 Great. I got to go. 36 00:01:21,148 --> 00:01:22,363 Okay, okay, I got it. Bye. 37 00:01:22,365 --> 00:01:23,948 Hey, what now? 38 00:01:23,950 --> 00:01:25,617 - Gym bag. - Seriously? 39 00:01:25,619 --> 00:01:27,986 Every morning, you forget. 40 00:01:27,988 --> 00:01:29,120 I'm leaving. 41 00:01:34,494 --> 00:01:36,744 You're gonna need.... 42 00:01:36,746 --> 00:01:38,496 You need at least a 50 SPF. 43 00:01:38,498 --> 00:01:40,665 Why can't you just go? 44 00:01:40,667 --> 00:01:42,500 Because I am not the one who forgot her sunscreen. 45 00:01:42,502 --> 00:01:44,886 - Mom, we're gonna be late. - Okay, fine. 46 00:01:44,888 --> 00:01:46,504 I need money. 47 00:01:48,258 --> 00:01:49,841 You're gonna have to use my credit card. 48 00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:52,343 - What if they ask me for I.D.? - Come on! 49 00:01:53,245 --> 00:01:54,896 I'll do it myself. 50 00:01:55,398 --> 00:01:59,684 ♪ Promise the best is yet to come ♪ 51 00:01:59,686 --> 00:02:02,437 You know anything over SPF 30 is overkill. 52 00:02:05,108 --> 00:02:06,741 Hi. 53 00:02:09,792 --> 00:02:15,031 Sync and corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com 54 00:02:15,535 --> 00:02:17,335 Will, wow. Hi. 55 00:02:17,337 --> 00:02:18,670 What are you doing here? 56 00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:21,206 You know, just dispensing free sunscreen advice. 57 00:02:21,208 --> 00:02:24,175 And an emergency milk stop. 58 00:02:24,177 --> 00:02:27,712 Yes, growing boy, building bones. 59 00:02:27,714 --> 00:02:29,264 Totally dumb. 60 00:02:29,266 --> 00:02:31,216 All right. 61 00:02:31,218 --> 00:02:33,718 No, my apartment's just around the corner from here. 62 00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:36,721 But wait. You would remember that. 63 00:02:36,723 --> 00:02:38,189 - Yeah, right. - Right. 64 00:02:38,191 --> 00:02:39,724 Was this kind of what you had in mind 65 00:02:39,726 --> 00:02:42,026 when you said just let it happen? 66 00:02:42,028 --> 00:02:43,561 'Cause you know I'm gonna ask for your number again. 67 00:02:44,731 --> 00:02:47,198 Um, sorry, kids are waiting in the car. 68 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:48,449 I got to go. Okay, I tell you what. 69 00:02:48,451 --> 00:02:50,785 You give me a call. I'll give it to you. 70 00:02:50,787 --> 00:02:54,205 323-555-0127. 71 00:02:54,207 --> 00:02:56,124 - 01-what? - 27. 72 00:02:56,126 --> 00:02:57,408 27, yes. 73 00:02:57,410 --> 00:02:59,911 One year younger than you are. 74 00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:01,129 You know, this whole age thing, 75 00:03:01,131 --> 00:03:02,413 it doesn't matter to me. 76 00:03:02,415 --> 00:03:03,915 - It's just-- - Totally kidding. 77 00:03:03,917 --> 00:03:05,250 Um... 78 00:03:05,252 --> 00:03:07,669 Ugh! My daughter. 79 00:03:07,671 --> 00:03:10,638 Ugh. Um... 80 00:03:10,640 --> 00:03:12,590 It was great seeing you. 81 00:03:12,592 --> 00:03:13,592 You too. 82 00:03:17,681 --> 00:03:19,180 Call me, Abby McCarthy. 83 00:03:20,984 --> 00:03:22,150 Oh, sorry. 84 00:03:22,152 --> 00:03:26,487 ♪ Oh, please tell me the truth ♪ 85 00:03:26,489 --> 00:03:28,740 ♪ When will the two of us be one? ♪ 86 00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:30,024 It's a nightmare. 87 00:03:30,026 --> 00:03:31,192 My mom wants to be here the whole week 88 00:03:31,194 --> 00:03:32,443 'cause it's Spencer's birthday, 89 00:03:32,445 --> 00:03:34,078 and Eric is still getting bullied at school. 90 00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:35,246 Oh, the bullying? 91 00:03:35,248 --> 00:03:36,781 Yes, he's gonna keep getting bullied 92 00:03:36,783 --> 00:03:39,500 if he uses that rolly bag to put his books and stuff in. 93 00:03:39,502 --> 00:03:41,953 It's actually luggage. It's a rolling house. 94 00:03:41,955 --> 00:03:43,004 Yeah, it makes him a target. 95 00:03:43,006 --> 00:03:44,706 He brings it from class to class. 96 00:03:44,708 --> 00:03:47,125 And to make matters worse, 97 00:03:47,127 --> 00:03:48,626 the case worker's coming tonight. 98 00:03:48,628 --> 00:03:49,844 - That's tonight? - Yes. 99 00:03:49,846 --> 00:03:51,095 Ugh! 100 00:03:51,097 --> 00:03:53,047 So we have some court-appointed minion 101 00:03:53,049 --> 00:03:56,134 who's overworked and underpaid who's gonna come to my home, 102 00:03:56,136 --> 00:03:58,636 watch me interact with my kids to see if I'm fit. 103 00:03:58,638 --> 00:04:01,356 And all the while, my mom gets to be a witness to it. 104 00:04:01,358 --> 00:04:03,391 Ugh! 105 00:04:04,477 --> 00:04:05,777 Maybe it's a good thing. 106 00:04:07,364 --> 00:04:09,113 Are you talking to me? 107 00:04:09,115 --> 00:04:10,231 I thought you weren't talking to me. 108 00:04:10,233 --> 00:04:11,649 - Oh, my God. - I'm so sorry. 109 00:04:11,651 --> 00:04:13,067 I feel so awful about the other night. 110 00:04:13,069 --> 00:04:14,202 I know you're under a lot of stress. 111 00:04:14,204 --> 00:04:15,286 I shouldn't have gone off on you. 112 00:04:15,288 --> 00:04:16,738 I am so sorry. 113 00:04:16,740 --> 00:04:18,539 - I love you. - I love you too. 114 00:04:18,541 --> 00:04:19,907 I mean, I have to be honest; I'm not sorry, 115 00:04:19,909 --> 00:04:21,125 'cause I feel you were in the wrong. 116 00:04:21,127 --> 00:04:22,794 - But I love you. - Okay. 117 00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:24,045 - Oh! - Okay. 118 00:04:24,047 --> 00:04:25,830 - Whoo! - Now, about Will. 119 00:04:25,832 --> 00:04:27,465 That's really what I want to know. 120 00:04:27,467 --> 00:04:30,084 I--I'm not gonna call. 121 00:04:30,086 --> 00:04:31,636 I am literally old enough to be his mother. 122 00:04:31,638 --> 00:04:33,171 Why not? That is fate. 123 00:04:33,173 --> 00:04:35,673 - It's not appropriate. - No, that's just cultural bias. 124 00:04:35,675 --> 00:04:38,142 If the genders were reversed, you'd be parading him around. 125 00:04:38,144 --> 00:04:40,178 Yes, like Jake does with Becca, which, 126 00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:44,816 in my opinion, seems sad and desperate and mid-lifey. 127 00:04:45,868 --> 00:04:47,518 CHECK THIS OUT. MELISSA 128 00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:50,021 Please don't tell me it's sad-in-the-sack Nate. 129 00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:53,324 No, it's Melissa sending me more stuff 130 00:04:53,326 --> 00:04:55,610 on that new author, Cleo Stevens, 131 00:04:55,612 --> 00:04:57,695 'cause she wants me to study up on her marketing savvy. 132 00:04:57,697 --> 00:04:59,364 That's annoying. That's very annoying. 133 00:04:59,366 --> 00:05:00,865 And the book is ridiculous. 134 00:05:00,867 --> 00:05:02,583 It basically advocates child neglect 135 00:05:02,585 --> 00:05:05,203 so the parents can drink and have more sex. 136 00:05:06,706 --> 00:05:10,208 Well, on that, she and I agree a little bit. 137 00:05:10,210 --> 00:05:12,093 You would say that, 'cause you're screwing a married man. 138 00:05:12,095 --> 00:05:13,845 I'm totally kidding. I don't give a shit at all. 139 00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:15,380 It doesn't bother me. 140 00:05:19,552 --> 00:05:21,686 - And his wife. - Uh, what? 141 00:05:21,688 --> 00:05:23,938 - At the same time. - Come again? 