1 00:00:07,931 --> 00:00:09,483 Hi. 2 00:00:09,484 --> 00:00:12,133 I am Nina Whitley, and you must be Yolanda Hernan... 3 00:00:12,134 --> 00:00:14,419 Everybody call me "Baby Jones." 4 00:00:14,420 --> 00:00:15,829 Okay. Wow. 5 00:00:15,830 --> 00:00:19,575 It, um, does not smell great in here. 6 00:00:19,576 --> 00:00:21,827 Anyway, so you are charged with possession 7 00:00:21,828 --> 00:00:23,279 of a controlled substance. 8 00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:25,080 They found two ounces of cocaine in your bra. 9 00:00:25,081 --> 00:00:27,116 Is that... is that corr... 10 00:00:27,117 --> 00:00:28,367 Oh, my God. 11 00:00:28,368 --> 00:00:30,085 It's so sticky. 12 00:00:30,086 --> 00:00:32,254 Um, you know what? 13 00:00:32,255 --> 00:00:34,590 I don't need to sit down. I don't need to sit down. 14 00:00:34,591 --> 00:00:35,591 I can make this quick. 15 00:00:35,592 --> 00:00:37,626 Um... uh... 16 00:00:37,627 --> 00:00:39,128 I can get the D.A. to drop all the charges 17 00:00:39,129 --> 00:00:40,262 if you cooperate, all right? 18 00:00:40,263 --> 00:00:41,764 So trade some information. 19 00:00:41,765 --> 00:00:43,299 Who's your dealer? Other buyers? 20 00:00:43,300 --> 00:00:45,467 And oh, my God! That smell. 21 00:00:45,468 --> 00:00:46,769 I'll get right on it. 22 00:00:46,770 --> 00:00:47,803 I can't get past it. 23 00:00:47,804 --> 00:00:49,522 I can't get past it. 24 00:00:49,523 --> 00:00:52,308 So I am just gonna go ahead, 25 00:00:52,309 --> 00:00:54,560 we'll call the D.A., and we'll make that deal. 26 00:00:54,561 --> 00:00:55,811 Uh-uh. I ain't doing that. 27 00:00:55,812 --> 00:00:56,868 - Okay. - I'm not taking no deal. 28 00:00:56,869 --> 00:00:59,320 - Sounds good. - I'm not taking no deal! 29 00:01:03,486 --> 00:01:06,622 I need your hand sanitizer stat. 30 00:01:06,623 --> 00:01:08,657 Okay, that's a big word for "now." 31 00:01:08,658 --> 00:01:09,658 - Bad date last night? - No. 32 00:01:09,659 --> 00:01:11,460 I spent a delightful morning 33 00:01:11,461 --> 00:01:13,128 in the interview room of a jail. 34 00:01:13,129 --> 00:01:14,380 Here's something you don't see every day. 35 00:01:14,381 --> 00:01:16,165 A rat throwing up from the smell. 36 00:01:16,166 --> 00:01:20,336 So just to recap, a rat, that lives in squalor, 37 00:01:20,337 --> 00:01:21,887 is throwing up from the smell. 38 00:01:21,888 --> 00:01:23,806 - The smell, oh, yeah. - Yeah, oh, you got it! 39 00:01:25,508 --> 00:01:27,176 - You're throwing that out? - Yeah, I have to. 40 00:01:27,177 --> 00:01:28,761 It's touched table goo. 41 00:01:28,762 --> 00:01:32,231 FYI, Carlos, "goo" is a big word for "icky stuff." 42 00:01:32,232 --> 00:01:34,850 Is that supposed to be me? I don't sound like that. 43 00:01:34,851 --> 00:01:36,185 "Here's something you don't see every day. 44 00:01:36,186 --> 00:01:38,737 Goo on a table." 45 00:01:38,738 --> 00:01:41,407 To recap, everyone, a table with "goo" on it. 46 00:01:41,408 --> 00:01:43,025 Burn notice. 47 00:01:43,026 --> 00:01:44,360 No, I don't say "goo" that way. 48 00:01:44,361 --> 00:01:46,028 Carlos, one. 49 00:01:46,029 --> 00:01:48,697 Nina, nothing. 50 00:01:51,034 --> 00:01:53,370 Benched - 01x03 "Hooked & Booked" 51 00:01:55,073 --> 00:01:57,073 sync and correction by solfieri www.addic7ed.com 52 00:01:57,374 --> 00:01:58,841 Oh, no. No, no, no. 53 00:01:58,842 --> 00:02:00,376 No, not today, not today. 54 00:02:00,377 --> 00:02:02,177 Come on, come on. Do something. 55 00:02:02,178 --> 00:02:04,380 Computer frozen again, huh? You tried restarting it? 56 00:02:04,381 --> 00:02:06,382 Have you tried looking less like an ass weasel, 57 00:02:06,383 --> 00:02:08,017 you ass weasel? 58 00:02:08,018 --> 00:02:12,271 Are you really this upset about your computer? 59 00:02:12,272 --> 00:02:13,355 Your anniversary, huh? 60 00:02:13,356 --> 00:02:14,890 Oh, that's tough. 61 00:02:14,891 --> 00:02:17,226 You and Rosa were together, what, 30, 40 years? 62 00:02:17,227 --> 00:02:20,279 11. Wait, 30, 40? 63 00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:22,398 - How old do you think I am? - I don't know. 64 00:02:22,399 --> 00:02:24,700 You don't look 60, but you could pass for 60. 65 00:02:24,701 --> 00:02:26,568 Pass for 60? 66 00:02:26,569 --> 00:02:28,070 I'm kidding. I'm messing with you. 67 00:02:28,071 --> 00:02:29,905 You got to relax here, okay? 68 00:02:29,906 --> 00:02:31,206 You know what you need? 69 00:02:31,207 --> 00:02:32,574 You need a night out, 70 00:02:32,575 --> 00:02:33,742 a night to just forget about everything. 71 00:02:33,743 --> 00:02:35,461 An anti-versary. 72 00:02:35,462 --> 00:02:37,246 I'm gonna go home, open up a bottle of scotch, 73 00:02:37,247 --> 00:02:39,415 write Rosa a long email, pour the scotch on the computer, 74 00:02:39,416 --> 00:02:41,050 and light that on fire. 75 00:02:41,051 --> 00:02:42,584 No, no, no, no. You need distractions tonight. 