1
00:00:01,901 --> 00:00:04,303
In conclusion, let me just put this

2
00:00:04,304 --> 00:00:07,039
as plainly and simply as I can.

3
00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:10,108
If you can not eliminate any
collateral burden that would

4
00:00:10,109 --> 00:00:12,711
validate the Constitutionality
of Mr. Andre's apprehension,

5
00:00:12,712 --> 00:00:15,280
than probably cause for
the warrant must be excoriated.

6
00:00:15,281 --> 00:00:18,083
Excoriate, from the Latin, excoriates,

7
00:00:18,084 --> 00:00:21,053
past participle, excoriare,
"ex" meaning out of,

8
00:00:21,054 --> 00:00:23,155
plus "Corium," meaning skin,

9
00:00:23,156 --> 00:00:26,224
which makes my client... not guilty.

10
00:00:26,225 --> 00:00:29,394
I mean, does it get any simpler than that?

11
00:00:29,395 --> 00:00:33,765
Yes, it does, it does
get simpler than that.

12
00:00:33,766 --> 00:00:37,602
The defense rests, Your Honor.

13
00:00:37,603 --> 00:00:38,837
Nailed it.

14
00:00:38,838 --> 00:00:41,440
Is that how you do trials in corporate law?

15
00:00:41,441 --> 00:00:43,775
Oh, no, no, no, we never saw
the inside of a courtroom.

16
00:00:43,776 --> 00:00:45,243
No, it was all just filing briefs,

17
00:00:45,244 --> 00:00:46,978
and conference calls with Dubai.

18
00:00:46,979 --> 00:00:49,114
Can you believe this
was my first jury trial?

19
00:00:49,115 --> 00:00:50,349
- No.
- Yup.

20
00:00:50,350 --> 00:00:52,351
Now, do you think it was
too much reading all of

21
00:00:52,352 --> 00:00:53,985
Miranda versus Arizona?

22
00:00:53,986 --> 00:00:55,287
No, I'm... I'm sure the bus driver

23
00:00:55,288 --> 00:00:56,755
and professional birthday clown got it.

24
00:00:56,756 --> 00:00:59,291
Yeah, it looks like everyone's all aboard

25
00:00:59,292 --> 00:01:00,859
the "not guilty" express.

26
00:01:00,860 --> 00:01:04,629
Next up, "not guilty" town.

27
00:01:04,630 --> 00:01:06,465
Will the defendant rise.

28
00:01:06,466 --> 00:01:09,768
The clerk will now read the verdicts.

29
00:01:09,769 --> 00:01:11,169
On count one in the matter of

30
00:01:11,170 --> 00:01:12,938
people versus Neil Gabriel Andre,

31
00:01:12,939 --> 00:01:15,674
we the people find the defendant guilty.

32
00:01:15,675 --> 00:01:18,610
Count two, we the people
find the defendant guilty.

33
00:01:18,611 --> 00:01:20,045
Count three, guilty.

34
00:01:20,046 --> 00:01:22,614
Count four, not guilty.

35
00:01:22,615 --> 00:01:26,785
Oh, no sorry, That's a typo... guilty.

36
00:01:26,786 --> 00:01:29,454
My bad.

37
00:01:29,455 --> 00:01:31,990
Oops.

38
00:01:34,454 --> 00:01:37,062
Benched - 01x04
Sell It

39
00:01:43,136 --> 00:01:46,471
In the abrogation
of scurrilous ineptitude...

40
00:01:46,472 --> 00:01:48,407
Collateral burdens that would validate

41
00:01:48,408 --> 00:01:50,208
the Constitutionality.

42
00:01:50,209 --> 00:01:53,478
Wou... would you like a spot of tea?

43
00:01:53,479 --> 00:01:55,547
Are we doing Downton Abbey?

44
00:01:55,548 --> 00:01:56,948
What the hell was that?

45
00:01:56,949 --> 00:01:58,417
I mean, it's not the supreme court.

46
00:01:58,418 --> 00:02:00,385
It's a freaking jury.

47
00:02:00,386 --> 00:02:01,953
Half of them think that  Two and Half Men

48
00:02:01,954 --> 00:02:03,121
is actually happening.

49
00:02:03,122 --> 00:02:05,123
Okay, my arguments were bulletproof.

50
00:02:05,124 --> 00:02:07,659
Listen, I know the nuances
of talking to a jury

51
00:02:07,660 --> 00:02:09,761
is a learned thing,
but how much time you got?

52
00:02:09,762 --> 00:02:11,163
I have an hour before jury selection.

53
00:02:11,164 --> 00:02:12,497
Oh, you're dead. She's boned.

54
00:02:12,498 --> 00:02:13,765
What, are you gonna quiz the jurors

55
00:02:13,766 --> 00:02:17,302
on the Sherman Aust act of 1890?

56
00:02:17,303 --> 00:02:20,005
- Is that a real thing?
- Yes, Cheryl.

57
00:02:20,006 --> 00:02:21,840
All right, what have
you got? Let's hear it.

58
00:02:21,841 --> 00:02:24,943
No, I feel like they covered it.

59
00:02:24,944 --> 00:02:27,746
Oh, come on, you piece of crap.

60
00:02:27,747 --> 00:02:30,449
Well, I just lost
my entire opening argument.

61
00:02:30,450 --> 00:02:32,117
- Oh, well.
- Wait, you have a trial?