142 00:05:23,940 --> 00:05:26,557 And again and again 143 00:05:26,559 --> 00:05:27,809 and again. 144 00:05:27,811 --> 00:05:29,694 It's insane. 145 00:05:29,696 --> 00:05:30,778 We are together. 146 00:05:30,780 --> 00:05:35,233 Me and Vika and Merete are together. 147 00:05:35,235 --> 00:05:37,201 I was gonna tell you before, but it's complicated. 148 00:05:37,203 --> 00:05:38,486 When you say "together," what does that-- 149 00:05:38,488 --> 00:05:39,620 We are in a relationship. 150 00:05:39,622 --> 00:05:41,039 It's not just about the sex part of it. 151 00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:42,824 I mean, we go out, and we talk. 152 00:05:42,826 --> 00:05:43,991 But the heavy stuff, 153 00:05:43,993 --> 00:05:46,244 the--the conflict, the possessiveness, 154 00:05:46,246 --> 00:05:47,829 the--the drama-- 155 00:05:47,831 --> 00:05:49,330 You mean like when you're in a relationship? 156 00:05:49,332 --> 00:05:52,250 Yes, the part of the relationship that sucks? 157 00:05:52,252 --> 00:05:53,334 I don't have to deal with it, 158 00:05:53,336 --> 00:05:55,336 because they have each other for that. 159 00:05:55,338 --> 00:05:57,922 I'm with them, but I'm not obligated to them. 160 00:05:57,924 --> 00:05:59,257 - Do you know what I'm saying? - I do not. 161 00:05:59,259 --> 00:06:01,259 You're processing. I totally understand that. 162 00:06:01,261 --> 00:06:05,313 Merete actually has a piece at an art opening tonight. 163 00:06:05,315 --> 00:06:09,016 She's really talented, and maybe you can drop by. 164 00:06:09,018 --> 00:06:10,485 It sounds super awkward. 165 00:06:10,487 --> 00:06:12,520 No. 166 00:06:12,522 --> 00:06:15,857 Ooh, what the-aw, no. 167 00:06:15,859 --> 00:06:17,108 My mom is here. 168 00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:18,826 - Oh. - And she wants to meet you. 169 00:06:18,828 --> 00:06:20,278 She's a nightmare. There she is. 170 00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:21,863 - Sweetie. - Hello. Hello. 171 00:06:21,865 --> 00:06:23,948 Oh, you look so pretty. 172 00:06:23,950 --> 00:06:24,999 - Hi. - Hi. 173 00:06:25,001 --> 00:06:26,250 Okay, this is Abby. 174 00:06:26,252 --> 00:06:27,418 This is my mother, Annie. 175 00:06:27,420 --> 00:06:28,536 I just had to come by. 176 00:06:28,538 --> 00:06:30,288 Lyla says such great things about you. 177 00:06:30,290 --> 00:06:34,509 And Phoebe, even more stunning than I imagined. 178 00:06:34,511 --> 00:06:36,627 I'm just gonna go freshen up, 179 00:06:36,629 --> 00:06:37,962 and I'll be right back. 180 00:06:37,964 --> 00:06:39,380 Bathroom's over there. Do you want anything? 181 00:06:39,382 --> 00:06:41,632 N-no, I'm not gonna be staying long. 182 00:06:44,670 --> 00:06:46,504 Do you see? 183 00:06:47,306 --> 00:06:48,856 She's a nightmare. 184 00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:52,810 I mean, exhibit "A," right? 185 00:06:52,812 --> 00:06:55,396 It's a nightmare. 186 00:07:03,606 --> 00:07:05,072 Hi. 187 00:07:05,074 --> 00:07:07,441 Hey, I've been looking for you. You have a sec? 188 00:07:07,443 --> 00:07:09,243 Yeah, come on in. 189 00:07:11,831 --> 00:07:13,280 Closing the door. 190 00:07:13,282 --> 00:07:14,699 Am I in trouble? 191 00:07:14,701 --> 00:07:16,701 You know I think the world of you. 192 00:07:16,703 --> 00:07:18,836 Oh, yes, I'm in trouble. 193 00:07:18,838 --> 00:07:21,839 It's just, we got another grievance complaint against you. 194 00:07:21,841 --> 00:07:23,874 Delia? Come on. 195 00:07:23,876 --> 00:07:25,593 You know I can't say. 196 00:07:25,595 --> 00:07:27,378 But no, it wasn't her. 197 00:07:27,380 --> 00:07:29,180 Lyla, come on, you've been through, what, 198 00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:31,549 six assistants in the last four months? 199 00:07:31,551 --> 00:07:33,217 It's not my fault 200 00:07:33,219 --> 00:07:36,721 that the Ivies are allowing idiots to matriculate. 201 00:07:36,723 --> 00:07:38,856 Could you listen to me, please, for a second? 202 00:07:38,858 --> 00:07:40,224 Yes, yes, yes. 203 00:07:40,226 --> 00:07:43,144 Lyla at 70% enraged is a great attorney 204 00:07:43,146 --> 00:07:45,613 and an asset to this firm, but you are way beyond that, 205 00:07:45,615 --> 00:07:48,315 and it's not good for anybody. 206 00:07:48,317 --> 00:07:52,570 Admittedly, I've been going through a lot, but I-- 207 00:07:52,572 --> 00:07:54,071 Yes, I know that. I know that. 208 00:07:54,073 --> 00:07:56,824 And to that end, some of the partners are talking 209 00:07:56,826 --> 00:08:01,045 about you taking a leave of absence to decompress. 210 00:08:01,047 --> 00:08:02,747 - Am I being fired? - No. 211 00:08:02,749 --> 00:08:06,801 God, no. Just--you need some perspective. 212 00:08:06,803 --> 00:08:08,219 You mean the world to me, 213 00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:10,004 but you're making enemies left and right, 214 00:08:10,006 --> 00:08:11,922 and it's not good, 215 00:08:11,924 --> 00:08:15,726 not for you and not for the firm. 216 00:08:18,064 --> 00:08:19,549 Thank you. 217 00:08:21,651 --> 00:08:23,601 Yeah. 218 00:08:27,607 --> 00:08:29,106 Okay, okay, fine. How about this? 219 00:08:29,108 --> 00:08:30,941 I will take the walnut bookshelves 220 00:08:30,943 --> 00:08:33,077 if you will hold onto the leather chair 221 00:08:33,079 --> 00:08:34,195 we got at the Rose Bowl. 222 00:08:34,197 --> 00:08:36,280 No way. I never wanted that awful thing. 223 00:08:36,282 --> 00:08:37,615 It smells. 224 00:08:37,617 --> 00:08:40,034 It's comfortable, and it has vintage charm. 225 00:08:40,036 --> 00:08:41,535 You love it, then. It's yours. 226 00:08:41,537 --> 00:08:43,254 Sold to blue. 227 00:08:43,256 --> 00:08:45,623 Wow. 228 00:08:45,625 --> 00:08:47,341 Aha, here she is. 229 00:08:47,343 --> 00:08:48,959 Why are there post-its everywhere? 230 00:08:48,961 --> 00:08:51,846 Your dad came early so we can start sorting through stuff 231 00:08:51,848 --> 00:08:54,799 so he can have some real furniture at his place. 232 00:08:54,801 --> 00:08:56,801 Class up the Paradiso. 233 00:08:56,803 --> 00:08:59,103 Hi. 234 00:08:59,105 --> 00:09:00,971 What are the colors for? 235 00:09:00,973 --> 00:09:02,356 Charlie? 236 00:09:02,358 --> 00:09:03,808 We went gender normative. 237 00:09:03,810 --> 00:09:05,726 The pink is for the things that I'm keeping, 238 00:09:05,728 --> 00:09:08,028 and the blue is for things that Dad's taking, 239 00:09:08,030 --> 00:09:13,317 and the yellow are for things that we can't decide on. 240 00:09:13,319 --> 00:09:15,236 Oh, Dad's taking the smelly chair? 241 00:09:15,238 --> 00:09:16,487 - Maybe. - Yes. 242 00:09:16,489 --> 00:09:18,322 No, but it belongs here. He can't do that. 243 00:09:18,324 --> 00:09:20,825 She has a point. 244 00:09:20,827 --> 00:09:23,043 But when it's at my place, 245 00:09:23,045 --> 00:09:26,664 you'll still be able to see it and sit on it and smell it. 246 00:09:26,666 --> 00:09:29,550 It's not funny. It's supposed to be here. 247 00:09:29,552 --> 00:09:31,051 God, this is so stupid. 248 00:09:31,053 --> 00:09:33,337 Lily-- 249 00:09:33,339 --> 00:09:34,889 I guess I'm blue this weekend. 250 00:09:34,891 --> 00:09:38,309 No, Lily. 251 00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:41,061 She's been really testing the boundaries lately. 