76 00:02:42,585 --> 00:02:45,421 Trust me. I know what I'm talking about, okay? 77 00:02:45,422 --> 00:02:47,139 Who better at escaping their problems than me? 78 00:02:47,140 --> 00:02:49,925 Okay? What do you say? Let me take you out. 79 00:02:49,926 --> 00:02:51,894 We'll go, we'll rage our faces completely off. 80 00:02:51,895 --> 00:02:54,063 - Dennis, you in? - No. 81 00:02:54,064 --> 00:02:57,397 - Larry, drinks? - In my gym bag. 82 00:02:57,398 --> 00:02:58,184 Help yourself. 83 00:02:58,185 --> 00:03:01,737 No, I'm talking about going out tonight and raging, 84 00:03:01,738 --> 00:03:02,821 letting loose, raging our faces off. 85 00:03:02,822 --> 00:03:04,323 It's kinda last minute. 86 00:03:04,324 --> 00:03:06,775 Let me check my... I'm free. 87 00:03:06,776 --> 00:03:08,327 See, he's in, everyone's in. 88 00:03:08,328 --> 00:03:09,995 Let's do this. 89 00:03:09,996 --> 00:03:11,747 All right, let's do this. 90 00:03:11,748 --> 00:03:14,249 I'll light my computer on fire some other night. 91 00:03:14,250 --> 00:03:15,284 That's the spirit. 92 00:03:15,285 --> 00:03:17,286 You seem happy. 93 00:03:17,287 --> 00:03:20,456 - Test results come back negative? - No. 94 00:03:20,457 --> 00:03:22,257 We are going out for a night of debauchery so epic 95 00:03:22,258 --> 00:03:24,093 that Carlos is gonna forget about his first anniversary 96 00:03:24,094 --> 00:03:27,012 apart from Rosa. 97 00:03:27,013 --> 00:03:28,714 It's gonna be a lot more fun than I just made it sound. 98 00:03:28,715 --> 00:03:29,932 Even boring Larry's in. 99 00:03:29,933 --> 00:03:31,633 - Wow. - You should come. 100 00:03:31,634 --> 00:03:33,435 I so would, but I have plans. 101 00:03:33,436 --> 00:03:35,804 Ah, must be pretty important plans that you 102 00:03:35,805 --> 00:03:38,524 can't reschedule to rally around a beloved colleague. 103 00:03:38,525 --> 00:03:40,476 Okay, it's just that I have a spa appointment 104 00:03:40,477 --> 00:03:42,144 at the four seasons. 105 00:03:42,145 --> 00:03:43,896 I would totally cancel, but it's a gift certificate, 106 00:03:43,897 --> 00:03:45,447 and it expires tonight. 107 00:03:45,448 --> 00:03:47,483 - Oh, I get it. - You get it. 108 00:03:47,484 --> 00:03:49,318 I do. Now, I forget. 109 00:03:49,319 --> 00:03:50,903 Do Eunuchs massage you in truffle oil 110 00:03:50,904 --> 00:03:53,288 before or after they give you a money bath? 111 00:03:53,289 --> 00:03:55,290 Ha, ha, ha. There's no money bath, 112 00:03:55,291 --> 00:03:57,493 but they do wrap you in this warm mud 113 00:03:57,494 --> 00:03:59,044 and then these hot blankets. 114 00:03:59,045 --> 00:04:00,496 It's like a... it's like a soft taco. 115 00:04:00,497 --> 00:04:02,131 It's kinda next level. 116 00:04:02,132 --> 00:04:03,832 Well, another time then, you know, 117 00:04:03,833 --> 00:04:06,135 when you're not busy getting mud in your taco. 118 00:04:06,136 --> 00:04:07,753 Wow, I set you right up for that. 119 00:04:12,392 --> 00:04:14,059 Your honor, my client would like to plead guilty 120 00:04:14,060 --> 00:04:15,844 and offer testimony in exchange for probation. 121 00:04:15,845 --> 00:04:18,080 No, wait, wait, wait. No, I'm not doing that. 122 00:04:18,081 --> 00:04:19,598 Look, I'm not ratting out nobody. 123 00:04:19,599 --> 00:04:21,016 We talked about this, and I told you this is 124 00:04:21,017 --> 00:04:22,518 the best deal you're gonna get. 125 00:04:22,519 --> 00:04:23,852 Maybe it's the best deal you could get, 126 00:04:23,853 --> 00:04:25,237 but not the best deal I could get. 127 00:04:25,238 --> 00:04:26,822 You were caught with coke in your bra, 128 00:04:26,823 --> 00:04:29,158 so I suggest you testify and stop acting like a baby. 129 00:04:29,159 --> 00:04:30,492 - Get off me. - Hey, hey, hey, hey! 130 00:04:30,493 --> 00:04:31,693 Whoa! Whoa! 131 00:04:31,694 --> 00:04:33,829 Wait, wait. 132 00:04:33,830 --> 00:04:35,864 What? I didn't do anything. 133 00:04:35,865 --> 00:04:38,167 Look, she just tripped over her stupid stripper heels. 134 00:04:38,168 --> 00:04:39,785 You assaulted your attorney. 135 00:04:39,786 --> 00:04:41,253 If you're gonna commit another felony, 136 00:04:41,254 --> 00:04:43,255 try not to do it in the actual courtroom. 137 00:04:43,256 --> 00:04:44,339 Great, a scuffmark. 138 00:04:44,340 --> 00:04:45,707 Super. 139 00:04:45,708 --> 00:04:46,925 My condolences. 140 00:04:46,926 --> 00:04:48,460 Let me know where to send flowers. 141 00:04:52,514 --> 00:04:55,684 - Hey, how was your trip? - Did you have a nice fall? 142 00:04:55,685 --> 00:04:57,386 I hear the floor is beautiful this time of year. 143 00:04:57,387 --> 00:04:59,638 Okay, so you didn't hear about the part 144 00:04:59,639 --> 00:05:01,723 where she threw a giant conniption fit. 145 00:05:01,724 --> 00:05:02,858 Well, yeah, you would too if you had to spend 146 00:05:02,859 --> 00:05:03,859 a night in jail. 147 00:05:03,860 --> 00:05:05,694 Oh, please, one night. 