62
00:02:32,118 --> 00:02:34,419
Yeah, going up against your ex, Trent,

63
00:02:34,420 --> 00:02:35,554
and I hate going up against him,

64
00:02:35,555 --> 00:02:36,988
because I get really competitive,

65
00:02:36,989 --> 00:02:38,657
and I hate being competitive,
but he makes me competitive,

66
00:02:38,658 --> 00:02:41,026
but I'm not competitive guy.
I mean, I-m... I'm the kind of guy

67
00:02:41,027 --> 00:02:42,694
that everyone gets a trophy, kind of guy,

68
00:02:42,695 --> 00:02:44,329
but, now I just want to kick Trent's ass.

69
00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:45,864
Do I have it in me? Is today the day?

70
00:02:45,865 --> 00:02:47,632
Probably not, stay tuned.

71
00:02:47,633 --> 00:02:50,502
You're not listening.
Who's that, Miss January?

72
00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:54,339
No, it's O'Shea "Tinsy"
Curtis, armed robbery.

73
00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:57,509
Okay, the jury will convict
him on that face alone.

74
00:02:57,510 --> 00:02:59,811
Good luck with that.

75
00:03:02,164 --> 00:03:03,648
Winning over a jury is simple.

76
00:03:03,649 --> 00:03:05,484
It's like talking to your peers.

77
00:03:05,485 --> 00:03:06,852
Well, your sixth grade peers.

78
00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:08,487
So the jury is pubescent dumbs-dumbs.

79
00:03:08,488 --> 00:03:09,721
No, no, they're not dumb-dumbs,

80
00:03:09,722 --> 00:03:11,323
they're-they're smart-dumbs.

81
00:03:11,324 --> 00:03:13,625
It... it's... it's... it's
a very subtle difference.

82
00:03:13,626 --> 00:03:14,826
It's like jazz. If you have to explain it,

83
00:03:14,827 --> 00:03:15,994
then you'll never understand.

84
00:03:15,995 --> 00:03:17,963
Wow, you're great at giving advice.

85
00:03:17,964 --> 00:03:20,665
You're taking advice from a guy who
can't figure out how to shave?

86
00:03:20,666 --> 00:03:23,201
Hello, respected colleague,
she said platonically.

87
00:03:23,202 --> 00:03:25,337
- Hm.
- No, I'm just taking your ex,

88
00:03:25,338 --> 00:03:27,239
here, through some of the finer points

89
00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:28,673
of my lawyering techniques.

90
00:03:28,674 --> 00:03:30,842
Simplify, okay. Just keep it simple.

91
00:03:30,843 --> 00:03:32,811
When you've simplified it,
simplify even more. It's easy.

92
00:03:32,812 --> 00:03:34,413
Don't, you don't have to dumb it down.

93
00:03:34,414 --> 00:03:36,181
You just have to be the one
they all look up to.

94
00:03:36,182 --> 00:03:37,949
It's like you're the cool boss

95
00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:39,552
at an office party, telling a joke.

96
00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:41,553
Yeah, yeah, an office party
full of wood shop students.

97
00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:42,687
No, not... not wood shop students,

98
00:03:42,688 --> 00:03:45,557
like Terry from accounting,
or Stan from HR.

99
00:03:45,558 --> 00:03:47,659
Gary, the guy that can't
get the dip on the chip.

100
00:03:47,660 --> 00:03:49,828
And Gary's life partner,
who invented Phil's penis pump.

101
00:03:49,829 --> 00:03:51,129
And Trent's hair plugs will be there.

102
00:03:51,130 --> 00:03:53,899
Okay, this is fun, but I have to go.

103
00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:55,400
Hey, why don't you come
watch me convict Phil's client

104
00:03:55,401 --> 00:03:57,702
- for dealing oxy.
- Ah, allegedly.

105
00:03:57,703 --> 00:03:59,171
Might learn something.

106
00:03:59,172 --> 00:04:00,238
- Yeah?
- No.

107
00:04:00,239 --> 00:04:01,506
- No.
- No, not today.

108
00:04:01,507 --> 00:04:05,610
- Oh, not today, but maybe?
- No.

109
00:04:05,611 --> 00:04:08,246
Damn it.

110
00:04:08,247 --> 00:04:09,848
Objection.

111
00:04:09,849 --> 00:04:11,716
Motion sustained,

112
00:04:11,717 --> 00:04:14,653
30, love.

113
00:04:14,654 --> 00:04:16,555
You play tennis, right, Trent?

114
00:04:16,556 --> 00:04:18,256
Oh, yes, Your Honor, I played last week

115
00:04:18,257 --> 00:04:19,891
at Highland Grove Country Club.

116
00:04:19,892 --> 00:04:21,259
Ooh, I love that club.

117
00:04:21,260 --> 00:04:24,062
They make a dynamite Cubano sandwich,

118
00:04:24,063 --> 00:04:25,764
made by an actual Cuban.

119
00:04:25,765 --> 00:04:27,399
- Wow.
- Did you know that?

120
00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:29,234
I didn't, but it sounds delicious.

121
00:04:29,235 --> 00:04:32,871
Uh, if... if it please the
court, we would like to listen...

122
00:04:32,872 --> 00:04:34,940
Sit down.

123
00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:38,844
Mr. Prosecutor, your serve.

124
00:04:42,114 --> 00:04:44,516
Hey, how's your non-competition going

125
00:04:44,517 --> 00:04:45,917
with Trent? Did you beat him?

126
00:04:45,918 --> 00:04:47,452
- Was today the day?
- So you were listening.

127
00:04:47,453 --> 00:04:49,754
I thought this whole Trent thing
was about us being lawyers.

128
00:04:49,755 --> 00:04:51,857
Apparently, now it's about tennis.

129
00:04:51,858 --> 00:04:54,726
He's got this, like, charm
offensive crap that he's pulling

130
00:04:54,727 --> 00:04:56,394
with judge ickles, who normally
hates everybody,

131
00:04:56,395 --> 00:04:57,429
- Mm-hm.
- Right?