252 00:09:41,063 --> 00:09:42,930 - Okay. - I'm serious. 253 00:09:42,932 --> 00:09:45,099 And you have to come down hard when she starts. 254 00:09:45,101 --> 00:09:46,150 Message received. 255 00:09:46,152 --> 00:09:47,184 And if anything happens 256 00:09:47,186 --> 00:09:48,819 or if you need me, just call me. 257 00:09:48,821 --> 00:09:50,187 Abby, enough. 258 00:09:50,189 --> 00:09:51,689 When I have the kids, you're off the clock, 259 00:09:51,691 --> 00:09:54,575 so just go enjoy yourself, okay? 260 00:09:54,577 --> 00:09:55,826 - Hi, Dad. - Hey, buddy. 261 00:09:55,828 --> 00:09:58,112 Come on. 262 00:09:58,114 --> 00:09:59,363 Ready? 263 00:10:01,918 --> 00:10:04,368 It looks weird in here. 264 00:10:04,370 --> 00:10:06,203 Yeah. 265 00:10:06,205 --> 00:10:07,189 Go on. 266 00:10:09,208 --> 00:10:10,541 Relax. I got it. 267 00:10:10,543 --> 00:10:12,510 - Come on, Dad. - Hey. 268 00:10:12,512 --> 00:10:13,794 "Relax." 269 00:10:22,418 --> 00:10:24,918 WILL 270 00:10:30,255 --> 00:10:32,332 CALLING MOBILE... 271 00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:49,347 Hi. 272 00:10:49,349 --> 00:10:51,649 Oh, Lyla, perfect timing. 273 00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:53,484 Mommy. 274 00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:55,102 Oh, yes. Hi, hello. 275 00:10:55,104 --> 00:10:58,022 Look at you. Look at you. 276 00:10:58,024 --> 00:10:59,523 I thought we were gonna keep things simple. 277 00:10:59,525 --> 00:11:00,891 It's simple. 278 00:11:00,893 --> 00:11:02,943 It's little--couple of lanterns, hand-rolled Sushi. 279 00:11:02,945 --> 00:11:04,161 This is serious. 280 00:11:04,163 --> 00:11:05,446 The case worker's gonna be here any minute. 281 00:11:05,448 --> 00:11:08,616 I made your favorite, rock shrimp tempura. 282 00:11:08,618 --> 00:11:11,369 It's so good, mama. Try it. 283 00:11:11,371 --> 00:11:14,071 Okay. Can you just take the costume off? 284 00:11:14,073 --> 00:11:15,873 It's an authentic kimono. 285 00:11:15,875 --> 00:11:17,925 I really need you all to take the costumes off. 286 00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:20,044 And what's going on over here? 287 00:11:20,046 --> 00:11:22,546 Oh, yeah, I saw all these school papers 288 00:11:22,548 --> 00:11:23,798 just lying around, 289 00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:27,134 so I thought that I would help you get organized. 290 00:11:27,136 --> 00:11:29,804 You're taking cookies to school tomorrow for the bake sale, 291 00:11:29,806 --> 00:11:34,058 so I made my oatmeal chocolate chip, okay? 292 00:11:34,060 --> 00:11:35,142 No, it's not really okay. 293 00:11:35,144 --> 00:11:36,861 I knew that. I was gonna make cookies. 294 00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:38,362 I wanted to make cookies. 295 00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:40,231 Oh, she's here. 296 00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:42,366 Take 'em off, and then when you come back, 297 00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:44,068 we're gonna have a normal family dinner just like always, 298 00:11:44,070 --> 00:11:45,286 except we're not gonna watch TV. 299 00:11:45,288 --> 00:11:46,570 We're gonna talk to each other and have a-- 300 00:11:46,572 --> 00:11:49,290 A really enjoyable time. 301 00:11:49,292 --> 00:11:51,041 Hi. I'm Lyla. 302 00:11:51,043 --> 00:11:52,159 Donna. 303 00:11:52,161 --> 00:11:53,911 Donna, this is my mother, Annie. 304 00:11:53,913 --> 00:11:55,045 Annie, this is Donna. 305 00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:56,497 Ah. 306 00:12:11,764 --> 00:12:14,265 Hey, did you finish your homework? 307 00:12:14,267 --> 00:12:15,683 - Yeah. - Really? 308 00:12:15,685 --> 00:12:18,185 All 2,000 words on how Lord Of The Flies was inspired 309 00:12:18,187 --> 00:12:21,238 by William Goldman's experiences in World War II? 310 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:23,607 William Golding. 311 00:12:23,609 --> 00:12:25,276 That's what I said. 312 00:12:25,278 --> 00:12:27,111 Plus I did some extra credit in French. 313 00:12:27,113 --> 00:12:30,197 Mm.. 314 00:12:30,199 --> 00:12:32,950 - Oh, okay. - I have to go call Jade. 315 00:12:32,952 --> 00:12:34,668 She's totally freaking out 'cause her mom 316 00:12:34,670 --> 00:12:36,287 won't let her wear mascara to school. 317 00:12:36,289 --> 00:12:37,955 It's so retarded. 318 00:12:49,552 --> 00:12:51,969 What do kids have for dessert? 319 00:12:51,971 --> 00:12:54,104 Ice cream? 320 00:12:54,106 --> 00:12:55,689 You know that one. I like that one a lot. 321 00:12:55,691 --> 00:12:56,891 So is everybody okay? 322 00:12:56,893 --> 00:12:58,726 Lyla, you really outdid yourself. 323 00:12:58,728 --> 00:13:00,811 This looks-- It looks so delicious. 324 00:13:00,813 --> 00:13:02,613 I hope you didn't go out of your way. 325 00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:05,983 No, we like to do this kind of thing a lot, right? 326 00:13:05,985 --> 00:13:07,785 You know, a Sushi fest. 327 00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:10,704 Um... 328 00:13:10,706 --> 00:13:14,325 I know it's jarring having a case worker in your home, 329 00:13:14,327 --> 00:13:15,543 but just try to relax 330 00:13:15,545 --> 00:13:17,745 and treat this dinner like any other, okay? 331 00:13:17,747 --> 00:13:18,913 Of course. 332 00:13:18,915 --> 00:13:20,998 Okay, so what can I get you? 333 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,132 I'm celiac. 334 00:13:22,134 --> 00:13:24,468 Is there gluten in the rice? 335 00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:26,554 Yes, yes, there's gluten in rice. 336 00:13:26,556 --> 00:13:28,255 That must be very hard for you. 337 00:13:28,257 --> 00:13:30,391 Okay. 338 00:13:30,393 --> 00:13:33,344 Um... 339 00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:35,846 Oh, this is good. 340 00:13:35,848 --> 00:13:37,648 Toot-toot. 341 00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:53,197 Oh, my God, do you look fabulous. 342 00:13:53,199 --> 00:13:56,367 - Thank you. - I love this dress. Gorgeous. 343 00:13:56,369 --> 00:13:58,953 Thank you. I--I'm going to a club later. 344 00:13:58,955 --> 00:14:00,588 - I'm hanging out. - Oh. 345 00:14:02,041 --> 00:14:04,875 Did--did Phoebe invite you to her big debut? 346 00:14:04,877 --> 00:14:06,760 Are you kidding me? I invited myself. 347 00:14:06,762 --> 00:14:08,512 This I had to see. 348 00:14:08,514 --> 00:14:10,347 Yeah. 349 00:14:10,349 --> 00:14:12,049 Just no divorce lawyer talk tonight, okay? 350 00:14:12,051 --> 00:14:13,051 I'm taking the night off. 351 00:14:13,052 --> 00:14:15,135 Oh, of course. 352 00:14:15,137 --> 00:14:16,520 Oh, you haven't gotten back to me 353 00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:17,938 about the forensic accounting. 354 00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:20,057 Oh, I--sorry, I just keep forgetting. 355 00:14:20,059 --> 00:14:21,609 No, you're not forgetting. You're resisting. 356 00:14:21,611 --> 00:14:23,027 - You're talking about it. - Sorry. 357 00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:25,062 - Fine. Punching out. - Thank you. 358 00:14:25,064 --> 00:14:26,564 Speaking of, where is Miss Lyla? 359 00:14:26,566 --> 00:14:28,866 She is busy tonight. 