148 00:05:05,695 --> 00:05:09,114 How bad could it be? 149 00:05:09,115 --> 00:05:12,067 Well, you sure know a lot about jail for someone 150 00:05:12,068 --> 00:05:14,903 who hasn't been hooked and booked like the rest of us. 151 00:05:14,904 --> 00:05:17,039 - What are you talking about? - "Hooked and booked." 152 00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:18,957 It's an old tradition here in the Public Defender's Office, 153 00:05:18,958 --> 00:05:21,126 is that we get processed so that we understand better 154 00:05:21,127 --> 00:05:22,244 what our clients go through. 155 00:05:22,245 --> 00:05:23,328 Yeah, right, you did that? 156 00:05:23,329 --> 00:05:25,247 Yeah, a long time ago. 157 00:05:25,248 --> 00:05:26,582 Everyone does it. 158 00:05:26,583 --> 00:05:28,300 What are you gonna wear tonight? 159 00:05:28,301 --> 00:05:30,052 I'll probably wear what I'm wearing. 160 00:05:30,053 --> 00:05:31,720 Did you guys do this thing? 161 00:05:31,721 --> 00:05:34,223 You go to jail on purpose to become a better lawyer? 162 00:05:34,224 --> 00:05:36,425 I was just telling Nina 163 00:05:36,426 --> 00:05:38,594 about the "hooked and booked" thing. 164 00:05:38,595 --> 00:05:41,096 Oh, hooked and booked, the hooked and booked thing. 165 00:05:41,097 --> 00:05:42,731 We all did it. 166 00:05:42,732 --> 00:05:44,766 I remember when I went in, I met this kid there. 167 00:05:44,767 --> 00:05:46,435 - Kendrick Sycamore. - Oh, yeah. 168 00:05:46,436 --> 00:05:52,274 He said to me, "Carlos, I may not get outta here. 169 00:05:52,275 --> 00:05:54,109 So you're gotta go live for both of us." 170 00:05:54,110 --> 00:05:56,028 I met a guy named Lamont. 171 00:05:56,029 --> 00:05:58,280 He also said some stuff. 172 00:05:58,281 --> 00:06:02,784 Okay, Phil, what's your story? 173 00:06:02,785 --> 00:06:06,338 Nina, Phil can't talk about his experience. 174 00:06:06,339 --> 00:06:09,291 Because his cellmate died. 175 00:06:09,292 --> 00:06:10,676 Died? 176 00:06:10,677 --> 00:06:12,294 Oh, my God, like, in front of him? 177 00:06:12,295 --> 00:06:16,465 It was years later, but they were very, very close. 178 00:06:16,466 --> 00:06:19,017 Well, if this is a... like, a thing you guys all do, 179 00:06:19,018 --> 00:06:20,936 why is this the first time I'm hearing about it? 180 00:06:20,937 --> 00:06:24,306 Well, I mean, you're not exactly part of the gang. 181 00:06:24,307 --> 00:06:25,641 Excuse me, I am part of the gang. 182 00:06:25,642 --> 00:06:28,477 What's the name of my band? 183 00:06:28,478 --> 00:06:29,978 Trick question. 184 00:06:29,979 --> 00:06:31,647 I'm not in a band, and you would know that 185 00:06:31,648 --> 00:06:33,148 if you were part of the gang. 186 00:06:33,149 --> 00:06:35,817 And you haven't been hooked and booked. 187 00:06:35,818 --> 00:06:39,488 Maybe one day when you don't have some spa to get to, you can consider it. 188 00:06:39,489 --> 00:06:41,540 Well, you know what? 189 00:06:41,541 --> 00:06:43,825 Consider it... 190 00:06:43,826 --> 00:06:46,078 Considered. 191 00:06:48,965 --> 00:06:50,299 She bought it. 192 00:06:50,300 --> 00:06:51,500 She bought it. 193 00:06:51,501 --> 00:06:53,669 Hooked and booked, line and sinker. 194 00:06:57,006 --> 00:06:58,340 Have a great night, Carlos. 195 00:06:58,341 --> 00:07:00,809 You too. Enjoy your expensive mud. 196 00:07:00,810 --> 00:07:03,512 Again, it's only because it's a gift certificate. 197 00:07:03,513 --> 00:07:06,899 I'm thrifty, not chichi. 198 00:07:06,900 --> 00:07:08,317 Maybe I can meet up with you guys after. 199 00:07:08,318 --> 00:07:10,068 Oh, I wouldn't worry about it. 200 00:07:10,069 --> 00:07:11,904 It's not like it's gonna be fancy or anything. 201 00:07:11,905 --> 00:07:13,355 Look, I have this feeling that you think that 202 00:07:13,356 --> 00:07:15,023 - I'm some sort of... - Priss? 203 00:07:15,024 --> 00:07:16,325 - No, I was gonna say... - Snob? 204 00:07:16,326 --> 00:07:18,076 - What? - Brat? 205 00:07:18,077 --> 00:07:20,245 - No, standoffish. - Tight-ass. 206 00:07:20,246 --> 00:07:21,830 That's it. 207 00:07:21,831 --> 00:07:24,533 - See you tomorrow, Whitley. - Yeah. 208 00:07:29,205 --> 00:07:33,208 I can't believe I'm gonna do this. 209 00:07:35,011 --> 00:07:38,680 Oh, I see someone's shoe has made a full recovery. 210 00:07:38,681 --> 00:07:40,182 Thank you, Jesus. 211 00:07:40,183 --> 00:07:41,717 Hey, Morris, quick quesh. 212 00:07:41,718 --> 00:07:43,936 How long does it take to get processed? 213 00:07:43,937 --> 00:07:46,221 Oh, about an hour or so. 214 00:07:46,222 --> 00:07:47,389 So, if we hustle, I can probably still make 215 00:07:47,390 --> 00:07:48,607 my appointment. 216 00:07:48,608 --> 00:07:50,392 Lock me up. 217 00:07:50,393 --> 00:07:52,027 Are you actually asking me to arrest you? 218 00:07:52,028 --> 00:07:54,029 Welcome to the conversation we're having. 