132
00:04:57,430 --> 00:04:58,396
Now, he's looking at Trent

133
00:04:58,397 --> 00:04:59,764
like he's on the cover of Maxim.

134
00:04:59,765 --> 00:05:01,967
I don't get it.
Does Trent even play tennis?

135
00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:03,502
Oh, yeah, but he's terrible.

136
00:05:03,503 --> 00:05:05,303
He used to just SWAT at the ball,

137
00:05:05,304 --> 00:05:06,438
and then throw his racket down,

138
00:05:06,439 --> 00:05:07,439
and then we'd drive home in, like,

139
00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:08,940
a real awkward silence.

140
00:05:08,941 --> 00:05:10,242
Really, see, this stuff.

141
00:05:10,243 --> 00:05:11,710
You guys used to be boning partners.

142
00:05:11,711 --> 00:05:12,777
How about some of that inside info?

143
00:05:12,778 --> 00:05:15,046
Ew, no, God.

144
00:05:15,047 --> 00:05:17,015
Okay, well, there was this
one time where he... he spilled

145
00:05:17,016 --> 00:05:19,518
his Rogaine on his balls,
and there was just so...

146
00:05:19,519 --> 00:05:22,053
It was like a chia pet.
It was... it... it puffed up.

147
00:05:22,054 --> 00:05:24,823
I mean, it's like it was so... really furry.

148
00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:27,359
- That is...
- Not the info you needed.

149
00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:28,627
That's not the info anyone needed, no.

150
00:05:28,628 --> 00:05:29,928
- Got it. All right.
- Just tell me how to beat him.

151
00:05:29,929 --> 00:05:32,497
No, I am not... I am not getting involved

152
00:05:32,498 --> 00:05:35,367
in your weird pissing match. Uh-uh, no.

153
00:05:35,368 --> 00:05:38,103
Okay, I don't care.

154
00:05:38,104 --> 00:05:39,337
All right, okay,
all right, well I'll tell you

155
00:05:39,338 --> 00:05:42,274
one thing, okay? The key
to Trent is his confidence.

156
00:05:42,275 --> 00:05:43,608
You got to beat him at something
in order to beat him

157
00:05:43,609 --> 00:05:45,443
at something else, and then
once he smells defeat,

158
00:05:45,444 --> 00:05:46,478
his confidence is shaken.

159
00:05:46,479 --> 00:05:48,246
Oh, give me that.

160
00:05:48,247 --> 00:05:49,781
Kind of like how I just shook yours?

161
00:05:49,782 --> 00:05:50,982
Psh, you did not shake my confidence,

162
00:05:50,983 --> 00:05:52,984
- I just... I don't have nails.
- Oh, okay.

163
00:05:52,985 --> 00:05:54,452
Well, I'll beat him at something.

164
00:05:54,453 --> 00:05:56,655
Well, good luck with that.
I have a jury to impress.

165
00:05:56,656 --> 00:05:59,491
That's right. Remember,
sixth graders, not office party.

166
00:05:59,492 --> 00:06:01,359
- Got it.
- One syllable words.

167
00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:03,128
- Got it.
- Helps if they rhyme.

168
00:06:03,129 --> 00:06:05,664
Oh my God, you're still talking.

169
00:06:05,665 --> 00:06:06,932
Can I get a different...

170
00:06:06,933 --> 00:06:09,234
Nothing further, Your Honor.

171
00:06:09,235 --> 00:06:11,836
What a fun guy. What a fun guy.

172
00:06:11,837 --> 00:06:14,906
But, uh, truth be told,
I can be pretty fun, myself.

173
00:06:14,907 --> 00:06:17,742
So, buckle up.

174
00:06:17,743 --> 00:06:19,611
My name is Nina,

175
00:06:19,612 --> 00:06:22,714
and this is an assault case.

176
00:06:22,715 --> 00:06:24,716
You ever been assaulted?

177
00:06:24,717 --> 00:06:29,421
Yes, I was rudely addressed
by Philip Roth, once.

178
00:06:32,224 --> 00:06:33,325
I am very sorry.

179
00:06:33,326 --> 00:06:35,293
Okay, this is great, this is like

180
00:06:35,294 --> 00:06:39,097
a... a fun office party, right?
You're here, guy in the...

181
00:06:39,098 --> 00:06:41,433
The blue shirt and the tie.

182
00:06:41,434 --> 00:06:43,034
Um... Joseph Daniels.

183
00:06:43,035 --> 00:06:44,269
I've never been assaulted.

184
00:06:44,270 --> 00:06:47,339
My boss is black, and yes,
I can be impartial.

185
00:06:47,340 --> 00:06:49,908
See you got a wedding band
on your... your finger there,

186
00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:51,977
but it says here that you're single,

187
00:06:51,978 --> 00:06:55,180
so... sending me mixed signals there, Joey.

188
00:06:55,181 --> 00:06:58,817
My wife left me a month ago.

189
00:06:58,818 --> 00:07:00,919
I'm gonna go ahead and
correct your file here,

190
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:02,721
and just put that down.

191
00:07:04,790 --> 00:07:07,459
Hey, how'd it go? Did you keep it simple?

192
00:07:07,460 --> 00:07:09,527
I tried simple. I tried fun party guy,

193
00:07:09,528 --> 00:07:12,964
but it's not my approach. It's me.

194
00:07:12,965 --> 00:07:15,667
Apparently, I'm unlikeable.

195
00:07:15,668 --> 00:07:17,102
This looks nothing like you.

196
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:20,939
- Thank you.
- Except the fangs.

197
00:07:29,010 --> 00:07:31,645
I have to admit, these are
the most hateful jury doodles

198
00:07:31,647 --> 00:07:32,772
I've ever seen.