360 00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:30,401 Her mom is here, and-- 361 00:14:30,403 --> 00:14:31,569 - Oh. - Hi. 362 00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:33,537 - Ladies, hi. - Hi. 363 00:14:33,539 --> 00:14:36,790 Delia, I don't think you've met Vika and Merete. 364 00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:38,709 - You know Abby. - Hi, nice to see you. 365 00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:40,327 - Delia, Merete. - Hi, Delia. 366 00:14:40,329 --> 00:14:42,663 I feel like I know you so much better. 367 00:14:42,665 --> 00:14:44,381 We're so glad that you came tonight. 368 00:14:44,383 --> 00:14:47,918 We were worried that not everyone would be so accepting. 369 00:14:50,256 --> 00:14:52,890 Yes, coming out can be hard. 370 00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,842 Yes. 371 00:14:56,512 --> 00:14:58,262 - Yeah, well-- - I think it's great. 372 00:14:58,264 --> 00:14:59,346 Yeah. Congratulations. 373 00:14:59,348 --> 00:15:00,764 Whatever floats your boat. 374 00:15:00,766 --> 00:15:02,766 We just feel very lucky to have met such an amazing woman. 375 00:15:02,768 --> 00:15:05,402 - Thank you. - She is amazing. 376 00:15:05,404 --> 00:15:08,572 So we'll have one more drink here, 377 00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:10,941 then take you on a little adventure. 378 00:15:10,943 --> 00:15:12,192 Oh, my God, I love adventures. 379 00:15:12,194 --> 00:15:14,445 - You know me so well already. - Okay. 380 00:15:14,447 --> 00:15:15,829 We'll be back. 381 00:15:15,831 --> 00:15:17,114 Okay. 382 00:15:17,116 --> 00:15:18,332 - Bye-bye. - Bye. 383 00:15:18,334 --> 00:15:20,951 Bye. 384 00:15:20,953 --> 00:15:22,786 Oh, my God. 385 00:15:22,788 --> 00:15:25,205 That cannot possibly work. 386 00:15:25,207 --> 00:15:26,957 It beyond works. 387 00:15:26,959 --> 00:15:28,592 I mean, isn't it too much? 388 00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:30,794 That's, like, double the emotional needs. 389 00:15:30,796 --> 00:15:32,296 Yeah, but they take care of my needs, 390 00:15:32,298 --> 00:15:33,430 and then they take care of each other's needs, 391 00:15:33,432 --> 00:15:34,848 so I'm totally supported. 392 00:15:34,850 --> 00:15:36,433 - It's amazing. - Wait, wait. 393 00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:38,135 What about the sex? 394 00:15:38,137 --> 00:15:39,470 One train, two tunnels 395 00:15:39,472 --> 00:15:41,188 sounds like a serious supply-and-demand issue. 396 00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:42,556 - Yes, yes. - Very good question. 397 00:15:42,558 --> 00:15:45,976 It's not all about P.I.V. 398 00:15:45,978 --> 00:15:48,228 Penis in vagina. 399 00:15:48,230 --> 00:15:49,563 With three people, 400 00:15:49,565 --> 00:15:52,032 there are exponentially more ways to get off, 401 00:15:52,034 --> 00:15:54,568 like T.I.V. 402 00:15:54,570 --> 00:15:57,655 - Okay. - There's V.O.V. 403 00:15:57,657 --> 00:15:58,822 All right. 404 00:15:58,824 --> 00:16:02,576 And then, of course, my favorite, P.I.B. 405 00:16:02,578 --> 00:16:05,913 Just don't knock it till you've tried it, okay? 406 00:16:05,915 --> 00:16:08,132 Bye. 407 00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:10,634 - V.O.V. - it's TMI. 408 00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:12,002 I agree. 409 00:16:22,681 --> 00:16:24,598 I think you need some soy sauce. 410 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:26,016 - Oh! - Mom! 411 00:16:26,018 --> 00:16:27,401 Oh, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 412 00:16:27,403 --> 00:16:29,853 California water tables have dropped to record lows. 413 00:16:29,855 --> 00:16:31,989 I know. He's very socially conscious. 414 00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:33,357 We're really proud of him, but-- 415 00:16:33,359 --> 00:16:35,409 It's okay. Aaron, take a breath. 416 00:16:35,411 --> 00:16:37,361 And just think about the hydrological cycle. 417 00:16:37,363 --> 00:16:38,829 - No, no. - No, Grammy. 418 00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,531 The hydrocycle, the evaporation 419 00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:41,949 of 200 extra gallons of water. 420 00:16:49,341 --> 00:16:50,790 Would you like some sake? 421 00:16:50,792 --> 00:16:52,292 Gluten. 422 00:16:58,133 --> 00:17:03,637 Stella! Would you quit that howling down there? 423 00:17:03,639 --> 00:17:06,023 - Dad? - Mm, it's okay. 424 00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:09,142 It's just--it's Mr. Rosenberg's acting class again. 425 00:17:09,144 --> 00:17:11,812 Kowalski, quiet! 426 00:17:11,814 --> 00:17:13,146 Sorry, buddy. 427 00:17:13,148 --> 00:17:15,198 It sounded like someone was getting murdered. 428 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:17,734 Yeah, Tennessee Williams, I believe. 429 00:17:17,736 --> 00:17:21,989 I never felt the way I do. 430 00:17:21,991 --> 00:17:24,241 Rosenberg, seriously! 431 00:17:30,632 --> 00:17:32,332 Lily. 432 00:17:34,753 --> 00:17:36,219 Lily. 433 00:17:36,221 --> 00:17:37,504 Lils? 434 00:17:37,506 --> 00:17:40,724 Are you asleep already? 435 00:17:44,646 --> 00:17:46,080 Oh, shit. 436 00:17:53,894 --> 00:17:55,727 Okay, well, if you do hear anything, you-- 437 00:17:55,729 --> 00:17:57,028 Right. 438 00:17:57,280 --> 00:17:58,613 No, actually, that's my wife's cell. 439 00:17:58,615 --> 00:18:00,482 If you could call this number-- 440 00:18:00,484 --> 00:18:01,649 Okay, thank you. 441 00:18:01,651 --> 00:18:02,601 Bye. 442 00:18:02,653 --> 00:18:03,735 You get anything? 443 00:18:03,737 --> 00:18:05,070 Not yet. I'm-- 444 00:18:05,072 --> 00:18:06,204 I checked Facebook and Twitter, 445 00:18:06,206 --> 00:18:07,789 and I'm on Instagram now, but-- 446 00:18:07,791 --> 00:18:10,075 And that's all the parents of the kids she's friends with 447 00:18:10,077 --> 00:18:12,577 and nothing, so... 448 00:18:12,579 --> 00:18:14,246 You got to call Abby. 449 00:18:14,248 --> 00:18:15,747 I don't know. I don't want to freak her out. 450 00:18:15,749 --> 00:18:16,798 I mean, you know what she's like. 451 00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:18,833 Come on. Let's just keep going. 452 00:18:18,835 --> 00:18:21,586 Jake, call her. 453 00:18:21,588 --> 00:18:25,140 I will call her after I call all the parents of the kids 454 00:18:25,142 --> 00:18:27,058 Lily's not friends with. 455 00:18:28,562 --> 00:18:29,895 Hi, Vicki? 456 00:18:29,897 --> 00:18:31,096 Yeah, hi, this is Jake Novak. 457 00:18:31,098 --> 00:18:32,098 I'm Lily's dad. 458 00:18:36,019 --> 00:18:39,771 ♪ You know how to do it right ♪ 459 00:18:39,773 --> 00:18:43,575 ♪ Sometimes I think you see right through me ♪ 460 00:18:43,577 --> 00:18:46,861 ♪ You know what's on my mind ♪ 461 00:18:46,863 --> 00:18:48,863 - Little less crazy down here. - Yeah. 462 00:18:48,865 --> 00:18:50,115 What are you drinking? 463 00:18:50,117 --> 00:18:51,700 Like, a vodka tonic, or-- 464 00:18:51,702 --> 00:18:52,784 Oh, sorry. 465 00:18:52,786 --> 00:18:56,421 Can I get a beer and vodka tonic? 