219 00:07:54,030 --> 00:07:55,814 I'm doing the whole hooked and booked thing 220 00:07:55,815 --> 00:07:57,282 that the PDS do. 221 00:07:57,283 --> 00:08:00,319 Oh, the old hooked and booked thing. 222 00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:01,737 - Yeah. - Well, why didn't you say so? 223 00:08:01,738 --> 00:08:04,072 I'd love to arrest you for no reason, 224 00:08:04,073 --> 00:08:05,707 but let's see. 225 00:08:05,708 --> 00:08:07,292 What would happen if I arrested you for... oh! 226 00:08:07,293 --> 00:08:08,961 I would lose my job. 227 00:08:08,962 --> 00:08:10,580 Okay, so you need a reason. 228 00:08:10,581 --> 00:08:13,465 Well, I'm not gonna flash you my tits, if that's what you're getting at. 229 00:08:13,466 --> 00:08:15,250 It's not. 230 00:08:15,251 --> 00:08:19,054 Oh, okay, well, how about this? 231 00:08:19,055 --> 00:08:23,925 "I'm Morris, I'm very serious, but I where a very funny hat." 232 00:08:23,926 --> 00:08:26,094 That's me. I'm impersonating an officer. 233 00:08:26,095 --> 00:08:27,929 Yeah, that's not jailable. 234 00:08:27,930 --> 00:08:30,816 That's stupid, with a splish-splash of racism. 235 00:08:30,817 --> 00:08:31,933 Okay, um... 236 00:08:31,934 --> 00:08:36,822 How about this? 237 00:08:36,823 --> 00:08:39,157 You just assaulted an officer. 238 00:08:39,158 --> 00:08:40,776 Ow. 239 00:08:40,777 --> 00:08:42,327 Ow. Does it have to be so tight? 240 00:08:42,328 --> 00:08:44,112 No. 241 00:08:47,624 --> 00:08:49,625 You are taking this very seriously. 242 00:08:49,626 --> 00:08:51,627 That's quite a grip. 243 00:08:51,628 --> 00:08:53,829 Okay, yeah, we should probably do this. 244 00:08:53,830 --> 00:08:55,665 Make it more real. 245 00:08:55,666 --> 00:08:57,416 - Your left hand, please. - Okay. 246 00:08:59,836 --> 00:09:01,721 Hi, yes, I have an appointment tonight 247 00:09:01,722 --> 00:09:03,506 for a massage and a facial, and I just wanted to call 248 00:09:03,507 --> 00:09:05,474 because I'm gonna be just a scooch late. 249 00:09:05,475 --> 00:09:07,343 Yeah, probably, like, 7:30. 250 00:09:10,180 --> 00:09:12,348 Um, these are really expensive, 251 00:09:12,349 --> 00:09:14,350 so if you could just put them in a... 252 00:09:14,351 --> 00:09:16,986 Okay, is a mug shot really necessary? 253 00:09:16,987 --> 00:09:18,821 Not really. 254 00:09:22,609 --> 00:09:23,826 Thanks for the socks. 255 00:09:23,827 --> 00:09:26,495 Oh, creepy. 256 00:09:26,496 --> 00:09:29,332 So how long do public defenders usually stay in? 257 00:09:29,333 --> 00:09:31,534 Like, a tight 15? 258 00:09:31,535 --> 00:09:33,669 Ooh, look at this. 259 00:09:33,670 --> 00:09:35,705 Oh, no. 260 00:09:35,706 --> 00:09:37,373 No, no, no. No, no, no. 261 00:09:37,374 --> 00:09:40,509 Sir, I'm a Public Defender doing the whole jail experience thing. 262 00:09:40,510 --> 00:09:41,844 No, you can't... you can't lock me up 263 00:09:41,845 --> 00:09:43,379 with hardened criminals. 264 00:09:43,380 --> 00:09:45,214 Is Morris here? 'Cause he knows the whole deal. 265 00:09:45,215 --> 00:09:47,550 - Morris went home. - No. No. Sir! 266 00:09:47,551 --> 00:09:49,685 You can't lock me up with these psychos. 267 00:09:49,686 --> 00:09:51,554 Psychos? 268 00:09:51,555 --> 00:09:53,022 No, not you guys. 269 00:09:53,023 --> 00:09:55,891 Before, there were other psychos in here, 270 00:09:55,892 --> 00:09:58,561 but they're gone now, so we're safe. 271 00:09:58,562 --> 00:09:59,729 Yo, Goldilocks. 272 00:09:59,730 --> 00:10:02,565 Yeah. 273 00:10:02,566 --> 00:10:04,066 You're rocking that shirt, Lar. 274 00:10:04,067 --> 00:10:06,535 I call this one "the party starter." 275 00:10:06,536 --> 00:10:08,070 I almost wore my other shirt, but... 276 00:10:08,071 --> 00:10:10,206 All right, gentleman, hope you got your "a" games, 277 00:10:10,207 --> 00:10:13,075 because as the instigator for tonight's shenanigans, 278 00:10:13,076 --> 00:10:16,128 I'm here to tell you that sh... is about to get real. 279 00:10:16,129 --> 00:10:19,882 Carlos, to your anti-versary. 280 00:10:19,883 --> 00:10:21,083 It's not gonna drink itself. 281 00:10:21,084 --> 00:10:22,885 Sorry, I got wing hands. 282 00:10:22,886 --> 00:10:24,754 - Wing hands? - "Slippery." 283 00:10:24,755 --> 00:10:26,389 "Sauce on the rim." 284 00:10:26,390 --> 00:10:28,257 Splash-back gets in your eyes. 285 00:10:28,258 --> 00:10:30,092 I don't look good with a patch on my eye, guys. 286 00:10:32,896 --> 00:10:35,064 I'm cutting back on the drinking. 287 00:10:35,065 --> 00:10:36,899 Cutting back? You've had two vodka tonics. 288 00:10:36,900 --> 00:10:38,434 - They're just tonics. - What? 289 00:10:38,435 --> 00:10:40,368 I thought we were gonna rage our faces off. 290 00:10:40,369 --> 00:10:42,605 Rosa has always felt that I've drank a little too much, 291 00:10:42,606 --> 00:10:44,124 so I'm taking a little break. 292 00:10:44,125 --> 00:10:45,991 It's not a big deal. Whatever. 