199
00:07:32,774 --> 00:07:34,975
Ooh, scary kitty.

200
00:07:34,976 --> 00:07:36,810
I always found a way to win,

201
00:07:36,811 --> 00:07:38,579
but how do you win likeability?

202
00:07:38,580 --> 00:07:40,381
I mean, in civil law, it doesn't
matter if you're liked.

203
00:07:40,382 --> 00:07:41,749
You're supposed to be ruthless.

204
00:07:41,750 --> 00:07:43,284
I mean, you actually get
bonus points if you make

205
00:07:43,285 --> 00:07:46,520
a Japanese businessman cry,
which I did three times.

206
00:07:46,521 --> 00:07:48,389
Maybe you should smile more.

207
00:07:48,390 --> 00:07:51,125
I smile all the time.

208
00:07:51,126 --> 00:07:54,328
You never smiled at me.

209
00:07:54,330 --> 00:07:56,031
How long has Boring Larry
been sitting over there?

210
00:07:56,031 --> 00:07:57,865
He's been here the whole time.

211
00:07:57,866 --> 00:08:00,501
You just got to win them over,
Nina, that's all there is to it.

212
00:08:00,502 --> 00:08:02,937
Right, but how do I win over
a jury that already hates me?

213
00:08:02,938 --> 00:08:05,139
I'd love to help you, but I'm kind of busy.

214
00:08:05,140 --> 00:08:07,107
Yeah, me too.

215
00:08:07,108 --> 00:08:08,776
Maybe if you bought us lunch?

216
00:08:08,777 --> 00:08:10,778
- Lunch?
- Ooh!

217
00:08:10,779 --> 00:08:14,481
You know, lunch, sandwiches,
soup, chips perhaps.

218
00:08:14,490 --> 00:08:18,666
- I know what lunch is, Boring Larry.
- We don't call him that to his face.

219
00:08:21,846 --> 00:08:25,115
I am so sorry... just Larry.

220
00:08:25,116 --> 00:08:27,784
Bitch, you don't know me.

221
00:08:32,957 --> 00:08:34,958
- Okay, let's see what you got.
- Okay.

222
00:08:34,959 --> 00:08:36,960
Ladies and gentlemen, there is
a preponderance of evidence...

223
00:08:36,961 --> 00:08:38,795
Too much eye contact.

224
00:08:38,796 --> 00:08:41,965
- You're freaking me out.
- Okay, my client Tinsy Curtis-

225
00:08:41,966 --> 00:08:43,666
Don't look at the ground,

226
00:08:43,667 --> 00:08:45,001
it makes you look shifty.

227
00:08:45,002 --> 00:08:47,404
All right, maybe we just
retire that buzzer sound.

228
00:08:47,405 --> 00:08:49,305
I... I'm scared.

229
00:08:49,306 --> 00:08:50,673
You... you're scared?

230
00:08:50,674 --> 00:08:52,409
You're gesturing like a traffic cop.

231
00:08:52,410 --> 00:08:53,810
I hate traffic.

232
00:08:53,811 --> 00:08:56,579
F... funny story, I borrow
my roommate's Saturn.

233
00:08:56,580 --> 00:08:59,482
It's a stick. Suddenly, I got three pedals.

234
00:08:59,483 --> 00:09:00,583
Guess how many feet I've got?

235
00:09:00,584 --> 00:09:02,118
I wasn't even gesturing.

236
00:09:02,119 --> 00:09:03,386
Now, you're being argumentative.

237
00:09:03,387 --> 00:09:04,754
Okay, well, I'm sorry.

238
00:09:04,755 --> 00:09:05,989
Now, you sound like a bitch.

239
00:09:05,990 --> 00:09:07,957
Mm, and it's your arms. Uncross them.

240
00:09:07,958 --> 00:09:09,426
You look like a schoolteacher.

241
00:09:09,427 --> 00:09:10,760
Phil said to talk to them
like they're sixth graders.

242
00:09:10,761 --> 00:09:12,762
No, no, no, no, only Phil can do Phil.

243
00:09:12,763 --> 00:09:15,432
You relax, just try not to try so hard.

244
00:09:15,433 --> 00:09:17,000
Okay, my client Tinsy...

245
00:09:17,001 --> 00:09:19,235
I'm finding it really hard to
like this woman.

246
00:09:19,236 --> 00:09:21,404
What, what, what, what
are you talking about?

247
00:09:21,405 --> 00:09:22,605
It's those clomping heels,

248
00:09:22,606 --> 00:09:25,108
the sound of girls rejecting
me in high school.

249
00:09:25,109 --> 00:09:26,843
All right, I can not control
what happened to you

250
00:09:26,844 --> 00:09:29,012
- in high school.
- Yes, you can.

251
00:09:29,013 --> 00:09:30,980
Okay, you have to convince them that you're

252
00:09:30,981 --> 00:09:34,417
the only white lady who gets
how oppressive the system is.

253
00:09:34,418 --> 00:09:37,787
Do what I do... mention Martin Luther King.

254
00:09:37,788 --> 00:09:39,422
Everyone loves a freedom fighter.

255
00:09:39,423 --> 00:09:41,958
Burt, you've been here
the longest. What do I do?

256
00:09:41,959 --> 00:09:45,061
Well, I can just tell you
what my gunny sergeant told me

257
00:09:45,062 --> 00:09:47,497
on my first tour in Vietnam.

258
00:09:47,498 --> 00:09:50,900
Don't sh... your pants,
but if you do sh... your pants,

259
00:09:50,901 --> 00:09:52,535
change your pants.

260
00:09:52,536 --> 00:09:55,939
- What?
- Change your pants.