466 00:18:56,423 --> 00:18:57,789 So this is just the opening act. 467 00:18:57,791 --> 00:18:59,874 The band is amazing. Okay. 468 00:18:59,876 --> 00:19:02,043 Back in my day, we called that a DJ. 469 00:19:02,045 --> 00:19:04,596 Oh, you mean the guy in the little booth-- 470 00:19:04,598 --> 00:19:06,131 - Off to the side. - Yeah. 471 00:19:06,133 --> 00:19:07,465 Now, I, like-- 472 00:19:07,467 --> 00:19:10,135 People packed auditoriums to watch guys play vinyl. 473 00:19:10,137 --> 00:19:13,805 Yes. Those crazy kids. 474 00:19:13,807 --> 00:19:15,724 Thank you. 475 00:19:19,563 --> 00:19:22,948 I hope--do you want to just get out of here 476 00:19:22,950 --> 00:19:25,283 and go to a restaurant where we can talk? 477 00:19:25,285 --> 00:19:26,484 I thought this might be fun for you, 478 00:19:26,486 --> 00:19:28,203 a little something different, 479 00:19:28,205 --> 00:19:29,404 and I'm telling you, the band is-- 480 00:19:29,406 --> 00:19:30,822 The band's amazing. 481 00:19:30,824 --> 00:19:32,157 Let's just stay for a few songs. 482 00:19:32,159 --> 00:19:37,963 I want to, you know, be all able to say that I saw the-- 483 00:19:37,965 --> 00:19:40,415 Oh. 484 00:19:40,417 --> 00:19:42,467 Zigzags. 485 00:19:42,469 --> 00:19:44,219 At the Echoplex. 486 00:19:44,221 --> 00:19:45,470 Silver Lake. 487 00:19:45,472 --> 00:19:46,888 All right. 488 00:19:46,890 --> 00:19:49,057 Just for the record, you should never say it like that again. 489 00:19:54,231 --> 00:19:57,015 Okay, it wasn't totally a coincidence, 490 00:19:57,017 --> 00:19:58,183 us running into each other. 491 00:19:58,185 --> 00:19:59,684 What do you mean? 492 00:19:59,686 --> 00:20:03,071 Well, you may have mentioned that that was your mini mart, 493 00:20:03,073 --> 00:20:05,357 so I made it my mini mart. 494 00:20:05,359 --> 00:20:09,277 Wow, that's scintillating conversation on my part. 495 00:20:12,165 --> 00:20:13,248 You did, really? 496 00:20:13,250 --> 00:20:17,369 How else was it just gonna happen? 497 00:20:17,371 --> 00:20:20,789 I wanted to see you, Abby. 498 00:20:20,791 --> 00:20:23,291 That's sweet. 499 00:20:28,715 --> 00:20:31,266 Oh, shit. 500 00:20:31,268 --> 00:20:34,219 Maybe she didn't. 501 00:20:34,221 --> 00:20:36,221 - Nope, she definitely did. - She who? 502 00:20:36,223 --> 00:20:39,057 Do you know what? Just someone I used to date. 503 00:20:44,281 --> 00:20:45,697 Okay. 504 00:20:45,699 --> 00:20:47,649 I think we lost her. 505 00:20:47,651 --> 00:20:50,068 What's with all the cloak and dagger? 506 00:20:50,070 --> 00:20:51,453 Are you embarrassed to be here with me? 507 00:20:51,455 --> 00:20:53,788 No. Oh, no, no, no, no, it's-- 508 00:20:53,790 --> 00:20:55,373 Will! 509 00:20:55,375 --> 00:20:57,876 Hey, Rachel. 510 00:20:57,878 --> 00:20:59,244 So here you are. 511 00:20:59,246 --> 00:21:01,046 So how many times do I have to call you, huh? 512 00:21:01,048 --> 00:21:02,414 You can't act like I don't exist. 513 00:21:02,416 --> 00:21:04,999 No, no, I know you exist. Trust me, okay? 514 00:21:05,001 --> 00:21:06,751 - There's nothing left to say. - And you. 515 00:21:06,753 --> 00:21:09,087 - You're the slut he's hung up on. - Hey. 516 00:21:09,089 --> 00:21:12,557 - Um, I don't think so. - Rachel, come on. 517 00:21:12,559 --> 00:21:15,760 You know, he was with someone, you slut! 518 00:21:17,681 --> 00:21:19,230 Get her out! Get her out of here! 519 00:21:19,232 --> 00:21:20,648 You stepping to me, bitch? Huh? 520 00:21:20,650 --> 00:21:22,350 You threw your drink on me. 521 00:21:22,352 --> 00:21:24,235 You want to fight me, you slut? 522 00:21:24,237 --> 00:21:27,105 - Enough with the "slut." - Slut! 523 00:21:27,407 --> 00:21:29,073 That's a terrible word. 524 00:21:36,833 --> 00:21:39,117 Hey! 525 00:21:41,421 --> 00:21:44,589 - And you must be Phoebe. - I am. 526 00:21:44,591 --> 00:21:46,458 We've heard so much about you. 527 00:21:46,460 --> 00:21:47,542 You have? 528 00:21:47,544 --> 00:21:49,794 - We've been bragging. - Oh. 529 00:21:49,796 --> 00:21:51,296 Come on in. Don't be scared. 530 00:21:51,298 --> 00:21:53,465 It's just fun and games. 531 00:21:53,467 --> 00:21:55,300 Okay. 532 00:21:59,439 --> 00:22:00,805 - Looks good to me. - Yeah? 533 00:22:00,807 --> 00:22:02,640 - Mm-hmm. - Let's go. 534 00:22:02,642 --> 00:22:05,393 - What the hell, huh? - Uh-huh. 535 00:22:06,947 --> 00:22:08,813 Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. 536 00:22:08,815 --> 00:22:10,615 That was awesome. 537 00:22:10,617 --> 00:22:14,536 I was almost in a bar fight. Me. 538 00:22:14,538 --> 00:22:17,956 Was I "stepping to her"? What is that? 539 00:22:17,958 --> 00:22:19,958 - You know, just getting aggro. - Aggro! 540 00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:21,075 Yeah. 541 00:22:21,077 --> 00:22:23,228 Oh, I am, like--I'm shaking. 542 00:22:23,230 --> 00:22:24,462 I'm so pumped. 543 00:22:24,464 --> 00:22:27,081 I feel like I could wrestle a bear or a shark 544 00:22:27,083 --> 00:22:28,466 or I don't even know. 545 00:22:28,468 --> 00:22:29,918 Oh. 546 00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:31,553 Whoo! 547 00:22:31,555 --> 00:22:33,505 I like you. You know that? 548 00:22:33,507 --> 00:22:34,589 Even though you smell like beer. 549 00:22:34,591 --> 00:22:35,840 I do. 550 00:22:35,842 --> 00:22:38,143 Listen, Rachel is why I was embarrassed. 551 00:22:38,145 --> 00:22:39,894 I went out with her for a couple of weeks, 552 00:22:39,896 --> 00:22:41,679 and then all of a sudden, I realized she's just-- 553 00:22:41,681 --> 00:22:43,181 - She's crazy. - Totally. 554 00:22:43,183 --> 00:22:46,484 You don't even know. I'm a little crazy. 555 00:22:46,486 --> 00:22:48,019 A little crazy's perfect. 556 00:22:55,111 --> 00:22:56,661 Heineken. 557 00:23:06,423 --> 00:23:08,373 Holy shit. 558 00:23:08,375 --> 00:23:10,208 Holy shit. 559 00:23:15,517 --> 00:23:16,883 What the hell are you doing here? 560 00:23:16,885 --> 00:23:19,018 - What are you doing here? - I asked you a question. 561 00:23:19,020 --> 00:23:20,303 Does your father know you're here? 562 00:23:20,305 --> 00:23:22,605 No, why? Does he know you are? 563 00:23:22,607 --> 00:23:24,056 Don't you start with me. 564 00:23:24,058 --> 00:23:25,641 - How did you even get in? - It's all right. 565 00:23:25,643 --> 00:23:28,528 Miss McCarthy, my dad manages the band, so... 566 00:23:28,530 --> 00:23:30,029 I don't know who you are. 567 00:23:30,031 --> 00:23:32,398 I'm Kyle, Lily's boyfriend. 568 00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:33,950 - Not right now. - What? 569 00:23:33,952 --> 00:23:35,952 Kyle, can you please just give us a minute? 570 00:23:35,954 --> 00:23:37,153 Well, yeah. 571 00:23:37,155 --> 00:23:40,206 Wait, who's he? 572 00:23:40,208 --> 00:23:41,457 This is my friend Will. 573 00:23:41,459 --> 00:23:42,909 Will, this is my daughter, Lily. 574 00:23:42,911 --> 00:23:44,794 You guys are on a date? 575 00:23:44,796 --> 00:23:46,212 That's sick. He's, like, my age. 576 00:23:46,214 --> 00:23:49,048 Trust me, no one in this club is your age, Lily. 577 00:23:49,050 --> 00:23:50,967 - Look who's talking. - We're done. 578 00:23:50,969 --> 00:23:52,802 We're leaving now. 579 00:23:54,305 --> 00:23:56,305 Bye. 580 00:24:20,531 --> 00:24:22,865 People think our lifestyle's unrealistic, 581 00:24:22,917 --> 00:24:24,867 but don't you think monogamy's unrealistic? 