293 00:10:45,992 --> 00:10:47,493 This is great. Let's keep this party going. 294 00:10:47,494 --> 00:10:49,578 - Shots! - Okay, now you're ready. 295 00:10:49,579 --> 00:10:50,913 No, not for me. You guys. 296 00:10:50,914 --> 00:10:54,083 Do it. Go! 297 00:10:55,752 --> 00:10:57,620 All right, well, I got more than just booze planned. 298 00:10:57,621 --> 00:11:00,456 All right? Tonight we are gonna get you a girl. 299 00:11:00,457 --> 00:11:02,091 Okay, if I'm gonna start dating, 300 00:11:02,092 --> 00:11:04,210 - I'm gonna need another tonic. - No, no, no. 301 00:11:04,211 --> 00:11:05,678 I'm not talking about that kinda girl. 302 00:11:05,679 --> 00:11:09,131 I'm talking about those chicks. 303 00:11:09,132 --> 00:11:12,017 Hmm? Hmm? 304 00:11:12,018 --> 00:11:15,354 "Danger, will Robinson." 305 00:11:15,355 --> 00:11:18,190 - Hmm? - Wow. 306 00:11:18,191 --> 00:11:19,308 One hand. 307 00:11:19,309 --> 00:11:23,028 Or none. 308 00:11:23,029 --> 00:11:24,447 It's just I don't belong here. 309 00:11:24,448 --> 00:11:25,848 I didn't do anything wrong. 310 00:11:25,849 --> 00:11:27,149 It says here you assaulted an officer. 311 00:11:27,150 --> 00:11:28,701 No, that was a joke. 312 00:11:28,702 --> 00:11:30,035 - That was... - I don't see how that's funny. 313 00:11:30,036 --> 00:11:31,654 Just call Phil Quinlan, all right? 314 00:11:31,655 --> 00:11:32,955 He's a Public Defender. He'll explain. 315 00:11:32,956 --> 00:11:34,990 Look, I just really have to pee, 316 00:11:34,991 --> 00:11:36,826 so maybe I could just use the lady's room. 317 00:11:36,827 --> 00:11:39,245 Use the hole provided. 318 00:11:47,693 --> 00:11:50,445 Would you gals mind looking away? 319 00:11:54,311 --> 00:11:58,314 Perfect. 320 00:11:58,315 --> 00:11:59,815 All righty. 321 00:11:59,816 --> 00:12:02,985 I just got to get these down. 322 00:12:02,986 --> 00:12:04,403 Oh, God. 323 00:12:04,404 --> 00:12:07,356 Oh. 324 00:12:07,357 --> 00:12:09,492 Oh, you know, for a metal seat, 325 00:12:09,493 --> 00:12:13,696 you'd think it'd be cold, but it's actually warm. 326 00:12:13,697 --> 00:12:15,915 Oh, hey. Hey, did you call Phil Quinlan? 327 00:12:15,916 --> 00:12:17,500 Am I getting released? 328 00:12:21,171 --> 00:12:23,005 Hey, princess. 329 00:12:23,006 --> 00:12:26,292 Hey, baby. 330 00:12:28,762 --> 00:12:31,547 - Aren't you glad we came out? - Yeah. 331 00:12:31,548 --> 00:12:33,782 Oh, and, April, I can't believe that we both 332 00:12:33,783 --> 00:12:35,885 like movies and food. 333 00:12:35,886 --> 00:12:37,887 It's like we share a brain. 334 00:12:37,888 --> 00:12:40,189 Carlos, it looks like you and... 335 00:12:40,190 --> 00:12:42,358 Sparrow. 336 00:12:42,359 --> 00:12:44,393 - Feather. - Feather. 337 00:12:44,394 --> 00:12:47,696 Feather. Feather. You and feather really seem to be hitting it off, huh? 338 00:12:47,697 --> 00:12:49,281 - You want to peel... - Or later. 339 00:12:49,282 --> 00:12:52,034 We can just hang out and chill it here. 340 00:12:52,035 --> 00:12:53,068 Or we could peel. 341 00:12:53,069 --> 00:12:54,954 Yeah. You could peel. 342 00:12:54,955 --> 00:12:57,206 No. 343 00:12:57,207 --> 00:13:00,209 I'm not ready to take someone over to my apartment yet. 344 00:13:00,210 --> 00:13:02,294 To your apartment? 345 00:13:02,295 --> 00:13:04,797 I meant, like, peel to a better bar. 346 00:13:04,798 --> 00:13:06,750 Better than rascals? 347 00:13:06,751 --> 00:13:07,917 Let's go to Hooligans. 348 00:13:07,918 --> 00:13:11,887 They have real lawyers there. 349 00:13:11,888 --> 00:13:13,055 I jumped the gun. 350 00:13:13,056 --> 00:13:14,089 That was on me. 351 00:13:14,090 --> 00:13:15,424 Damn it. It's fine. 352 00:13:15,425 --> 00:13:17,593 Actually, you know what? Who cares? Who cares? 353 00:13:17,594 --> 00:13:18,928 Okay? We're having fun. 354 00:13:18,929 --> 00:13:21,096 Larry's doing that. 355 00:13:23,149 --> 00:13:24,266 Let them go. 356 00:13:24,267 --> 00:13:25,267 We'll rally, okay? 357 00:13:25,268 --> 00:13:26,569 You're great. Come on. 358 00:13:26,570 --> 00:13:27,770 Yeah! Yeah! 359 00:13:27,771 --> 00:13:29,271 - Rally it up. - That's right. 360 00:13:29,272 --> 00:13:30,356 Yeah, we'll rally, we'll rally. 361 00:13:30,357 --> 00:13:32,074 We'll take it up to the next level. 362 00:13:32,075 --> 00:13:33,609 You don't mean going to a strip club, do you? 363 00:13:33,610 --> 00:13:35,277 Oh, this is so much better than a strip club. 364 00:13:35,278 --> 00:13:36,779 Oh, okay. 365 00:13:40,700 --> 00:13:42,334 Come on. Aren't you excited? 366 00:13:42,335 --> 00:13:44,286 I'm excited, Phil. This is great. 367 00:13:44,287 --> 00:13:45,788 All right, you don't look excited. 368 00:13:45,789 --> 00:13:47,339 - Well... - Is it the driving thing? 369 00:13:47,340 --> 00:13:48,874 Because Larry promised that he'd be designated driver and... 370 00:13:48,875 --> 00:13:50,715 I told a fib. 371 00:13:50,716 --> 00:13:54,046 No, you guys are awesome, and this is... it's super primo. 