261
00:09:55,940 --> 00:09:58,141
Okay, thanks.

262
00:09:58,142 --> 00:10:00,343
Hey, Phil, have you seen Nina?

263
00:10:00,344 --> 00:10:01,744
I had a little more advice for her.

264
00:10:01,745 --> 00:10:03,480
Ah, she's all set on the advice front,

265
00:10:03,481 --> 00:10:05,381
unless you want to explain
to her how to extract your head

266
00:10:05,382 --> 00:10:06,783
from an elderly judge's ass.

267
00:10:06,784 --> 00:10:08,718
There are no heads
in anyone's asses, all right?

268
00:10:08,719 --> 00:10:10,887
We're just a couple of people
with a common interest

269
00:10:10,888 --> 00:10:12,355
in the game of tennis.

270
00:10:12,356 --> 00:10:14,057
Oh, so what, you're some,
big shot tennis player, huh?

271
00:10:14,058 --> 00:10:16,159
Yeah, I'm not bad.
I know my way around a racket.

272
00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:17,794
Oh, come on, who is bad at tennis, right?

273
00:10:17,795 --> 00:10:19,996
I mean, little kids play it,
old men play it.

274
00:10:19,997 --> 00:10:21,564
I saw a dog play it on Letterman, once.

275
00:10:21,565 --> 00:10:24,934
Anyone can play. Very few can compete.

276
00:10:24,935 --> 00:10:26,603
Well, I play real sports, so tennis,

277
00:10:26,604 --> 00:10:28,705
I'm sure I could just pick it up, wing it.

278
00:10:28,706 --> 00:10:30,106
So if I were to call my club,

279
00:10:30,107 --> 00:10:31,608
set up a match, you'd be up for that?

280
00:10:31,609 --> 00:10:33,510
Yeah, you call your club, set up a match.

281
00:10:33,511 --> 00:10:34,777
I'll make a fool of myself.

282
00:10:34,778 --> 00:10:36,513
- That's your specialty.
- Hm.

283
00:10:36,514 --> 00:10:38,481
- Consider it done.
- Okay.

284
00:10:38,482 --> 00:10:41,518
I'll meet you by the whites-only bathroom.

285
00:10:41,519 --> 00:10:44,387
Hi, Natasha. I might've crossed a line.

286
00:10:44,388 --> 00:10:46,122
Okay.

287
00:10:46,123 --> 00:10:47,257
- Hey.
- Hey.

288
00:10:47,258 --> 00:10:48,391
You ready to win them over?

289
00:10:48,392 --> 00:10:49,592
I don't know, cross my arms,

290
00:10:49,593 --> 00:10:51,127
eye contact, be a freedom fighter.

291
00:10:51,128 --> 00:10:53,730
- I'm so inside my head right now.
- Why are you tiptoeing?

292
00:10:53,731 --> 00:10:55,632
So that my heels don't remind you of a girl

293
00:10:55,633 --> 00:10:57,333
who wouldn't bone you in high school.

294
00:10:57,334 --> 00:10:59,269
Okay, that seems like
a bigger conversation.

295
00:10:59,270 --> 00:11:01,137
Okay, I'm gonna go do this thing.

296
00:11:01,138 --> 00:11:02,405
Tone down the gestures.

297
00:11:02,406 --> 00:11:05,975
What gestures?

298
00:11:05,976 --> 00:11:07,844
Right, I look like a bitch.

299
00:11:12,883 --> 00:11:16,319
Ladies and gentlemen, you guys...

300
00:11:16,320 --> 00:11:17,820
How you doing?

301
00:11:17,821 --> 00:11:20,356
So they say this is a robbery case,

302
00:11:20,357 --> 00:11:25,161
but really, it is a case
of false identification,

303
00:11:25,162 --> 00:11:27,964
and the victim here is my client,

304
00:11:27,965 --> 00:11:30,767
a very gentle man...

305
00:11:30,768 --> 00:11:33,703
Named Tinsy.

306
00:11:33,704 --> 00:11:36,606
Do you remember, in... in sixth grade,

307
00:11:36,607 --> 00:11:38,975
when you were assigned
a book that you didn't like,

308
00:11:38,976 --> 00:11:42,145
and... and you thought,
"this book's pretentious",

309
00:11:42,146 --> 00:11:44,614
or "uses too many big words,"

310
00:11:44,615 --> 00:11:46,683
or "this book's a bitch,"

311
00:11:46,684 --> 00:11:48,651
but then you got to know the book,

312
00:11:48,652 --> 00:11:51,921
and you thought "wow,
this book is really nice,

313
00:11:51,922 --> 00:11:54,424
and has feelings," right?

314
00:11:54,425 --> 00:11:56,292
And just like that book,

315
00:11:56,293 --> 00:12:00,096
you can't judge my client,
Tinsy, by his cover.

316
00:12:00,097 --> 00:12:03,132
Wait, no, I'm... I'm the book,
and I'm telling you the story

317
00:12:03,133 --> 00:12:04,667
in the book, which is him.

318
00:12:04,668 --> 00:12:07,036
I'm more the narrator here,
and I don't want

319
00:12:07,037 --> 00:12:09,339
to overanalyze the metaphor, okay?

320
00:12:09,340 --> 00:12:12,308
I... I... look, I had this all worked out.

321
00:12:12,309 --> 00:12:13,943
Stop gesturing.

322
00:12:17,147 --> 00:12:19,015
Martin Luther King!

323
00:12:22,298 --> 00:12:25,724
God, that felt so good, getting out,

324
00:12:25,725 --> 00:12:28,026
blowing off some steam, kicking your ass.