582 00:24:24,869 --> 00:24:25,869 Yes. 583 00:24:25,870 --> 00:24:27,036 I mean, this idea 584 00:24:27,038 --> 00:24:29,455 that just one person can meet your needs. 585 00:24:29,457 --> 00:24:30,706 It's so old-school. 586 00:24:30,708 --> 00:24:34,043 - It's game time, honey. - Oh, awesome. 587 00:24:34,045 --> 00:24:35,711 I'm ready. 588 00:24:35,713 --> 00:24:37,463 Me too. 589 00:24:37,465 --> 00:24:39,765 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 590 00:24:39,767 --> 00:24:41,350 What are you doing? 591 00:24:41,352 --> 00:24:44,136 Uh, jumping the gun. 592 00:24:44,138 --> 00:24:46,388 I'm sorry. I don't--I don't know the rules. 593 00:24:46,390 --> 00:24:50,025 Vika, we have another situation. 594 00:24:50,027 --> 00:24:53,195 Phoebe, I think you may have misunderstood. 595 00:24:53,197 --> 00:24:55,731 Kathy's in a committed polyamorous relationship, 596 00:24:55,733 --> 00:24:57,900 just like us. 597 00:24:57,902 --> 00:24:59,368 We're poly, 598 00:24:59,370 --> 00:25:03,489 although I guess the new PC term is ethical nonmonogamy. 599 00:25:03,491 --> 00:25:06,458 We all are. 600 00:25:06,460 --> 00:25:08,410 Um... 601 00:25:12,083 --> 00:25:14,083 I was getting more of the orgy vibe. 602 00:25:17,054 --> 00:25:20,472 No. Can--would you excuse us for a second? 603 00:25:20,474 --> 00:25:22,091 I'm so sorry. 604 00:25:23,394 --> 00:25:25,811 Okay, when you guys said 605 00:25:25,813 --> 00:25:28,764 you wanted to take it to the next level-- 606 00:25:28,766 --> 00:25:32,234 We meant we wanted you to meet our community. 607 00:25:32,236 --> 00:25:33,352 Community? 608 00:25:33,354 --> 00:25:35,020 What did you think we meant? 609 00:25:35,022 --> 00:25:38,824 Not Costco cheese platters and cards against humanity. 610 00:25:38,826 --> 00:25:42,695 Phoebe, us bringing you here tonight was a big step for us. 611 00:25:42,697 --> 00:25:45,614 We've been looking so long for our third, 612 00:25:45,616 --> 00:25:48,617 but every time it doesn't work out. 613 00:25:48,619 --> 00:25:52,121 And then you, you're the first person 614 00:25:52,123 --> 00:25:53,339 that we've ever been with 615 00:25:53,341 --> 00:25:55,874 that we've both felt the same way about. 616 00:25:55,876 --> 00:25:56,959 Oh, wow. Okay. 617 00:25:56,961 --> 00:25:59,595 And we wanted to give you something 618 00:25:59,597 --> 00:26:03,966 as a gesture of our commitment. 619 00:26:05,269 --> 00:26:07,019 Open it. 620 00:26:14,195 --> 00:26:20,032 It's a symbol of polyamory, a heart with an infinity loop. 621 00:26:20,034 --> 00:26:22,985 I am flattered. 622 00:26:22,987 --> 00:26:24,987 Don't you think we're moving a little fast? 623 00:26:24,989 --> 00:26:28,657 Oh, Phoebe, when you know, you know. 624 00:26:28,659 --> 00:26:31,210 We're in love with you. 625 00:26:31,212 --> 00:26:33,212 We want you to think about moving in with us 626 00:26:33,214 --> 00:26:37,049 so we can share parenting, households, everything. 627 00:26:37,051 --> 00:26:39,001 Everything. 628 00:26:39,003 --> 00:26:40,552 Wow. 629 00:26:48,813 --> 00:26:50,062 Sorry. 630 00:26:50,064 --> 00:26:53,015 God, what are you wearing? Get in there right now. 631 00:26:53,017 --> 00:26:55,734 I can't believe you. 632 00:26:55,736 --> 00:26:58,354 - Why didn't you call me? - It's my night. 633 00:26:58,356 --> 00:26:59,855 No, not if you lose her, it's not. 634 00:26:59,857 --> 00:27:01,357 I didn't lose her. She played me. 635 00:27:01,359 --> 00:27:02,574 You still need to tell me. 636 00:27:02,576 --> 00:27:03,776 If this had happened on my watch, 637 00:27:03,778 --> 00:27:05,194 you wouldn't want me to call you? 638 00:27:05,196 --> 00:27:06,945 I figured she was out with friends, which she was, right? 639 00:27:06,947 --> 00:27:08,414 - That is beside the point. - I called everybody. 640 00:27:08,416 --> 00:27:09,615 I did everything you would have done. 641 00:27:09,617 --> 00:27:12,918 So if you had found her before I knew, 642 00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:14,336 would you not have told me? 643 00:27:14,338 --> 00:27:16,005 - No? - It's not a contest, Jake. 644 00:27:16,007 --> 00:27:17,289 Well, then why are you acting all the time 645 00:27:17,291 --> 00:27:18,707 like it's who can be the better parent? 646 00:27:18,709 --> 00:27:22,211 Really? Well, if that's the case, then you fail. 647 00:27:22,213 --> 00:27:24,346 Oh, wow, Abby. 648 00:27:25,683 --> 00:27:27,433 Can't you just say, "I'm sorry; 649 00:27:27,435 --> 00:27:29,301 I should have called?" 650 00:27:30,638 --> 00:27:33,355 How'd you find her? 651 00:27:33,357 --> 00:27:35,557 I saw her at the Echoplex. 652 00:27:35,559 --> 00:27:36,608 What were doing at the Echoplex? 653 00:27:36,610 --> 00:27:37,826 I was there to see the Zigzags. 654 00:27:37,828 --> 00:27:39,228 They're an ama-- You know what? 655 00:27:39,230 --> 00:27:40,896 It's none of your business. 656 00:27:40,898 --> 00:27:42,197 Was she drinking? 657 00:27:42,199 --> 00:27:45,200 No, she was making out with an older guy. 658 00:27:45,202 --> 00:27:47,036 With this guy? 659 00:27:47,038 --> 00:27:48,287 - This guy's too old for-- - No. No. 660 00:27:48,289 --> 00:27:49,488 I could kick this guy's ass right now. 661 00:27:49,490 --> 00:27:53,242 No, that is my friend Will. 662 00:27:53,244 --> 00:27:55,327 - Oh, that's your friend Will. - Yes. 663 00:27:55,329 --> 00:27:56,745 Oh. 664 00:27:56,747 --> 00:27:58,247 Wow, he's just a widdle boy. 665 00:27:58,249 --> 00:27:59,498 He's 28. 666 00:27:59,500 --> 00:28:00,833 Okay, wow. 667 00:28:00,835 --> 00:28:01,917 Oh, please don't look so shocked 668 00:28:01,919 --> 00:28:03,502 that someone his age would be into me. 669 00:28:03,504 --> 00:28:04,803 It's that like a screw you 'cause of Becca? 670 00:28:04,805 --> 00:28:05,921 - No. - Is that what we're doing now? 671 00:28:05,923 --> 00:28:07,339 Of course not. 672 00:28:07,341 --> 00:28:10,426 Like, you're gonna go 19 next or whatever you--oh, boy. 673 00:28:10,428 --> 00:28:13,345 Guys, everyone's had a rough night. 674 00:28:13,347 --> 00:28:14,596 Yes, we have. We don't need your help. 675 00:28:14,598 --> 00:28:16,932 Thank you. 676 00:28:16,934 --> 00:28:18,484 - It's okay, Will. - Maybe we should just go. 677 00:28:18,486 --> 00:28:20,152 Sorry. Sorry. 678 00:28:20,154 --> 00:28:21,437 Charlie woke up, and he was upset 679 00:28:21,439 --> 00:28:22,855 'cause I was the only one there. 680 00:28:22,857 --> 00:28:25,023 I got it. I got it. 681 00:28:29,914 --> 00:28:31,947 Okay, I said I'll take care of it, Abby. 682 00:28:31,949 --> 00:28:33,115 I just want to see him. 683 00:28:33,117 --> 00:28:34,450 Abby, I said we got it. 684 00:28:34,452 --> 00:28:35,834 "We." "We." 685 00:28:35,836 --> 00:28:38,120 Who, you and Becca, the parenting expert? 686 00:28:38,122 --> 00:28:39,671 Oh, no, no, you're the expert. 687 00:28:39,673 --> 00:28:41,673 You're the relationship expert. You're the expert on everything. 688 00:28:41,675 --> 00:28:42,875 Just go home! 689 00:28:42,877 --> 00:28:44,259 Enjoy your revenge sex, okay? 690 00:28:44,261 --> 00:28:47,212 Take him home. It's a school night. 691 00:28:47,214 --> 00:28:49,214 This whole time, you've been up my ass 692 00:28:49,216 --> 00:28:52,384 about how old Becca is, and then you show up with that. 693 00:28:52,386 --> 00:28:53,435 Come on, man. Seriously? 