372 00:13:54,047 --> 00:13:55,965 Why aren't you raging your face off? 373 00:13:55,966 --> 00:13:57,800 Why did you even come out? 374 00:13:57,801 --> 00:14:01,186 Because it seemed important to you. 375 00:14:01,187 --> 00:14:02,438 - To me? What? - Yeah. 376 00:14:02,439 --> 00:14:03,939 No, it's important to you. 377 00:14:03,940 --> 00:14:06,308 Well, I know sometimes you get a little lonely. 378 00:14:06,309 --> 00:14:09,646 Where is this... what are you... Where is this coming from? 379 00:14:09,647 --> 00:14:11,982 Phil, you've told me before you're sometimes worried 380 00:14:11,983 --> 00:14:12,900 about dying alone. 381 00:14:13,366 --> 00:14:14,483 Whoa, whoa. 382 00:14:14,484 --> 00:14:15,818 What are you even... what? 383 00:14:15,819 --> 00:14:17,453 That's crazy. 384 00:14:17,454 --> 00:14:19,288 Larry, I've never... What are you talking about? 385 00:14:19,289 --> 00:14:20,289 I Nev... no. 386 00:14:20,290 --> 00:14:21,290 No. 387 00:14:21,291 --> 00:14:22,491 This is your night. 388 00:14:22,492 --> 00:14:24,043 You could do anything tonight. 389 00:14:24,044 --> 00:14:25,294 Wha... what do you want to do? 390 00:14:25,295 --> 00:14:26,328 - Honestly? - Yeah. 391 00:14:26,329 --> 00:14:27,630 I just want to go home. 392 00:14:27,631 --> 00:14:29,331 I want to be on my half of the couch, 393 00:14:29,332 --> 00:14:31,333 and Rosa on her half of the couch, 394 00:14:31,334 --> 00:14:35,671 maybe with her feet up, and we're just watching TV, 395 00:14:35,672 --> 00:14:38,557 and it's corny, and it's just nice. 396 00:14:38,558 --> 00:14:39,558 You know? 397 00:14:39,559 --> 00:14:43,345 No, I don't. 398 00:14:43,346 --> 00:14:45,681 Wish I did. 399 00:14:48,985 --> 00:14:49,985 You know what? 400 00:14:49,986 --> 00:14:51,070 Hmm? 401 00:14:51,071 --> 00:14:52,071 We're gonna get Rosa back. 402 00:14:52,072 --> 00:14:53,072 - Mm. - Yeah, we are. 403 00:14:53,073 --> 00:14:54,023 Right now. 404 00:14:54,024 --> 00:14:55,190 Turn this puppy around. 405 00:14:55,191 --> 00:14:56,325 We're gonna go get her back. 406 00:14:56,326 --> 00:14:57,276 Rosa, we're coming for you. 407 00:14:57,277 --> 00:14:58,327 Come on. 408 00:14:58,328 --> 00:14:59,528 Phil, hey, hey! 409 00:14:59,529 --> 00:15:01,113 We're going 60 miles per hour! 410 00:15:01,114 --> 00:15:03,282 Right. 411 00:15:03,283 --> 00:15:04,667 We're in a car. 412 00:15:04,668 --> 00:15:06,251 It's karaoke time. 413 00:15:06,252 --> 00:15:07,855 Okay, Larry. Hey, hey! 414 00:15:09,039 --> 00:15:10,372 Come on. 415 00:15:10,373 --> 00:15:11,874 Okay, as your lawyer, I need to advise you 416 00:15:11,875 --> 00:15:13,709 to not bust my white meat. 417 00:15:13,710 --> 00:15:14,710 You scared? 418 00:15:14,711 --> 00:15:15,878 No. Mm-mm. 419 00:15:15,879 --> 00:15:17,379 No? You ain't scared? 420 00:15:17,380 --> 00:15:18,964 No. No, I'm not... I'm not scared. 421 00:15:18,965 --> 00:15:20,599 In fact, I fight people all the time. 422 00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:22,017 Uh-huh? 423 00:15:22,018 --> 00:15:23,602 And something else you should know about me 424 00:15:23,603 --> 00:15:25,220 is that I grew up with three brothers who are huge, 425 00:15:25,221 --> 00:15:27,606 and they used to beat me up every day. 426 00:15:27,607 --> 00:15:28,607 Oh, that's just sad. 427 00:15:28,608 --> 00:15:29,892 No, it's tough. 428 00:15:29,893 --> 00:15:32,895 My point is that it's... 429 00:15:32,896 --> 00:15:34,613 Oh, my God. I think I broke my hand. 430 00:15:34,614 --> 00:15:36,565 You got to put your thumb on the outside of your fist. 431 00:15:39,235 --> 00:15:40,953 Uh-uh. 432 00:15:40,954 --> 00:15:42,071 Where you going, huh? 433 00:15:42,072 --> 00:15:43,122 Where you going? 434 00:15:43,123 --> 00:15:44,740 No fighting! 435 00:15:44,741 --> 00:15:47,209 Ah! 436 00:15:47,210 --> 00:15:49,461 Oh, sure. 437 00:15:49,462 --> 00:15:51,130 Tase the minority. Well, you know... 438 00:15:51,131 --> 00:15:52,414 Ah! 439 00:15:56,555 --> 00:15:59,724 Oh, you have no idea how much I needed this 440 00:15:59,725 --> 00:16:01,359 after the day I had. 441 00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:03,894 Just relax and enjoy. 442 00:16:03,895 --> 00:16:06,197 I got you, boo. 443 00:16:06,198 --> 00:16:09,867 Oh, my God. 444 00:16:09,868 --> 00:16:11,786 That taser knocked you out cold. 445 00:16:11,787 --> 00:16:12,903 You up? 446 00:16:12,904 --> 00:16:13,904 Good. 447 00:16:13,905 --> 00:16:14,906 Now I can slap you again. 448 00:16:14,907 --> 00:16:17,275 Can we just call a truce? 449 00:16:17,276 --> 00:16:18,276 So what, I'm just supposed to forget that your 450 00:16:18,277 --> 00:16:19,944 ugly shoes are what got me in here? 451 00:16:19,945 --> 00:16:21,112 Oh, sure, 'cause my shoes are the ones 452 00:16:21,113 --> 00:16:22,447 that put the drugs in your bra. 453 00:16:22,448 --> 00:16:23,781 Okay, that wasn't even my fault either. 