325
00:12:28,027 --> 00:12:29,661
All right, look, you won,
I bought you a drink,

326
00:12:29,662 --> 00:12:30,662
we just wrap up the gloating,

327
00:12:30,663 --> 00:12:31,763
so we can get this over with?

328
00:12:31,764 --> 00:12:33,098
Oh, no, I'd never drink anything

329
00:12:33,099 --> 00:12:34,266
from this Hep C incubator.

330
00:12:34,267 --> 00:12:36,335
I just wanted you to have to pay for it.

331
00:12:36,336 --> 00:12:38,170
Smells like feet.

332
00:12:38,171 --> 00:12:40,072
So, I beat you on the tennis court,

333
00:12:40,073 --> 00:12:41,773
and tomorrow, I'll beat you
on the court-court.

334
00:12:41,774 --> 00:12:44,142
It's two courts, same result,

335
00:12:44,143 --> 00:12:45,944
and that is a little wordplay.

336
00:12:45,945 --> 00:12:47,330
Have a good night.

337
00:12:49,251 --> 00:12:50,509
Hey.

338
00:12:51,689 --> 00:12:53,408
Oh my God.

339
00:12:55,455 --> 00:12:56,822
Oh my God, what was in that?

340
00:12:56,823 --> 00:12:58,824
I have no idea. That was
here when we came in.

341
00:12:58,825 --> 00:13:00,392
You said that he wasn't any good at tennis.

342
00:13:00,393 --> 00:13:01,927
He's not. You must really suck.

343
00:13:01,928 --> 00:13:03,395
No, I'm good. I played in college.

344
00:13:03,396 --> 00:13:05,931
I was... I was ranked. I'm amazing.

345
00:13:05,932 --> 00:13:07,065
This was supposed to be a hustle.

346
00:13:07,066 --> 00:13:09,034
You suck at giving advice.

347
00:13:09,035 --> 00:13:11,503
Oh, yeah, and you and... and
Trent really brought me

348
00:13:11,504 --> 00:13:13,272
to the advice-giving
promised land with my trial.

349
00:13:13,273 --> 00:13:15,507
What are you talking about?
I gave you good, simple advice.

350
00:13:15,508 --> 00:13:17,676
No, you and your little
band of boners got me all

351
00:13:17,677 --> 00:13:18,810
in my freaking head.

352
00:13:18,811 --> 00:13:20,545
Nina, come on, listen,
at the end of the day,

353
00:13:20,546 --> 00:13:23,148
you got to realize that
you are your own worst enemy,

354
00:13:23,149 --> 00:13:25,717
and sometimes, you're your own
best friend in this job,

355
00:13:25,718 --> 00:13:27,419
so just stop listening to everybody else,

356
00:13:27,420 --> 00:13:29,655
and asking for their advice,
and just... I don't know.

357
00:13:29,656 --> 00:13:31,290
Follow your gut.

358
00:13:31,291 --> 00:13:33,425
All right, I know what I need to do.

359
00:13:33,426 --> 00:13:36,261
Hey, can I have another whatever that was?

360
00:13:39,966 --> 00:13:43,702
- Mm, mm.
- Thank you.

361
00:13:43,703 --> 00:13:45,537
That's in me.

362
00:13:45,538 --> 00:13:47,639
That's in me.

363
00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:49,308
There you go.

364
00:13:49,309 --> 00:13:52,945
Oh, I'm cramping.

365
00:13:52,946 --> 00:13:54,947
So, this is hard for me to say,

366
00:13:54,948 --> 00:13:57,749
but, um... I'm hurting your case.

367
00:13:57,750 --> 00:13:59,284
I mean, it's not that I am a bad lawyer.

368
00:13:59,285 --> 00:14:00,886
I am a great lawyer.

369
00:14:00,887 --> 00:14:04,189
In a hostile takeover,
I would outfox anyone,

370
00:14:04,190 --> 00:14:06,291
but unfortunately, that doesn't lend itself

371
00:14:06,292 --> 00:14:08,493
to likeability, and you need
someone really likeable,

372
00:14:08,494 --> 00:14:11,897
because, although you are innocent,

373
00:14:11,898 --> 00:14:14,266
you're straight-up terrifying.

374
00:14:14,267 --> 00:14:17,102
So, that's why I'm getting you reassigned.

375
00:14:17,103 --> 00:14:19,204
Oh, God, oh, God, here it comes.

376
00:14:19,205 --> 00:14:21,006
Oh my gosh, this is how I go.

377
00:14:26,346 --> 00:14:28,046
Your chair.

378
00:14:28,047 --> 00:14:30,415
How do you ladies walk in those heels?

379
00:14:33,252 --> 00:14:35,467
You sound like you had a rotten day.

380
00:14:36,723 --> 00:14:39,091
Huh.

381
00:14:39,092 --> 00:14:40,859
- Here we go, let's go.
- Yeah, yeah.

382
00:14:40,860 --> 00:14:42,961
Through the legs, spin.

383
00:14:42,962 --> 00:14:44,863
No, counterclockwise.

384
00:14:44,864 --> 00:14:48,233
Jump high.

385
00:14:48,234 --> 00:14:52,904
And that's an "E",
which spells "horse," again.

386
00:14:52,905 --> 00:14:54,973
Guess you need some icy hot
for that tennis elbow.

387
00:14:54,974 --> 00:14:56,541
Oh, I guess you need some rhinestones

388
00:14:56,542 --> 00:14:58,143
for your vajazzling.

389
00:14:58,144 --> 00:14:59,444
- I don't know what that means.
- One more game,

390
00:14:59,445 --> 00:15:00,645
- come on, best of 13.
- Phil,

391
00:15:00,646 --> 00:15:02,381
Phil, let me just stop you
right there, okay?