694 00:28:53,437 --> 00:28:54,603 - Sorry. - You know what? 695 00:28:54,605 --> 00:28:56,188 Seriously, don't! 696 00:28:56,190 --> 00:28:58,557 - Grow up, Jake. - You grow up. 697 00:28:58,559 --> 00:29:01,059 Oh, shut up. Shut up. 698 00:29:01,061 --> 00:29:03,695 What's wrong with you? 699 00:29:03,697 --> 00:29:05,697 You're both acting like-- 700 00:29:05,699 --> 00:29:08,817 How come I'm the only one acting my age? 701 00:29:08,819 --> 00:29:10,986 You make me sick. 702 00:29:24,493 --> 00:29:27,527 Lyla, is everything okay? 703 00:29:27,529 --> 00:29:30,363 Yup. Just making some cookies. 704 00:29:30,365 --> 00:29:33,083 I think you may have forgotten the baking soda, honey. 705 00:29:33,085 --> 00:29:34,918 Of course I forgot the baking soda. 706 00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:36,253 Please put that down. 707 00:29:36,255 --> 00:29:38,205 No. No. Put it down. Stop. 708 00:29:38,207 --> 00:29:39,840 - No, no, no, no, no, no. - I just want to help. 709 00:29:39,842 --> 00:29:41,458 I don't want your help. 710 00:29:41,460 --> 00:29:44,211 I asked you for one thing today: Keep it simple. 711 00:29:44,213 --> 00:29:47,797 And on some childish whim, you decide to have a theme night. 712 00:29:47,799 --> 00:29:49,599 I think it made her feel very comfortable. 713 00:29:49,601 --> 00:29:51,184 It doesn't make anyone feel comfortable. 714 00:29:51,186 --> 00:29:52,969 It made me feel-- 715 00:29:55,390 --> 00:29:57,941 - Well-- - I looked like an idiot. 716 00:29:57,943 --> 00:29:59,025 We all did. 717 00:29:59,027 --> 00:30:02,229 Just--just go to bed. Do something. 718 00:30:02,231 --> 00:30:05,482 Just--just get out. 719 00:30:07,069 --> 00:30:10,570 Then I'll go. I'll--I'll-- 720 00:30:10,572 --> 00:30:14,824 I'll be on the first flight back to Seattle tomorrow. 721 00:30:20,499 --> 00:30:23,083 I'm so sorry. 722 00:30:23,085 --> 00:30:24,751 - Oh! - Stop. Come on. 723 00:30:24,753 --> 00:30:26,136 I can't help it. 724 00:30:26,138 --> 00:30:29,589 It's like--like I have apology Tourette's. 725 00:30:29,591 --> 00:30:31,391 Look, there's no way that you could have known 726 00:30:31,393 --> 00:30:35,512 what an absolute shit show tonight would be. 727 00:30:38,066 --> 00:30:40,350 Do you remember when the girl fight was the big story? 728 00:30:40,352 --> 00:30:42,152 Oh, yeah. 729 00:30:50,195 --> 00:30:55,115 Will. 730 00:30:55,117 --> 00:30:58,785 Yeah, I know. 731 00:30:58,787 --> 00:31:00,587 You don't have to say it. 732 00:31:03,875 --> 00:31:07,460 I wish I was in the right place for you. 733 00:31:07,462 --> 00:31:09,879 You're just too mature for me. 734 00:31:09,881 --> 00:31:11,214 I kind of mean it. 735 00:31:11,216 --> 00:31:16,553 I--I have so much work to do on me, on everything. 736 00:31:19,524 --> 00:31:21,024 Okay. 737 00:31:22,277 --> 00:31:23,443 You know, despite all the drama, 738 00:31:23,445 --> 00:31:25,478 you're still the sanest woman I know. 739 00:31:25,480 --> 00:31:27,814 Obviously. 740 00:31:57,980 --> 00:31:59,679 Okay. 741 00:31:59,681 --> 00:32:03,516 Okay, um, we should-- 742 00:32:03,518 --> 00:32:05,735 I just--I want to be with someone that knows who they are, 743 00:32:07,037 --> 00:32:08,772 not a human time bomb. 744 00:32:09,775 --> 00:32:11,191 Me too. 745 00:32:12,828 --> 00:32:15,829 I just need, like, a year. 746 00:32:15,831 --> 00:32:18,498 - Maybe five. - No. 747 00:32:27,292 --> 00:32:29,793 - Okay. - Okay. 748 00:32:35,100 --> 00:32:39,052 You know, when you do grow up, 749 00:32:39,054 --> 00:32:40,937 you should call me. 750 00:32:40,939 --> 00:32:43,273 Okay. 751 00:32:55,454 --> 00:32:57,404 Just put the bag down. 752 00:32:57,406 --> 00:32:59,322 Mom, please. 753 00:32:59,324 --> 00:33:00,540 - I'm sorry. - Mom. 754 00:33:00,542 --> 00:33:01,708 I'm sorry. 755 00:33:01,710 --> 00:33:03,827 I'm overwhelmed right now. 756 00:33:03,829 --> 00:33:07,831 I feel like I'm losing everything. 757 00:33:07,833 --> 00:33:10,917 And your attitude and optimism about it, 758 00:33:10,919 --> 00:33:12,135 I can't get behind it. 759 00:33:12,137 --> 00:33:13,337 I don't believe in that stuff. 760 00:33:13,338 --> 00:33:14,504 I'm not like you. 761 00:33:14,506 --> 00:33:16,256 I know. 762 00:33:16,258 --> 00:33:19,142 You're like your father. 763 00:33:19,144 --> 00:33:20,427 Thanks? 764 00:33:20,429 --> 00:33:24,931 No, no, your dad is an amazing man. 765 00:33:24,933 --> 00:33:28,068 Why do you think I stayed married to him all these years? 766 00:33:28,070 --> 00:33:31,071 Because he was never home. 767 00:33:31,073 --> 00:33:32,238 That's not fair. 768 00:33:32,240 --> 00:33:33,440 It's exactly fair. 769 00:33:33,442 --> 00:33:34,691 Listen to me. 770 00:33:34,693 --> 00:33:38,495 You're so loving and perfect. 771 00:33:38,497 --> 00:33:40,947 I'm not perfect. I'm hardly perfect. 772 00:33:40,949 --> 00:33:41,949 Please, come on. 773 00:33:41,950 --> 00:33:43,249 The skin, the hair. 774 00:33:43,251 --> 00:33:45,201 I mean, just because I don't 775 00:33:45,203 --> 00:33:48,204 go on about my feelings all the time. 776 00:33:48,206 --> 00:33:50,123 I don't want to know about your feelings all the time. 777 00:33:50,125 --> 00:33:51,541 I want to know who you are. 778 00:33:51,543 --> 00:33:54,344 Yell, or stand by a conviction. 779 00:33:54,346 --> 00:33:55,762 Just-- 780 00:33:55,764 --> 00:33:59,015 When's the last time you cried? 781 00:33:59,017 --> 00:34:02,969 Three months ago, when my father died. 782 00:34:05,524 --> 00:34:07,140 Grandpa's dead? 783 00:34:07,142 --> 00:34:08,608 Yes, he is. 784 00:34:08,610 --> 00:34:11,444 I'm--prostate cancer. 785 00:34:11,446 --> 00:34:13,396 Oh, my God, nobody told me. Nobody called me. 786 00:34:13,398 --> 00:34:15,064 You were going through so much with your divorce, 787 00:34:15,066 --> 00:34:19,202 I just--I wanted to wait till the right moment. 788 00:34:19,204 --> 00:34:21,988 Is this it? 789 00:34:21,990 --> 00:34:23,039 Probably not. 790 00:34:23,041 --> 00:34:27,377 That is so odd. 791 00:34:27,379 --> 00:34:28,795 Really? 792 00:34:28,797 --> 00:34:33,500 By any objective standard, I'm--that's interesting. 793 00:34:33,502 --> 00:34:36,669 When I had my back surgery, 794 00:34:36,671 --> 00:34:40,340 I was briefly addicted to painkillers 795 00:34:40,342 --> 00:34:41,641 for five years. 796 00:34:41,643 --> 00:34:45,145 You--painkillers? 797 00:34:45,147 --> 00:34:49,682 I--I used to shoplift from charity stores. 798 00:34:49,684 --> 00:34:52,185 I have many Jesuses. 799 00:34:52,187 --> 00:34:53,770 I did not expect that. 800 00:34:53,772 --> 00:34:58,358 Nobody's perfect, and certainly I'm not. 801 00:34:58,360 --> 00:35:00,660 But I see you now, a little bit, 802 00:35:00,662 --> 00:35:02,745 and this should have been happening more. 803 00:35:02,747 --> 00:35:04,030 That's not a mother's job. 804 00:35:04,032 --> 00:35:08,284 A mother's job is to protect her children. 805 00:35:08,286 --> 00:35:10,587 Is the implication that I don't protect mine 806 00:35:10,589 --> 00:35:12,288 because I'm so effusive with them? 807 00:35:12,290 --> 00:35:13,706 No, Lyla. 808 00:35:13,708 --> 00:35:15,041 That I somehow deserve what is going on with me? 809 00:35:15,043 --> 00:35:17,043 No, Lyla, that's not what I said. 810 00:35:17,045 --> 00:35:18,595 And possibly losing my children? 