454 00:16:23,782 --> 00:16:25,583 My boyfriend asked me to... 455 00:16:25,584 --> 00:16:27,085 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 456 00:16:27,086 --> 00:16:29,287 Your boyfriend? 457 00:16:29,288 --> 00:16:32,256 Why didn't you tell me the drugs were your boyfriend's? 458 00:16:32,257 --> 00:16:36,594 Because I love him. 459 00:16:36,595 --> 00:16:39,163 You love a guy who would let you rot in here for his drugs? 460 00:16:39,164 --> 00:16:40,965 I mean, how dumb can you be? 461 00:16:40,966 --> 00:16:42,800 Please don't hit me again. 462 00:16:42,801 --> 00:16:45,937 Like you never done anything dumb for a guy before. 463 00:16:45,938 --> 00:16:47,221 No, I have, lots of things, 464 00:16:47,222 --> 00:16:50,975 but nothing as dumb as going to jail for a... guy. 465 00:16:50,976 --> 00:16:54,862 Oh, my God. I'm doing it right now. 466 00:16:54,863 --> 00:16:56,948 I'm in jail for a guy. 467 00:16:56,949 --> 00:16:58,366 Ooh. 468 00:16:58,367 --> 00:16:59,817 No, okay, it's not like that. 469 00:16:59,818 --> 00:17:01,153 It's this guy Phil that I work with, 470 00:17:01,154 --> 00:17:03,319 and I just... I didn't want him to think I was some sort of... 471 00:17:03,320 --> 00:17:04,322 - Brat? - Sissy? 472 00:17:04,323 --> 00:17:05,406 - Bougie? - Princess? 473 00:17:05,407 --> 00:17:06,616 - Skinny bitch? - Barbie? 474 00:17:06,617 --> 00:17:08,075 - Dipsh...? - Fancy pants? 475 00:17:08,076 --> 00:17:09,994 Okay... fancy pants? 476 00:17:09,995 --> 00:17:11,462 That's the vibe I give off? 477 00:17:11,463 --> 00:17:12,830 'Cause I really thought that I was like 478 00:17:12,831 --> 00:17:14,832 a Nina from the block. 479 00:17:14,833 --> 00:17:15,833 You ain't from my block. 480 00:17:15,834 --> 00:17:16,968 All right, whatever. 481 00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:17,969 We're not that dissimilar. 482 00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:19,337 Okay? 483 00:17:19,338 --> 00:17:20,888 We're both in here 'cause of guys. 484 00:17:20,889 --> 00:17:23,724 At least mine goes down on me on the regular. 485 00:17:23,725 --> 00:17:24,842 Like, how regular? 486 00:17:24,843 --> 00:17:26,344 'Cause that is hard to find. 487 00:17:26,345 --> 00:17:28,262 And maybe you shouldn't rat him out... you should. 488 00:17:28,263 --> 00:17:29,313 You should definitely... you should rat... 489 00:17:29,314 --> 00:17:30,481 You should rat him out. 490 00:17:30,482 --> 00:17:33,017 You should definitely rat him out. 491 00:17:33,018 --> 00:17:34,602 Oh, I think... I'm good. 492 00:17:34,603 --> 00:17:36,070 - Okay. - You're missing a step. 493 00:17:36,071 --> 00:17:37,104 Ooh. 494 00:17:37,105 --> 00:17:38,156 Okay. 495 00:17:38,157 --> 00:17:39,106 All right. 496 00:17:39,107 --> 00:17:40,274 - Okay. - You get there. 497 00:17:40,275 --> 00:17:42,527 - I'm gonna get a better... - Phil. 498 00:17:42,528 --> 00:17:44,162 Phil. 499 00:17:44,163 --> 00:17:45,696 - Shh. - Phil. 500 00:17:45,697 --> 00:17:46,697 Yeah? 501 00:17:46,698 --> 00:17:48,666 What are you doing? 502 00:17:48,667 --> 00:17:50,501 You're hiding behind the palm tree. 503 00:17:50,502 --> 00:17:52,170 That's your plan for getting my wife back? 504 00:17:52,171 --> 00:17:53,504 To help. 505 00:17:53,505 --> 00:17:55,706 To signal you when to keep talking, 506 00:17:55,707 --> 00:17:58,209 and when to stop talking like a third-base coach... 507 00:17:58,210 --> 00:17:59,710 Of love. 508 00:17:59,711 --> 00:18:02,430 Just shh! 509 00:18:02,431 --> 00:18:03,431 No, no, no, no. 510 00:18:03,432 --> 00:18:05,716 Knock like a man. 511 00:18:09,888 --> 00:18:11,389 Okay, I see something. 512 00:18:11,390 --> 00:18:13,024 All right. 513 00:18:13,025 --> 00:18:14,559 Now, the first words out of your mouth should be... 514 00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:18,529 - Shh! - You shh. 515 00:18:18,530 --> 00:18:19,697 Uh, you should run. 516 00:18:19,698 --> 00:18:20,865 - What? - Really fast. 517 00:18:20,866 --> 00:18:21,816 - No! - Yeah, no, no. 518 00:18:21,817 --> 00:18:22,867 It's mysterious. 519 00:18:22,868 --> 00:18:24,118 Girls love that kinda thing. 520 00:18:24,119 --> 00:18:25,620 Yeah. 521 00:18:25,621 --> 00:18:27,538 No, no, she'll be analyzing it for days. 522 00:18:27,539 --> 00:18:29,040 She'll be like, "what does this all mean?" 523 00:18:29,041 --> 00:18:30,825 - I want to sit on my couch. - We gotta move! 524 00:18:30,826 --> 00:18:32,543 She can see us through the door. Let's go. 525 00:18:32,544 --> 00:18:33,744 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 526 00:18:33,745 --> 00:18:35,546 There's a guy in there. 527 00:18:38,383 --> 00:18:40,251 Wait, should we go back and beat him up or something? 