392
00:15:02,382 --> 00:15:03,915
This whole thing, this competition...

393
00:15:03,916 --> 00:15:05,283
Competition?

394
00:15:05,284 --> 00:15:06,251
What... that's not...
I'm not a competitive guy.

395
00:15:06,252 --> 00:15:07,586
That is not me, ask around.

396
00:15:07,587 --> 00:15:09,287
Dude, you had to play me
in tennis, now horse.

397
00:15:09,288 --> 00:15:12,057
What's next, huh, a freaking bake off?

398
00:15:12,058 --> 00:15:13,592
Look, you just need to face it.

399
00:15:13,593 --> 00:15:14,993
You're never gonna beat me at anything,

400
00:15:14,994 --> 00:15:16,261
so let's just go back to court,

401
00:15:16,262 --> 00:15:18,430
and let me finish you off... this off.

402
00:15:18,431 --> 00:15:20,265
This trial.

403
00:15:20,266 --> 00:15:21,933
Hey, you guys, I got to thank you.

404
00:15:21,934 --> 00:15:24,069
Your advice, I just had
a breakthrough with my case.

405
00:15:24,070 --> 00:15:26,371
I have a whole new plan.
Tinsy, he's gonna be a free man.

406
00:15:26,372 --> 00:15:28,173
Good, good, glad I was able to help.

407
00:15:28,174 --> 00:15:29,441
No, no, no, not you. It was Phil.

408
00:15:29,442 --> 00:15:31,576
Thank you for what you said last night.

409
00:15:31,577 --> 00:15:34,312
Game changer, thank you.

410
00:15:34,313 --> 00:15:37,182
H-how, how last night? How?

411
00:15:37,183 --> 00:15:39,918
Well, I just, uh, do what I do, yup,

412
00:15:39,919 --> 00:15:42,187
and if what I did convinces Nina
to take my stage advice

413
00:15:42,188 --> 00:15:43,655
instead of your stupid, crappy advice,

414
00:15:43,656 --> 00:15:46,191
I guess, I don't know, sue me.

415
00:15:46,192 --> 00:15:48,193
You know what, fine, I lost once,

416
00:15:48,194 --> 00:15:49,694
but you lost every other time.

417
00:15:49,695 --> 00:15:52,731
Yeah, but the one that I won just happened,

418
00:15:52,732 --> 00:15:54,633
so it's new. It's fresh, super fresh.

419
00:15:54,634 --> 00:15:55,934
How do you feel, huh?

420
00:15:55,935 --> 00:15:58,070
Reeling a little bit
before you go back into court?

421
00:15:58,071 --> 00:15:59,938
- You gonna be okay there, huh?
- Yeah.

422
00:15:59,939 --> 00:16:02,841
Yeah, maybe get some Rogaine,
and put it on your ballsack.

423
00:16:02,842 --> 00:16:05,310
That'll make you feel better.

424
00:16:05,311 --> 00:16:07,345
Where'd you hear that? I don't even...

425
00:16:07,346 --> 00:16:10,882
I don't even do that. I don't... I don't.

426
00:16:15,021 --> 00:16:16,888
Uh-oh, where's Nina?

427
00:16:16,889 --> 00:16:18,523
Micah, where's Nina?

428
00:16:18,524 --> 00:16:20,258
She's late.

429
00:16:20,259 --> 00:16:22,694
Thank you, I so enjoy our talks.

430
00:16:32,972 --> 00:16:34,890
I'm so sorry I'm late, Your Honor.

431
00:16:40,713 --> 00:16:42,347
- What happened to you?
- Oh, I'm fine.

432
00:16:42,348 --> 00:16:43,482
- I'm fine, it's okay.
- Are you okay?

433
00:16:43,483 --> 00:16:45,183
- No, I'm great.
- You don't look okay.

434
00:16:45,184 --> 00:16:47,219
I'm all right.

435
00:16:47,220 --> 00:16:48,787
Okay. I'm great.

436
00:16:48,788 --> 00:16:49,888
- Sorry.
- Thank you, thank you.

437
00:16:49,889 --> 00:16:51,756
No, that's good, it's okay.

438
00:16:51,757 --> 00:16:53,758
All right.

439
00:16:53,759 --> 00:16:55,460
Oops, it's... upsy-daisy.

440
00:16:55,461 --> 00:16:57,062
- Okay, okay.
- Just get that out of there.

441
00:16:57,063 --> 00:16:58,964
There you go.

442
00:17:00,933 --> 00:17:03,502
You've all seen the evidence.

443
00:17:03,503 --> 00:17:06,905
Okay, it was dark, someone got mugged,

444
00:17:06,906 --> 00:17:11,443
and then later, someone saw Tinsy Curtis,

445
00:17:11,444 --> 00:17:12,811
and said it was him.

446
00:17:12,812 --> 00:17:15,547
Now, I know you understand the evidence,

447
00:17:15,548 --> 00:17:17,816
or lack thereof,

448
00:17:17,817 --> 00:17:20,218
since it's my job to make you understand.

449
00:17:20,883 --> 00:17:22,017
Oh, may I?

450
00:17:23,789 --> 00:17:26,658
Even if you clearly don't
like me for doing that job.

451
00:17:26,659 --> 00:17:28,426
Oh, that drawing's really good.

452
00:17:28,427 --> 00:17:29,928
- Not for Nina.
- None of you know Tinsy.

453
00:17:29,929 --> 00:17:31,796
Oh, yeah, they hate her, oh.

454
00:17:31,797 --> 00:17:34,733
You don't, you've just seen
him sit over here in his chair.

455
00:17:34,734 --> 00:17:36,868
And now, let me ask you
this quick question.