811 00:35:18,597 --> 00:35:22,682 Enough, Lyla. Lyla, enough. 812 00:35:25,220 --> 00:35:28,221 I have to go pack. 813 00:35:33,195 --> 00:35:36,362 Grandpa's dead. 814 00:35:41,839 --> 00:35:43,839 Mmm. 815 00:35:55,353 --> 00:35:59,989 ♪ Falling on my head like a memory ♪ 816 00:35:59,991 --> 00:36:04,660 ♪ Falling on my head like a new emotion ♪ 817 00:36:09,417 --> 00:36:13,786 ♪ I want to walk in the open wind ♪ 818 00:36:13,788 --> 00:36:17,790 ♪ I want to talk like lovers do ♪ 819 00:36:17,792 --> 00:36:22,094 ♪ I want to dive into your ocean ♪ 820 00:36:58,215 --> 00:36:59,915 Hurry up, Mom. We're gonna be late. 821 00:36:59,917 --> 00:37:01,834 Okay, okay, okay, okay. 822 00:37:01,836 --> 00:37:03,802 Are you wearing a backpack? 823 00:37:03,804 --> 00:37:07,006 No, it's a shoulder-mounted survival kit. 824 00:37:07,008 --> 00:37:08,173 Grandma gave it to me. 825 00:37:08,175 --> 00:37:10,342 It comes with a Camelbak hydration pack 826 00:37:10,344 --> 00:37:11,393 and a safety whistle. 827 00:37:11,395 --> 00:37:13,262 Yeah, that's important. 828 00:37:13,264 --> 00:37:15,180 So get in the car. I will meet you there. 829 00:37:15,182 --> 00:37:18,534 I promise we will not be late for the bake sale. 830 00:37:24,108 --> 00:37:25,357 Oh! 831 00:37:53,454 --> 00:37:54,594 Well, 832 00:37:56,419 --> 00:37:58,114 so I'll talk to you tonight? 833 00:37:59,426 --> 00:38:01,043 Lily? 834 00:38:02,313 --> 00:38:04,730 Charlie's still in the car. 835 00:38:04,732 --> 00:38:06,148 Sorry, bud. 836 00:38:06,150 --> 00:38:07,649 Come on. 837 00:38:12,239 --> 00:38:14,289 Hey, Lily, hey. 838 00:38:14,291 --> 00:38:15,624 Honey, can I talk to you? 839 00:38:15,626 --> 00:38:16,959 Yeah, Dad told me. 840 00:38:16,961 --> 00:38:18,994 I'm grounded, and I lost my phone for two weeks. 841 00:38:18,996 --> 00:38:20,245 Okay. 842 00:38:20,247 --> 00:38:22,047 Um, good. 843 00:38:22,049 --> 00:38:24,083 Look, it's not okay for you to lie to us, 844 00:38:24,085 --> 00:38:27,252 and it is not okay for you to sneak out. 845 00:38:27,254 --> 00:38:30,672 But, um, your dad and I-- 846 00:38:31,374 --> 00:38:32,925 We've been crazy lately, 847 00:38:32,927 --> 00:38:34,760 and you have every right to be mad at us. 848 00:38:35,012 --> 00:38:37,262 We suck right now. 849 00:38:37,264 --> 00:38:38,680 Divorce sucks, 850 00:38:38,682 --> 00:38:41,933 and we need to figure out how to be better for you. 851 00:38:41,935 --> 00:38:45,354 I'm really gonna try, okay? 852 00:38:45,356 --> 00:38:46,488 Okay. 853 00:38:46,490 --> 00:38:47,856 Thank you. 854 00:38:47,858 --> 00:38:49,358 Okay. 855 00:38:49,360 --> 00:38:52,361 Now I'm gonna hug you without embarrassing you, 856 00:38:52,363 --> 00:38:54,579 because I love you. 857 00:38:58,335 --> 00:39:00,168 I love you, honey. 858 00:39:03,757 --> 00:39:07,042 But seriously, Mom, that guy's way too young for you. 859 00:39:07,044 --> 00:39:08,877 It's totally Ratchet. 860 00:39:14,852 --> 00:39:17,135 Ratchet. 861 00:39:28,099 --> 00:39:30,099 I just cannot believe that. 862 00:39:30,101 --> 00:39:31,734 Who doesn't tell someone their grandfather's dead? 863 00:39:31,736 --> 00:39:33,652 I know. It's--it's unusual. 864 00:39:33,654 --> 00:39:34,903 But when I found out 865 00:39:34,905 --> 00:39:36,772 that she was a pill-addicted shoplifter... 866 00:39:36,774 --> 00:39:37,940 You felt closer to her. 867 00:39:37,942 --> 00:39:39,191 - I felt closer to her. - Yes, I get that. 868 00:39:39,193 --> 00:39:41,026 - I don't want you to hate her. - No. 869 00:39:41,028 --> 00:39:44,113 Because these are such good cookies. 870 00:39:44,115 --> 00:39:45,781 - I know. - Honey, I'm sorry. 871 00:39:45,783 --> 00:39:47,950 I thought I was the only one whose night was a disaster. 872 00:39:47,952 --> 00:39:50,119 No. Definitely not the only one. 873 00:39:50,121 --> 00:39:51,286 Oh, really? 874 00:39:51,288 --> 00:39:52,755 Somebody has something to share. 875 00:39:52,757 --> 00:39:55,958 Your date with Vika and Merete wasn't great? 876 00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:57,259 Honestly, it was a little weird. 877 00:39:57,261 --> 00:39:59,795 The threesome got weird. Go on. 878 00:39:59,797 --> 00:40:01,930 They wanted to marry my ass. 879 00:40:05,186 --> 00:40:06,518 Yeah. 880 00:40:06,520 --> 00:40:07,936 Sorry. 881 00:40:07,938 --> 00:40:09,188 How crazy is that? And guess what? 882 00:40:09,190 --> 00:40:11,140 - Guess where they took me? - Where? 883 00:40:11,142 --> 00:40:12,474 - Woodland Hills. - That's ridiculous. 884 00:40:12,476 --> 00:40:13,725 - I know. - Ugh! 885 00:40:13,727 --> 00:40:15,978 Why does she keep sending me these things? 886 00:40:15,980 --> 00:40:18,480 Don't worry about it. No one cares about that, honestly. 887 00:40:18,482 --> 00:40:20,532 I'm really excited about our next guest. 888 00:40:20,534 --> 00:40:21,733 Cleo Stevens is here. 889 00:40:21,735 --> 00:40:24,653 She's the author of the best-selling advice book 890 00:40:24,655 --> 00:40:27,489 Back Burner Baby: Mommy Needs Candy Too. 891 00:40:27,491 --> 00:40:30,292 So, Cleo, this book generating a lot of chatter. 892 00:40:30,294 --> 00:40:32,578 Why do you think it's hitting such a nerve? 893 00:40:32,580 --> 00:40:35,464 Well, I think it's 'cause I'm calling out all the B.S. 894 00:40:35,466 --> 00:40:39,051 That we moms have been drip-fed for, like, the past 20 years. 895 00:40:39,053 --> 00:40:41,503 I mean, on the one hand, we're supposed to work full-time, 896 00:40:41,505 --> 00:40:42,754 and on the other, we're supposed to be 897 00:40:42,756 --> 00:40:45,007 these fully immersed mommy-copters. 898 00:40:45,009 --> 00:40:47,676 That leaves about zero minutes for ourselves. 899 00:40:47,678 --> 00:40:49,178 I mean, no wonder we're all mainlining 900 00:40:49,180 --> 00:40:50,846 Sauvignon Blanc, right? 901 00:40:50,848 --> 00:40:53,015 In your book, you propose what I'll say 902 00:40:53,017 --> 00:40:55,150 is a different kind of parenting system. 903 00:40:55,152 --> 00:40:57,319 By "system," you mean one rule? 904 00:40:58,522 --> 00:41:00,572 More time for yourself. The kids'll be fine. 905 00:41:00,574 --> 00:41:01,824 I mean, otherwise you're just gonna have 906 00:41:01,826 --> 00:41:03,909 a nervous breakdown like Abby McCarthy. 907 00:41:03,911 --> 00:41:05,244 Wow, ouch. 908 00:41:05,246 --> 00:41:07,946 Well, I'm sorry, but she is the perfect example 909 00:41:07,948 --> 00:41:09,164 of what I'm talking about. 910 00:41:09,166 --> 00:41:12,284 She spent 14 years hyper-focused on her kids, 911 00:41:12,286 --> 00:41:14,036 and that's all she wrote about. 912 00:41:14,038 --> 00:41:15,704 I mean, there's barely a mention of the husband. 913 00:41:15,706 --> 00:41:18,040 And then she snaps. 914 00:41:19,460 --> 00:41:21,376 - Did she snap? - I mean, look. 915 00:41:21,378 --> 00:41:24,012 I don't have anything against her personally, at all. 916 00:41:24,014 --> 00:41:25,547 She was relevant once. 917 00:41:25,549 --> 00:41:28,600 I think the conversation has moved on, right? 918 00:41:28,602 --> 00:41:32,354 Isn't it time we got real? 919 00:41:32,356 --> 00:41:34,456 I think that bitch just stepped to me. 920 00:41:37,350 --> 00:41:41,350 Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce S01E05