528 00:18:40,252 --> 00:18:41,302 I don't know. 529 00:18:41,303 --> 00:18:42,720 I mean, he was pretty fit. 530 00:18:42,721 --> 00:18:44,839 How fit? On a scale from one to ten. 531 00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:45,923 Mark Wahlberg. 532 00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:53,931 How'd it go with Rosa? 533 00:18:53,932 --> 00:18:55,650 Good. 534 00:18:55,651 --> 00:18:56,651 Phase one complete. 535 00:18:56,652 --> 00:18:58,269 Thank you. 536 00:18:58,270 --> 00:18:59,904 Whew. 537 00:18:59,905 --> 00:19:03,741 I was worried she may be in there banging some dude. 538 00:19:03,742 --> 00:19:04,825 Awkward. 539 00:19:20,459 --> 00:19:22,460 It's frozen, and before you ask, 540 00:19:22,461 --> 00:19:23,961 yes, I tried restarting it. 541 00:19:23,962 --> 00:19:25,129 Okay, well, please just don't freak out. 542 00:19:25,130 --> 00:19:27,131 No, I'm not. 543 00:19:27,132 --> 00:19:30,134 I'm just getting some light cardio in while it reboots. 544 00:19:30,135 --> 00:19:32,470 If Rosa wants Mark Wahlberg, 545 00:19:32,471 --> 00:19:34,472 then Mark Wahlberg she shall have. 546 00:19:36,642 --> 00:19:37,975 Ah! 547 00:19:39,645 --> 00:19:42,980 Hey, there she is, all relaxed and rested 548 00:19:42,981 --> 00:19:44,198 from a night of luxury. 549 00:19:44,199 --> 00:19:45,900 Yeah, no, I skipped the spa, 550 00:19:45,901 --> 00:19:49,820 and I decided to embrace the tradition, 551 00:19:49,821 --> 00:19:53,157 and spend a night in jail, so... 552 00:19:53,158 --> 00:19:54,659 Welcome to the club, huh? 553 00:19:54,660 --> 00:19:55,793 There you go. 554 00:19:55,794 --> 00:19:56,794 Right, guys? 555 00:19:56,795 --> 00:19:57,878 Yeah, how was it? 556 00:19:57,879 --> 00:19:59,297 Pretty intense. 557 00:19:59,298 --> 00:20:02,333 I mean, I got in a fight, and I had to pee in front of a lot of women. 558 00:20:02,334 --> 00:20:03,834 Like, a fight, fight? 559 00:20:03,835 --> 00:20:04,835 Yeah, full on. 560 00:20:04,836 --> 00:20:06,087 Not bad for a priss. 561 00:20:06,088 --> 00:20:07,505 I got to admit it really helped me 562 00:20:07,506 --> 00:20:09,173 understand my client better, you know. 563 00:20:09,174 --> 00:20:11,676 And she's a free woman now, so I guess it was worth 564 00:20:11,677 --> 00:20:12,677 getting tased. 565 00:20:12,678 --> 00:20:14,345 Ta... tased? 566 00:20:14,346 --> 00:20:16,681 Yeah, not a great feeling. 567 00:20:16,682 --> 00:20:18,149 But I want to hear all about your guys' night, 568 00:20:18,150 --> 00:20:19,684 so I'm just gonna freshen up first. 569 00:20:19,685 --> 00:20:22,687 They taught me how to do a whole shower in a sink. 570 00:20:22,688 --> 00:20:23,854 Huh. 571 00:20:23,855 --> 00:20:25,656 It's, like, a one, two... 572 00:20:25,657 --> 00:20:27,825 You know what I mean? 573 00:20:27,826 --> 00:20:29,243 She can never know about this. 574 00:20:29,244 --> 00:20:30,695 Never, ever. 575 00:20:30,696 --> 00:20:32,496 You think they got the tasing on video? 576 00:20:32,497 --> 00:20:35,082 - Larry. - That's rude. 577 00:20:35,083 --> 00:20:37,785 I bet Morris has it. 578 00:20:37,786 --> 00:20:38,869 Huh. 579 00:20:42,257 --> 00:20:43,374 Wait up, guys. 580 00:20:45,727 --> 00:20:47,261 - Hey, Nina. - Yeah. 581 00:20:47,262 --> 00:20:48,646 We all pitched in, and got you a little something 582 00:20:48,647 --> 00:20:50,097 to welcome you to the PD fraternity. 583 00:20:50,098 --> 00:20:52,850 - What? - Mm-hmm. 584 00:20:52,851 --> 00:20:55,403 A gift certificate for a one-hour 585 00:20:55,404 --> 00:20:57,855 at Miss Hollywood's Thai massage. 586 00:20:57,856 --> 00:20:59,649 Aww. 587 00:20:59,650 --> 00:21:00,891 Is it a brothel? 588 00:21:00,892 --> 00:21:02,343 Only certain rooms. 589 00:21:02,693 --> 00:21:03,977 It's classier than you think. 590 00:21:03,978 --> 00:21:05,729 Well, it's very sweet. Thank you. 591 00:21:05,730 --> 00:21:07,280 It was pretty cool of you to give up your spa day 592 00:21:07,281 --> 00:21:08,281 to hang out in jail, so... 593 00:21:08,282 --> 00:21:09,616 - Hey, Phil. - Yeah. 594 00:21:09,617 --> 00:21:12,319 Here's that video you wanted. 595 00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:13,371 What was that? 596 00:21:13,372 --> 00:21:15,923 Oh, it's you getting tased. 597 00:21:15,924 --> 00:21:17,942 Bzzz. 598 00:21:17,943 --> 00:21:19,478 Oh. 599 00:21:19,479 --> 00:21:21,475 What, they didn't tell you it was a prank? 600 00:21:21,476 --> 00:21:22,579 Dude. Morris. 601 00:21:22,580 --> 00:21:23,831 - Oh. - You ever heard of a secret? 602 00:21:23,832 --> 00:21:25,633 Whatevs. 603 00:21:25,634 --> 00:21:27,102 A prank? 604 00:21:27,103 --> 00:21:28,508 You see, it's something we do... 605 00:21:28,509 --> 00:21:29,460 - A prank? - Oof! 606 00:21:29,461 --> 00:21:32,963 - Yo. - Wow. 607 00:21:33,389 --> 00:21:34,974 Huh. You know what? 608 00:21:34,975 --> 00:21:36,926 It really does work to keep the thumb on the outside. 609 00:21:36,927 --> 00:21:38,428 Did not feel that at all.