456
00:17:36,869 --> 00:17:39,604
Is sitting in a chair... is that scary?

457
00:17:39,605 --> 00:17:41,239
You ever been on the Batman ride?

458
00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:42,974
Shh.

459
00:17:42,975 --> 00:17:45,911
You can't judge a person
by the way they look.

460
00:17:45,912 --> 00:17:49,080
You judge them on their actions.

461
00:17:49,081 --> 00:17:51,850
The defense rests, Your Honor.

462
00:17:51,851 --> 00:17:54,119
Ooh. Oh.

463
00:17:54,120 --> 00:17:57,088
Mm. Oh, thank you so much.

464
00:17:59,192 --> 00:18:01,459
There you go.

465
00:18:01,460 --> 00:18:03,662
I still think they don't like her.

466
00:18:03,663 --> 00:18:05,764
It's not about her. It's about him.

467
00:18:05,765 --> 00:18:09,734
Oh. Him who?

468
00:18:11,537 --> 00:18:13,338
No, it's a false statement,
a false statement, Your Honor.

469
00:18:13,339 --> 00:18:14,639
I will warn you again, counselor

470
00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:15,640
I think you heard him.
Piece... it doesn't matter.

471
00:18:15,641 --> 00:18:16,708
- No, he...
- You heard him,

472
00:18:16,709 --> 00:18:18,109
ladies and gentlemen...

473
00:18:18,110 --> 00:18:19,344
that means absolutely nothing.
Well, there was intent,

474
00:18:19,345 --> 00:18:20,412
- that's all that really matters.
- Doesn't matter

475
00:18:20,413 --> 00:18:21,413
- what the intent is.
- A piece of...

476
00:18:21,414 --> 00:18:22,480
It's a false statement.

477
00:18:22,481 --> 00:18:25,116
Oh, I think it does.

478
00:18:25,117 --> 00:18:25,984
Your Honor?

479
00:18:28,821 --> 00:18:33,949
Uh, Your Honor?

480
00:18:33,950 --> 00:18:37,019
Great, ickles strokes out,
now, we got an instant mistrial.

481
00:18:37,020 --> 00:18:39,054
Poor bastard. Paramedic said he'll be fine,

482
00:18:39,055 --> 00:18:41,223
so I guess nobody wins, huh?

483
00:18:41,224 --> 00:18:44,493
Well, I mean, I was clearly
gonna win before he froze.

484
00:18:44,494 --> 00:18:46,094
What? No he was totally gonna

485
00:18:46,095 --> 00:18:47,863
- rule in my favor.
- What part of...

486
00:18:47,864 --> 00:18:50,132
Don't you understand?

487
00:18:50,133 --> 00:18:51,333
Okay, that's offensive.

488
00:18:51,334 --> 00:18:52,568
Race you to the vending machine?

489
00:18:52,569 --> 00:18:54,636
What? No, I'm not doing that.

490
00:18:58,708 --> 00:19:00,108
Okay, okay, okay, no, no, you're right,

491
00:19:00,109 --> 00:19:01,343
you're right, this is childish.

492
00:19:01,344 --> 00:19:02,678
This is childish.

493
00:19:02,679 --> 00:19:04,713
Gah!

494
00:19:06,510 --> 00:19:07,844
Burt, Phil!

495
00:19:08,834 --> 00:19:10,434
All right, what the hell happened to you?

496
00:19:10,435 --> 00:19:13,904
Ohh... nothing.

497
00:19:13,905 --> 00:19:16,234
Not guilty, she got him off.
You should've seen it.

498
00:19:16,241 --> 00:19:18,576
So you faked having an injury
to influence the jury?

499
00:19:18,577 --> 00:19:19,744
That's a hack move.

500
00:19:19,744 --> 00:19:20,977
- Yeah, right.
- Put that down.

501
00:19:20,979 --> 00:19:22,380
Okay, you're scaring me, just...

502
00:19:22,381 --> 00:19:25,249
The jury hated her, granted,
but they loved them some Tinsy.

503
00:19:25,250 --> 00:19:27,918
I mean, she was limping.
He's pulling out chairs.

504
00:19:27,919 --> 00:19:29,253
- He's giving her tissues.
- Mm-hmm.

505
00:19:29,254 --> 00:19:32,023
They were like an old couple
in a senior center.

506
00:19:32,024 --> 00:19:33,591
Burt, come on, by her a drink.

507
00:19:33,592 --> 00:19:35,393
She will literally drink anything.

508
00:19:35,394 --> 00:19:37,028
- It's true.
- Okay, wonder woman,

509
00:19:37,029 --> 00:19:39,196
up to the bar.

510
00:19:39,197 --> 00:19:41,399
- So you went with this, huh?
- Mm-hmm.

511
00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:42,700
You didn't take any of our advice?

512
00:19:42,701 --> 00:19:43,901
No.

513
00:19:43,902 --> 00:19:46,604
Oh, yeah, well, only Phil can do Phil.

514
00:19:46,605 --> 00:19:48,072
And only Nina can do Nina.

515
00:19:48,073 --> 00:19:49,206
I bet Phil could do Nina.

516
00:19:49,207 --> 00:19:51,175
How about Phil just keeps doing Phil?

517
00:19:51,176 --> 00:19:53,044
But hey, congrats on the mistrial.

518
00:19:53,045 --> 00:19:56,847
I mean, that was a "stroke" of good luck.

519
00:19:56,848 --> 00:19:59,817
You know? Oh!

520
00:19:59,818 --> 00:20:01,385
There's not a chair there.

521
00:20:01,386 --> 00:20:03,054
Now, how do I know you're not faking?

522
00:20:03,055 --> 00:20:05,055
sync and correction by solfieri
www.addic7ed.com